All language subtitles for happy_days_s09e07_fonzie_the_substitute

Monday, Monday, happy days.

Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days.

Thursday, Friday, happy days.

The weekend comes, my cycle hums. Ready
to race to you.

These days are ours.

Happy, free.

Happy days.

These days are ours.

Share them with me.

Goodbye, gray sky, yellow blue.

There's nothing can hold me when I hold
you.

It's all right. You can't be wrong.

Rockin' and rollin' all week long.

Hi,

Coach Phillips.

Hi, Jenny.

Coach, do you still drive a yellow T
-Bird? Yes.

Convertible with sexy velour seats?

Yes. Wisconsin's license plate number
05832. Jenny, get to the point.

Some guy's got it up on a hook, ready to
tow it away.

Oh. Why did you say so? Because I wanted
to spend as much time with you as I

possibly could.

Hey!

Did somebody just run out of here?

Somebody ran out. He didn't pay his
check.

Jones,

have I got the scoop of the year?

Jefferson, I'll never be the same.

Everyone will be buzzing about it for
years to come. Why, Jenny, what? Do

Yeah, I hate when they do that.

Hot Noreen Qualls. Father's a minister,
goes out with college boys.

Her father goes out with college boys?

Tachi. Come on. Well, anyway, Noreen
is... How shall I put this tastefully?

Her body's about to open a branch
office.

A branch office? A branch office.

She's pregnant?

You got it.

Shh, don't say anything. Here she comes
now.

Can you believe her? She got her nerve?

Walking in here like Miss Curly Shirley
Temple.

Why don't you cut it out, Jenny?

I mean, there's no way to be sure.

It's probably just gossip.

No, it's not just gossip. When I was in
the bathroom, Betty Butler told me that

she overheard Judy Haskell tell a friend
who had a friend in the nurse's office

last week that she overheard Noreen in
the next room through the wall ask a

counselor about correspondence courses
because she was going to be sick next

break.

No, that's definitely not gossip.

It's time for hygiene.

The class your cousin's going to flunk
me in if I don't get serious. You're

going to flunk hygiene?

Don't bet on that. I painted my toenails
for my class project and I'm getting a

B. That's why you're Jenny Piccolo. She
paints her toenails and gets a B. I get

a one.

civilian talk, you know.

Hey, fine.

Where'd you meet them? Well, I was
walking down the street. I passed the

recruiting station, man. They said, I
want you. I said, put it on me. They

no. All right, fine.

Well, happy basic training. Oh, yeah.

Attention!

Present arms!

It'll double time.

You're a real Budinsky, you know that?

I'm sorry, Fonz. They towed my car.

Oh. Now I have to go get it, and I have
a hygiene class to teach in a few

minutes. Yes, I will sub for you. Oh,
thanks, Fonz. Oh, my lesson plan's on my

desk. I need that. All right. All right.
Here, thanks, Fonz.

Front and center. There we go.

Front and center.

Bow face.

Oh, this is going to be so great.

on you.

We're getting a substitute teacher.

Everybody's up for it. Great.

So, what will it be this time? What are
we going to do to the sub? Look what I

got. Peanuts. The teacher opens them up
and everything goes flying.

Bobby, that's really juicy. Very
childish.

Hey, I got an idea.

Remember that test today?

We get rid of the lesson plan and we
don't have to take it.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Now, wait a minute.

I've spent many a long hour studying for
this exam and I'm prepared to take it.

Pardon me.

I have a question.

Yes?

Who are you?

My name is Melvin Belvin.

Of the Milwaukee Belvins? Yes.

happen to know my brother Eugene?

You trying to tell me that there are two
of you?

Yes, yes, and I'm back.

I was home for a year with an earache.

Let me give you a little friendly
advice, okay? That may save your life

Do you want to know what happened to the
last guy that didn't go along with the

fun that we were having?

Yes.

There he is.

So I only come up with childish ideas,
huh? Yeah. Okay.

