Original subtitles

Sunday, Monday, happy day.

Tuesday, Wednesday, happy day. Thursday, Friday, happy days.

The weekend comes, my cycle hums, ready to race to you.

These days are ours,

I feel free.

These days are ours,

share them with me.

Goodbye great sky, hello blue.

There's nothing can hold me when I hold you.

He's so right, you can't be wrong.

Rockin' and rollin' all week long.

Monday, Monday, happy days.

Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days.

Thursday, Friday, happy days.

Saturday, what a day.

Groovin' all week with you.

No, sweetheart.

I wore a suit and changed at the mailbox.

Hey, Mary, look! It's here, it's here! Your burpee seed catalog?

No, my reply from the Pfister Country Club. Oh, what does it say, dear?

Give us the Cunningham and... We're going to be interviewed by the

committee.

And my mother said you'd never amount to anything.

When did she say that?

Oh, she called this morning.

Listen. What a great summer this is going to be. No more sitting out there

front on hot days in that little plastic pool.

Oh, I'm so glad, Diggs. You always made me blow it up.

No letters from Richie. Ever since the Army transferred him to Greenland,

there's no letters.

Well, you know how busy the Army is.

In Greenland? Now what's he doing? Sucking blubber?

chasing him? I got a letter from Richie. Well, that's no reason to become

hysterical. He asked me to marry him.

I haven't given my answer yet. What

is it?

That's always been our wish. Oh, but there's one problem. Let me read this

letter. You'll have to come up here for the wedding because I have no leave for

a year.

I'm sorry I can't send the money to get here, but a private barely makes enough

to live on.

Love always, your little snuggle bug, Richie.

Oh, snuggle bug. Isn't that the cutest thing you ever heard?

It's right up there.

I can't wait to get married. I can't either.

But I can't afford the trip to Greenland. It'll cost... $800?

Wow, that's a lot.

Lori Beth, don't you worry. Howard will pay for the trip. Yeah. Sure, Lori Beth.

I'll pay for the trip.

Where am I going to get the money, Marion?

Well, you can use the money that we've saved up to join the country club. Sure.

Howard?

What, the country club, Marion? Daddy. I'll pay for the trip. I'll be hungry.

Oh, thanks, Mr. Cunningham.

Ah, Dad.

and take your money. I don't want to start married life in debt.

No, no, it's not a debt. You consider it a wedding gift, huh? Oh, it's too much.

I think if we're ready to get married, we've got to be ready to take care of

ourselves. I feel very strongly about that. Well, somehow we're going to get

to Greenland. I won't rest until you do.

come true as the best show on television.

What's so great about a bunch of poor housewives describing only tragedies in

their lives, huh? It's real. It's pathos. It's heart -rending. It's heart.

Hey, how you doing, guys? Nice to see you.

That's the girl I wanted to see. I got a stupendous surprise for you. What? Are

you kidding?

800 simoleons, every one with your name on them, right there. Mom.

Hey, you're not taking it from me. Are you kidding? I entered a raffle. I put

your name on one. I got tired of signing my name, you know. You won. It's

America can happen.

No, Fonz, I don't believe you. You don't believe moi?

No. Just like I didn't believe you found $800 in your Wheaties. All right, all

right, all right. That was silly, you know.

I will figure out some way to get to Richie without taking money from our

friends.

All right. Let me just tell you something.

You change your mind, anything I got is yours, all right?

Except, of course, my Lone Ranger toothbrush, because hygiene is very

to me.

Oh, Pete. What? A rhinoceros. Where?

There. Okay, cute.

Bond. What?

A blonde.

Where? Here.

At last, a commercial.

Oh, Laurie Beth.

I didn't see you come in. Yeah, hi, Al. Listen, can I talk to you for a minute?

What? Well, see, a waitress quit last night. I wonder if you want the job.

Oh, of course.

How much does the job pay?

$800 a week to start.

Then we negotiate.

Al, you're as bad as Fonzie. I mean, I really do appreciate... Shh, shh, shh.

Quiet, quiet. The show's back on again.

