Original subtitles

Sunday, Monday, happy days. Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days.

Thursday, Friday, happy days.

The weekend comes, my cycle hums. Ready to race to you.

These days are ours.

Happy, free.

Happy days.

These days are ours.

Share them with me.

Goodbye, gray sky, hello, blue.

There's nothing can hold me when I hold you.

It's all right. You can't be wrong.

Rockin' and rollin' all week long.

Now, don't you dare move.

I understand.

Well, uh -huh. Well, we'll see you tonight instead.

It's all the same to us. No, no. I didn't go to any trouble.

All right. Bye -bye, dear.

Hey, Miss Lee.

I left school early to meet your nephew. Where is he?

Upstairs? No, Warren. He just called and... Roger, here yet? No, not yet,

Howard. Why not?

Look, Mary, and I left the store filled with customers.

Why? the laundromat is watching the place. Now, I gotta get back, Marion.

Wong won't wait. Where's Roger?

I gotta go, too. I left four mice running through a maze.

All right, all right, all right.

I gotta tell you something.

I left the Plymouth up on the rack with her family in it. You know, where is

your ivy -covered nephew?

Well...

I got here before anybody.

Hey, that's good, right? Well, we'll plug over here so he can hear the

first.

Roger just called. His plane was delayed, and so he had to go straight to

new job. He got a job already?

Oh, that's great. What's he doing?

Well, you know I don't like to pry, and I didn't have much time. I'll pump him

when he gets here.

Well, he'll be here tonight. I'm sorry you all rushed here for nothing.

Oh, come on. Don't worry, Mrs. C. I had to change my clothes anyway so I could

teach my auto shop class this afternoon.

Cowboys and Indians on the cake.

Well, I put those on the last cake that I bought for Roger. He just loved it.

When was that, Mrs. C? Well, 19 years ago.

What do you think, Clark, sir?

Well, I think I'll have the cowboy with the tom -tom right there.

I'll also get the milk.

Hey, what's all this stuff?

Oh, some of Richard's old things. I'm getting his room ready for Roger just

until he finds a place of his own.

It'll be nice to see Roger again.

Well, I hope so. You know, it makes me so puzzled. Why would he move here so

unexpectedly? I just have the feeling something's wrong in his life, the poor

little guy.

Mary, the poor little guy is not so little. After all, he almost made all

-American basketball player from Yale.

He's probably coming here for a change.

Hey, look, a slinky.

Arthur, would you?

Yeah, sure, sure.

What do I want?

Would you be my nephew's friend? You show him around Milwaukee, take his mind

off whatever it is that's bothering him. Just make him happy here. Yeah, Mrs.

C., look, I got the class, I got the garage. I'll pay you.

Marianne!

You don't gotta pay me, all right? I'll tell you what. I'll show this guy so

much fun, he'll bust a gut.

Hey, guys, look at this.

I loaned this to Rich when we were kids.

He's had it all this time.

Wow. Hey, Fonz.

Fonz. Huh?

Remember this.

One, two. I'm going, bud.

Good morning. I'm Roger Phillips, new basketball coach. Yeah,

good.

My name is Eugene Belvin.

On behalf of the student body, may I welcome you to Jefferson High.

Can I service your needs in any way?

Well, I need a locker.

Oh, well, you can use mine.

I need a teacher's locker. Oh, well, you can use this one right here. The one

that says Fonzarelli.

Oh, no.

No, that one seems to be taken. Oh, no, no, no. See, that's old stuff.

See, Mr.

Fonzarelli, um... The old auto shop teacher, he went back to Italy to grow

grapes. You can just kind of throw all that stuff away.

Well, all right.

be of any service to you? No, thanks. I'm just throwing away some junk. Oh,

you're just throwing away some junk.

Yeah. Let me introduce myself.

My name's... Mud.

Your name is Mud.

Now, you want to guess what my name is?

Angiorelli? Yeah.

Two kids just told me that you were in Italy, huh? And you believe them, huh?

Yeah, I'm not prescient.

Don't tell me about being prescient. I can see you with my own eyeballs.

They have unnatural anticipation of unknown events.

Oh, that person.

So,

what am I, your new hick?

