Original subtitles

Sunday, Monday, happy days.

Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days.

Thursday, Friday, happy days.

The weekend comes, my cycle hums. Ready to race to you.

These days are ours.

Happy and free.

Happy days.

These days are ours.

Tell them we're free.

Goodbye, gray sky, hello, blue.

There's nothing can hold me when I hold you. So right.

You can't be wrong.

Rockin' and rollin'. Sunday,

Monday, happy days.

Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days.

Thursday, Friday, happy days.

Saturday, what a day.

Roomin' all week with you.

These days are ours.

Please come on, line up, single fire, and make sure you don't have nothing

in your pants.

Oh, Jenny, it's Christmas.

Can you believe it? My parents are coming all the way from Nairobi to see

It's a miracle, Jenny.

After all these years of fighting, the Cunninghams will be a family again.

Whoopee.

All Christmas is at my house is my father getting sauced on eggnog and

how far up the chimney he can climb.

Jimmy, you just don't understand.

Christmas is not Christmas until it's Christmas in your heart.

Throw hot chocolates in an air thickness bag.

Thank you very much for your honesty. Thank you. Here you go, huh?

It's Santa!

Right, here you go, Santa. Here's that bundle of joy I was telling you about.

Oh, you must be Heather.

Come, take a picture with Santa, huh?

All right, huh?

Hey, look at that beautiful tree.

Find out what she wants, huh?

Listen, I'm just going to take a little stroll, all right? I'll see you later.

So tell me, Heather, why do you want Santa to bring you?

I want a dollhouse.

A baseball glove?

Fonzie thinks I need one.

Uh, yeah, well, I didn't want her to grow up and be a 50, you know.

Well, is that all, Heather? You want anything else?

Well, there's one more thing, but it's not for me.

Uh, listen, uh, just tell Santa what it is, and I will get it for you, all

right? Santa?

Yeah? Can you get my mommy to make up with my grandma?

Yes, I did. I said he could do anything, but I'm talking about, you know, like

trains or little bicycles, you know, hobby horses.

This one is real tough.

Yeah, tough, tough, very tough.

It's all right.

I didn't get that wish last year either.

Oh.

All right, let's go home. Give me a fly, all right?

Say thank you to Santa.

Thanks anyway.

are going to walk through that door any minute. Right.

And you haven't spoken to him in 15 years.

Right again. But look, Marion, I promised you I wouldn't get into a fight

Dick, didn't I? I know that, dear, but he always says something that gets you

all riled up. You remember 15 years ago, two grown men screaming at each other

about whether Ted Williams was a better baseball player than Joe DiMaggio and at

your grandmother's funeral.

Jotun Joe DiMaggio was the greatest ball player who ever lived.

I just can't stand the way my brother is always telling me what to do and how to

do it. But don't you worry, Marion, because no matter what he does or what

says, I'm not going to lose my temper. Oh, sure.

Try me.

All right, okay.

All right. Now, I'm going to be Dick. All right.

Oh, Howard, Howard.

How's the hardware business?

It's a wonderful little business to be in. You know, Howard, it's good to see

you. I still say that... Ted Williams is a better baseball player than Joe

DiMaggio. That does it.

Merry Christmas, Dick.

Merry Christmas, Howard.

It's good to see you again.

Fifteen years is a long time to hold a grudge. Sixteen years.

You were never good with numbers, Howard.

Well, fifteen, sixteen, what's the difference? It's good to see you again.

Now, you two must be so tired from that long trip all the way from Africa.

I'm sure you'd like to freshen up a little bit.

Would I?

The last time I had a shower, it was with a gazelle.

I've got the suitcase.

Oh, hold it, Howard. I'll take him. Don't forget it. You might throw your

out again.

There's nothing wrong with my back. Well, maybe so, but you still have a

terrible temper. Who says I have a terrible temper? Howard!

Howard! Oh, oh, oh. Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'll take the

one.

He's pushing me again, Marion. He's pushing me. I don't know what to say.

I'll take the match.

I saw something wonderful today, you know. I was over to Cunningham's and

were these two guys, Dick and Howard, acting just like brothers.

They are brothers.

That's the beauty of it.

Doesn't Christmas make you feel warm for family?

Maybe we should test the Christmas tree lights.

Over the river and through the woods to Grandma's house we go. Fonzie. Hello.

I know what you're doing and it's not going to work.

Sure it's going to work. It's Christmas time.

Everybody loves to make up at Christmas time.

I'll dial. You call. Come on.

Get over here.

