Original subtitles

Monday, Monday, happy days.

Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days.

Thursday, Friday, happy days.

The weekend comes, my cycle hums. Ready to race for you.

These days are our happy days.

These days are our happy days.

Goodbye gray sky, hello blue.

There's nothing can hold me when I hold you. So right.

You can't be wrong.

Rockin' and rollin' all week long.

Monday,

Monday, happy days.

Today, happy days.

Thursday, Friday, happy days.

Saturday, what a day.

Groovin' all week with you.

I'll push you through. Now, Patsy, will you stop that?

Marion!

I'm sorry. I thought you would have sense enough to go in the other door.

Would you please move these? Yes.

I'm sorry.

Are you all right?

Yeah, yeah, I'm all right. Will you stop rushing me?

What is all this stuff?

I don't know, but they're for Arthur.

Well, no air holes.

Air holes?

Yeah. Girls mail themselves with the fonts.

is my high five.

Let's get this out of their way. I'll take a tweet and you take a woof. Right,

right.

See you later.

What kind of a skirt is that?

Now you take that off right this minute and put it back on one of your dolls

where it belongs.

Look what came for you today. I think it's another college acceptance.

Open it quick. This is so much fun.

I was accepted to UCLA.

Oh, dear, give it to me. I want to put this in your baby book, in there with

your ponytail.

Is this exciting, Howard? Sure, sure, sure. But she's already been accepted to

the University of Wisconsin right here in Milwaukee, so she'll probably be

there. But I thought it was my decision.

Well, it is your decision, sweetheart. But if you go to UWM, you can live right

here at home, and you'll have a nice... safe place to keep that brand new shiny

car.

New car?

Howard, you're bribing your daughter.

No, I'm not. It's just an inducement. It's a reward.

It's a... A bribe. A bribe, yes. It's a bribe and a good way back.

Oh, yeah. Excusez -moi. Last trip or I will be out of here in like no time. Be

careful with him. Come on. Come on.

You gotta make up your mind this week. Arrangements have to be made. Now,

it gonna be? Do I buy a brand new car?

Or do we spend all that money on plane tickets to Los Angeles?

I can't climb the stairs when I can't see my feet.

Huh? Oh, Webber? Yeah?

You dropped my high -five with the AM -FM multiplex unit.

With dual -channel capabilities, huh?

In a simulated wood grain cabinet.

And you dented my tweeter.

Fonz, Fonz, I know where the company's located.

The factory's in Seattle. I'm going to go right now and get you a new one.

Carry on.

Jones, I'm glad you're here.

Major news flash. Take a look at this.

Joni Cunningham. Well, thank you. Jenny, but I already know my name.

Oh, sure.

Go ahead and joke.

But each girl nominated for homecoming queen is supposed to wear one of these.

You nominated me homecoming queen, Jenny? And you should have heard the

that I gave the nominating committee.

I made you sound like a cross between Madame Curie and Sandra Dee. I thought I

was going to make myself sick. Jenny!

Are you sure you want to do all the work to let me be homecoming queen?

Of course.

Guys love a homecoming queen.

But I have a boyfriend.

That's the genius of it. I get to snap up all the extras.

Sure, and I want you to practice the wave.

It's very important.

Come on.

Jody, hi.

Hi. You want something? No, no, I was just practicing my wave.

Jenny nominated me homecoming queen.

Fantastic. Here's this wonderful...

First, it's all those college acceptances, and now homecoming quick.

Why am I the only one smiling?

Oh, I'm sorry, Al. Can I ask you something? It's really important. What?

Important? Yeah. You mean you want my advice about something?

Okay. I have to decide about college, and I'm not sure what to do.

College. Wow. Hey, that is important.

Yeah.

First, let me get...

college thinking in my head.

Go ahead.

Okay.

If I feel very strongly that I should do one thing, and my father feels just as

strongly that I do something else, should I stand up for what I think is

even though it's going to make him very angry? What do you think, Al?

Al?

Al?

Al! Yes, Jody is absolutely right.

It's important, yes.

Yeah, but I wanted what my father was.