Uh, Charlie, T .L. Oh, Laurie, Beth, there you are. I've been looking

for you. Hi, Mom.

Give me a minute, Laurie Beth.

Howard and I, Dad and I, want you to come for dinner tonight.

Well, Al, you can come too.

No,

he's watching Dreams Can Come True.

Oh, that's where the housewives tell those sad, pathetic stories.

Then the audience votes, and the winner has their dream come true.

Howard just hates it when I watch that. He says it's terrible the way these

women humiliate themselves on television.

What is life without humiliation?

Hello?

Al's water worked.

Oh, yeah, yeah, hold on a second. Lori Beth.

Thanks, Chachi.

Hello?

Yes, I'm running an ad to sell my hi -fi.

Well, I paid $150 worth three years ago.

What do you think is fair?

$800?

many nice tripods. That was not a good idea.

Hey, hey, everybody, come on. They're going to announce the winner.

Oh, boy, I hope they pick number one. Why? Well, her husband was chopping down

tree and it fell on their 12 children.

Now they all have amnesia.

I didn't think of this before. Lori Beth, you're going to go on a show.

going to get a ticket to Greenland.

No way, huh? They only take women who have a husband and children.

A minor detail, Al, a minor detail. I will think of something. Bring to your

stuff. I could go on for Lori Beth. I have a husband and children. I got it.

You're going to go on for Lori Beth. You've got a husband and children.

That's a great idea.

I thought so. I would just love to do that. Thank you.

Howard sees you on the show.

He never watches it. He never watches it. Oh, this is so exciting. Marion on

James Crandall Drew.

Oh, look up here. The kids. The 12 kids.

There they are.

Come on. She's your mother. Hug her.

Oh, look at the bumps on their heads.

Oh, no.

It seems strange, doesn't it? Oh, look at this.

You know, it looks bigger on television.

TV makes everything look bigger.

It does?

This is so exciting.

Now, where are you going?

There's a lot of ladies here.

Hi, ladies.

I'm Al Delvecchio, proprietor of Argo's.

Tissues, anyone?

Hey, we better get some seats before they're taken. Good luck, Mom.

What's the matter? Somebody take a seat.

Burns, the genial host of Dreams Can't Come True.

Stopping over here.

Hi, I'm Bobby Burns. Nice to have you as a contestant on our show.

Bobby, that's our script girl. She's been with us three years.

Does she work here? Yeah, the contestant. Hi, I'm Bobby Burns. Nice to

as a contestant on our show.

I'm Marion Cunningham, and Mr. Burns, may I tell you what a pleasure it is to

meet you.

Naturally, thank you.

This is the lady with the sun in Greenland. Remember, I read you her

yes, Greenland. That's where they have all those little kangaroos.

Let me tell you something. Your hero is a real Momo.

Sit down and tell me why you believe dreams can come true.

Well, my son was drafted in the army, and then they shipped him out to

Greenland. And he wants to marry his girlfriend, Lori Beth. But Lori Beth has

got to get a ticket for $800.

So that's it.

Does she have to be on the show? Yeah, Bobby, she's already booked.

And don't worry, we have some nice consolation prizes.

I'll be in my dressing room. Not yet, Bobby. We have to go to the commercials.

We'll see you all later.

Arthur,

he hated my story. He didn't hate your story. He didn't hate your story. Look,

I've been watching this show until it needs a little more theatrics. You know,

you've got to put some oomph into it.

Oomph? That's right. You've got to pretend like you're doing a play. That's

That's it, Mrs. Cunningham.

Pretend you're doing a play at that little theater, that's all.

Grab hold of that heart strings and play them like a violin.

Right. Hi, I'm Bobby Burns. Nice to have you as a contestant on the show. We met

her already, Bobby.

Enjoy yourself. Have a good time. Remember, keep on dreaming.

It's the pant that ate Fred Mertz.

Although they appear to be typical menswear, these pants are a parasite.

Trousers that slowly consume their unlucky host.

Fred's appetite increases, as he is now eating for both himself and his pants.

And once they get a hold of his necktie, they never let go.

