Original subtitles

Monday, Monday, happy day. Tuesday, Wednesday, happy day.

Thursday, Friday, happy day.

The weekend comes, my cycle hums. Ready to race to you.

These days are ours.

I feel free.

These days are ours.

Tell them of me.

Goodbye gray sky, hello blue.

There's nothing can hold me when I hold you.

It's all right. You can't be wrong.

Rockin' and rollin' all week long.

That's it. Monday, Monday, happy days.

Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days.

Thursday, Friday, happy days.

Saturday, what a day.

Groovin' all week with you.

These days are ours.

Bye.

Well, there's a health inspector in my kitchen.

So? So, he found something floating in the tube. Oh. What?

Clarence. Oh.

I can't believe that.

Hey, Joanie, do you, uh, do you know what day today is? No.

Today's the fourth anniversary of the first time I asked you out. Oh.

And you laughed in my face, remember?

Well, actually, I laughed in your hair. You were a lot shorter than I remember.

Keep that up, and next year will be the first anniversary of when we broke up.

Wait. I'm not laughing now.

Jones, what? We gotta talk. What?

Jenny, don't you see that we were right in the middle of something?

Oh.

I'll see you later.

I'm gonna go in the kitchen and watch Al drag the soup for Clarence.

Jenny, always a pleasure to see you.

Sit down. Oh, hey.

I got a notice from the post office today.

I sent away for it.

I need you to go down to the post office for me and pick up the package, okay?

Well, why do I have to pick it up? Because I used your name.

Next time you see me, there may be a lot more.

What did she mean by that, Marion? And why are they giggling? I don't like it

when they're giggling. Howard, you are so suspicious.

The last time I caught them giggling was just before Joanie bleached her hair.

Right, that was awful.

There it is, Jones.

There it is, Jenny.

Ajax bust builder.

Well, you know, this is a real big moment for me. Yeah?

don't take this appointment well.

Well, look at it this way. You've got nothing to lose.

a glass of milk. Oh, yeah, milk. All the milk builds body weight.

Yeah. Too bad it doesn't build the nine weight.

So, how did you guys make out?

You ready?

One, two, three.

Your mother was just sensational. Yeah? And it's all due to a new approach I

showed her. Here, she'll show you. Here, sweetheart.

Huh?

Look at that form, huh? That's sensational.

You know, she bowled two games over 150, and she's only carrying a 119 average.

Oh, wow. You can get up now, Marion. We were 14 pins down in the eighth frame.

I'm telling you, I was sweating bullets. Marion, you look silly. Will you please

get up?

Dad, I think she's hurt.

Marion, what's wrong?

Howard, I can't straighten up. My back went out. Oh, my gosh. What are we going

to do?

Mom, just let me handle this one.

Boo!

What in heaven's name are you doing?

Jenny, dear.

go. How's that?

Well, it's not bad.

The doctor said I could get off my feet.

Now, Aunt Mary, this should stretch and relieve the pressure of your upper

vertebrae and your pelvic girdle. Roger. Not in front of Patsy. Oh.

Well, where did you get this? Oh, it's mine.

Really? Yeah, my father used to hang me on it.

I didn't even have a bad back.

Patsy, that's pathetic.

Oh, no, it's better than being rolled up in the rug.

Joanie's upstairs, and if you need anything, you just holler, huh? Yeah.

room do you want to be in?

I'd like to be in the kitchen.

You got it. Kitchen it is.

Here we go.

Thank you, Warren. Thank you, Roger. Sure. It's like fun.

Patsy, what are you smiling for?

Uh, I'm just thinking about the time my father put me in an old tire and rolled

me down the hill.

That was the summer we went to the Grand Canyon.

Interesting childhood, I guess, huh?

Daisy, how much dust do you can see from up here?

I need to see.

I've got to get up here.

I can see.

Oh, I see.

It's in.

I've got to ask you one question. What are you doing up there?

Oh, I thought Theodore Roger put me up here. Those boys have gotten too far.

The doctor told us that I should be in traction.

to help my back, and, uh, Arthur, I can't see you very well.

Why don't I just sit right up here?

Yeah, you look so nice.

Yeah, that's because I am nice, huh?

How come you're so glum?

Oh, poor Howard. He wanted to win that bowling trophy so badly. Now he doesn't

have a chance.

Look at you. You're hanging on the door. You're worried about your husband, huh?

You know, you put the class in middle class.

Hi, sweetheart.

Hi, fine.

Well, how does it feel up there? Like Howdy Doody.

Now, Howard, did you have any luck getting a bowling partner?

Yeah, I think I found somebody.

Good. Who?

Well, you don't know her. She's an assistant loan officer down at the bank,

we got to talking, and she's a bowler, and she said she'd love to bowl with me

tonight, and the committee okayed it. Oh, marvelous.

What's her name?

Fern. Fern Flag.

Fern Flag, you're going to bowl with Fern?

She was just a wonderful person.

I hope her husband won't mind.

