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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,560 --> 00:00:02,720 Monday, Monday, happy day. 2 00:00:02,940 --> 00:00:05,200 Tuesday, Wednesday, happy day. 3 00:00:05,440 --> 00:00:11,880 Thursday, Friday, happy day. The weekend comes, my cycle hums, ready to race to 4 00:00:11,880 --> 00:00:12,880 you. 5 00:00:13,240 --> 00:00:14,820 These days are ours, 6 00:00:15,580 --> 00:00:17,100 happy, free. 7 00:00:17,560 --> 00:00:22,260 These days are ours, share them with me. 8 00:00:22,920 --> 00:00:25,220 Goodbye, gray sky, hello, blue. 9 00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:27,860 There's nothing can hold me when I hold you. 10 00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:30,240 So right, you can't be wrong. 11 00:00:30,500 --> 00:00:32,840 Rockin' and rollin' all week long. 12 00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:34,780 Let's dance. 13 00:00:35,660 --> 00:00:36,340 Let's 14 00:00:36,340 --> 00:00:42,740 dance. 15 00:00:43,020 --> 00:00:45,360 Monday, Monday, happy days. 16 00:00:45,580 --> 00:00:47,900 Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days. 17 00:00:48,140 --> 00:00:50,380 Thursday, Friday, happy days. 18 00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:52,820 Saturday, what a day. 19 00:00:53,080 --> 00:00:54,860 Groovin' all week with you. 20 00:00:55,700 --> 00:00:57,240 These days are ours. 21 00:01:22,090 --> 00:01:24,450 this isn't a crank call. I really want to go there. 22 00:01:27,690 --> 00:01:28,690 Mom, 23 00:01:29,330 --> 00:01:33,450 Tony, you'll never believe it. Richie just called. They're opening the base to 24 00:01:33,450 --> 00:01:35,350 wives this weekend and I'm going to go. 25 00:01:35,690 --> 00:01:38,930 Oh, Richie. Oh, Richie. How is everything? 26 00:01:39,390 --> 00:01:40,390 Oh, 27 00:01:41,490 --> 00:01:42,870 Richard, you sound like a woman. 28 00:01:44,090 --> 00:01:45,710 Oh, that army. 29 00:01:46,190 --> 00:01:49,910 Oh, Mom, it's the airline. I'm trying to get a reservation. 30 00:01:50,470 --> 00:01:51,470 Oh, Mom. 31 00:01:51,850 --> 00:01:54,750 Oh, it's really nice talking to you. And I'll give you back to Laurie Beth now. 32 00:01:55,250 --> 00:01:56,250 I'm so embarrassed. 33 00:01:57,630 --> 00:02:01,030 Well, you know, this is a perfect weekend to go to Greenland. It couldn't 34 00:02:01,030 --> 00:02:02,170 colder than it is here. 35 00:02:02,370 --> 00:02:03,370 Oh, thank God. 36 00:02:03,930 --> 00:02:07,910 An hour. The plane leaves in an hour, and I have so much to do. I have to 37 00:02:08,150 --> 00:02:12,770 I have... Oh, I can't believe it. After four long, lonely months, I get to see 38 00:02:12,770 --> 00:02:17,150 Richie, and he'll take me in his arms. He'll look me in the eyes. Laurie Beth, 39 00:02:17,210 --> 00:02:18,570 not in front of gentlemen. 40 00:02:24,750 --> 00:02:28,130 don't mind taking care of Richie Jr., he's having his first cold. 41 00:02:28,370 --> 00:02:32,390 So you'll admit that he's going to get a hundred colds. No, I mean he might be a 42 00:02:32,390 --> 00:02:33,390 little hard to handle. 43 00:02:33,590 --> 00:02:36,870 Oh, I don't mind, I don't mind. Oh, Mom, it's that darn boiler again. 44 00:02:37,370 --> 00:02:40,850 Is Dad ever going to fix that thing? He says he doesn't have the right tools. 45 00:02:41,830 --> 00:02:43,450 He owns a hardware store, Mom. 46 00:02:45,110 --> 00:02:46,450 Could I borrow a suitcase? 47 00:02:46,850 --> 00:02:47,809 Oh, yeah, yeah. 48 00:02:47,810 --> 00:02:49,550 Oh, great. I got a hundred over here. 49 00:02:49,830 --> 00:02:52,950 Oh, Lori Beth, I miss Richie so much. 50 00:02:53,770 --> 00:02:55,490 Gee, I wish you were coming with me. 51 00:02:56,270 --> 00:02:57,270 No, you don't. 52 00:02:57,470 --> 00:02:58,470 You're right. 53 00:03:00,730 --> 00:03:01,730 Oh. 54 00:03:02,030 --> 00:03:04,190 Hold up. 55 00:03:04,870 --> 00:03:05,910 Feels good to be home. 56 00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:11,530 How many times do I have to tell you? You don't live here. This is not your 57 00:03:11,530 --> 00:03:12,530 home. 58 00:03:12,870 --> 00:03:14,050 I know that, Mr. C. 59 00:03:14,670 --> 00:03:15,710 Is that today's paper? 60 00:03:16,550 --> 00:03:19,150 Oh, Marion, I got great news for you. I've been prepping. 61 00:03:21,550 --> 00:03:24,330 All day long, trying to figure out how I was going to tell you this. So hold on 62 00:03:24,330 --> 00:03:27,710 to your hat, Barry! Mr. Seuss got two free tickets to New York. I got two free 63 00:03:27,710 --> 00:03:29,030 tickets to New York. 64 00:03:29,950 --> 00:03:35,510 Well, tell me about it. Well, it seems like I ended up selling more Happy 65 00:03:35,510 --> 00:03:37,210 Plungers than anyone else did. 66 00:03:38,290 --> 00:03:39,290 So, Mr. 67 00:03:39,430 --> 00:03:43,110 Happy is giving us a free trip to New York, and he wants to talk to me about 68 00:03:43,110 --> 00:03:44,270 taking a job with his company. 