Original subtitles

Sunday, Monday, happy days. Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days.

Thursday, Friday, happy days.

The weekend comes, my cycle hums. Ready to race to you.

These days are ours.

Happy and free.

Happy days.

These days are ours.

Share them with me.

Goodbye, gray sky, yellow blue.

There's nothing can hold me when I hold you.

So right, it can't be wrong.

Rockin' and rollin' all week long.

Sunday,

Monday, happy days.

Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days.

Thursday, Friday, happy days.

Saturday, what a day.

Groovin' all week with you.

I know you'll get to like it if you give it a chance. Ah,

here

we are.

Two lovely flowers for Milwaukee's loveliest flowers.

Oh, what a lovely car.

Well, I thought I'd give the place a little class.

Well, they're beautiful.

Oh, they're plastic.

Yeah, Clarence made them.

I got us some old lawn furniture.

He's very artistic.

You never hit the lawn. It's a little dusting, maybe, but it's all good.

Jokes, there they are. There who are?

Only the president and vice president of the Rondells.

Janina, don't start with me again. I don't want to join the Rondells. I've

already turned them down. Turned them down? Have you gone mad?

They've got a great club.

When they have parties, all the cutest guys in school are there.

How do you know?

I never invited you to any of their parties.

Oh, I crashed one once.

And the guys that dragged me out were the cutest guys I've ever seen.

Strong, too.

Jenny, I don't care about that. I am very happy with Georgie.

Oh, sure.

Sure, care only about yourself.

And I thought you were my friend.

I am your friend. Great. Then join the Rondells.

How does that help you?

Because they don't want me. But they're dying to have you join. So I figure you

tell them you'll join, but only if they'll take me, too. What do you think?

Why would you want to join a club that thinks you're garbage?

That's good they have standards.

Oh, I see.

So not only do I have to join a club that I don't want to join, but I have to

plead with them to let you in also?

Exactly. It's either that, Jones, or I could go back to hanging around at the

YMCA.

You'd hang around at the YMCA?

Oh, Jones, I have no life.

All right, all right.

Oh, Marilyn.

Oh, Stephanie.

How nice to see you again. Hello. Hello.

You know Jenny Piccolo?

We've met.

Briefly. We were going into a party while she was being dragged out by her

Listen, girls, if you'd still like me to join the rondelles, I'd be happy to.

That's charming. How nice.

There's just one thing. What?

My friend Jenny here would like to be in also.

Excuse us.

Oh, that means I'm in. I'm a Rondell. Thank you.

Wait, then look alike.

Of course.

You must each complete one pledge assignment.

Fine. All right, Pledge Cunningham, here's your assignment.

By this coming Friday, you are to find a copy of the Milwaukee Telephone

Directory.

And? Well, there is no and. That's it.

I can handle that.

That copy of the Milwaukee Directory.

No problem.

And memorize every number in it.

I better call Kelly's house at beef and tell them we'll be late.

That's Claybrook 51226.

Jenny, do you mean to tell me you memorized the whole telephone book just

join a club?

I want...

march through that awful swamp and crawl through all that gooey mud to get in

that fraternity? That was the army, Mary.

Are you girls ready to fulfill your pledge assignments?

Here is the telephone book.

Congratulations, Joanie. You are officially a rondelle.

Good. Can I take off the hat now?

Now, Jenny.

We're terribly sorry if your assignment was too difficult.

What? Try me. Is she serious?

Try her.

Okay, Jenny.

Arthur Abb.

Zenith 51227.

Albert Aaron.

Winsbury 61445.

Heiberg 65771.

That's it. I did it. I'm around now.

I did it. I did it. When do I get my sweater?

Don't jump on the furniture.

Yes. You have just completed the first part of your assignment.

First part? Wait a second. You said she only had to do one thing.

Yes, but it's just a little thing.

What is it?

She has to take the statue of General Pfister out of Pfister Park and bring it

to our clubhouse. Hey, that's very good. Are you crazy? That's stealing.

You know, you may have a hot club. I'll do it. Have it there tomorrow night.

Bye -bye.

Jones, I want this.

The next thing you'll want me to do is go to the park and help you.

Would you go to the park and help me?

If we can do anything together, Joanie, what happened to that old Jenny -Joanie

team spirit?

You're crazy. Why don't you call a psychiatrist? Any psychiatrist. You know

the numbers. I'd do it for you, Joanie.

That's what friendship is all about, but of course, you wouldn't know anything

about that.

I have a date with Chachi tomorrow night. I can't.

Oh, sure.

A date with Chachi is more important to you than your best friend.

Oh, Jenny, you got me so confused.

made into boots.