Watch the eternal struggle between a man and his pants on I Love Lucy,

weeknights at 11, right here on TV Land.

Thank goodness, Playtex now gives you bras in half sizes for nearly A, B, and

and everyone in between.

Half sizes, better fit, only from Playtex.

So what did the doctor say? He said the pain that wakes me up at night is from

arthritis. Really? He said I should take Aleve. Doctors know Aleve stops

arthritis pain for up to 12 hours, so pain won't interrupt your sleep.

I see the Aleve works.

All night long.

Aleve.

Johnny wants a pair of skates.

Susie wants a sled.

Nellie wants a picture book.

Yellow, blue, and red.

Now I think I'll leave to you what to give the rest.

Choose for me, dear Santa Claus. You will know the best.

The end.

Love you, Mom.

Read it again?

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Live from WCAC Studios in downtown Milwaukee, it's time for Dreams Can Come

True. And here's the genial host of Dreams Can Come True, the dream man

Bobby Burns.

you and welcome to dreams can come true where it pays to be miserable hey we've

got a great show for you today with three new contestants competing for

dream prize our three ladies are anxious to get started and we're going to be

hearing from our first contestant marion cunningham after these important words

about how to get rid of soap

I don't understand where Marion could be. She's usually home every evening.

Mr. Cunningham, I hope you realize you're not the only candidate for the

Country Club. We can't sit around here all night.

Oh, well, I'm sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Corrigan, but, well, you see, this is

night, and that's when she usually goes to her charity meeting.

If you have any questions, I'll be happy to answer them for you. Mr. Cunningham,

is your family the one who sits outdoors on hot days in a...

Plastic pool.

Us? Oh, no, no, that's the Burkharts next door. It's absolutely disgraceful.

They're making a mockery out of the whole neighborhood.

I'm going to have to have another talk with them.

Fine, because what we look for in our members above all else is dignity.

And the initiation fee.

Mr. C, Mr. C, I got here as fast as I could.

Guess where Mr. C is?

She's at a charity meeting.

Wrong.

And a friend of yours?

Oh, well, he's a pet project of Marion's. Yes, you see, he's an

youth from Burma who Marion invites into the home for milk and cookies

sometimes. No milk and cookies today, Sabu. But, Mr. C, Mr. C! Sabu, it's time

to excuse yourself and say goodbye. The television!

The television!

Welcome back to Dreams Can Come True. Our first dream chaser is the wife of a

hardware salesman right here in Milwaukee, Marion Cunningham.

for you to step into that spotlight of dreams.

That's not, uh... She's not... Oh, my gosh.

And then there was that awful winter when Richie caught ringworm from our cat

and had to have his head shaved.

That was an awful time for him.

All the little kids in the neighborhood would come up to him, squeeze his head

to see if it was right.

I thought he looked adorable.

One day, too small to climb the tree in front of our house. The next, playing

basketball. Oh, they grow up so fast.

And then, he fell in love with Lori Beth.

I remember the time I met her.

She was wearing his Letterman sweater, and her arms were so short that the

little sleeves just hung down like flippers, just flattened back and forth.

I'll never forget the look in Richard's eyes when he was with her.

And now a man in uniform in Uncle Sam's army way

out there in icy Greenland, risking frostbite to defend this great country

ours, separated from his loved ones for the first time.

If my dream can come true, Lori Beth will get her ticket to go to Greenland,

she and Richie...

Lubbock, Texas, Miss Emily Sitz.

Well, Stan Sitz.

I'm here today because my husband Earl's been out of work for the past two

years. He was fired after a back injury at the plant.

I started taking in the neighbor's laundry till there was a fire and the

burned down.

There wasn't any insurance.

What little money we had, well, it was in the house at the time of the fire.

We were saving that money for little Earl Jr.

to go to Rodeo Clown College.

Oh, yeah, I almost forgot.

Both my parents need an operation or they're going to die.

Thank you, Emily. Listen, we'll be right back with contestant number three.

After these important words, about 16 ways to surprise your family with...

Cheese.