69 00:03:44,550 --> 00:03:46,150 You want to have a job in New York? 70 00:03:46,490 --> 00:03:50,310 No, Mary, and I just want the free trip. Oh, you and I could have a ball. 71 00:03:58,920 --> 00:03:59,920 I'm going this weekend. 72 00:04:00,580 --> 00:04:02,420 Paris. No. Hawaii. 73 00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:03,760 Oh, no. 74 00:04:04,100 --> 00:04:05,100 Omaha. 75 00:04:05,920 --> 00:04:06,920 Oh. 76 00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:09,580 Sit down over here. Oh, thanks, Bob. 77 00:04:10,120 --> 00:04:11,260 How did you know that? 78 00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:13,600 Process of elimination. 79 00:04:15,180 --> 00:04:16,200 Get back in line. 80 00:04:16,620 --> 00:04:18,980 Why are you going to Omaha? 81 00:04:19,339 --> 00:04:23,660 You were looking at the delegate from Jefferson High to the new teacher's 82 00:04:23,660 --> 00:04:25,920 convention. What kind of a teacher's convention? 83 00:04:26,570 --> 00:04:28,290 I'm going to brush up on my library skills. 84 00:04:33,730 --> 00:04:35,850 Brushing up on your library skills? 85 00:04:36,070 --> 00:04:41,210 Mr. Seekerman, I found out last year 96 % of all the delegates were ladies. 86 00:04:41,470 --> 00:04:44,150 Ah. So I figured I'd put a little Dewey back in their decimal system. 87 00:04:46,690 --> 00:04:48,630 Dad, did you hear the good news? 88 00:04:48,970 --> 00:04:52,110 In less than an hour, I'm on my way to see Richie. 89 00:04:52,330 --> 00:04:54,710 Oh, that's great. I'm going to get my best record. 90 00:04:56,330 --> 00:04:58,550 Wonderful, sweetheart. And Mom and I are going to New York. 91 00:04:58,790 --> 00:04:59,790 Oh, New York. 92 00:05:00,010 --> 00:05:01,670 Oh, I'm going to Omaha. Yeah. 93 00:05:02,430 --> 00:05:03,430 I'm going nowhere. 94 00:05:03,690 --> 00:05:04,690 That's right. 95 00:05:06,770 --> 00:05:08,610 What about the baby? Where's the baby going? 96 00:05:10,090 --> 00:05:11,090 The baby. 97 00:05:11,790 --> 00:05:13,050 Oh, that's right. 98 00:05:13,330 --> 00:05:15,370 Well, no, that's very simple. 99 00:05:15,670 --> 00:05:18,290 I just can't go to New York. I can go to New York. 100 00:05:19,570 --> 00:05:22,790 No, Mom, it's my baby. I should be the one to stay home. 101 00:05:23,130 --> 00:05:24,130 I can go to Greenland. 102 00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:28,500 You know, there must be some responsible person who can take care of the little 103 00:05:28,500 --> 00:05:29,500 guy for a couple of days. 104 00:05:36,300 --> 00:05:37,620 I can't think of anybody. 105 00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:40,940 Oh, that's all right. 106 00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:44,600 Just because I'm going to be home and the baby's going to be home, that's no 107 00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:45,600 reason to think of me. 108 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:47,280 Well, I'm just a little baby myself. 109 00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:49,560 I'll go up to my room and play with my Barbie doll. 110 00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:52,680 What's that all about? 111 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:54,100 Well, here's a wild guess. 112 00:05:54,860 --> 00:05:57,780 She wanted to take care of the baby, no one thought about asking her, you know. 113 00:05:57,900 --> 00:06:00,980 Oh, well, that's ridiculous. I mean, who ever heard of a kid taking care of a 114 00:06:00,980 --> 00:06:04,460 kid? Mr. C, you haven't noticed, but your child is no longer a kid. 115 00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:06,860 Joan of Arc saved France at her age. 116 00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:10,360 Of course, Joanie can do it. She's wonderful with the baby. 117 00:06:10,700 --> 00:06:11,679 I don't know. 118 00:06:11,680 --> 00:06:14,140 Do I know kids? I know kids. You know kids. Come on, she's great. 119 00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:16,600 You're right. 120 00:06:16,660 --> 00:06:18,900 Joanie! How are you doing the right thing? 121 00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:20,960 Come on down, will you, sweetheart? I want to talk to you. 122 00:06:23,640 --> 00:06:25,720 I hope this is... I left Barbie naked. 123 00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:35,840 Look, sweetheart, I don't know why we didn't think of it before, but, well, we 124 00:06:35,840 --> 00:06:38,880 would appreciate it if you would take care of the baby this weekend. 125 00:06:39,460 --> 00:06:43,580 Oh, Joey, I know you'll do a great job. Oh, you won't be sorry. I'll bathe him, 126 00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:46,400 and I'll feed him, and I'll burp him. I'll even get him to grow some hair. 127 00:06:47,300 --> 00:06:49,340 I'll take great care of him, I promise. Oh, great. 128 00:06:49,560 --> 00:06:53,620 I'd better get going. Yeah, we'll drive you. I'll warm up the car, huh? 129 00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:55,280 I'll get your coat. 130 00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:59,700 You've got to help me out. He will not leave me alone. 