Original subtitles

I think Greg's right.

Streamlining is the key to this merger. I suppose. I don't think there's a point

in having both a New York and a Philadelphia office. Oh, enough

Enough. Kathy, I don't know about you, but I'll be delighted when this merger

done. I have not seen my husband in weeks.

I know what you mean.

Yeah, if it wasn't for me showing up at the office buck naked in a raincoat,

Greg and I would have no quality time.

I tried to get him to do phone sex, but he's not really a dirty talker, and it's

not really something you can teach.

We were talking business.

I am enjoying working with your son. He really has a firm grasp on the ins and

outs of this merger.

Ooh, you guys should try phone sex. I think he's a natural.

Oh, my goodness, it's getting late. Oh, honey, it's still early.

Let's go salsa dancing.

Don't think the Kincaids are salsa dancing people.

Well, honey, that's why the good Lord invented tequila shooters.

I'm in.

Certainly I'm not.

Don't worry. I'm not going to ask for money. I'm just here to do my laundry.

Kelly!

Can't you say hello to our guests?

Hi, I'm Kelly. I'm a big disappointment to my parents.

More coffee.

Yes, it's delicious.

Yes, thanks.

It's Jamaican Blue Mountain.

Isn't anyone going to go talk to the angry girl with the dirty clothes?

She doesn't want to hear from us.

Yeah, you're probably right.

I'll do it. Don't wait.

Gregory, Gregory, let her go. Her work in here is done.

Dean's listed, Berkeley.

She quits to join a rock and roll band. Yes, but we're hoping she put that

behind her, dear. It seems the band broke up because the drummer was

Well, that's certainly good news.

Tommy, your coffee's getting cold.

What are you worried about, son?

Greg, guess what?

I just joined a rock and roll band.

Well, that.

Tons of experience.

Yeah, I played in a bunch of garage bands, and I played in a Jamaican steel

band on Fisherman's Wharf, and also a friend of mine used to stalk Phil

so I actually learned a lot just standing outside his place and

Yeah, yeah. Kelly says we can use your dad's band. That's right.

She's in.

You're in. I'm in. I'm in a band.

I'm in a band. That's so cool.

Bad news, guys. She's in a band.

She's in this band.

All right.

I promise if we hit it big, you'll quit the other one.

So, do we have a name?

We keep changing our minds. First, we were the Bottom Feeders, and then we

Joe, and then Carpet Burn.

How about this?

Suspicious -looking mole.

I think we should just commit to a name and have it tattooed on our asses.

In that case, I vote for Joe.

And maybe without the E.

Good, it wasn't a dream. My wife really did join a band.

Honey, do you remember Kelly?

And this is Simone, and that's Jared.

And I'm Jared.

Fred. No, Jared.

Honey, can I talk to you in the kitchen for a sec? Sure.

They call each other honey.

Could you just stick needles in your eyes or what?

You can, but you shouldn't.

to finally tell me what's bugging you? Okay, look, now that I'm working for my

dad's company, when we're in these social situations like last night, it's

different from when I had my own practice, you know? I really feel like

under the microscope.

Honey, I know that. That's why I'm doing everything I can to help you.

I know you think you are.

Honey, I went with you to the business dinner. I was nice to the people. I

befriended their daughter. I joined her band. How is that not helping? Okay, why

don't we focus on I joined her rock band and we'll come back to I was nice to

the people. Great.

Kelly's parents are angry because they feel like she's wasting her life. If she

can succeed at this, they'll come around.

And if she can't, she'll realize it on her own and stop blaming them for

her back.

This way, a family heals, her dad gets to concentrate on business, the merger

goes through, capitalism thrives, I get to have a tattoo on my butt and be in a

band. Win, win, win, win, ouch, and win.

That went well.

Before we go over these numbers, I'd just like to say something about what

happened the other night.

I think Dharma joining the band could give Kelly a chance to get this out of

system. Or maybe your wife stuck her nose in where it doesn't belong.

That's another valid way of looking at it.

We were making progress with the girl. We were going to get her back in school.

There are worse things she could be doing than playing in a rock band. I'm

so sure about that.

The other night, the wife and I were watching something called Leif Garrett

Behind the Music.

Poor sad bastard.

Sure, but Sean Cassidy turned out okay.

I'm sorry to interrupt, Mr. Montgomery, but there's a telephone call.

Is it urgent?

Well, we haven't been working together long enough for me to be making that

judgment.

What is it?

