Original subtitles

What are they doing here?

Can I talk to you? Yeah, Greg, we can talk because this is officially the

Montgomery Finkelstein weekend of healing. Love each other, kill each

each other up and paint each other blue. I don't care. You are on your own. Greg

and I are leaving.

Okay, Jarvis, just hit the gas gently and let's see if we can get it rocking.

Okay.

Okay, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop!

Are you pushing?

Not at the moment.

You know what? You need a break. Why don't you do this and I'll push?

No. Why not?

Because if you actually manage to push us out, I could never have sex with you

again.

The road's not that far away.

When all this melts in a couple weeks, we'll be able to drive right on up.

There's a plan?

I guess this is a good time for me to apologize for trying to get our parents

together. And driving us off the road.

And whatever else you got, bring it on.

Honey, don't worry about it. It's all okay.

I guess I should give them a call and let them know where we are.

Are you crazy?

They might come.

Right.

I'll call Triple A.

Tell them we're stuck on the corner of snow and tree.

There's no sign of them.

I don't know why you keep checking.

They're not coming back.

Maybe they were afraid they might accidentally break something and get

at.

saying it is my fault that they left?

No, Kitty, he's not saying that, because our family doesn't indulge in the blame

game. Like you do.

Explain to me how you can take the moral high ground when your idea... Nobody

tells me what moral ground I can be high on.

Oh, knock it off. The children are right.

We're a bunch of babies.

I'm surprised they didn't hightail it out of here years ago.

Are you saying that we've acted unreasonably? We have.

And they have?

Well, certainly not on a par.

I don't think there's a clear winner, but hang on to your ticket, Kitty.

Now, the children love each other, and it looks like we're going to know each

other for the rest of our lives, so let's just figure out how to get along.

We've been carrying stuff around for years. Let's get it out in the open.

All right, I'll go first.

Fingalstein, what the hell is the deal with that ponytail?

I had to go to the top of the hill to get a signal, but AAA says they'll be

within a couple of hours.

Look, I found Larry's survival kit.

8 -track tapes.

Space food sticks.

I think I can carbonate the jerky for you.

I'm really sorry about how my parents behaved.

I think their belief that no one can really own property makes them bad house

guests.

Oh, my parents aren't exactly the best hosts.

They're difficult people to warm up to. I know, I never have.

Every moment of my life was turned into some kind of protest.

The theme for my sixth birthday party was U .S. out of Central America.

What a gift.

For my sixth birthday, my parents called me from Tahiti to wish me a happy fifth

birthday.

When I pointed this out, my dad tried to convince me it had something to do with

the international date line.

With ice cream, did you get the sugar cone or the seaweed cone?

Well... Your parents are definitely out there, but, you know, they were

involved. They were around. If I had to choose, I'd go with what you had.

You would?

Yeah, I mean, I might skip the foreign policy birthday parties and the

homeschooling and the hemp pants, but... Hang on. What's wrong with

homeschooling?

You turned out fine, but, you know, we're going to have a family someday,

we're going to have to figure out what's best for our kids.

What exactly is best for our kids? All I'm saying is that there are good

and I'm sure we can find something that you'd be comfortable with. And what if

we can't?

Well, I'm sure we can send them to one.

Away?

You mean like to boarding school? I went to boarding school. It's not the worst

thing in the world. Excuse me, aren't you the person who once said boarding

school is the worst thing in the world?

My point here is that we should keep our options open. Except for my options.

Boy, I can't believe you got us stuck in the snow.

I wish the kids were in here with us. Ah, to hell with them. They're party

poopers. I know.

They have been a little high -strung lately.

One wonders what to do.

One wonders.

One wonders.

I love the way you talk, kid.

Uh -oh.

Benito.

Benito. Oh, no. No, I'll get some more.

It's in the room where the wine is.

Larry, let me ask you a question.

All that free love stuff in the 60s, did it really go on or was it all a lot of

media hype?

Well, it was a pretty wild time. A lot of parties, a lot of naked parties.

It's a little hard to remember the details.

Murderers!

Oh, what a relief. I thought you dropped a bottle of wine.

Marlene, the woman that was here from the SEC?

Yeah? I was writing a follow -up letter about our meeting, and I was thinking

about enclosing a little gift.