I got the greatest idea you have ever
heard. Tell us. When a substitute

comes in, we tell her Coach Phillips was
teaching us sex education.

Two points.

You're our sub? And I'm proud to be.

All right, now you're all sitting here
too quiet. What do you got planned for

the old sub, huh?

I got it.

Slingshot draw, huh?

I invented it.

Come on, what's your plan?

Don't tell me you didn't plan nothing.

No, Mr.

Pontarelli. It's tradition.

Now, come on.

What's happening to you?

Before you begin, I'd just like to say,
what a privilege.

What a privilege it is to live in a
country where everybody, everybody is

offered free, quality, public education.

You're a both, Melvin.

Of course.

Two of him and one Elvis.

No. Today we were supposed to discuss
sex education.

No. Yeah.

Sex education?

Times have changed.

You know, when I was sitting in your
seats, we said, like, first aid.

We saw two little films starring Woody
Woodpecker, you know, with a normal band

-aid.

Sex education, is this true, Judge?

Well, uh...

Bones connect.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's it, boss. That's right.

Sex, education. All right, a very
complicated subject. Where are you up

Where did Coach take you up to?

Puberty.

I wasn't talking about your life, Bobby.

That's it,

boss.

That's what we were up to.

Coach Phillips was going to explain to
us what it was.

Puberty, huh?

Anybody got a cubicle film starring
Woody Woodpecker on that?

All right, all right, all right. Here we
go. Very important subject.

Let's get on with it.

All right.

Uh -huh.

Okay, do it.

Not so much about physical changes.

The fact of the matter is that you
cannot let your body get in the way of

brain. Does everybody understand that?
No.

Does anybody understand that? I think
that... You're wrong.

All right, we're going to use some
visual aids here.

What's that?

A highway to Chicago.

Very, very clever, Tommy. Very clever.
Spell puberty.

This is you as children, five, six years
old. Your biggest problem is whether

your parents are going to give you an
extra nickel for an extra pretzel.

This is puberty.

Your biggest problem here is whether
your face is going to clear up in a big

dance.

This is you as an adult here, a grown
-up, clear complexion.

And the area and the time between here
is very dangerous.

You don't know what you're doing, but
your body don't know that you don't

So, stay in the house.

If I stay in the house, it'll ruin my
social life. Mine too.

Piccolo, you stay in the house three
years after everybody else.

And you prepare never to leave.

All right, now look.

What we're saying here is to think a
little bit. Don't make no dumb mistake,

know, that's going to ruin your life.
Dig it?

Okay, sweetie, you got any questions,
anybody?

I haven't heard from you. What is your
name?

Noreen. Hey, Noreen, what's your
question?

Well, what you were just saying about
ruining your life. Yeah.

I... Sit down.

I didn't dismiss you.

Noreen asked the question. Did I answer
it? Did I answer it? No.

Go ahead, Noreen.

Never mind. It's not important.

Are you sure?

Sure. All right.

Dismissed. Have fun.

Not one crank among them.

Yes, he left me.

He's peanut brittle. All right, hello,
peanut brittle.

They got me.

Yo, cease!

Hey!

Hey!

You can't see what I got for you. It
came to me in a flash.

No more yelling downstairs, upstairs,
right? Here it is, an intercom system.

Here, use them in hell, huh?

What a beautiful table.

What a beautiful table. What a beautiful
woman.

Look at you, huh?

Candlelight.

Wine.

Set for two.

Set for two.

I think I'll just turn the lights off
here because, you know, I mean, the

of electricity and everything.

Oh, nice going, folks.

Hey, what's up with you?

Because of you, I'm being fired from my
teaching job.

This is the Quiggan. The gown is
gorgeous.

Carol Burnett in France is coming to TV
Land. We are talking about national TV

here. Tune in for our 48 -hour marathon.

It's on at 10 .30!

Actually, it's on all weekend long.

Welcome!

Two straight days of unforgettable
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We're all here.

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He said my knee pain was from arthritis
and I get moving again, I should take

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Aleve, all day strong, all day long.