Well, I don't think she's married. Trust me.

She's an old spinster woman.

Uh, Mr. T, could I talk to you for a minute privately for a minute? Yeah, but

make it fast, will you, Fonz? I gotta get ready, huh? Yeah, right. Excuse us a

minute, dear. Why don't you just check in and see what the roast has done, huh?

Why don't you come over here and talk to me for a minute?

Your bowling partner is Fern Flag.

Feel good, Fern?

I never heard her call that.

You know, there are stories all over Milwaukee about this chick. What

never heard any stories. Of course, you didn't hear any stories.

You're in a hardware store all day.

Hardware store's the last place the story comes to. I'm not doing anything

wrong. I've got no reason to feel guilty.

Oh, yeah? Then why'd you lie to your wife? Oh, it spins the lady. This

knockout. I don't want to upset Marion.

Now, look, all I'm going to do is bowl with this woman. Now, that's the kind of

a lie you tell to someone like Marion to make her feel good. A lie is a lie.

Nothing ever comes good from a lie.

Shame, shame on you.

Now, look, I have been married for 27 years. I think I know what I'm doing.

Uh -huh, till now.

Boy, you've got to always have the last word, don't you? That's not true. Good.

Shame, shame, shame, shame, shame, shame, shame.

Emotion sickness.

Oh, I'm sorry, sweetheart.

Well, listen, I'm going to leave you two alone. You can talk about anything you

want. You don't like the truth, if you so choose.

Mr.

Cunningham.

How? Oh, hi, Fern.

Uh, Fern, this is a very dear friend of mine, Arthur Ponzarelli.

Very interesting to meet you.

I was just here visiting the Cunninghams. You know, they've been very

married for 27 years.

Oh.

Well, I was just on my way to the bowling alley and I thought I'd step by

see if you needed a lift. Oh, well, thanks.

Okay, let's go. I'll just get my stuff.

Hello there.

Yes, yes.

Yes. Uh, yes. Oh, uh, Fern Flag, this is my wife, Marion.

Marion, this is Fern Flag.

Hello there.

Uh, she's got a bad back. I don't keep her up there.

Well, we better go. Oh, Fonz, would you do me a favor, please, and get Marion

down in about an hour? Oh, sure. She can depend on me. We'll be back soon,

Steve.

I

was

sad she was an old Spitzer woman.

Isn't it wonderful to be married to such a funny guy?

Such a jokester?

Sure. If you hadn't opened the door, I would never have seen her, and he would

have gotten away with it. What are you talking about, getting away with what?

hasn't done anything yet.

Howard lied to me.

After all these years, he has never lied to me before.

He's been going to that bank every week for 27 years. What has he been doing

there? I don't want you to see me cry.

I understand.

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Get together this holiday at Red Lobster to create your own seafood feast.

Choose three of your favorites to create your feast.

It's a delicious new way to celebrate the season. Come together right now at

Lobster. It's Wednesday. Here's what's happening around the area. This

Wednesday, drop what you're doing. It's the JCPenney Wednesday One Day Sam.

Save 50 % on terrific gifts store -wide. Save 50%. Where do you unwrap the

magic? It's all the inside.

JCPenney.

Now, Tom, your mother's been hanging on that door all night. Oh, no.

Oh,

it must be packed in tissue. Wrong. It's not packed in tissue. It is tissue,

Jenny. Just a minute, smart guy. There are instructions.

All right.

Roll tissue into balls, then stuff into undergarment, then watch...

Some tissue.

Smart shopping.

All right, bring the box.

Cool.

We'll wrap it and sell it to my sister.

Great idea.

This guy comes into the hardware store and he says, Hey, have you got any

And I said, sure.

Would you stop? I haven't laughed this hard in years.

Gee, Marion always thought that joke was stupid.

Wait till she hears we won the mixed doubles, huh? I better go wake her. Oh,

I wouldn't do that. She needs a rest.

Ah, yeah, you're right. It can wait till tomorrow.

You know, you look real good out there tonight.

You're very athletic.

Oh, well, I try to take care of myself.

I adore a man who takes care of himself.

I'll bet you're an athlete in college.

It still shows, huh?

Yeah, I was on the track team. I, uh, I was a champion shot putter. Shot

putting? That's my favorite sport.

I love to see men muster. Well,

I still ripple pretty good.

Look, I'll show you my style.

You're magnificent.

What strength.

You handle that ball like a Dixie cup. Yeah.

At age 47, 41, you lose a little bit. What do you do to keep so fit and built?

Discipline, pure and simple. I get up every morning at 7 o 'clock and I jog

miles. And then I do 50 push -ups. Push -ups? No kidding.

Yeah, look, I'll show you.

Tomorrow I'll only have 48 left.

Listen, Fern, the award banquet is tomorrow night at the Pfister Hotel and

Marion can't go.

Would you like to come along?

Oh, no, I don't really... You really earned it. I'd love to.

I guess I better be going now.