131 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:02,500 I'll do anything for you. Thank you. All right. Here you go, Mr. C. 132 00:07:03,060 --> 00:07:03,979 Hey, Patsy. 133 00:07:03,980 --> 00:07:04,980 Patsy. Yeah, Pats? 134 00:07:05,380 --> 00:07:07,040 How long has it been since we hung out together? 135 00:07:07,380 --> 00:07:08,380 Five years. 136 00:07:09,860 --> 00:07:11,800 Let's make a deal that we meet every five years, all right? 137 00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:13,840 I'll treat you to a game of skeetball. 138 00:07:14,140 --> 00:07:15,119 Oh, great. 139 00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:16,700 Boy, is Ralph going to be jealous. 140 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:23,780 Will you pick me up a couple of bagels? 141 00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:27,720 Sure. Oh, that's terrific. You go to Bertie's Bakery. You see, you take the D 142 00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:32,560 train, get off at Jerome, you transfer to the 44 bus, then you get off at 143 00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:35,160 Morris, you walk six blocks west, and there it is. 144 00:07:35,900 --> 00:07:38,640 I'm not going to have time for that. I'm going to be in business meetings all 145 00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:41,520 afternoon. Afternoon's too late. You've got to get there five o 'clock in the 146 00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:43,880 morning. That's what Bertie takes. He takes about a day off. 147 00:07:45,700 --> 00:07:48,380 Well, I'll tell you what. We'll spend the night at the bakery and forget about 148 00:07:48,380 --> 00:07:49,380 the hotel, huh? 149 00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:50,400 That's what I always do. 150 00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:56,620 All right, gang, we're going. Now, you take care of yourself and make sure that 151 00:07:56,620 --> 00:07:59,300 you lock up all the windows and the doors before you go to sleep. All the 152 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:03,060 Oh, rabbit, little baby. Mommy's sleeping. Okay, now you leave a few 153 00:08:03,060 --> 00:08:05,600 burning at night. Don't open the door before strangers. 154 00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:08,620 And then we wait an hour after eating before you go swimming. 155 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:11,000 It's the middle of winter. 156 00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:13,040 Then you really shouldn't go swimming at all. 157 00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:17,740 Mother always gets nervous when she flies. 158 00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:20,720 I don't like that thing, Mr. C. I'll be around here a lot. 159 00:08:21,300 --> 00:08:22,300 That's it, I'm saying. 160 00:08:24,300 --> 00:08:27,300 No, Mr. C, what I meant was I'll be around here in the daytime a lot. 161 00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:30,160 Now, look, you don't have to worry about a thing. I'll make sure that Joanie 162 00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:34,000 leaves two lights on, and I'll be out of here every night at 10 o 'clock. 8 o 163 00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:35,240 'clock. 9 .30. 8 o 'clock. 164 00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:36,440 8 o 'clock. 165 00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:37,600 8 o 'clock? It's a deal. 166 00:08:38,580 --> 00:08:39,439 No, Mr. 167 00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:41,880 C, there's no one more responsible than our little Joanie. 168 00:08:43,179 --> 00:08:45,100 Kids, it's party time! 169 00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:48,860 No way. Yes, no party. 170 00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:53,120 Listen, Jenny, this weekend is very, very important to me, and I want to 171 00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:56,260 proved everyone that I'm just not a little kid. Well, I don't think you 172 00:08:56,260 --> 00:08:57,260 understand something, Joanie. 173 00:08:57,580 --> 00:09:00,620 When kids' parents leave town, there's going to be a party. 174 00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:01,739 Oh, really? 175 00:09:01,740 --> 00:09:03,320 Well, how does everybody know this? 176 00:09:03,680 --> 00:09:05,840 Well, you see, Chach, it's like a grapevine. 177 00:09:06,180 --> 00:09:07,600 It goes mouth to mouth. 178 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:09,520 And whose was the first mouth? 