Fonzie. Yeah.

Do you have any idea what it feels like to be deserted by your parents?

First hand.

So what?

When I got married, my parents said, if you go through with this, we never want

to see you again.

I didn't believe them.

I just said, when you change your mind, give me a call.

Fonzie, they never did.

How do you know? The line might be busy. You might have been out. Why don't you

get a service?

Fine, if you don't understand.

When my husband walked out on Heather and me, I was very, very lonely, and I

really needed my parents, and they were not there for me.

I'm not going to call. I don't want to talk about it. I understand. I would

to ask you a question. That's all.

Huh? Hey, get over here.

Why don't you try sending a card?

Telegram. Oh.

Forget it.

Right. For now. Oh.

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Just focus on the reward.

And stop talking. You'll lose count.

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No, I'm not.

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Hey, Piccolo, I need you.

I don't understand.

What's the matter?

Well, it's just a bathroom.

Oh, I'm so disappointed, Fonz. I mean, I had visions of so much more.

An exotic male retreat. A chamber of brotherhood.

Oh, this is terrible.

Well, I'm really sorry to disappoint you. No, this, it's my old phone number.

Fonz, have you got an eraser?

When you finish putting in a personal ad that I see in the wrapping department,

I need help.

Oh, Fonz, really, I mean, I've seen leftovers wrap better than these.

I'd be honored.

Oh, oh, this is beautiful.

Is it cashmere? No, this is American.

Put it back in.

I'll tell you something. I can't believe it.

Why are you women so stubborn?

No matter what I do, no matter where I go, I can't get Ashley to talk to her

parents. So? I still live at home and I don't talk to mine.

But don't you understand? I mean, take a kid who's...

Who's got every cool toy in town. I mean, what happens? All them toys stay

the old shelf, collect dust, right? Then you can take a kid who's only got,

like, this one beat -up teddy bear. The ears are torn, the eyes are, like, down

to here somewhere.

Finger, please. Yeah, they just love that teddy bear to bits.

Same thing with families. You got them, you don't appreciate them. You don't got

them, you spend your whole life hoping somebody puts you on their lap and says,

I love you.

Oh, Fonz, that was beautiful.

Danny Kaye couldn't have said it any lovelier.

Where are you going?

Oh, I have some last -minute shopping that I have to do.

I have to pick up some gifts for this older couple that I live with.

Hey, what about my packages?

Oh, I really ought to pick out some of my own, but thanks, Fonz.

here with you.

Well, your government can rest assured that she's a lovely girl, just like her

mother.

Howard.

What are you doing? Well, you can't start a fire that way. You don't have

kindling. Dick. Let me show you a little trick. You just take a newspaper, roll

it like this, give it a twist, homemade kindling. Dick. Here, let me show you.

There you go. Right like that.

How in the world do you ever get through these Milwaukee winters without knowing

things?

Fast starter.

Oh, sure. Take all the romance out of it.

Oh, Marion.

Marion!

He just burned my newspaper. I didn't get to read my newspaper. I love to read

my newspaper.

Howard, I'm so proud of you. You didn't lose your temper. I can't stand it

anymore, I'm telling you. At least he's only going to be here for one more day.

No, two more days.

Because you were getting along so well, they decided to stay an extra day. Oh,

look, Howard. The football game starts in ten minutes.

What do you say we watch the Colts walk all over the Packers, huh?

Are you kidding me?

The Packers are the world's champions. Horny, star, fuzzy, thirst, and they're

invincible. The Packers are a flash in the pan.

Only emotional people think Green Bay is building up some kind of dynasty.

But then you always approach sports emotionally.

Like when you thought that DiMaggio was a better ball player than... Dick,

please. Let's not start with DiMaggio.

No, Howard, I think an important point should be made here.

The thinking man knows that Ted Williams is a better ball player.

Joe DiMaggio got hits in 56 consecutive games and was the greatest ball player

ever to wear a uniform.

Well, what about Ted Williams' lifetime average of .344? You think you know

everything, don't you? Well, you don't. You're wrong.

Not only was DiMaggio a better ball player than Ted Williams, he's a better

fisherman.

And another thing, if Ted Williams... Williams is so great. How come he didn't

marry Marilyn Monroe?

Howard, how could you? You're yelling at Dick. Oh, brilliant observation,

Marion, but he deserves it. You know why? Because he's wrong.

You hear that? You're wrong. You're wrong, you're wrong, you're wrong.

No, Howard, you're wrong. Boys, boys, you're acting like children.

