Original subtitles

Sunday, Monday, happy day.

Tuesday, Wednesday, happy day.

Thursday, Friday, happy day. The weekend comes, my cycle hums, ready to race to

you.

These days are ours, happy and free.

These days are ours,

share them with me.

Goodbye gray sky, hello blue.

There's nothing can hold me when I hold you.

So right, you can't be wrong.

Rockin' and rollin' all week long.

Monday,

Monday, happy days.

Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days.

Thursday, Friday, happy days.

Saturday, what a day.

Groovin' all week with you.

We always wait till Christmas Eve to trim the tree.

It's a tradition, Dad.

Mom, how does the tree look now?

Oh, that looks nice, dear.

Richard used to like to put the tinsel on. Remember, Howard?

Yeah. I remember when he was younger, he used to eat the bulbs.

Oh. Well, sweetheart, maybe Richie will be here for next Christmas.

Table looks beautiful.

Looks one setting short to me.

Oh, Mom sure is taking this hard.

Yeah, I'm glad a lot of our friends are coming tonight.

It'll help keep her spirits up.

Well, why we're in the Christmas spirit? Joanie, I don't want to hear another

word about you going to New York. It'll just be for the summer. You are not

going to spend the entire summer alone in New York with Jenny Piccolo. That

is boy crazy.

She's dated everyone in the school.

When she graduates, she'll probably retire her phone number. You don't

understand.

Listen, this is no time to be thinking about yourself with your mother so

I'm not upset, Mom. The heck you won't. Howard.

Yes, my dear.

Should I make eggnog?

If you like, my love.

My love.

All right, all right, I'll get it, I'll get it.

Hello? Is it Mitchie? Oh, hi, Elwood.

Elwood.

Well, no, I can't come down to the store now.

Elwood isn't feeling good. Oh, Howard, maybe you should go down there. I have

much to do before everybody arrives.

Well, all right, I'll be down there in just a few minutes.

Okay. Boy, a fine time for him to get sick.

Jody, you want to come with me? What for?

Well, keep me company.

I don't want you hanging around here talking to Mother about New York. I wish

you didn't have to go out into that snow. It looks just dreadful out there.

My mom's going to be so glad to see me. She's picking me up at the airport in

Seattle. Well, I hope Richie calls while you're still here.

Oh, me too.

The trouble with Elwood is I gave him too nice of a Christmas bonus.

Well, take it back. I can't. He already ate it.

All right, let's keep rapping, kids. You're going to look great, Chachi. All

those little kids are going to love these packages.

Rip them off in a second, you know.

All right, listen. The guy from the orphanage is going to be here any minute

pick them up. And assist from Chachi. All right.

Here you go, coach.

A Christmas present for you.

Oh, Ginny, you shouldn't have done that. Oh.

Gee,

these letters are really sewn on here, huh?

Yeah, guaranteed to last a lifetime.

That's it.

That's it. My father can spend Christmas alone. I have had it. All right, all

right. What did he do this time?

This. He wanted me to play Rudolph.

Terrific outfit.

I'm going to take the Christmas dessert over to the Cunningham's. I'm taking the

old uke along. Never fails. Someone always asks me to play.

I thought you hid it. I did. He found it.

Don't forget to lock up now. I'm not going to forget to lock up. All right, I

got two locks on the front door and I got bolts on all the windows.

What are you getting so nuts about? It's Christmas Eve.

You wouldn't talk like that if you lived in Kenosha.

All right, all right. What happens in Kenosha? The Christmas lunatic.

What? Mr. Lunatic, this guy, every Christmas he breaks into the stores and

houses. He steals everything. Takes the pencils off the trees.

They never caught him, Fonz. He could be here. He could just clean us out. Could

he? Right.

Okay, now open and shoot.

And shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot.

I feel a lot better, Fonz. All right, bye,

everybody. See you later.

Just for the act, take it easy.

That man is not good in the pressure.