179 00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:11,120 It could have been mine. 180 00:09:11,620 --> 00:09:15,920 You just tell everyone that there's no party. Oh, you guys are a couple of 181 00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:16,819 -goodies, you know that? 182 00:09:16,820 --> 00:09:20,700 And listen, if you ever get bored or anything, you can always give each other 183 00:09:20,700 --> 00:09:21,700 crew cuts. 184 00:09:25,300 --> 00:09:26,680 Yeah. Isn't this nice? 185 00:09:27,820 --> 00:09:30,420 You, me, a baby. It's just like if we were married. 186 00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:33,120 You know, 187 00:09:36,060 --> 00:09:36,779 you're right. 188 00:09:36,780 --> 00:09:38,240 It is just like we were married. 189 00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:40,200 Hey, I got an idea. 190 00:09:40,460 --> 00:09:43,580 Why don't you go outside and pretend you're my husband coming home from work? 191 00:09:43,980 --> 00:09:47,940 What? Oh, come on. Oh, Joni, come on. It's freezing outside. I don't want to 192 00:09:47,940 --> 00:09:50,820 that. Don't you have any romance, Joni? 193 00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:53,680 All right. 194 00:09:55,790 --> 00:09:57,630 I'll be right back with some romance. Okay. 195 00:10:02,550 --> 00:10:03,650 Hi, honey, I'm home. 196 00:10:04,110 --> 00:10:05,270 How was your day, dear? 197 00:10:05,550 --> 00:10:07,830 Oh, not too bad, honey. I got a beat on that math quiz. 198 00:10:09,730 --> 00:10:10,730 Come on. 199 00:10:10,930 --> 00:10:11,930 Act like we're married. 200 00:10:13,190 --> 00:10:14,190 Okay. Okay. 201 00:10:18,330 --> 00:10:19,950 Another new dress, huh? 202 00:10:26,510 --> 00:10:27,890 stuffing your mouth with bonbons? 203 00:10:29,130 --> 00:10:32,170 But I work 12 hours a day in the mines? 204 00:10:32,390 --> 00:10:33,670 Huh? Huh? 205 00:10:35,690 --> 00:10:39,450 And how was your day? Oh, the usual. 206 00:10:39,670 --> 00:10:42,410 Did the laundry, bought a new toaster, had an affair with the milkman. 207 00:10:43,490 --> 00:10:44,670 How dare you? 208 00:10:45,050 --> 00:10:47,430 How dare you buy a toaster without asking me? 209 00:10:49,270 --> 00:10:52,070 Come on, Sutton. We're making a mockery of the whole thing. 210 00:10:53,190 --> 00:10:55,010 Married people are happier than that. 211 00:10:55,370 --> 00:10:56,370 Yeah, sure. 212 00:10:56,490 --> 00:10:58,010 They don't have to be home at 8 o 'clock. 213 00:11:02,070 --> 00:11:04,310 Oh, no, it's that darn boiler again. 214 00:11:04,770 --> 00:11:06,730 You know, it is getting kind of cold in here. I know. 215 00:11:07,170 --> 00:11:09,110 Chach, will you go look at it? Yeah, all right. Thanks. 216 00:11:10,330 --> 00:11:11,330 Oh, sure. 217 00:11:11,730 --> 00:11:14,570 12 hours a day in the mines, and now I got to go back down again. 218 00:11:16,290 --> 00:11:18,370 This is fun. Yeah. I like playing married. 219 00:11:22,150 --> 00:11:23,150 Can't you be a gentleman? 220 00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:31,359 No one was home. 221 00:11:31,360 --> 00:11:32,360 Well, where were they? 222 00:11:33,080 --> 00:11:34,080 Here. 223 00:11:36,100 --> 00:11:36,879 Oh, 224 00:11:36,880 --> 00:11:43,400 my. 225 00:11:46,100 --> 00:11:50,200 Who will win the TV Land Award for favorite crime -fighting duo? 226 00:11:50,620 --> 00:11:53,860 Who will be named TV's all -time dreamiest teen idol? 227 00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:58,620 Which unforgettable classic TV theme song will be honored at last? 228 00:11:59,180 --> 00:12:05,980 It's all up to you. The 2004 TV Land Awards are coming, so cast your vote. Go 229 00:12:05,980 --> 00:12:10,080 TVLand .com and select your favorites in the Viewer's Choice category. 230 00:12:10,860 --> 00:12:12,320 Make your choice heard. 231 00:12:12,820 --> 00:12:14,400 Log on and vote today. 232 00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:19,360 I hate you. You look fabulous. 233 00:12:19,820 --> 00:12:21,000 My new diet. 234 00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:22,760 What are you doing, one of those carb things? 235 00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:24,760 Way better. You should try it. 236 00:12:25,070 --> 00:12:28,590 I'm too busy. Well, me too, but they portion it, calculate it, and ship it 237 00:12:28,590 --> 00:12:29,329 to your door. 238 00:12:29,330 --> 00:12:30,410 Really? Really. 239 00:12:30,610 --> 00:12:32,550 How good can that be? You tell me. 240 00:12:33,990 --> 00:12:38,170 Now there's a better way. It's called Nutrisystem Nourish. It's new, and it's 241 00:12:38,170 --> 00:12:39,370 not like any other plan. 242 00:12:39,590 --> 00:12:43,330 With Nutrisystem, there's never any counting, measuring, or guesswork. 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Now 254 00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:40,180 to pch .com and in no time enter to win $10 million February 26th. It's a whole 255 00:13:40,180 --> 00:13:45,440 new world. This can't replace us, can it? Easy entry at pch .com. That's 256 00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:46,440 new at Publisher's Clearinghouse. 257 00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:50,320 Every night at 1130. 