You're right, Marion, this is silly. We're adults and we should act like two

grown men. Come on, you, step outside.

My pleasure.

No!

ICO out.

spirit coming out of every pore in the wall.

And you got two abdominal snowmen out there, rolling around in a manger.

Mr. Steve, please, get up.

It's all right. Go back on to caroling.

I hope you're happy, Dick.

Well, he started it. He deserved it.

Where is that candy cane? All right, hold the phone. Hold the phone. I can't

believe it. Two grown men arguing over whether Damasio is better than Williams.

Everybody knows it was Willie May.

All right, now tell me.

What is this all about, huh?

Uh -huh.

You know, gentlemen, you know what this is like? This is like when you've got a

band -aid on your leg and you can pull it off very slowly, huh? It hurts all

way. Or you can just kind of rip it off, you know?

Gentlemen, I think it's time to lose some hairs.

Fonzie has a strange way of expressing himself.

But he is absolutely right.

I can no longer stand you telling me what to do.

I don't understand. When we were kids, you used to ask for my advice all the

time. We're not kids anymore. I'm a mature man.

I provide for my family.

And it may surprise you to know that for 15 years, I've been perfectly capable

of lighting a fire.

Well, it never meant any harm, Howard. All I ever wanted to do was help.

But you didn't.

All you made me do was resent you.

You drove us apart.

We used to have so much fun as kids together.

Hey, you remember that summer that we went skinny dipping in the pond and the

kids stole our clothes? Yeah.

We both had to come home wearing a barrel.

Couldn't do that now.

No.

Oh, Dick, I missed you. I miss you too, Howard.

Thank you.

What's this over there? This one is for your mother. Merry Christmas.

Oh, thank you.

Santa brought me everything I wanted, Mommy.

So, where's Grandma and Grandpa?

Behind the tree?

Uh, sweetheart, your grandparents aren't coming over.

But that's the Christmas present I really wanted.

Maybe your mother could make a call.

Fonzie, your grandparents know where we live. They want to make up.

Let's open our presents here, Heather.

This is so much fun, isn't it?

This is the best Christmas I ever had.

Yeah.

Okay.

All right, I will call.

And I will wish them a very Merry Christmas.

But I don't make any promises.

especially around the holiday seasons.

Oh, Heather is just beautiful.

Oh, I know you're going to love meeting her.

Yes. Oh, and I met this wonderful man.

Yeah, oh, you're going to love him, too.

Oh, okay.

Okay, I will.

Oh, we should get together very soon.

That I wish them a very Merry Christmas.

And that we miss them very much.

See that, sweetie? That wasn't so hard.

That was the housekeeper.

My parents are off vacationing in the Bahamas.

I'm sorry, sweetheart.

Maybe I'll try again sometime.

Who knows?

Maybe we can patch things up.

Thanks, Mommy.

That's the best Christmas present I ever had.

Yeah, I have to say ditto, you know. I'm very proud of you. I mean, that was the

first step, wasn't it? That was great. Come here for a minute.

Wait. Yeah.

I've got some mistletoe. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

I've got some mistletoe, too.

get a drink in this place. What's a guy got to do?

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Sure to that?

See you, woman.

Observe. Hey, isn't that Anna Kournikova?

I do the same thing with my dog and a tennis ball. Always thinking, though you

don't have to. Wouldn't hurt, huh?

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You're watching TV Land, where weekday mornings are twice a night.

So did Little Richard like his presents?

Oh, Little Richard just loves his presents.

Hi, Rich. How are you?

Oh, fine. Everything's just great.

Yeah, yeah, Joanie called. She and Chachi are just doing fine.

And Raj and Flip, they flew home for Christmas.

Yeah, he's here. Yeah, okay, hold on. I'll talk to you.

Yo, ho, ho, Richie.

How you doing, huh?

Yeah, of course we miss you.

Hey, listen, I want you to meet somebody, all right?

Say hi.

Hi. Hi. Don't they sound gorgeous?

Oh, yeah. I'll tell you what. I'll take some of that.

What?

We got a bad connection here?

He wants us to sing.

Oh, Richard just loves Mitch Miller. All right, come on. We're all going to the

piano now. We're over at the piano now.

What? Get around.

Fa la la la la.

Fa la la la la.

All right, you want it? You got it.

go right. It can't be wrong.

Stay tuned for another episode of Happy Days on TV Land's Twice as Nice. It's

not going to be nice. It's going to be wild. No, Patsy. It's going to be nice.

Twice as nice.