Original subtitles

Monday, Monday, happy days. Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days.

Thursday, Friday, happy days.

The weekend comes, my cycle hums, ready to race to you.

These days are ours,

happy days.

These days are ours, share them with me.

Goodbye gray sky, hello blue.

There's nothing can hold me when I hold you.

It's all right. You can't be wrong.

Rockin' and rollin' all week long.

All right, all right, bring the patient right through here. Wait, wait, see,

I'll get him. I'll get him, I'll get him. Will you stop hitting me against

walls?

This is unbelievable.

What kind of cognition is going on in here? Oh, it's him, doctor. These city

boys can out -shout a moose. What's his problem? I got shot.

Another hunting accident, I guess.

I promise you, lip me off this table. I will pulverize him.

Take it easy, son. You'll scare our patients.

You the doctor?

Some say yes, some say no. I want a doctor that says yes all the time.

you're a head.

Oh, good night, isn't it?

I got a suit that goes with it. Well, that's great.

I'm a goner now.

Well, let me take a look here.

They got you right in the part that goes over the fence last time.

How bad is it?

Well, next time you're hungry, I'd look for a buffet.

Hello there, Titus. I didn't hear you, driver. I only use the siren going to

lunch.

What happened? Get shot in the behind?

No, no, no. I sat down on a boat.

It's just a flesh wound, though. You want to take a look? Can I?

Mr. Ripley, why don't you just invite the whole town in here and sell tickets?

I'll just take a picture and show it around.

I've got to get your statement. Well, I'd better go and get things ready.

I'll chase the dog out of the operating room.

Come in now.

I'm sorry,

Fonz.

This is the guy. This is the guy. I want him tarred, feathered, and put in jail.

He's overreacting. What are you talking about overreacting? I'm telling you,

Warren Rebber shot me with malice at forefront.

Oh, Fonz, he did not. Who are you? And this is the cola boy.

He was in cahoots, I know that. I was not. Nah, fellas, no sense getting riled

up over this. Who are you talking about overreacting?

That's the sheriff. All right, be the sheriff. Go ahead.

Fonz, I'm sorry.

Your being sorry don't make my rump feel any better.

You're going up the river, you know that?

That's right, you're going to pick showers with killers.

Let's all settle down here, huh?

Somebody just want to start from the beginning and then tell me the story,

All right, for an actual account, you better let me tell it. All right, go

ahead. Shoot.

No offense, Fonzarelli.

It all started back in Milwaukee.

Chachi here was over at his girlfriend's house, and they were studying for the

college board exam.

It'll be so enjoyable.

The cabin sleeps four. You, me, Patsy, and we'll find somebody else. Hold it.

Me and Patsy in the same forest is going to upset the balance of nature.

This is like the cabin. It's got to come. Well, then, definitely out. Let me

tell you. Anyway, I'm staying by the bell. I got to watch my cousin Chachi.

studying for his college board exams, you know. Oh, yeah? Yeah, sorry. College

board exams. Yeah.

What's he studying for, the University of Whoopi?

All right, you two, what are you doing?

You of all people should know. Don't you smart mouth me. You should be studying

here. I did study. No, but you studied hard.

Now look, Josh, you're the first one in the family that has a shot at going to

college. What about Uncle Cheech? I'm not talking barber school. I'm talking

university.

You should be studying, not fooling around.

I don't see what's wrong with a little mooey mooey.

I've got to draw you a picture.

College. That's all I hear about is college. I'm fed up with college. All

kid, you're going to hear more now.

College. College. College. Oh, mooey, mooey.

You ought to get out more.

Hi, there. Hi, everybody. Oh,

bowling was so good tonight. I got three strikes.

Too bad they weren't in her lane.

What do we do now?

Oh, I thought you went home.

Oh, heck no, I'm having too much fun. I thought we'd just kind of all hang

around together.

Hey, kids.

Well, Al, I'm sorry, but we're going to go to bed.

Oh, well, same old story.

All dressed up and no place to go.

Well, listen, Al, if you're in the mood for some fun, why don't you go on

downtown to the dance hall, huh? Oh, Howard,

you know what kind of women hang out there?

Chief.

Did the studying pay off?

Sure has, Mom.

That was so nice of you to come over to help.

Oh, that's all right. They really didn't need too much help with their, uh,

mooey mooey. Mooey mooey?

You know, Howard, that's just like waka waka.

Joanie, I thought you promised me you were going to spend your time studying.

can't study alone.

I need someone to quiz me.

I'll quiz you.

Well, I meant someone cute, Dad.

Young lady, upstairs to your room. Your mother will quiz you. She's the cutest

person I know.

Oh, hi.

Oh, good night, everybody.

Good night, Mr. C. Good night, gentlemen.

Yeah, all right.

Ponce, what am I going to do? All right, Roger, tell me about that cabin again.