What size do you think she takes in lingerie?

She's a federal agent.

So you see a federal agent, and I see a woman reaching out for love and

affection.

Maybe a black -laced teddy.

Excuse me, you were looking for a Peter Kavanaugh? That would be me. Department

of Justice?

Based on information we've received, we're launching an investigation of

Montgomery Industries.

I suggest you retain an attorney.

Relax, Pete. They may just be reaching out for love and underwear.

You warm enough?

Yeah.

I think I'm gonna... Turn off the engine for a while. There's no way to know how

much gas we have left without a gas gauge.

Yeah, Larry took it out because he kept getting it confused with the

speedometer.

What are you writing?

Come back here. I'll show you.

So, we both got so bent out of shape about the homeschool -private school

I came up with a better way for us to work this stuff out. What is it?

It's a hat full of parenting problems.

I'll start.

Okay. Our five -year -old wants to sleep in our bed because he thinks there are

ghosts under his bed.

I would let him.

I mean, he may be manipulating us, but it could also be a real ghost.

What would you do?

I don't want to play this game. Yes, you do.

Okay, here's a good one.

He's 14.

He says he's going to band practice, but then we're doing the laundry and we

find a ticket stub to an R -rated movie.

Why don't I see if I can get the A -track working?

I say we apologize to him for not creating an environment where he's

enough to tell us the truth.

Tamara, you don't apologize to a child who's lied to you. Yeah, but what was

other choice? We obviously backed him into a corner.

Oh, God, I hope I found that ticket stub accidentally. I hope I wasn't nooping.

That's ridiculous.

Okay, we'll come back to this one.

Oh, he just got caught shoplifting.

Our kid's a mess.

Kids shoplift, Greg? Not if you punish them when they lie and sneak into R

-rated movies.

Is that your solution to everything?

You punish him? Come on, kids need boundaries. This probably all started

you let him sleep in our bed after he saw ghosts.

This is good, huh?

Okay. Uh -oh, Greg, you're probably going to want to sit down for this one.

Now, before I tell you,

Let me just point out that you got him the goldfish and you got him the tennis

racket.

Oh.

Judas Priest.

How long do you intend to stay out here? You'll catch your death.

Then you can stuff us and mount us on the wall with the rest of our animal

brethren.

That would be quite the conversation piece.

I told you we should have opened the cheap stuff.

You know, Ab, it is kind of cold.

Larry, I stood beside you for your protest.

All I'm saying is, what if we jump back in the hot tub, warmed up a bit, and

then if you still felt this way, we could come right back out here.

What do you think?

Hey, hey, Montgomery, how many deer did you kill today?

Hey!

pierced his eyebrows, you're going to let him pierce his eyebrows?

They're his eyebrows. When he's 18, they're his eyebrows. Until then,

eyebrows.

You let him get a tattoo.

Because he was over 18 and he was in the Navy. He was only in the Navy because

you sent him to military school. No, it was boarding school, and if you recall,

he didn't go because you wanted him to take a year off to find himself at 14.

Pick another one.

Okay.

He's 16 years old, he's very much in love, and he wants to borrow the car to

drive down to the beach so he and his girlfriend can lose their virginity

together.

He told us this?

He told me he's still mad at you for making him take back that tuba.

Well, no to the car and the rest of it is his business.

Aren't we going to participate somehow in this amazing...

Beautiful moment in our child's life.

Believe me, if we participate, it will not be a beautiful moment.

How did you bring that attitude to the party?

We have a problem here. You don't believe in rules. You don't believe in

discipline. You want this child to wander through his life sleeping with

and piercing that. This couldn't be a surprise to you. No, but I figured by

time that we had children, you would come to your, you'd come around.

Well, I kind of thought the same about you.

I think that the things that I'm saying are very reasonable. And I think the

things that I'm saying are very reasonable. No, I can't raise a child

Well, then don't.

What?

I don't think that I can have a child with you.

Dharma.

Dharma.

I'm still gone. It's just cold.

AAA says we're still looking at another hour.

Big spring storm.

Okay.

I also ran our situation by them, and they said that you shouldn't be so upset

that it was just a silly game.

You know, you actually would have run it by them.