Yeah, new basketball coach for your English classes. What do you teach?

Auto shop.

Oh, auto shop.

It's just the man I was looking for. I went over the class schedules of some of

my players.

I'm going to have to ask a few of them to drop auto shop.

You want a new one? because nobody drops auto shop unless they ask me first.

Well, I thought since it was just diddling... Diddling?

Yeah, I mean, you know, it's no diddling.

It's just a word. Yeah, murder's a word, too.

Give me a break. It's my first day.

I don't know. The first thing I find out when I get here is the star of the

basketball team can only come to half the practices.

Seems the kid Chachi has some Neanderthal for a cousin who won't let

work. Do you believe that?

No, no, I don't believe that. Just one question.

What's Nathan like?

Neanderthal. You know, half ape.

Nothing upstairs but... Nothing upstairs but meat.

He's got the mind of an acorn.

You're Chachi's cousin.

I don't believe this day I'm having. I go to the airport, I rent a car.

It's a clunker, no brakes. Like I'm pulling into the school parking lot,

into a motorcycle.

All right, all right, all right, all right, all right.

Time and place.

Thank you, partner. Time and place. Where do you want to do it?

Do what?

Have a Tupperware party.

I'm talking rumble here, Jack.

Where do you want to do it? Right here now? Come on. Two teachers fighting in

front of the students?

How would we look? I'll look great. You, on the other hand, are going to be a

mess.

I'll tell you something. Tomorrow morning, 8 o 'clock, the ball field, and

better be there.

Anything else? Oh, yeah.

Bring a nurse.

Mr.

C? Yo! Hey, don't scare me like that.

Can they fire a teacher for punching out another teacher? What happened? I met

this guy who's running a campaign for jerk of the century.

My nephew is coming, and we'll help you solve your problems later. All right,

look, I got a one wine. You got some animal crackers, maybe a glass of milk?

That bad, huh? Yeah, yeah.

Help yourself.

Thanks.

There you are.

A new, a new week!

Whoa!

We gotta go. Mom,

I'm going to Jenny's. Yeah, we're going to go memorize the Ten Commandments.

They're really great.

Jenny, we're going to watch TV. They don't mind that.

Oh, sorry.

I just automatically lied to parents. I'll tell you what.

Boy, have you grown.

Who is this? This is my friend Jenny

Piccolo, Roger.

She's very friendly.

Yeah, I'll wait until she gets to know you.

Roger, I want you to come and sit down here and tell us about your first day in

Milwaukee. What's your new job?

Well, I'm the new basketball coach at Jefferson High.

Howard, did you hear that?

I'm sitting right here, Marion.

Oh, I'm getting Richard's room all ready for you. And you can just stay there as

long as you like while you look for a place of your own.

Now, tell me, how was your first day at school?

Awful. I met this real psychotic that I think wanted to beat me to death with a

locker door.

Psychotic in the high school?

Must be the janitor's son. He sleeps too close to the boiler.

Well, the first day is always the hardest. But we have a friend for you.

going to show you around Milwaukee. He's going to introduce you to people. See

that you make friends.

You're going to forget all about whatever's ruining your life.

With this guy on your side, you've got it made.

Milwaukee's his town. You can't lose.

Great. It'll be nice to meet a civilized person.

Roger's here.

Hey, all right.

Whoa!

Now, did one of those little animal crackers go down the wrong pipe?

Everybody likes leprechaun.

In fact, everybody should go out and look for leprechaun.

There's no such thing as a leprechaun. They ain't gonna find any leprechaun.

Leprechauns are very shy.

The leprechaun is a mythical creature, like in a storybook, like pixies and

elves. And they have little beards and wear green hats.

Yoo -hoo!

Hooray for leprechaun!

Leprechaun. If you want to see leprechaun, or cowboys, watch Bonanza

afternoon at 1 on TV Land.

Leprechaun, leprechaun, leprechaun!

It's simple, really.

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Everything. Every kiss begins with gay.

I don't know why she's tripping. It was only weed. I only tried it once.

You're grounded. That means no phone.

Ma, come on.

Don't even think about it. She doesn't love being tough. She's tough because

loves. She is the enforcer. And she knows she can make a difference.