It's Ponce's uncle's cabin near Woodbine. We could have it for the whole

weekend. Please pull? Easy.

Let me guess.

I'm the fourth, right? Hey, you're a quick study, you know what I mean? Now

listen.

No Joanie. Pure concentration.

That sounds like jail.

And I got the key.

Stay fucking!

Bye -bye!

Oh, that's nice.

You know, I do like a good love story.

Nice boots.

Say, if you don't make it, could I have them?

You're talking violence and mayhem here. You're talking boots.

How did you ever get to be sheriff anyway?

Well, Tom doesn't have a jail.

Nobody else would keep criminals in their house.

Why don't you get the folk to paint a picture here? I was ambushed, you know,

general custer, a little shoehorn.

Anyway, look, the four of us went up to the cabin.

Fonzie and Chachi were at each other's throats. They both were impossible. Wait

a minute. Wait a minute. We were not both impossible.

I was Mr. Wonderful.

This man was obnoxious.

An animal, that's right.

I was a perfect angel. This man was a pillar to none.

Can I tell the rest of the story, please?

Go right ahead. Thank you.

All I did, all I did was I wanted the kid to study.

Rodgers in the background there jumping rope, you know.

Chachi wouldn't even crack a book.

21?

22?

Bath, all right? Have a good time flying south.

I love you.

Very nice plane there, Chachi.

What is that, P -51, huh? P -38. I knew it, I knew it, I knew it, I knew it.

Listen, I talked to the birds. They're going to stop chirping flies out so you

won't be bothered no more. Good. All right.

I can still hear the wind.

I'm doing the best I can. Well, your best isn't good enough. Yes, it isn't.

Boy, Fonz, I don't know how you put up with this guy. You bring him all the way

up here to study and he hasn't even cracked a book.

Let's just face it, he's a bad boy.

There's no such thing as a bad boy.

He just needs love. It's all tender love and care.

Paige. Yeah, Paige. I'm turning to Paige. Here you go, Chachi.

Fonz. Yeah, hello.

I would like a glass of water. Yeah. And be quick about it. Here I go. Look at

me. I'm going to get a glass of water right now.

The pitcher is in my hand.

The water is pouring.

Fonz, you are a saint.

No, Chachi doesn't deserve a cousin like you. All right, look.

I know that cutting is very thirsty work. Here you go, huh?

Okay. You first.

It was very thoughtful of you, Chacha.

I am not going to study, and you can't force me. This is America, pal.

I'm not forcing you, Chacha. I am begging.

I am asking. It's for your own good. I need you pleased to hit the books.

Oh, yeah.

You got it.

Look at that book.

What an athletic lad you are.

All right.

I'll just get the book for you right over here. I'm tired of sitting on this

bench. It's too hard.

I got the solution.

Come here.

Come here. All right.

I'm going to put you right over here. Yeah. You sit comfortably.

I'm going to get you a book.

How's that? This is better. Yeah. All you had to do was ask, you silly girl. I

just asked you. Yes, I did.

All right. You don't have to rock yourself.

Let me do it for you.

All right. Here you go.

You have to answer the door. Would you please get the door? I'm going. He's

going. Hi.

My name's Allison.

My girlfriends and I are having a party and... Wow!

Oh, please, will you come to my party?

I need a handsome man who can put strong arms around me and keep me warm.

I love a man that wears leather.

If you don't come, my life will have no meaning.

I can't. I can't. I'm sorry.

I can't go.

My cousin comes first. He's going to college. He might be the first one in

whole family. Now, listen.

It's not.

The passion is not running through my veins. You understand that?

Get rid of her. I'm getting rid of her. I'm getting rid of her. Come on.

What's she doing here? This place only sleeps for.

Yeah, this is for the birds. I'm going hunting.

Page. Yeah, page. Here we go. Turning the page. Thank you. You got it. Why is

going hunting in our bedroom?

Because he's potsy.

Where did you get that?

It's my uncle's. Found it in the closet. I love guns.

It'd be crazy if you might hurt Chachi in some way.

Oh, it's not loaded. You think I'd take a loaded gun around? Hey, I'm an expert.

Well, I'm done studying.

I think I'll go out to town now and get me some whiskey and loose women.

Give me a dollar.

If you want a good Chachi, I can't do it. Can't do it, Chachi. Well, you get

my back. Get off his back. Will you shut up?

Now, look.

Just listen to me. It's very important that you stay right here. Is that right?

Who died and made you boss? Yeah, who died and made you boss?

I can't leave. I can't leave. Touch it, please.

Hey, let him leave.

What are you going to do? Shoot me from the back? I don't care what you say. I'm

going, bro. I don't care what you say. Oh, he shot me.

I don't care about myself, but he ruined a good pair of pants.

Oh, who cares?

Greg Brady.

Maxwell Smart.