Oh, that was such a sad story, and hardly anyone clapped for it. Oh, she

put any oomph in it, you know?

She's got nothing to oomph about.

I sort of feel guilty.

Oh, no, we couldn't have known about her, and we shouldn't have felt guilty,

know? Fonz.

Whoa.

That was the saddest story I ever heard.

Are you kidding? It stunk. She stood there like a dummy. My husband Earl's

of work.

Contestant number three, all the way from Bangor, Maine, let's hear it for

Hanley.

I'm here today because my husband was transporting dynamite when kaboom!

Well, we've heard all three heartbreaking stories, and now is the

big moment to decide which of these three ladies will have their dreams come

true. And to do that, we'll go to our applause meter.

This is terrible.

I didn't want the money this badly. I know. It's so embarrassing.

I'm embarrassed. Are you embarrassed, Bob?

Don't say my name out loud.

He's embarrassed.

Now, remember, it's up to you people right here in our studio audience to

down deep in your hearts and pick a winner.

Who will it be?

Will it be Helen? Will it be Marion?

Or will it be Emily?

Let's hear it first.

Congratulations. Well, Marion, I know it's an exciting moment for me, but tell

me, tell your dream man, how do you feel?

Lousy. Well, 800 is as high as we go.

No, that's not what I mean. I thought that everything would just be wonderful

I could win the ticket for Lori better than she could go to Greenland and marry

Richie. But now, after listening to Helen and Emily, I realize that

is already wonderful.

These two ladies have real problems. Lord, do they have problems.

Now, this really belongs to you.

Now, this is not enough. It's just a start to try to get your family back on

feet. And you take that little boy and get him into rodeo college.

Rodeo clown college.

Oh, yeah.

Well, this has just been such a special day for me.

And I thank you all so much. Not the face.

Hey, isn't she a doll? That's it for today. We'll be back tomorrow with

big show.

Dreams can come true. Join us in. Goodbye.

that was great. What else do you want to watch?

Uh, Sabu, would you mind stepping outside with me for just a second,

sure.

Mr.

Cunningham, your wife is a remarkable woman. She demonstrated a lot of class.

We're going to recommend you for membership.

Well, thank you very much, but I've decided not to join.

You just... Well, I'm really not kidding.

You see, I'm going to give my initiation fee to my new daughter -in -law.

I should have insisted that she take it in the first place.

But somehow I let her talk me out of it because I wanted to join the country

club. Well, I was wrong.

Thank you so much for your time and good day.

Well, good day then.

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ever want Howard to know about this.

I saw the show there.

What did you think?

I think you were just beautiful.

Oh, let me tell you something, Mr. C. That's very, very lovely because this

woman was worried.

I almost forgot. Last night, this tooth dropped right out of my mouth, right? I

put it under my pillow and a tooth fairy brought me 800 smackers just for you.

$700 for a tooth?

Oh, yeah, we're talking a big tooth like a fang, you know.

Fonzie, look, this is my responsibility. Now, I know that you're a very generous

man, but I am the father of the groom. And this is going to be my wedding gift

to Richie and Lori Beth. Right.

Now, Lori Beth, I know how you feel about... I'll take it. What changed your

mind? Oh, those two poor women, Helen and Emily, they had nobody to turn to

help. I do.

I'm so lucky. Why should I be ashamed to have friends?

Do you see that? I told you everything would work out all right. Now, I am so

excited about this wedding. We have so many lists to make. There is not much...

Marion, save your breath. You'll need it to blow up the pool.

Fonz, I think you're the sweetest, most generous man in the whole world.

Well, at least let me pay for the wedding cake.

Richie and I will do the same when you get married. Hey, you don't got to do

that. You know what you could do?

What, Fonz?

I'll tell you what you could do. You name your firstborn after me.

What if it's a girl?

So?

Next on the Brady Bunch, they're cousins.

Identical cousins.

Alice's militaristic double is in town. They could have used Andy Davis's real

-life twin to play Emma, but they didn't. Stay tuned for episode 70 next

Lab.

Bye. Bye.