When I say no weed, I mean no weed.

Yeah, you want to hit the... And get grounded again?

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So what did the doctor say? He said the pain that wakes me up at night is from

arthritis. Really?

He said I should take Aleve. Doctors know Aleve stops arthritis pain for up

12 hours, so pain won't interrupt your sleep.

I see the Aleve works.

All night long.

Aleve.

I just don't understand.

Breathe in the bag. You're hyperventilating again.

I'm all right. I just don't understand how you could threaten a nice boy like

Roger. Sweetheart, Fonzie didn't know he was talking to Roger. He thought he was

talking to some jerk.

A very easy mistake to me.

The kids played a joke on me. I was wrong to take the stuff out of your

What about bumping into my bike?

That was an accident. But you should have seen how pugnacious this guy was.

Will you stop talking like that in front of Mrs. C?

Will you stop it? And, Roger, that goes for you, too. Marion, they are both

grown men.

Well, then why don't they act like it? Now, Arthur, I want you to make the

step. You apologize to Roger.

All right, look.

I want a little nutso, all right?

So the whole thing was my... And I'm really... All

right, now, Roger, it's your turn.

Same here. Good.

We're all just one big happy family. Sit down. Don't you feel much better?

There.

Now, Arthur, you said you'd show Roger around Milwaukee. Why don't you get him

date? I am not a total club.

All right.

I'll get you a date. I'll get him a date.

Oh, sure.

I can just imagine. She probably looks like Bela Lugosi. No, that's Marlene.

I'm going to fix you up with Lucille. A real knockout. Trust me, right? What do

you think?

Well, I don't know.

What do you mean you don't know? What are you going to do?

Play with your little stamp collection?

No, I just thought I could use a little time to get acclimated. Don't be silly.

We'll leave with the girls.

Oh, you're going to have a good time.

Hey, I reserved your table for you. Of course you did.

Hey, you said you were going to bring Marion's nephew over.

Hey, he's here. He's out there talking to his date, Lucille.

Lucille?

Lucille Scalabasha?

Oh, no.

Clarence, put away the glassware.

Yeah, so anyway, I don't mind working in a tattoo parlor. It's not a bad job. I

got a hold of people still.

I thought I was a receptionist. Now, that's a job with no dignity, you know

I mean?

Before that, I groomed lions.

Despite what you have heard, they are not friendly animals, you know what I

mean? Hi, Lucille.

I see you won another arm wrestling championship.

Yeah.

Say hello to Roger Phillips.

Hello, Roger Phillips.

I heard a lot about you from Howard and Marion.

How do you like Milwaukee so far? Oh, he's having a real wing thing of a time,

right?

Dad, he's in town one day and he's already having fun. I've been here 20

and I'm still waiting.

Yeah, I'll give you fun. Meet the very soft, very lovely Adrian, Lucille's

sister.

Hello. Well, it's very nice to meet you, Mr. Delvecchio. You have a very lovely

establishment here. I wish you the very best of luck.

Is she embarrassing?

You mean you two are sisters? Same mother, same father?

That's right.

We grew up exactly the same.

Only I wasn't struck by lightning as a child.

Oh, and she... Yeah, yeah, you should have seen it.

I don't know what hit me.

You never do.

So anyway, now I have this very big chance to become a professional mud

The money's not great, but it's a good career move. You know what I mean? Uh

-huh. Could I go home now?

Aw.

Lucy! Spider!

What's this?

Who is this clown?

What is this, another one of your little surprises?

Hey, I didn't know he would show up. And then again, I didn't know he would. I

told you I never wanted to see you or your ugly face again.

Oh, is that so?

I bet you were going out with this creep while you were still going with me.

That's right.

After a date with you, I would go over to his place and we would laugh at you.

Oh, you're in big trouble, fella.

As amusing as this might be, I think, come to an end.

Spider, if you want to continue.

This ain't fair, Fonz. It's two against one.

Excuse me, Fonz, but I don't need you to handle this for me.

Follow my little finger, all right?

Don't worry, I'm an athlete. Yeah, right, you're an athlete. He's a killer.

think it's more than able to fire right off the bat?