258 00:13:51,580 --> 00:13:52,580 Cheers. 259 00:13:58,370 --> 00:14:02,830 Everybody's doing a band -aid dance now. Okay, everybody, let's get naked and 260 00:14:02,830 --> 00:14:03,830 see who's best. 261 00:14:07,030 --> 00:14:10,310 Jaunty didn't mean it. Besides, who'd take their clothes off if they were fat? 262 00:14:11,130 --> 00:14:12,310 You're not helping. 263 00:14:12,830 --> 00:14:15,870 I think Bobby's getting a little out of control. 264 00:14:16,210 --> 00:14:17,250 Oh, Jaunty's harmless. 265 00:14:17,630 --> 00:14:20,990 He's just unwinding from the pressures of maintaining a straight C average. 266 00:14:23,570 --> 00:14:26,570 Besides, Jaunty, sweetheart, don't be upset. It's your party. You make the 267 00:14:26,570 --> 00:14:27,570 rules. 268 00:14:31,690 --> 00:14:34,230 It's like a party. Yeah, there is a party. It's in the living room. 269 00:14:35,370 --> 00:14:36,610 Why don't you invite me? 270 00:14:40,830 --> 00:14:41,830 Oh, wow. 271 00:14:41,950 --> 00:14:44,190 Look at this cute little Tammy from my third period. 272 00:14:44,430 --> 00:14:45,430 Hey, Tammy, how you doing? 273 00:14:47,030 --> 00:14:49,250 Oh, man, I hate third periods. 274 00:14:51,090 --> 00:14:53,550 I'm sorry I'm unmanaged. Did you fix the boiler? 275 00:14:53,770 --> 00:14:54,489 Fix it? 276 00:14:54,490 --> 00:14:55,490 Are you kidding? 277 00:14:55,590 --> 00:14:57,430 I just gave that thing its last rites. 278 00:14:57,830 --> 00:14:59,310 Yeah, it's going to be shot. Shoot. 279 00:15:01,130 --> 00:15:02,130 I'm going to call a repairman. 280 00:15:02,550 --> 00:15:03,950 Here, start looking. 281 00:15:05,590 --> 00:15:06,790 All right. Beep, beep. 282 00:15:56,110 --> 00:15:57,230 the party any less fun. 283 00:16:02,250 --> 00:16:03,250 Yeah, this is great. 284 00:16:03,430 --> 00:16:04,430 Next week and all done. 285 00:16:04,710 --> 00:16:05,710 Gosh, Eugene. 286 00:16:05,790 --> 00:16:07,210 Sure know where the action is. 287 00:16:08,010 --> 00:16:10,970 If you're not having fun, you can leave. 288 00:16:11,570 --> 00:16:13,410 Joanie, nobody said we weren't having fun. 289 00:16:14,910 --> 00:16:16,430 Oh, a ringing doorbell. That's fun. 290 00:16:20,610 --> 00:16:21,610 Rudy to the rescue. 291 00:16:23,070 --> 00:16:24,070 Who died? 292 00:16:25,790 --> 00:16:26,790 Do they know? 293 00:16:28,490 --> 00:16:29,490 You must be Rudy. 294 00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:31,430 What does that say, Liberace? 295 00:16:33,090 --> 00:16:34,190 So where's the busted boiler? 296 00:16:34,470 --> 00:16:35,470 Oh, it's in the basement. 297 00:16:35,610 --> 00:16:36,610 Good. 298 00:16:39,370 --> 00:16:40,990 You want me to dig through the floor? You got stairs. 299 00:16:41,370 --> 00:16:45,250 Oh, oh, uh, follow me. Uh, time to... Oh, 300 00:16:46,490 --> 00:16:47,490 can you fix this? 301 00:16:47,630 --> 00:16:50,450 Are you kidding? My mother didn't name me Rudy to the rescue for nothing. 302 00:16:50,670 --> 00:16:53,690 Yeah, well, uh, listen, Rudy to the rescue, what's this gonna cost? 303 00:16:54,700 --> 00:16:57,760 Look, Rudy's got a special this weekend. Only $199 .95. 304 00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:00,240 $200? 305 00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:01,320 No. 306 00:17:01,580 --> 00:17:02,580 $199 .95. 307 00:17:03,380 --> 00:17:06,079 Listen, I don't think my parents would want me to spend that much money. 308 00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:07,700 Okay. It's been nice meeting you. 309 00:17:09,099 --> 00:17:11,400 Tony, I don't even know if you have that kind of money. Do you? 310 00:17:11,619 --> 00:17:14,260 Well, my dad left me that blank check in case of emergency. 311 00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:15,560 Come again? 312 00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:20,700 What's the matter? I'm sorry. When I hear blank check, the blood rushes to my 313 00:17:20,700 --> 00:17:21,700 head. 314 00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:22,920 I'll get started. 315 00:17:23,099 --> 00:17:26,960 Well, wait a minute. Hey. I could take the baby to a hotel and this could wait 316 00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:27,960 till Monday, right? 317 00:17:28,740 --> 00:17:33,900 Well, you see, what you got here is your standard Crookshank galvanized pipes. 318 00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:36,760 Now, Crookshank was an idiot. 319 00:17:37,820 --> 00:17:41,620 And in this weather, if there's no heat going through these pipes, then the 320 00:17:41,620 --> 00:17:43,840 water in this pipe freezes and expands. 321 00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:45,960 So? So. 322 00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:47,940 They could boist. 323 00:17:50,080 --> 00:17:51,080 Boist? 324 00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:54,460 You could be doing sea hunt down in your basement. 325 00:17:56,180 --> 00:17:57,180 You know what? 326 00:17:57,200 --> 00:17:58,520 This happened in my mother's building. 