Most people become aware of their septic
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Using Rit -X once a month will lessen
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I've always recommended Rit -X, and I've
never recommended anything else.

Wow, you ordered pizza.

You sure know the way to a man's heart.
I think all relationships are based on

honesty. Me too. Look, before this goes
any further, there is something you

should know.

You're married? No.

It's the pizza. It's not delivery.

It's DiGiorno. For fresh baked pizza at
home. It's not delivery. It's DiGiorno.

I knew you were hiding something. I can
read you like a book.

And now try DiGiorno deep dish. Deep in
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When you store food, you want to keep it
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But wraps and foils can be a pain to use
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That's why GLAAD introduced new press
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Just pull, place, and press for a seal
-proof seal.

Wow. New Press and Seal Wrap doesn't
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So try new Glad Press and Seal Wrap to
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The school fired you? But you're such a
nice boy.

Such a snappy dresser. I'm married.

Roger, why are they firing you? Because
he taught sex.

Oh, my.

Melvin Belvin told his parents, and they
called the principal, and he accused me

of bringing in a guest smut lecturer.

Let me tell you something, Raji. I was
only teaching what you had already

taught.

Fonz, are you kidding me? Did you even
look at my lesson plan?

They were supposed to have a test on
getting to know your bicuspid. All

look. First of all, there was no lesson
plan. Second of all, your class almost

pledged allegiance to the fact that they
were studying sex education.

They were pulling your leg, Fonz, having
fun with the sub.

Ha! You of all people should know.

That's right.

I know. I can take a joke. You see, I
knew that they had better in them than

just peanuts, you know.

All right, so it's on me. Big deal.

Oh, that's right. The whole thing sounds
like an innocent mistake. It couldn't

be that bad.

Isn't Joanie in that class?

Joanie?

He taught sex to our little girl?

Mr. C, will you calm down?

I mean, I made a little mistake. You
know, forget, forgive.

It's not that simple. I'm on probation.

They're going to start monitoring my
class like I'm a student teacher.

One wrong move and I'm out on my
briefcase.

Let me tell you something. All they did
was ask a question. All I did was give a

very nice answer. Isn't what school's
for. Am I right? No.

Yes.

Well, no. Make up your mind.

Well, yes and no. I mean, there's some
answers you can't give unless you have

permission from the school board. Yeah,
there are some things that should not be

taught in the classroom.

Well, I wouldn't say that.

I thought I was agreeing with you.

I was just saying what the rules are. I
didn't say I liked them.

I offered to teach a sex education class
in the beginning of the year, but they

said no.

And what are you yelling at me for?
Because you didn't have permission.

Well, I think that should be taught at
home and not in the school. Right,

Marion?

Ah, it is.

Maybe. I mean, maybe. Mary, do you
either agree with me or not?

Well, Howard, no, listen, to tell you
the truth, Howard, I was really very

embarrassed talking to Joanie about
this. It might have been nice to have

professional help. It really was very
difficult.

Oh, what are you talking about?

I told Richie. I told him everything he
had to know.

Then I told him the rest.

You mean there's more?

All right, look.

Some people have no problem explaining
sex to their kids, while others never

talk about it. There are some very
frightened and confused kids out there.

this was just a question of
communicating the facts, it wouldn't be

But I mean, it's not like teaching auto
school. You're telling me I'm in the

middle of it.

There's a certain moral issue involved
here, and I think that it should be

taught by the parent. And why aren't we
eating?

Oh, Howard, come on, help me. Help me
bring it out. This is really a

between two educators. You weren't
there.

Fonz, I agree with him. The parents
should teach a moral point of view.

But so many of the parents are so
embarrassed about the facts, they wind

telling their kids nothing.

And that's where I thought I could help.

So I got the ball rolling. Why don't you
just pick it up from there?

Fonz, I can't do that. Why not? I'm on
probation. If I talk about anything but

nail care and how to brush your teeth,
I'm out of a job.

What happens tomorrow?