The Fonz.

Richie Cunningham.

Andy Taylor.

Marsha, Marsha, Marsha.

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Done. Now we can park the car.

Oh, that's what a garage is for.

I'm starving.

Let's see. Come on.

What are you making?

Condensed soup?

The kids are gone.

We're moving on. Now we can eat a better tasting soup for grown -ups.

Progresso chicken noodle? All white meat chicken, adult -sized veggies and

noodles. See the difference?

It's way better.

What? Want to tackle the boys room next?

Discover the better taste of Progresso.

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And that's the truth. The whole truth. And nothing but the truth. So help me,

Grandma. And I got it. Guess that about wraps it up, huh?

You better come along with me, young fella. I'm going to lock you up at my

house. What? Wait a minute. Wait a minute here.

You call yourself a sheriff?

How could you believe such hogwash?

Hogwash? We got one of them right here in town.

You ought to see that mud fly off them hogs.

I will tell you one more time, my story is the complete truth.

It is not. Look, let me tell you what really happened.

Titus, before he starts, let me go to work on this dude.

Hold it, Doc. Hold your scalpel. I want to hear this guy's story.

Sorry, son.

It's time to get the lead out.

You killed me?

Yeah, somebody should. Hold it.

Let me tell you something. You just stick to the truth, all right? Yeah,

Be careful, Doc. The work you do means so much to so many.

Well, Fonzie had it completely backwards.

I was studying the whole time, but there was just no pleasing the guy.

23, 24, 25.

I can't study anymore.

Words are starting to blur.

Josh, why don't you take a break?

You said you had it nonstop for 14 hours.

No, I can't. I promised Fonzie that I would sit there and study.

I know he's hard on me, but...

A promise is a promise.

You know, you're a saint.

I know. Fonzie doesn't deserve a cousin like you.

Cool it!

Then you better fly south, you understand?

Those birds were driving me crazy. Look at that. I turned my back on one man,

he's goofing off.

We just talked a little. Just a little?

I'm going to tell you something now. I want you not to take your face out of

that book, all right?

Fonzie, can I have a glass of water?

Say please.

Please? Say pretty please.

Pretty please.

No. You two are making us sick.

I'll get the water.

You can have one sip. Here you go, you poor little guy.

I changed my mind. You pour that water on me, huh?

No dinner for you.

But I didn't have any lunch. I let you watch me, didn't I?

Get up there and pick up those books.

Fuzz, can I get on the hard bench?

Maybe I could sit in the rocker, please.

Maybe I could sit in the rocker, please.

Oh, baby. Can I get in the rocker? You want to get in the rocker? All right,

in the rocker. There. There's your course. There you go.

Study up. All right?

Are you comfy?

Yes, this is better. Thank you. Oh, that's great.

That's great.

All right.

All right. And shoot those people away. You understand?

Nolan. Hi. Hi. My name's Allison.

My girlfriends and I are having a party. Wow.

Will you come to my party? I need a handsome man to put his big, strong arms

around me and hold me tight.

Young men drive me crazy.

Come on.

Come on, come.

My life will have no meaning.

You see, I promised my cousin Fonzie that I would sit here and study.

Thanks anyway.

Maybe some other time.

It's that you didn't have the book open during the time that chick was talking

to you. No, Fonz, I was reading the whole time, honest.

Yeah?

Yeah, sure, you guys have all the fun while I'm out there chopping wood.

Fonz, this is ridiculous.

I can't sit like this for two days. You can't. It's not in the Fonzarelli

vocabulary. How am I going to turn the pages? You have a tongue, don't you?

Hey, look, my uncle's gone.

Now we can go hunt. Fonz, you're making me nervous.

It's not loaded. It better not be.

I wouldn't go around with a loaded gun. You think I'm stupid or something? The

jury is still out.

Fon, I know you're only trying to help me, but please, I need to take a little

walk. I'm starving.

Maybe I'll find some berries, a strip of bark, anything.

I'll be right back.

You're not going anywhere.

Yes, I am. No, you're not. Yes, I am. Hey, shut up.

I don't have to let him do anything.

I need to take a little walk. I'm telling you, you're staying right here.

have to let him go. What are you going to do, shoot me from behind?

No, no, no, that hurt.

My favorite cousin shot.

Oh, why?

Why couldn't the bullet have hit me?

It's fun.

And that's what happened.

Now, you're saying that this fella here shot that other fella by accident. Yeah,

that's right.

Don't feel guilty.

I could have sworn the gun was empty.

I shot one of my best friends.

Now may I tell what really happened?

It still wasn't it.

I tried to say earlier they were driving each other crazy.

I was the only one sensible there. I was out there doing a few light exercises

with my jump rope.

Ah, 4 ,000, yeah.

Hey, Fonz, I'm getting kind of thirsty.