The cat's going to catch your tongue in a minute.

Do you have any idea what this is?

This is a genuine Eskimo muckluck.

They're awfully pretty.

Know who sent them to me? Who? Your brother, my friend.

They look real comfortable. No, they're not. They stink.

They make my feet itch.

They're hard to get on.

But my friend sent them to me. You know how I got them?

I'll tell you.

I was having a casual conversation with Richie.

And I said, you know, I'd like to try a pair of Eskimo mukluks.

He flies 200 miles north.

He sits in an igloo, freezing to death, eating raw fish, waiting for these to be

made to order, huh?

And then he sends me these.

Now that is friendship.

Richie, the kind of guy that goes out for you anywhere, anytime, huh?

Come on, Jenny, if we're going to do this, let's get it done quick.

fast as I can. This jackhammer is heavy.

It's not too late. Let's go.

Jones, don't chicken out on me now.

I need you. You're my friend, aren't you?

I'm your friend.

Well, here it is.

For such a big hero, why such a small statue?

General Obadiah Tinyfister, the only three -foot, eleven -inch officer to

in the Union Army and the circus?

I'll bet he's served under everybody.

Come on, Jones. We don't have time for this. Get that crowbar. Come on.

Look at that.

Died for his country in the Battle of Gettysburg when he fell into a foxhole

couldn't climb out.

Jones, come on. That cop will be back any minute. Use the crowbar.

Jenny, don't you think he's suffered enough?

Besides, I don't think he's going to come out with just a crowbar. Give it a

try. Jenny,

the general's lost his head. Quick, somebody's coming.

Here goes nothing.

11 inches tall.

All right. Where's General Sister?

I'm booking you on a 121 defacing a public midget.

You girls are in big trouble.

Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name.

Rush face. Maggot. Bladder polyp. Hideous gargoyle. Dirty farm boy.

Spencer Quack. Wussy Little Freddy Cat. Hair, hair.

Troglodyte. Hamhawk. So join Troglodyte, Hamhawk, and the rest of the gang at

Cheers every night on TV Land. Don't forget to tell your friends about

Dad, this is dumb.

It's go time.

Oh, boy.

Here's one way to get computer help.

Target in sight.

Can I help you?

Not a word of this to your mother.

Hang on.

Here we go. What do you want from me? I want you to make... Go

away.

Please. Don't go there. Go down. Hey, there's a reason people gave Dell an A

-plus for service and reliability.

First, Dell makes rock -solid PCs you can count on. Then, they stand behind

24 -7.

Right now, get a huge flat panel display and an Intel Pentium 4 processor with

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It's just $699 after mail -in rebate. Plus, you'll get free shipping and a

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A PC you can rely on. Thank you!

Easy as death. Dell PCs and Intel Pentium 4 processor. Come on!

Shh, they're coming.

Oh, what a time for a call. Nose is running, head's all blocked up. I need

Alcatraz Plus.

I'll get my Alka -Seltzer Plus.

Only Alka -Seltzer Plus has an effervescent cold -fighting formula to

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Jones, this is the worst night of my entire life.

You know, when my dad finds out about this, he will die.

Well, my dad's not going to be too thrilled either. At least he won't die.

You've never met my father before.

He's a sweet, fragile man.

Jones, he thinks I'm perfect.

Why?

Because I hide things from him. Things like this.

When he finds out about this, I'm telling you, he will die.

But don't you think it's a little too late now?

Jones, if I ask you a question, will you promise to still be my best friend?

Of course.

When that cop comes back, Why don't you tell him that you took the statue all by

yourself and that I came down here to talk you out of it? I'll back you up.

on. Don't, please. I know I'm a low person.

But do it for my father.

Be a friend.

Oh, come on, Jane. Hello,

officer. We didn't get a chance to chat before.

I'm sorry you couldn't have been here sooner to help me talk my friend out of

this bizarre escapade of hers.

Oh, how I tried and tried.

I'm such a bad kid.

This is Mike Joy just fanning me up like this.

Not even a phone call or anything.

Oh, Howard, I'm scared. Maybe we should call the police. Oh, Mary, you're

getting upset over nothing.

Nothing?

Tickets to a Chubby Checker concert at Two Bucks Beach?

You call that nothing?

And what about this belt, Mr. Theon? Seventy -five cents. Is that nothing,

You know, you're worried about all the money you spent, and Joanie could have

been in an accident.

Oh, Mike!

No, no, Marion. She wasn't in an accident. I was just trying to make a

Yeah, and I got a haircut. It cost me another dollar.

You got robbed. I know.

Put you in there.