327 00:17:58,760 --> 00:18:00,240 Really? Yeah, it cost her two grand. 328 00:18:00,460 --> 00:18:02,740 Two grand? Listen, you better listen to him. He knows. 329 00:18:04,280 --> 00:18:06,660 Johnny, that green lamp upstairs, is that an antique? 330 00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:07,920 No. 331 00:18:08,360 --> 00:18:09,940 That's a load off my mind. You got any glue? 332 00:18:10,300 --> 00:18:12,120 What? Never mind, I'll find it. 333 00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:15,280 Beth, Beth, Beth, you gotta decide. 334 00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:18,400 You gotta decide. It's just $200 now or it's $2 ,000 later. It's up to you. 335 00:18:19,460 --> 00:18:20,680 Johnny, you better get up here quick. 336 00:18:24,720 --> 00:18:28,140 Hey, makes no never mind to me. I can save your house or I can save somebody 337 00:18:28,140 --> 00:18:30,180 else's. All right, all right, all right. Save mine. 338 00:18:31,540 --> 00:18:32,980 I don't know why I'm so nervous. 339 00:18:33,660 --> 00:18:36,780 $200. Sorry, I'll tell you what to do. You go up to your room. I'll talk to 340 00:18:36,780 --> 00:18:38,520 father. You push your bed right in front of the door. 341 00:18:39,500 --> 00:18:41,460 I spent the money. I'm going to tell him. 342 00:18:42,740 --> 00:18:43,860 I'm very proud of you. 343 00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:46,240 Thanks. All right, I'll take a look. 344 00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:47,680 Thanks. 345 00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:50,540 You know, it's them crookshank pipes. The guy was an idiot. 346 00:18:53,230 --> 00:18:54,410 if it's any consolation. 347 00:18:54,710 --> 00:18:58,930 I just want you to know that your best friend in the world, Jenny Piccolo, will 348 00:18:58,930 --> 00:19:00,970 be right here, right by your side. 349 00:19:01,770 --> 00:19:02,810 All right, we're home. 350 00:19:03,490 --> 00:19:04,490 See you, Jones. 351 00:19:05,430 --> 00:19:08,190 Did everything go okay, dear? 352 00:19:08,410 --> 00:19:09,410 Yeah, just fine. 353 00:19:09,650 --> 00:19:11,230 The baby's cold is all gone. 354 00:19:11,510 --> 00:19:14,750 Wow, Dad, did you lose some weight? You look great. No, as a matter of fact, I 355 00:19:14,750 --> 00:19:17,970 gained four pounds. Well, I knew it looked good. I don't know how it 356 00:19:18,150 --> 00:19:19,150 Want a bagel? No. 357 00:19:19,430 --> 00:19:20,630 Those are for Al. 358 00:19:20,870 --> 00:19:25,790 I know, but... Oh, those pumpernickels. Did you have a nice weekend here? 359 00:19:25,990 --> 00:19:29,150 Oh, yeah. Well, enough about me. How was New York? Were you going to move in? 360 00:19:29,410 --> 00:19:31,130 No, no. I turned the job down. 361 00:19:31,370 --> 00:19:32,690 We got off to a bad start. 362 00:19:33,070 --> 00:19:35,870 We took a cab from the airport and he showed us some sights. 363 00:19:36,470 --> 00:19:37,470 Like Boston. 364 00:19:38,690 --> 00:19:40,590 Well, it sure is good having you guys home. 365 00:19:40,870 --> 00:19:44,950 Thanks. So, any trouble with the boiler? Sure. Go ahead. Blame me. I knew you 366 00:19:44,950 --> 00:19:45,950 wouldn't understand. 367 00:19:46,170 --> 00:19:49,310 Well, the repairman was threatening to leave and the baby was crying. 368 00:19:49,530 --> 00:19:50,770 Sweetheart, what are you talking about? 369 00:19:54,380 --> 00:19:56,560 and he charged me $200 to fix it. 370 00:19:56,860 --> 00:19:57,860 What? 371 00:19:57,980 --> 00:19:59,060 I don't understand. 372 00:19:59,360 --> 00:20:00,560 I don't understand. 373 00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:04,240 I leave you alone for one minute and what do you do? You throw open the 374 00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:07,940 and you holler, Hey, everybody, I got a blank check. Come and cheat me. 375 00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:10,940 Dad, I don't know anything about mechanical stuff. 376 00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:13,700 Well, then why don't you listen to me when I explain these things? 377 00:20:13,900 --> 00:20:18,840 Because, Howard, you just explained them to Richie. Yeah. You man, you just love 378 00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:22,040 to have your little secrets about boilers and plumbing and... 379 00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:27,159 know anything. 380 00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:32,560 Oh, I'm sorry, Joanie. I didn't mean to yell at you. It's just that the whole 381 00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:33,560 thing hit me so hard. 382 00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:35,360 200 bucks. 383 00:20:36,340 --> 00:20:38,660 Boy, that's almost what I spent for the cab ride. 384 00:20:40,620 --> 00:20:44,800 Joanie. Oh, let me bet the happy wanderers are back. Yeah, I find. 385 00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:45,799 How you doing? 