Give me a glass of water, will you? Every ten seconds you're asking water,

getting tired up and down, up and down.

I'm busy.

Is a teensy -weensy little glass of water too much to ask?

No, you two are making me sick. I'll get the water.

No, Fonz, all you do is nag him about studying.

And, Chach, all you do is gripe about having to study.

Guys, I came up here to commune with nature, and all I'm doing is communing

your insanity.

You two ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

Thank you.

You're right, coach. We'll try and behave ourselves, okay?

You know something? You're a saint.

You don't deserve a friend like you.

Really? I'm going to go sit in the rocker. The suspension's too hard.

great. That's great. Waste time changing sheets. Three seconds.

In one ear and right out the mouth.

Don't anybody move. I'll be sure to get the door.

Hi there. Hi. My name is Allison.

Wow.

Oh, please.

Can you come to my party?

I love men with blue eyes.

Honey, I'd really like to, but you see those two fellas right there?

If I leave, they're liable to kill each other.

Maybe later, huh, baby?

You know, I'm not going to read any faster by you watching me. You don't

any faster. We're going to be here for Christmas.

I only have two eyes. One for the right side, one for the left side.

Boy, cutting wood is hard.

That chaser hardly works.

Yeah, maybe the motor's broken.

It has a motor?

The jury just came in.

Guys, I can't study anymore.

My neck is getting stiff.

Can't is not in the Fonzarelli vocabulary.

My eyes aren't even focusing on the word.

Am I going to have to tie you up to make you study?

I just need a break, all right?

Let's face it, I can't cram four years of high school into one weekend.

John, you should have thought of that four years ago.

Hey, guys, look, my uncle's gun.

Hey, well, no, that better not be loaded.

Oh, no, it isn't, Fonz. I checked.

I got to get some fresh shit. I'm going crazy with this.

All right, all right. Chachi, Chachi, Chachi, I know you. You're going to go

there in the woods and you're going to get lost on me, if I'm lucky.

Can I be alone for one second? No, I got to go with you. Oh, let him go, Fonz.

Shut up. What are you going to do, shoot me in the back?

It wasn't Potsy's rifle. It was the gun that fell from the wall.

Yeah, I know I didn't shoot him.

That's what I've been trying to tell you. Only everybody here has been too

telling fairy tales.

Guys, take a gander at that.

Aha!

What is it?

I broke it.

Took it out of his rump roast.

That didn't come from no rifle. Looks like it came from an old Newland pistol.

Right. This.

Nice work, Chuck.

Fonz, you know, I've been taking a lot of abuse, and I really think I deserve

apology.

He's right, Fonz.

All right, Potts, what I'm saying here is what people say when things like this

do happen, you know?

Oh, thanks, Fonz. That's all I wanted to hear.

Well, I guess I better get down the road before crime starts running rampant.

All right. Thanks, Chuck.

Just doing my job.

You know what?

I hope you fellas have learned a valuable lesson from all this today.

You know, guns is like women.

You never fool around with a loaded gun.

A loaded woman, on the other hand, is a different story.

See you, fellas. See you later.

There goes a good man.

A lousy sheriff, but a good man.

Well, Mr.

Fonzarelli, I got some papers that you need to sign, and then you can be on

way. I'll be right back. Hey, Doc.

Thank you very much. It was my pleasure.

I needed to practice.

I think I was a good man.

Lousy doctor, but a good man.

So, you think Santa will like these red and green M &Ms? I don't know. I never

met the guy.

He does exist.

I do exist.

Uh,

Santa?

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This is before.

This is after. I want to see.

No. Come on. He was cute before, but now he's real handsome.

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Tell you what.

Right after you sign the papers, all four of us will go right back up to the

cabin. I wouldn't have it any other way.

You could even sit next to me and watch. No, I'd rather stand.

Let me ask you a silly question, right? Okay.

You knew it was the pistol all along. Why didn't you just give it to the

in the beginning?

Yeah. Yeah.

Well, I wanted to, but nobody would give me a chance.

Besides, I had to see the bullet the doctor produced.

Anyway, I kind of like your stories. You know, there wasn't even a shred of

truth in any of them.

And the whole time, you actually thought the girl was after you?

And the whole time, I knew she liked me.

She took her eyes off me. Come on, she didn't even know you were in it. Oh,

on. There you are, sweetheart.

Come on.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Don't wait up for me, guys.

Some weekend.

You get shot, and Patsy gets the girl.

See that? I told you, Patsy and me in the same forest. It upsets the balance

nature. All right, look. Look, one thing.

We don't say a word about this to anybody.

Mom's the word.

Next.

and the Brady Bunch, Greg's really in a bind.

He's got a judge cheerleader tryout. Will he pick Marsha, her arch rival

Jennifer, or Rita Wilson, actress and future wife of Tom Hanks? Find out in

episode 84, Greg's Triangle.