Thanks a lot for all your help.

Oh, Howard, thank you for such a wonderful and exciting evening.

Good night.

Champ.

I'll see you to your car.

Hey, listen, we want a tuna casserole. My date made me dinner, you know, but I

can't eat it because I got a dinner date later on. So what do you say?

Men's steak.

You're right, I'll eat it myself.

All right, I'm sorry.

No, not you. I was upstairs just now and I heard it all.

I tried to keep it so quiet, I'm very embarrassed.

No, no, not you.

Not me again. So who are we talking about?

That worm.

That snake.

Mrs. C., I think you've been having the door too long.

Howard was down here with Fern Flagg. Oh, yeah, the old spinster woman.

Well, she was throwing herself at him, and he was catching.

He used all the same stuff on her that he used to impress me with 27 years ago.

He even did push -ups.

It's the male ego makes you do goofy things, you know.

Mr. C. did push -ups.

Two. He's never gotten past. too.

And he even lied about his age. Oh, the whole thing was just sickening. And it's

not over yet. He's invited that, that lone officer to go to the banquet with

tomorrow night.

Well, look, Mrs. T, why don't you just do yourself a favor, all right? When he

comes home, you just confront him face to face, have a chat with him, tell him

what you think about him going out with feel -good Fern.

Feel -good Fern?

They only call it that. because she never gets sick.

Oh, good night, Walter.

Good night, Bob. See you at the meeting.

We always do that.

Well, we seem to be the last ones here.

What do you say we move along, huh?

I'm not finished with my coffee. Oh, that's dark.

You know, it's too bad they only had one trophy.

I got an idea.

Why don't I keep it at my house the first week, and then you can keep it at

place the second. We'll take turns.

And when it's at my place, you can come and visit it. Yeah.

You know, I know it sounds silly, but that is the first trophy I have ever

Really? Mm -hmm.

I thought a man with your athletic accomplishments would have a room full

trophies. Me?

Fern,

I've got a confession to make to you.

I never really was very athletic. I was only exaggerating last night.

I never did shot put.

And those push -ups were the first since I used to play horsey with my son

Richard.

Howard, you were just trying to impress me, weren't you? Yeah, I guess so. I was

just being silly, huh?

Push -ups are no push -ups. You're man enough for me.

Why?

Howard, I want us to be more than friends.

How much more?

A lot more.

Oh, Jiminy Crickets.

These last few nights I found you so wonderfully attractive.

Oh, yeah. Well, you know, you put a bowling shirt on anybody and they look

pretty, uh... Look, look, I've got a terrific idea. Why don't you keep the

trophy the first week, huh?

take the trophy to my place right now.

Oh, Fern, what you're asking me to do, I can't. I mean, I can, but I shouldn't.

I wouldn't and I won't. Why not?

Well, because... Would you mind not doing that, please? You're blurring my

vision.

Fern,

you are a very attractive woman, but I'm a married man and my family means

everything to me.

You see, I love Marion, and I've always been faithful to her.

We made a promise when we got married, and I know it sounds old -fashioned, but

I'd like to keep that promise.

I see.

Frank, can I ask you something?

Did you really think that from one night of bowling that I was going to leave my

wife and my family and run off with you?

No.

I just thought we'd have a good time.

People do have a good time, you know, Howard.

Not everybody drives a DeSoto.

I guess a hardware store is the last place to hear news.

I'm glad.

Look, would you excuse me for just a minute, please? I'd like to call Marion

see how she's doing.

I dropped by to see if I could see some of the awards.

That's the truth.

I came here because I was consumed with jealousy.

That's silly, right?

You're not after my husband, you can tell me. You know, Howard, he's old

-fashioned, but I read all those magazines. I've been out in the world. I

there are new attitudes, and you can tell me, woman to woman.

Were you after Howard?

Yes. You tramp.

to cause any harm. You tart.

You turned me down flat.

You bimbo.

I think I better leave.

Good night.

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I think I've got a new usual. Olive Garden, when you're here, you're family.

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Sometimes, when everyone else is asleep, I make a special treat just for myself.

I mean, just for the two of us.

Ready Whip. Let the fun out. Also in chocolate.

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Marion! What a surprise! I just tried to get you on the telephone.

Well, where's Fern?

She left.

Oh, good.

How's your bath?

Oh, it's all a lot better.

Gee, I'm sorry I didn't get here sooner. I think I missed all the fun.

No, there wasn't any fun.

Why not?

Because you didn't get here any sooner.

Oh, Howard.

I love you, Marion.

Oh, Howard.

Come on, let's go. Okay.

Oh! Oh, sorry, dear.

You know, Howard, I trusted you with that woman. Well, thank you, dear.

we're going to change banks. Yes, dear.

tuned for the Brady Bunch. You know him as Bobby. But Mike Lookingland was

almost Eddie, as in the courtship of Eddie's father. But it would be weird if

that lower right square was empty. Coming up next, it's episode 89, Bobby's

Hero.