The kid asks you a question like they
asked me today. What are you going to

to him?

I don't know.

Oh.

Thank you.

Oh, we've got very distinguished guests
here, today, huh?

We're from the Board of Education.

Bonds, what are you doing here?

I got you in a very tight spot. I'm here
to hold your coat.

Thanks. All right.

Kill him. All right.

Good afternoon, everybody.

Today we're going to be discussing
hygiene of the mouth.

Let's settle down. We have a lot of work
to do, all right?

The mouth is a cavity located between
the lips and throat containing the

and masticating structures.

Now, would anyone care to come up and
point these structures out?

Suggest a few ways in which we may be
able to take better care of them.

All right. Maureen.

No, Mr. Phillips. That's not why I
raised my hand.

I have a question from yesterday's
class.

Okay.

We were talking about...

You know, changes in people and their
bodies. I heard.

Well, I wanted to know how a person
would know if she was in trouble.

You would?

Yes.

Noreen, I don't think that...

Well, I would like very much to answer

that for you, and I know that you got
into that area yesterday.

Today's topic is hygiene of the mouth.

I'm sorry.

How many others of you have the same
question?

Right.

How does a person know when she's in
trouble?

Good question.

One that deserves an answer.

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We even have a name for it.

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Okay, the past half an hour now, we've
been discussing the possible

of certain behavior.

It's the last time we'll be discussing
this in my class.

I can't tell you what you should or
shouldn't do. That's a moral decision.

Morality is something I think you should
talk about at home with your parents.

And I hope you do.

Class dismissed.

Raj, I think you did a great job, no
matter what this Spanish imposition

you know?

Mr. Phillips, I just wanted to thank
you.

I was so scared I didn't know what to
do, and I couldn't tell anyone.

You see, I was sure I was in trouble.

You know, until you explained it.

I'm sorry, I don't understand.

Promise you won't laugh?

You have my word.

Well, I thought you could get, you know,
pregnant.

By necking with a boy while wearing a
bathing suit.

I'm sorry,

Noreen. No, no, that's okay. It's pretty
funny.

Stupid, too.

No, no, no, it's not stupid.

Well, I don't know why my mother told me
that. Your mother told you that, huh?

Whoa.

Well, a lot of parents are too
embarrassed to tell you the right way.

aren't. I wouldn't hold it against you.
Well, I won't.

Anyways, I'm glad I have the right
answers now.

Well, thank you very much.

Bye -bye. Bye -bye, Noreen.

Mr. Phillips, I'm Mrs. Eckert.

Listen, you can't fire this boy.

He's not going to... Because if you fire
this boy, you've got to fire me, too.

He's not going to be fired.

You're not going to be fired.

Hey, well, I put in a good word for you.
Oh, well, thanks.

I just overheard the young lady.

And I must admit, I hadn't realized how
naive some of the thinking of these kids

is.

How hard it is for some of them to talk
to their parents.

Well, I'm going to recommend that there
be some sort of a voluntary course given

in this area.

And if you refrain from any more
impromptu classes until I can make my

the board, I think we might be able to
do it.

I promise not another word till I've
heard from you.

You're a fine teacher, Mr. Phillips.

We could use more like you in the school
system. Thank you.

You, Mr.

Fonzarelli, are unique.

Yes.

There's never been another teacher like
you. And I would venture to say there

will never be another teacher like you
again.

Bye -bye.

You hear what that cutie pie said about
me? Yep. She said I was unique.

You're one of a kind, Fonz. Yeah. When
they made you, they threw away the mold.

Oh, yeah.

Right.

You stand head and shoulders above the
crowd.

Yeah. You're a man of men. Oh, yeah.
Fonz, you are king.

Yeah. You are the king. Oh, yeah.

Hello.

Ever wonder what the Brady Bunch would
sound like in Spanish?

Miguel y Carol hablan mucho espanol en
este episodio. Listen closely.

Stay tuned for episode 100, Peter and
the Wolf, coming up next on TV Land.