Well, you see, that is an important question because if I give you the wrong

answer, I could destroy your life. I could destroy your entire life with one

wrong answer. I mean, the answer's important to us. What was the question?

know the question, Julie. I'll get an answer for you. I will get an answer for

you. You just wait and see.

Clarence, I got a question for you.

The friction from the fork could set your lips on fire.

Marion, I am just anxious to hear Joanie's decision as to which college

going to do.

Whether she's going to go to UWM or Brand X.

We are being fair here. They're both very fine schools.

Well, of course they are.

But there's a Cunningham tradition here.

I mean, Richie went to UWM.

Richie went there. That's tradition?

Tradition has to start somewhere.

Come on, which college is it going to be?

Well, I've made my decision.

You're not going to UCLA, right?

No.

She's going to UWM!

Mom, Dad!

Wisconsin! I'm not going to college at all.

Why doesn't the beaver ever learn

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He's often taught his lesson.

He promises to remember his lesson, but the next day he's forgotten his lesson.

Is he deliberately ignoring his lesson? Not exactly.

New evidence suggests that Beaver's lesson enters one ear, floats around his

head for a few seconds, but avoids having any contact with his brain before

exiting out the other side of his skull.

Oh, so that's it. Learn your lesson. Watch Leave it to Beaver, only on TV

I hope it will be a good lesson to you.

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She wore an itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini that she wore

for the first time today.

An itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini.

New news from Yo Play Lite.

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Marion, what did she say?

She said she's not going to college.

What do you mean you're not going to college? That's what I mean. I'm just...

college yet.

All right, then what are you worrying about? You don't have to go until

September. Joanie, you are making the biggest mistake of your life. Oh, Dad.

Laurie Beth, tell her she's making a big mistake, huh?

Oh, well, I don't want to butt into family affairs.

Well, you're family now.

Okay. I think Joanie has a point here.

I've always thought that... Do I hear the child crying?

I don't hear anybody crying.

Yes, that one. Yes, I hear...

Now, you listen to me, Joanie. This is a parent's decision, and as a parent, I

am ordering you to go to college. I second that.

You can't tell me what to do.

I'm 18 years old. I'm an adult now.

If I don't want to go to college, I'm not going.

Oh, so you want to be an adult, huh?

Okay. How about no more allowance, huh? How about starting to pay for your

meals, huh? Yeah.

What's this, Marion? About a buck and a half?

Joanie, dear.

Joanie, we have always dreamed of sending our children to college. Now, I

especially dreamed that for you.

It's always been so hard for women, and now it's all opened up out there.

And if you don't have a college education, you're going to end up like

you don't want to end up like your mother.

Marion, what do you mean end up like you? I thought you were happy.

Well, I am, Howard, but it's all... bothered me that I didn't finish

There was so much for me to learn there and so many great ideas to be absorbed.

I mean, the Reader's Digest just covers so much, Howard.

You're going to go to college now while you have the chance.

But, Mom, I don't know what I want to do right now.

Fine, then don't know what you want to do while you're going to college.

Fat chance.

Joan, don't talk to your father like that. You

I'll spin you a stack of wax. I got these terrific records, you know.

So we'll do it some other time.

Fine, fine.

You gotta help me. Yeah.

They want me to go to college. I don't want to go.

You're pulling my leg.

No, I'm not. I don't want to go.

What, are you going to do Step on the American Dream?

Oh, come on. Hey, you know what college is? College is rah -rah. College is ivy

-colored halls.

It's maternity row cheerleaders. It's lockers and it's libraries and it's

wonderful studying, you know, and filling your brain and everything.

college is. And you're going.

No, I...

But you go, go, go, go!

Don't worry about it. Okay.

I'll see you later.

Oh, Chach, you know your band is hot.

H -O -T.

Hot.

What's the matter, Jenny? You're welcome.

I'm going to go talk to Fonz. I'll see you later. Bye -bye.

Fonz, I've got to talk to you about Joanie. Yeah, oh, let me show you

Chachi. Look what I just got for my stereo, huh?