386 00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:47,360 Someone went down there to look at the boiler, huh? 387 00:20:47,700 --> 00:20:48,700 You know what I found? 388 00:20:49,740 --> 00:20:50,740 Bagels. 389 00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:53,060 Will you tell me what did you find? 390 00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:54,039 All right. 391 00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:57,360 $200 well spent that Joanie hadn't thought fast could have cost you $2 392 00:20:57,680 --> 00:20:58,720 Really? Oh, yeah. 393 00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:02,420 Oh, sweetheart, I knew you'd make the right decision. 394 00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:05,920 Tomorrow I'm going to teach you how to turtle land. 395 00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:09,500 Isn't that wonderful, Howard? Isn't that wonderful? 396 00:21:09,820 --> 00:21:11,320 She's really growing up. 397 00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:13,480 Aw, you were always the baby. 398 00:21:13,740 --> 00:21:17,340 It wasn't so bad when Mitchie grew up because I still had you as the baby. 399 00:21:17,580 --> 00:21:19,440 But now you're not the baby anymore. 400 00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:22,820 Why don't we let the baby be the baby? 401 00:21:23,649 --> 00:21:24,649 Oh, perfect. 402 00:21:25,450 --> 00:21:27,390 Why don't we go and see the baby? Oh, yes! 403 00:21:28,110 --> 00:21:31,730 Oh, Johnny, I'm proud of you. I knew you'd make the right decision under 404 00:21:31,730 --> 00:21:35,170 tremendous pressure. Oh, thanks, Dad. I used to have a green lamp in this room. 405 00:21:35,250 --> 00:21:38,050 Oh, oh, we'll talk about that later. I want you to see how well I took care of 406 00:21:38,050 --> 00:21:38,569 the baby. 407 00:21:38,570 --> 00:21:40,450 You broke it? The baby's just fine. 408 00:21:42,210 --> 00:21:45,310 By the way, uh, how was the teacher's convention? 409 00:21:45,830 --> 00:21:50,550 I had such a weekend, I can't believe it. 400 luscious teachers, huh? 410 00:21:50,790 --> 00:21:53,260 Oh. I wish I could have seen that. 411 00:21:53,620 --> 00:21:55,600 Meet me up at my apartment. I'll be there in an hour. 412 00:21:59,740 --> 00:22:05,120 I say this calls for action, and now, nip it in the bud. You got to nip them 413 00:22:05,120 --> 00:22:06,120 things in the bud. 414 00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:08,960 I'm going to get my bud nipper and go over there and nip some bud. There's 415 00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:12,680 one way to take care of it. Nip it in the bud. That bud is nipped. There's no 416 00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:14,840 place like TV land. Nip it. 417 00:22:15,580 --> 00:22:19,340 Can I get life insurance at my age in my health? 418 00:22:19,980 --> 00:22:24,380 I'd like to leave my loved ones with a little something when I'm gone, but I'm 419 00:22:24,380 --> 00:22:26,360 afraid I'm too old to get life insurance. 420 00:22:26,620 --> 00:22:30,820 If you're like these nice folks and thought life insurance after 45 was 421 00:22:30,820 --> 00:22:35,060 impossible to get or impossible to afford, I've got good news. 422 00:22:35,640 --> 00:22:42,020 If you're 45 to 79, Physician's Life guarantees you up to $10 ,000 of 423 00:22:42,020 --> 00:22:46,380 modified whole life insurance designed to help your family with the expenses 424 00:22:46,380 --> 00:22:47,379 they will face. 425 00:22:47,380 --> 00:22:51,760 You cannot be turned down because of your health. You can buy this insurance 426 00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:57,220 policy if you're 45 to 79 and you're insured for life, no questions asked. 427 00:22:57,560 --> 00:23:00,640 Just $1 pays for your first full month of protection. 428 00:23:01,020 --> 00:23:05,120 After that, you can continue at a monthly renewal rate that can never be 429 00:23:05,120 --> 00:23:09,520 increased. Plus, your coverage can never be canceled because of your age or 430 00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:12,680 health. Easy to get and easy to afford. 431 00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:16,560 Now let me tell you why this protection is so important. 432 00:23:17,020 --> 00:23:20,980 All of us someday may leave behind expenses for our loved ones to pay. 433 00:23:21,180 --> 00:23:22,480 There's no escaping it. 434 00:23:22,700 --> 00:23:26,120 These expenses can easily add up to thousands of dollars. 435 00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:30,720 You know, some people even expect the government to take care of these 436 00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:37,140 But the fact is, Social Security currently pays a death benefit of just 437 00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:39,060 and only if you qualify. 438 00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:42,580 That's why I urge you to take a look at this coverage. 