Oh, sure, a monolith.

Father never gave me a model airplane.

All right, all right, this has got to stop. I'll tell you what, I'm in the

Christmas mood, right? I'm going to take you with me right to the Cunninghams.

Is there room in the car? Sure, you put on your reindeer head, we'll strap you

to the front fender.

Oh, I miss you too, Chachi.

Tell me what you got me for Christmas.

Tony, you've been on that phone since we got here. I gotta get off now. The

place is flooded with customers.

Yeah, see you later.

Yeah, can we go home now?

And Mr. Rush?

Yeah, nobody's been in since we got here.

Well, I guess the snow has kept them at home.

No, it's a blizzard out there.

Oh, you're exaggerating, Joanie. I am, huh? A man just walked by before and all

we saw was his hat.

See, they'll just come flocking in here all at once.

Besides, we never get to talk anymore.

Oh, yeah.

Well, can we talk about my trip to New York?

When ducks sing mammy.

That's why we never talk.

Where are you going? New York. What? I'm just going to the bathroom.

Fresh kid.

Oh, Johnny, watch out for those pens.

Yeah.

So you cut that out? You're giving me a headache.

You might think that was the greatest toy ever made.

Didn't you have one of those as a kid?

Oh, sure, but it wasn't this much fun.

My father gave the ball to our dog.

There's absolutely no way you're sure.

All right, don't worry about it. It ain't your fault. All right, thanks a

That was the guy from the orphanage. He can't make it through the snow.

Wait a minute.

Fonz, if he can't make it through the snow, then neither can we. Hey, don't

say that. We're going to get these toys at the orphanage. Everybody, bundle up.

Let's go. The Fonz made a promise.

Nature can't stop that.

Where's your jacket? I don't wear one. Youth.

Let's go.

Let's open the doors. There you go. You got it?

Okay.

Let's go.

Tony, if you don't hold still, I can't get this paint off. Oh, am I going to

smell like this stuff forever?

Stop your complaining. If this wasn't a hardware store, I wouldn't have any

turpentine. If this wasn't a hardware store, I wouldn't have paint all over

Oh, you've got an answer for everything, haven't you?

Well, I'm afraid that's the best I can do. Now can we go home?

Yeah, I guess so. Let's lock up.

Hey,

Daddy, why is this window painted white?

It's not.

Jiminy Crickets.

Well, don't jump. You're going to cause an avalanche. I can't even see the car.

Joanie, we're snowed in.

Oh, yeah.

And look, there's a picture of Richie on Santa's knee.

What's Santa doing in this picture?

Pulling Richie's bubble gum out of his beard, I think.

Marion, everything's going to be just fine. In just a minute, this house is

going to be full of people. Everyone's going to be here.

Oh, but that's Richard. Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard.

Hello, Richard.

Oh, hello, Howard.

Oh, oh, no.

Well, that's all right. It can't be helped, I suppose.

Well, really. Now, Howard, I'm just going to be fine.

I love you, too. And kiss Joanie.

coming home for Christmas.

Greg Brady Maxwell Smart The Fonz Richie Cunningham Andy Taylor

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Can you believe this, Chachi?

Now we're not going to be able to see each other until tomorrow.

So come on, tell me what you got me for Christmas.

Will you give me that phone?

I love you too, Chachi.

Now put Fonzie on.

Fonzie, look.

Fonzie.

Phone's dead. Phone's dead? The phone's dead. Chachi!

Chachi! Oh, now don't panic. Things could be a lot worse.

Now you can panic.

Is that Richie with the funny little hat on?

We were all together last Christmas Eve.

Isn't anybody going to ask me to play the ukulele?

Oh, yes, Al.

Why don't you play?

They always ask.

Christmas carol, all right?

Violet night, holy night.

Oh, not a very good ukulele song.

I got a good one here.

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way.

Oh, what, what?

You're not singing along.

Marion, would you like to play? No.

A Christmas lunatic.