Sound effects record. Yeah, great. Listen to this.

I got hair growing.

the sound of butterflies burping, and the ever -controversial tree falling in

empty forest. Yeah, I heard that. You heard that?

I have to talk to you about Joanie now.

Well, yeah, she's going to be a beautiful homecoming queen.

Jenny, stick another one of those signs on my back. Oh, yeah. This is a little

bit. Here, peruse this over here.

Joanie Cunningham for homecoming queen.

And Jenny Piccolo for anything else.

942. I'll tell you something. I came in here, I caught her trying to carve that

right into my desk, you know?

That chick is definitely driving down the highway to Loon City. I know that,

I'm a lot more concerned about Joanie right now.

942.

Yeah, I'll tell you, I was over there, you know, and I yelled at her pretty

I guess I should talk to her.

Maybe you could get Mr. and Mrs. C to listen to her. And let her explain why

doesn't want to go to college. I can't do that, Josh. I'm not going to mix in

family business, you know? You know, I bet if Richie were here, he'd talk to

her. Yeah, sure. Richie is their son, Josh.

Mr. and Mrs. C think of you as a son, don't they?

They do.

You're like family, Fon. I am.

You're like a son.

I'm like a son. Right.

Listen, when you're sick, who takes care of you, huh? Oh, Mr. C. Mm -hmm.

And at Christmas time, who takes you to see Santa Claus?

Mr. C. Right.

I bet you can do just as good a job as Richie. Are you kidding? Better. Much

better. Yeah.

Joanie can really use a member of the family on her side.

Okay. All right. All right. I'll talk to Mom and Dad. Thanks.

Judge.

The part about going to see Santa Claus, right?

To everybody else, I was just shopping, you know? All right. All right.

Howard, are you asleep?

Yes, I am, Marion.

Oh, I'm sorry, dear. I'm just reading this interesting article how plants

react... to affection, just like humans. So if you could talk to your plants

just the right way, they'll grow up how you want them to.

Maybe we should have had a geranium instead of a daughter.

Try to get some sleep, honey. Okay, dear. Good night.

Good night, Sylvia.

Oh, Howard, maybe Joanie changed her mind. Come in.

I'm so glad you're still awake.

Maybe you didn't notice. Weird and bad hair.

Oh, so I'm going to be in and out just like the Sandman. Hey, why don't I sit

down? No, no. Why don't you just slide up here between us?

Oh, come on, Mr. C.

It's not a bad idea.

I bet Richie did this, huh?

Yeah. When he was four and it was thundering.

Let's get down to business. Let's talk about Joanie and going to college, you

know? I think maybe she's old enough to make up her own mind.

Joanie is too young to understand what's at stake here, Fonzie.

Believe me, she needs to go to college.

Yeah, but I think that we're being a little unfair.

I think that we should give her some room so that she could tell us the

she don't want to go, right? Well, I appreciate your concern here, Fonzie,

this is really a family decision.

I see.

A family decision.

I'm not family.

I'm certainly family when you want me to fix your car.

If you want me to put an antenna on your roof, you say, hey, son, lend me a

hand, huh?

But it's climbing, bedding, so long, stranger, huh?

So, I understand.

You're family.

I'm a tenant.

That's fine.

Hey, I can dig in. I can dig in.

Let me just tell you one thing.

There are plenty of other people who would love to take me to see Santa

to wake you too.

No, I couldn't sleep. I've been up thinking about college.

Oh, then you've come to your senses. You've decided to go to school, huh?

No, I'm still not going.

Dad, I think that if you just listen to what I have to say...

You're hurting bad.

I mean, all these years I thought like I was part of the family, you know? Hey,

a delusion.

Obviously.

Obviously, I'm just the guy that lives over your car.

I bought the notes.

I think he was upset.

All right, we'll talk to him later. First, I want to settle this thing with

Joey. Dad, there's nothing to settle. My mind is made up. I'm not going to

college. Oh, your mind is made up, huh? Like the time you came home and you told

me you wanted to be an elephant trainer.

Dad, I was eight years old.

You make me go out and buy you a whip.