Yeah, because I'm the flaky open one who was homeschooled and has no realistic

understanding of how the world works.

I'm sorry.

Don't be sorry for what you believe. It's what you believe.

Look, maybe I was a little unbending in my approach to the game. Let's try

another one. Let's try another one.

Oh, okay. All right. This is a good one.

Our son has just finished his third year of law school.

and announces he intends to join the circus.

Clearly, this is his passion.

He feels very strongly about juggling or trapeze or what have you.

Absolutely, I would encourage him to join the circus, provided that it is a

circus that is animal cruelty free.

We'll never let your son join the circus.

I might.

We should have talked about this a long time ago.

I don't think we can fix this.

We can fix this. We always fix it.

We're out of gas.

Tell me about it.

If the children come back and you're dead, I'm sure they're going to blame us

for it. Come inside.

Are you ready to meet our demand?

Well, we're not going to take the animal heads off the walls and bury them.

But we will give in on the thermos of hot cocoa.

Oh, goody.

Did you add hot cocoa to the demand list?

Yes.

Because I was outraged.

We did not even kill those animals.

Well, well, I did kill the moose.

Well, how could you, Edward?

A proud, proud moose. You pulled out your gun and shot him. No, no, no,

no, no. He wandered out into Route 6 and I came around the curb and bam.

The thing was a complete mess.

But the head was good.

All right.

I am willing to compromise.

Since you are only responsible for the death of the moose, we will end our

protest if you agree to bury the moose.

And bring some of those little marshmallows.

You're never going to get that 8 -track working. It hasn't worked in 20 years.

People smile and tell me I'm the lucky one.

And we've just begun.

Think I'm gonna have a son.

Of course.

He will be like she and me after you're done.

Come see me now.

Sun is gonna shine about.

Even though...

And in the morning when I rise, you bring a tear of joy to my eyes

and tell me everything's gonna be all right.

What are you doing?

Shredding. Mine's jammed. Come on, help me.

You can't shred stuff.

Watch CNN. This is what you do in a situation like this.

I don't know. We took some kickbacks. We did some insider trading.

Why would you say that?

So she'd sleep with me.

I can't believe you're that desperate for sex.

Believe it! Come on, shred!

Mother Earth, we return to you one of your children.

Or at least a pet.

Welcome him home.

Cradle him in your bosom.

Comfort him.

Edward, you knew him best. Share something.

For the love of God.

The quicker you say it, the quicker we'll be inside.

This was a moose.

He lived in the woods, and he loved it there.

He ran around, ate stuff.

Then one day he made the acquaintance of a large...

German sedan.

Probably had a lady moose in the woods he cared for.

Maybe little ones.

Probably had years ahead of him until I came along. Bam!

He will be missed.

I'm in.

Should be here soon.

You want me to turn the music back on?

Well, we should probably save the battery.

Yeah.

What? I was just thinking about the first time I was alone in a car with a

What about it?

Well, I tried to be smooth, putting the seat back.

I broke my little finger.

How? She never knew. I told her there were tears of joy.

You know, all the stuff that we put in the hat, those were all problems. You

know, we didn't put any of the good stuff in. Like, he just got his first

hit in Little League and he ran the wrong way.

He waits for Thanksgiving until the whole family is gathered to say his

dirty word loudly and repeatedly.

He just figured out that frozen waffles fit perfectly in the VCR.

He's pretending to be a beagle and he's chasing cars up and down the street.

He found someone that he loves more than he ever thought possible.

And he's getting married.

What do you think we ought to do now?

What do you want to do?

Let's make a baby.

Now?

Here? Yeah.

Hey, never mind.

All right, we'll drive you into town

and you can get a bus from there. Oh, thanks.

You know, I'm sure the kids are back home by now. They can pick us up when we

get there.

It is late. If you want to stay until morning, that would be all right.

You're staying.

I'll get you something to warm you up. How about some brandy? Thank you.

Some wine would be nice.

Sure. I'll see if we have any gallo.

Edward Montgomery?

Yes. Department of Justice.

What's this about? We're here to serve you a subpoena for an investigation

regarding insider trading and other SEC violations at Montgomery Industries.

Oh, thank God. I thought it was about the moose.