Who is the Christmas lunatic?

He terrorized Kenosha for years. He's here now.

Oh, I wish Mitchie were here.

Or Howard or Arthur or Chacho. I wish we had a man here.

Me too.

What am I saying?

I'm a man.

All right, I better take charge.

I'm a man. I'm a man.

First, I better check on the turkey.

Turkey's fine. Turkey's fine. I'm just... a little silly.

All right, ladies, stand aside.

We are.

Could you stand aside a little closer?

All right, now, I'm going up there.

All right.

I shank through the snow. Come. I shank through the snow.

He must have come in through that back bedroom window to keep out of the storm,

you know. Oh, boy, he kept slamming into the wall.

I kept slamming into the wall.

I'm going to take him to the kitchen and get some breadcrumbs.

I better not let him see the turkey, though. He might get offended.

Oh, I'm going to be so glad when this evening is over.

Oh, me too. If anything else happens tonight, I'm going to turn into the

Christmas lunatic.

I hope Mom's okay.

Oh, me too.

What a night for this to happen.

You know, I'm starved.

I have a candy bar in my purse. Oh, get it, get it. I will if you let me go to

New York. Get it.

Hey, baby Ruth, my favorite.

Want a bite? No, thanks. I'm not hungry.

You know the baby Ruth got its name?

Yes, from Mommy and Daddy Ruth.

No, from Babe Ruth, the Sultan of Swat, the old Bambino.

You know, I got to see him play ball in 1933 when I was 18 years old.

I know, Dad. I've heard about your Chicago trips.

Oh, no. No, this was a trip to New York.

Boy, what a summer. See, your parents let you go to New York.

Not exactly.

I ran away from home.

Really? Mm -hmm.

Ran away with my best friend, Arnie Fenster.

Really?

Yes, Jody, really.

I've had some experiences, you know. I have been around.

It wasn't always meatloaf on Monday, pot roast on Tuesday. What else happened,

Dad? Oh, boy, it was plenty rough, let me tell you.

We rode in boxcars.

And in the middle of the night while we were asleep, these bums who were there,

they stole our money. Oh.

Took away my chicken salad sandwich and threw us off the train.

How awful.

You're telling me I made a mean chicken salad sandwich?

Well, what else happened?

It was a depression.

We slept in doorways and ate ketchup soup.

And Nickel was a welcome friend.

What else happened?

Well, eventually I got a job selling hot dogs at Yankee Stadium.

I'd do that in the afternoon and then I hung around Broadway at night.

Boy, I met some real characters.

That was some summer.

Sounds to me like you had some fun.

Fun? No.

Yeah.

Does this mean I can go to New York?

I'll talk it over with Mother.

Oh, thanks, Dad.

You know, it's nice to see your children grow up, but it's awfully hard to

accept.

I think the saddest day in my life was the day I couldn't pick you up and hold

you in my arms anymore.

Someday you'll know what I'm talking about.

Daddy? Huh?

I think I know now.

Start crazy in here.

Oh, not me.

Sure beats running around with a...

You're my father. Now, Roger, would your father treat you like this on Christmas

Eve?

No, Potts, he wouldn't.

He was a traveling salesman. He used to take the whole month off of December

just to be with me.

We used to go out and chop down our own Christmas trees.

He's a really great guy. You'd like him. Yeah, I'd like him. You see that? You

see that?

Hey, Chach, what about you?

It's hard for me to say, Potts.

See, I really don't remember my father.

Yeah, come on.

What is that?

Don't you remember? Every Christmas season, I would come to your house. I

put on my Santa suit. Oh, yeah, Fonz.

But it's not the same.

You wouldn't wear the hat.

You wouldn't mess with my hair.

What about your mom?

Your mom was great. Yeah.

Except she wasn't that good in sports.

You ever see some lady throw, Fonz?

What do you think, Fonz?

I don't know. When family matters, I do not meddle.