I'm going to get this off my chest.

And when I do, I'm out of here like yesterday's trash.

I mean, one day you're going to realize just how much you hurt me, you know?

And then you're going to have to live with it.

You know?

I mean, I'm hurt.

Joanie.

Look, I don't just want you to go to school for the book learning. Arnie.

It's the atmosphere, the idealism.

I want to see you get a chance to see what the world could be before you find

out what it's really like.

Yeah, that's very nice. But if I went now, I don't think I could appreciate

that. If I just took a year off from going to school, I think that I'd get

out of it when I went.

Well, what are you going to do during that year? Sit around all the time and

to movies with Chachi every night? No.

I would get a job and I would pay my own way.

But you don't need to do that.

Mom, I want to do that.

I think a year working in the real world might be just what I need to fall in

love with going to school.

Well, I can't argue with that.

Just one year.

Just one.

All right. Oh, gosh, thanks.

Thanks. But if you did go to school this year, you'd go to UWM, wouldn't you?

Yes.

Sure, hug her. She's part of the family.

Fonzie, I want to talk to you. I don't think there was anything to say, Mr.

Cunningham, come while you're at it.

Mr. Cunningham? Why don't you just call me Mr.

Fonzarelli, Lieutenant.

All right, Mr.

Fonzarelli, Lieutenant. Have a seat.

You sure you want me to sit down? This is a family chair.

Oh, will you cut that out?

Now, look, I'm sorry we were so rude to you.

It was just bad timing. We were upset about Joanie.

The fact that you were concerned about her is very nice.

You've always been part of this family and you always will be.

It's very true, Arthur.

We love you.

I want to taste some.

It's very nice. be home again. You know, this emotional stuff is exhausting.

Last year. It gives me great pleasure to introduce to you a woman I love from

the bottom of my heart, Miss Diane Carroll.

Next year.

The 2004 TV Land Award, coming in March.

Hey, Dad, what are you doing?

Making a little snack.

Come on, plenty of room.

How come you fold yours over like that?

I don't know. I guess it's because that's the way my dad used to do it. And

always wanted to do everything just like him.

That's silly.

It's more than just that great peanut taste.

Choosing Jif is a small, simple way of letting someone know you care.

Choosing moms and dads choose Jif.

Yes, you're lovely.

Never, ever change.

Keep that breathless charm.

Won't you please arrange it? Cause I love you.

Just the way you look tonight.

Just the way you look tonight.

Well, time for a run, baby. Let's go.

Oceaneers Club.

We'll be at the beach.

Are you going to be okay by yourself?

Oh, yeah.

I've got a whole list of things I want to do.

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I

didn't

make homecoming, Queen.

The past runner -up isn't that bad.

Joanie, extinct.

I blew it.

I just didn't work hard enough.

Don't worry about it. Remember, it's not whether you win or lose.

It's how you play the game.

I'm going to be all right. Yeah. I gotta go.

Where are you going now?

Oh, I've got to go hang out with Gloria Centinella.

What for?

She won.

Of course.

Nothing personal, Jones, but hanging out with First Runner -Up gets me diddly.

Jody, Jody, Jody.

What's wrong, Al? You don't look so good.

I haven't slept in two days.

Ever since the time you asked me that question about college.

Well, Al, I didn't mean for you to take it that serious. No, no, no, it's okay.

It's good practice for me for when I'm a family man. Oh, yeah.

I came up with something, but... You did? You don't want to hear it. No, I

It's all right. You don't have to listen.

Al, tell me.

All right.

And I've got to pay close attention because this is very tricky. I'll

it, all right?

On one hand, we have your parents, who are very wise people, and they seem to

know what's best for you.

Now, on the other hand, we have you.

A grown woman who's old enough to know what's best for you.

You see?

What are you saying, Al?

What I'm saying, Joanie, is that I need more time.

Ballet, tap dancing, baton twirling, acting.

Poor Jan, she can't do any of these things.

It's a wonder she even gets out of bed in the morning. Stay tuned for the

classic self -loathing Jan episode entitled, Try, Try Again.