Uh, Cunningham, is this your daughter? Oh, come on, Kirk. You know that's my

daughter. Now, what's going on?

Not so fast, Cunningham. Is this your daughter?

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. That's Michael.

All right, now what happened?

She was trying to steal General Pfister's statue.

Oh, come on.

Hold it there, Romeo.

Back it up in formation there.

The rest of you take it easy. I'm in charge here.

Now, Cunningham, since your daughter's a minor, I'm going to leave her in your

custody. But you'll have to appear in court.

You'll be properly notified.

And as for the young lady who tried to talk her out of it, I'd be proud to give

you a personal escort home, little lady.

I'm really sorry.

I don't know what to do. Take a look.

Move it out. Sorry.

Joanie, I can't believe it happened the way he said it did.

Now, something is rotten here. And I know who it is. Oh, now, let's not

overreact. We'll have to move away. We can make a fresh start. Marion!

Now, come on. It couldn't have happened the way Kirk said.

Our daughter is not a vandal.

I'm right, aren't I, sweetheart?

No, I'm a vandal. I did it.

Oh, sweetheart. Now, if you wanted a statue, why didn't you tell us? We would

have bought you one.

Are you trying to tell me that you went to a park to steal a statue when you had

the chance to go with me to see Chubby Checker in concert, huh?

I don't buy that for a second.

It's true.

And Jenny went there to talk you out of it. Yeah.

All right, Jody.

I want you to look me straight in the eye and say that you're telling the

I'm telling you the truth. You're looking at my chin.

Look me in the eye.

Jenny wanted the statue and I went to the park to talk her out of it. Now,

Joanie, if Jenny wanted to steal the statue and you tried to talk her out of

why did you take all the blame?

Well,

it's hard to explain. See, it's something about protecting her father.

I don't know. She talks faster than I can listen.

Well, I know one thing. That Jenny Piccolo has been nothing but trouble

since you met her when you were six years old.

And I'm going to get her parents on the phone, tell them to get over here

tomorrow night, and we're going to straighten this out. No, Dad, you can't

her father. He's a very fragile man.

News like this could kill him.

I'm sorry, Joanie. I don't want to kill the man, and I'll be as gentle as I can.

But I'm not going to stand by and let you take the blame for something you

didn't do.

I should have done this years ago.

Tomorrow night, the Cunninghams and the Piccolos are going to have it out.

The Piccolos are already an hour late. Another half hour and I'm going to take

this suit off.

Oh, that must be them, huh? Daddy, Daddy, please try to be gentle with Mr.

Piccolo, okay? Yeah. Johnny, don't worry. Now your father's going to do the

right thing. Aren't you, Howard? I'll do my best, Marion.

Howdy, baby!

Hi!

Daddy!

Mr. Piccolo?

What are you doing?

Did you call me?

You call me Roscoe. We're friends.

And this is your lovely daughter, Joanie. Roscoe, it's nice to meet you.

How are you, sweetheart? Your name's Joanie? How are you, dear?

No, no. I'm his wife, Marion.

You're kidding me. Oh, you ought to be.

You cradle snatcher, you.

You are lovely.

Marion, you mind if we're alone for a minute? We'll only take a second. Come

here.

You can confide in me.

What was your name when you were on stage?

Was he fun working with Marlon Brando?

Jack Lemmon would be good.

You can tell me.

What are you, smuggling basketballs?

Now, here's what I want to tell you.

Seat.

Seat.

Don't you offer a person a seat? Oh, please, by all means, have a seat.

Thank you, you're all right. I want to tell you something.

I...

Thank you, thank you.

This is fragile.

Well, you must be, Joanie. Give your uncle baby a kiss.

She's sweet. Is she adopted?

Uh, Roscoe, where is your wife?

Oh, Rosalie, she's outside waiting in the car.

Well, why didn't you invite her in? She's busy changing her tie.

Come here a minute.

Sit down.

Now, you can confide in me.

The marriage.

What were you, 36?

She was 16.

You had money then.

It was your money. Tell me. You can tell me.

Roscoe, will you listen for a minute? I asked you over here tonight for a

reason. Hold it.

Is this a touch?

You can have anything. How much do you need? No. Damn it.

Come in. Come in.

Hi, Daddy.

Tinkerbell Angel, my little sister.

Look at this face.

Did you ever see anything like it?

Elizabeth Taylor as a child?

You see what I mean?

Didn't anybody here see National Velvet?

I don't understand.

He does take you to the movies, doesn't he? Doesn't he just stay home and roast

peanuts?

Mark Abel?

Jimmy Stewart?

Means nothing to you.

You know, there aren't movies that talk now, did you know that?