Oh, please, Fonz. I really value your opinion. Of course you do. As it should

be.

All right, all right, I'll tell you a story about a kid I knew once at

time. Listen to this, coach. It's better than that book you're reading. It's

better than Dostoevsky? You bet.

All right, so there's this kid at Christmas time. What's his name?

Orgy. His name is Orgy, all right?

So Orgy here is going to an assembly, and he's wearing his white shirt, and

wearing his tie to school, you know, and it's a father -son assembly, and his

father ain't around too much.

And he goes out into the street and he sees this guy and he says, hey, I'll

you a dime if you come inside and you'll be my father in front of the other

guys, you know?

I think that Augie would love to be a reindeer if his father was around to ask

him.

He must have felt terrible.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, sure he did. Sure he did.

But look, life throws you a curve, right? What do you do? You wait for your

pitch. You hang in there.

Augie survived. You'll survive.

Yeah.

You know, guys, that reminds me of something.

My father. My father came to an assembly of mine.

I was up there singing away, you know, just singing away. And when I was done,

he was the first guy to stand up. He led the applause.

See, that's nice. That's nice.

Maybe I've been too hard on him.

Wish I was home to tell him.

This is making me nutso.

Get out of here. Why didn't I think of this before? I don't know what I'm

thinking out yet. I need clothes.

Fonz, our clothes won't fit over yours. That's right. Then I'm going to strip

Santa. Hurry up. Good idea.

I feel kind of creepy stealing from Santa. Do you? I feel kind of creepy

freezing to death.

These gloves are creepy.

Here we go, Fonz. Here we go.

Okay, Fonz. Right through there.

All right, I'm going out. I'm going to give Mother Nature a big kiss. Don't do

that. A man hates hats. A man hates hats. All right. You stay here. You stay

warm. You stay together. Take care of each other. Go get him, Fonz.

Get back. Hey, beat him, will you?

Santa Claus is going to town.

The turkey's had it. Oh, he couldn't help it. He just fell asleep.

Oh, no, Lori Beth.

No. No, dear.

No. I meant the other turkey.

It's all just dried out.

Oh. Oh, look, the lights. Finally.

That's something.

Gee, I hope my parents didn't wait too long at the airport.

Are you okay?

I guess it's been a disappointing Christmas for you.

No. Not really. You know, I made such a fuss about Richie not being home for

Christmas, and then Howard and Joanie couldn't come home. I spent the night

thinking about them all, and I felt certain that out there they were

about me.

And that's what's important.

It's really nice if everybody can be together at Christmas, but Christmas is

feelings and thoughts and love, and you don't need to all be in the same room

for that.

Christmas lunatic!

the kitchen, Al. Fine. Sound asleep.

Come on, everybody.

Let's do this.

How

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Fancy knows a girl who drives a snowplow. Yeah, she's a big fan of mine.

is her name.

She's going to take the packages over to your office, and I'll pay her back on

New Year's Eve.

Sit down, everybody. Let's get this party started. They always ask.

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Marion, Marion, Marion.

What a wonderful Christmas. Thank you. Thank you.

I really took care of you and Laurie Beth, didn't I? Oh, Al, you really did.

But I want you to know, there are a lot of men who would have run upstairs to

see what was making that noise.

Was there no light and no telephone?

And the Christmas lunatic on the loo?

But there are very few men who would sit up all night with a little sick bird in

their lap.

Yes. That's Al. We know it, Mark.

phones are working. I should try to call my family. Oh, yeah. I gotta get going.

Spend time with my dad.

Yeah, my mom's waiting for me. See you later.

I'll get it, sweetheart.

Hello?

It's for you, Marion.

Oh, who would call now? I want the line to keep open so Richie can call.

Hello?

Happy New Year, Red.

Bye,

gray sky. Hello, blue.

Nothing can hold me when I hold you. It's all right. It can't be wrong.

Rocking and rolling all week long.

These days are all happy and free.

There's no place like home for the holidays.

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