439 00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:47,480 It's one sure way you can help leave your loved ones with dollars instead of 440 00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:50,300 debts. I'm proud to be their paid spokesman. 441 00:23:50,650 --> 00:23:54,450 This is one phone call your loved ones will be thankful for later. 442 00:23:54,710 --> 00:23:56,390 So call right now. 443 00:23:57,030 --> 00:24:01,910 To get your free information kit directly by mail, call toll -free 1 -800 444 00:24:01,910 --> 00:24:07,170 -5900. That's 1 -800 -258 -5900. There's no cost or obligation. You're just 445 00:24:07,170 --> 00:24:08,170 calling for information. 446 00:24:09,930 --> 00:24:11,710 We're here when you need us. 447 00:24:12,610 --> 00:24:13,610 Physician's Life. 448 00:24:16,130 --> 00:24:17,270 Dad, this is done. 449 00:24:17,610 --> 00:24:18,930 It's go time. Oh, boy. 450 00:24:19,480 --> 00:24:21,320 Here's one way to take computer help. 451 00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:22,840 Target in sight. 452 00:24:27,300 --> 00:24:29,200 Can I help you? 453 00:24:32,440 --> 00:24:33,880 Not a word of this to your mother. 454 00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:35,400 Hang on. 455 00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:41,520 Here we go. What do you want from me? I want you to make... 456 00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:43,020 Go away. 457 00:24:43,780 --> 00:24:46,600 Please. Don't go there. Go down. 458 00:24:47,070 --> 00:24:50,270 Hey, there's a reason people gave Dell an A -plus for service and reliability. 459 00:24:50,710 --> 00:24:52,510 First, Dell makes rock -solid PCs. 460 00:24:52,850 --> 00:24:57,110 Then, they stand behind us 24 -7. Like this Dimension desktop with an Intel 461 00:24:57,110 --> 00:24:58,110 Pentium 4 processor. 462 00:24:58,270 --> 00:25:03,090 It's just $499 after mail -in rebates. And right now, pay no interest till 463 00:25:03,350 --> 00:25:08,250 Plus, get a free CD -DVD burner. A PC you can rely on. Thank you! 464 00:25:08,850 --> 00:25:12,050 Easy as death. Dell PCs and Intel Pentium 4 processors. 465 00:25:28,149 --> 00:25:29,310 Howard. For us. 466 00:25:30,390 --> 00:25:32,530 I ran right over as soon as I heard you came back. 467 00:25:33,010 --> 00:25:34,250 I brought my cream cheese. 468 00:25:34,630 --> 00:25:35,690 I brought my pipe. 469 00:25:39,490 --> 00:25:40,490 Ready. 470 00:25:41,930 --> 00:25:43,530 What are you talking about, Al? 471 00:25:44,170 --> 00:25:46,050 My bagels. Did you bring my bagels? 472 00:25:46,270 --> 00:25:48,110 Oh, your bagels. 473 00:25:48,750 --> 00:25:50,430 Sure, they're right here on the counter. 474 00:25:52,950 --> 00:25:53,950 That's great. 475 00:26:05,940 --> 00:26:07,760 Why, I don't believe this. 476 00:26:08,100 --> 00:26:10,180 Marion, call the police. We've been robbed. 477 00:26:11,420 --> 00:26:12,420 Save. 478 00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:14,500 You ate them, didn't you? Yes. 479 00:26:15,220 --> 00:26:16,320 You ate them! 480 00:26:17,320 --> 00:26:19,640 I'm sorry, Howard. I blinked after just a second. 481 00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:21,680 Come on, sit down. 482 00:26:21,860 --> 00:26:22,860 Tell me. 483 00:26:22,900 --> 00:26:24,540 Tell me how they tasted. 484 00:26:25,100 --> 00:26:26,100 Don't leave anything out. 485 00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:29,080 I can't do this. I wonder how they're tasting. 486 00:26:29,420 --> 00:26:30,420 Mike! 487 00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:32,440 All right, put down that butter knife. 488 00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:38,320 Okay, I did exactly what you told me to do. I went to Bernie's bright and early 489 00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:42,060 in the morning. Nice and clean. Oh, boy, and they were piping hot. Oh, you can't 490 00:26:42,060 --> 00:26:45,360 touch me. And then I rushed back to the hotel and I cut them up with a knife and 491 00:26:45,360 --> 00:26:48,220 I put a little butter and a little cream cheese and a little lox in them. 492 00:26:48,420 --> 00:26:49,420 Oh! 493 00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:50,520 Yeah, yeah! 494 00:26:52,460 --> 00:26:54,000 Little bites are big bites. 495 00:26:54,510 --> 00:26:58,210 I started out with little bites, but then I just couldn't control myself, and 496 00:26:58,210 --> 00:27:01,190 found myself popping them into my mouth left and right like Nina. 497 00:27:01,510 --> 00:27:02,630 Stop it. Stop it. 498 00:27:03,550 --> 00:27:04,550 What is it? 499 00:27:04,690 --> 00:27:05,690 Start over. 500 00:27:26,700 --> 00:27:30,320 Stay tuned for another episode of Happy Days on TV Land's Twice as Nice. 501 00:27:30,520 --> 00:27:34,480 It's not going to be nice. It's going to be wild. No, bossy. It's going to be 502 00:27:34,480 --> 00:27:35,860 nice. Twice as nice. 40255

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