Look, this man is just trying to impress Lucille.

I'll take him into the men's room and reason with him.

If that doesn't work... I was a boxer in college. I was champ in my dorm at

Yale. Oh, yeah? What'd you do? Beat up a couple of guys in vests? They were very

tough guys.

English lit majors.

Animals!

I'll tell you something. I told Mrs. C I would take care of you. I ain't gonna

bring you home in a cup.

Ponzarelli, it's really none of your business.

What'd you just say?

It's really none of your business.

Is that so?

All right.

You're on your own? I wash my hands of the whole thing? I pray boo. Thank you.

Come on, Spider. Let's you and me step into the men's room and settle this

thing.

Go get him!

Hans, you can't let him go in there with Spider.

Oh, no, it's okay, Al. He's going to reason with him.

Spider?

Hans, you've got to get in there.

He said it was none of my business.

Okay, Lucy, let's go. You're mine.

Once I would like to go home with the person I started with.

See you, Adrian.

See you, Fonz.

Help!

Just kidding. You know what I mean?

Come on. Bye.

Fonz. Huh?

All right. All right. All right. Keep your lips in gear.

Roger. Put some ice on it. Thanks.

I walked in there and before I could turn around, he hit me with the

hand dryer.

If you tear that thing off the wall again, I'm going to bolt it on.

Let me see.

Ah, it's not bad. So you wear a hat for a year.

College doesn't prepare you for all of life's surprises.

Yeah, you see that? College fighting and street fighting and different things,

huh? And bathroom fighting is an art form all its own.

No, no. We're surprises.

Well, look, your aunt can't figure it out. Why did you come here to Milwaukee?

When I was in college, I was almost an All -American.

Yeah, that's a good start.

So I figured I'd play pro basketball.

I got drafted by the Lakers. You know, Baylor, West.

I seen those guys on TV. Very cool.

It was a dream come true.

Then two days later, it was over. I was cut. Why?

Those guys were just better than I was. You know how it is. No?

Take it from me. It's not pleasurable.

All right, so I know it could hurt you a little bit, you know, but there were

other things.

Yeah, yeah, there was Phyllis.

She's on the team?

No, no, she was a girl I dated for nine years.

The day I got cut from the Lakers, she ran away and married my best friend.

Oh, we're talking years. They left in my car.

It had a full tank of gas. I'm getting sick now.

You know, ever since I came to this town, I guess I've been a little

You're the one guy who could have helped me get adjusted here.

And I've alienated you.

No, you just made me angry.

You know, you got something inside you, you got to tell your family, otherwise

your liver's going to turn to rock and we're talking medical fact here.

All right, time and place.

Fonz! No, no, no, I mean double dating, double dating.

Really? Yeah, except this time I'll get you a real person.

You know, I'll tell you something.

It's not everybody, you know, that's got the courage and the dumbness to go in

there alone with Spidey, you know.

No matter what Phyllis says, or the Lakers.

You're all right, Michael.

Thanks. All right, let's go put that bruise to bed.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

We're going to get home. I got to explain this whole thing to Mrs. P.

going to say you bumped your head. She's going to make me crazy. I wouldn't say

that. No, no, no. We got to think of an excuse, all right?

All right.

Falling off a bus. Hit my head on the basketball rim? No, that's no good.

Wonderful. Now we need two excuses.

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Hey, what's up, Gene? Let's go.

Let's step on it.

Hey, Fonz, I can't believe you're going to help me find an apartment.

You know, meeting you has truly turned out to be serendipitous.

Serendipitous adjectives derived from the faculty of finding things valuable

that's not sought for.

All right.

Don't use that word on me before I'm going to carry this little dictionary

whenever we go out together, you know?

All right, we've got to blow this joint. Let's go.

Goodbye. Hold it. Hold it.

Goodbye. A parting gesture or a comment of leaving the room.

Very cool book. Very cool book.

Goodbye, great guy.

Next up, it's the Brady Bunch. Thinking she's still in rehearsals, Susan

Olsen sticks out her tongue as she walks out of the kitchen.

Oopsies, they left it in.

See for yourself. Episode 71 is next, right here on TV Land.