I've got something for you, a little surprise. Don't be nervous. Just do it

told you. All right.

When there are gray skies... What don't you mind?

I don't mind the gray skies.

Look, Roscoe... You, you're interrupting. You make them blue. Join

them blue. No, I've got to take a breath. Now, wait a minute. You make

blue, sonny boy.

Roscoe, please.

What's wrong with you? We were having fun. Look, this is important.

Last night, my daughter, Joanie, was arrested for stealing.

Dear God, Nevin, you're kidding.

That sweet innocent child.

I won't believe it.

Johnny, they can tell this to me a hundred times.

They will never convince me of this.

Is my wallet in my pocket?

Get out of here.

Daddy.

Daddy, listen to me.

What?

I know this is going to come as a bit of a shock to you, but... I'm the one that

stole the statue of General Pfister.

You? Me, your little Tinkerbell.

You see, I did it just to get into a club, and Joan's covered up for me.

I told her she wouldn't take the rap, that she wouldn't be a friend.

But see, I'm the one who's not a friend for asking her to do something like

that.

I'm sorry, Joanie.

I'm sorry, Dad.

You can never let me down. What's wrong with you?

I'm your father. I'm not your enemy.

Besides, girls will be girls.

Look at this face. I wish you were twins.

Dad, then you're not upset.

Yes, I'm a little upset.

I'm upset that you didn't come to me right away with this.

You can always talk to your dad.

It's your mother you have to worry about.

She's a hitter.

I owe you all an apology.

I behaved dreadfully.

Oh, no, you didn't. Not really.

Look, I...

an idea. Why don't we go down to the police station, straighten this whole

out, then I'll take you all out to dinner. Great idea!

Some place for dancing.

Marion, save the mambo for me.

That's how she gets very impetuous. Move, move.

Who

decorated

this place?

Now there's a new way to freshen the whole room.

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Freshness with a spin. Plug it in, plug it in. Betsy Johnson, a family company.

town tonight and we want you to sing Lee.

We lost our other singer in Toledo.

Not really sure where that is.

Sometimes you gotta have the Mac. Grab Easy Mac for the hot cheesy taste they

love. Get them the Mac. Need a snack?

Snack the Mac!

Inside that robot is something familiar.

A battery.

And while you may think all batteries are the same, listen to this.

It's just the rain. But with his Phonak hearing aid, he's hearing it for the

first time.

And when Phonak chooses a battery, they trust Duracell. You heard the rain.

So whether it's a child's hearing or child's play, it just has to work.

Duracell. Trusted everywhere.

Wherever you go, whatever you go through.

Dry, scratchy, irritated eyes don't have to come with the territory.

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And it's safe to use as often as you need.

Visine Tears. Relieves dry eyes like your own natural tears.

And when you want to get the red out, look for Visine Original.

I think everyone dreads hearing the word cancer, and we weren't much different.

After the initial shock kind of wears off, you start thinking about, okay,

into this, how are we going to pay for it?

Physicians Mutual has been a godsend to us.

It was a very, very big relief to know that we had made the plans in the past

have this policy, and then to know that the policy was going to pay what we

thought it was going to pay.

Just within days, we had money. I can't tell you how nice it is to do business

with a company that actually lives up to what you think an insurance company

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They were there for us. They did what they promised.

They did it in a timely manner.

They were there when we needed them.

Physicians Mutual is, without a doubt, the best insurance company that I've

dealt with in my lifetime.

We're here when you need us.

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And now, a special message from Carol Burnett.

That concludes our special message.

You're watching TV Land.

That wasn't so bad.

Oh, yeah.

I like to spend my Saturday afternoon crawling on my knees, picking up garbage

in Pfister Park.

Ooh, there was some pretty disgusting garbage. Yeah, but it's better than

to jail. Yeah. Besides, I thought that judge was very nice.

Kind of cute, too.

Give it a rest.

You know something, Jones?

What? I really did embarrass myself in front of those rondelles.

I let them strip me of all my dignity.

Oh, I hadn't noticed.

Come on, let's go down to Arnold's. I'll buy you soda. Yeah?

You know what, Jones?

What? I know of a much better club.

A real dignified one.

No pranky acts or anything. This one is class A all the way. And you can get in?

Easy. Come on.

All we have to do is run the principal's pants up the flagpole.

The only problem is he has to still be in them.

And we can handle it.

Come on.

What we're going to do is we're going to go down to the school.

Next on the Brady Bunch, Greg is hiding a goat in his bedroom and the second

Gladys from Bewitched is fuming.

It seems a lot weirder than it is. Stay tuned for Getting Greg's Goat, episode

number 101, next on...