Apparently your wife and her band are playing nude on the roof of your

and the police have arrived.

For God's sake.

For future reference, Janet, with my wife, that sort of thing really isn't

urgent.

I'm an attorney, and I will explain it to them, and they're really very sorry.

What law says you can't stand naked on the roof of your own building and play

music? It's actually two separate laws, Dharma.

I don't get how this is any different than sleeping in the shower.

I'm sure you don't.

Thanks very much for understanding.

Hey, tell Randy down in Central Booking that Simone says yo.

Haven't you embarrassed your mother enough?

You have to parade yourself in front of all of San Francisco.

San Francisco doesn't really mind this kind of thing.

What was the thinking here?

Well, this is the cool part about being in a band, you know? You're making

music, the creativity is flowing, people get these ideas. We were jamming and

Jared said, hey, let's go play on the roof.

And I said, let's go play on the roof naked.

I said, cool.

All right, Kelly, let's go. I don't think so. Can I just say something?

No. I know the naked thing is a little...

Like 182.

But he is good.

And don't you think that what Kelly wants to do with her life is her choice?

Not while she's living in an apartment that I'm paying the rent on. You know

what? Keep your apartment.

Keep your damn money.

Okay, we've got that figured out. Let's go downstairs.

Where are you going to live? On the street?

Maybe.

Maybe your friends would enjoy hearing about the concaved little girl homeless

and destitute.

You know what? Don't worry. She's not going to live on the street. She can

with us.

Kelly!

How is that not helping?

So, uh, the naked girls in the band, they're cute?

I wasn't really looking at them, Pete.

Oh, yeah, I understand.

I mean, your wife's up there naked, too. You pretty much got to look at her most

of the time.

But was there one of the girls a little harder not to look at than the other?

Pete?

You weren't looking at the guy, were you? Pete?

Although, if you look at the guy a little bit first, then you look at the

nobody's suspicious.

Yeah, they just think you're looking at naked people.

They're not catching on that you're looking at naked women.

Like at the museum.

Pete, if you really need to look at naked women, they're magazines.

Sure, sure.

But it's nice to get out.

Hello, boys. Hi, Dad. Hey, boss.

Listen, Gregory, Kenneth Kincaid gave me a jingle, something about naked people

on the roof of your building.

And that's all they were to Greg, just naked people.

Thank you, Pete.

What exactly went on? Well, apparently somebody said, let's play on the roof,

and somebody else said, let's play naked on the roof, and Dharma couldn't stop

them no matter how hard she tried.

Well, good for her for trying. That's what I said.

Gregory, I've known Kincaid for a good many years. He's a bit of a stick in the

mud.

Would you feel better if I took it from here?

No, Dad, that's not necessary. I really would like to see this through.

Look, these things happen. I remember the first big account I handled for my

father. I was a young single fellow about to make a huge sale to a company

Cleveland. I flew out there to meet with the guy and...

To make a long story short, I ended up having a little fling with his wife.

Really?

It wasn't my fault. I'd never had a Tom Collins before.

And when your dad found out, he took you off the account? Oh, no, no, no. They

were getting a divorce.

She got the company and became one of our biggest clients. So we do business

with them even today, of course.

The woman's in her 90s now. The bloom is off the rose.

I don't know what I mean.

What does this have to do with Dharma joining Kelly's band?

Oh, I guess it's not an exact parallel.

Well, anyway, I'll try to smooth things over with Kincaid.

Uh, Dad?

Hmm? It's not Mrs. Lindstrom, is it?

Well, she had her own hair and teeth once.

Thanks for letting us use your van.

Oh, my pleasure. I'm sorry it was so windy back there.

What happened to the side door? Oh, Larry took it out. He's toying with the

of putting in a bay window.

Where do you want me to put this?

Larry, that stays in the van.

No, I think that's mine.

Yep.

That's my tire.

See, here's the thing. No, no thing. No thing. No, no, no, no, no. They all

lived with Kelly for a while. When she moved out, they had nowhere else to go.

Donna, can I speak to you privately in the kitchen for a second? I don't think

so. It's kind of Simone's room now.

Have you ever heard of knocking?

I don't think I like her.

I know. That's why I put her in there.

Donna, believe it or not, my problem is not the woman shaving her armpits where

I wash my lettuce.

Oh, good for you, Greg.

That's so... Gross.

My father called me on the carpet today in his own strange way.

Because of me?

Well, Darmot, in the last 48 hours, you've convinced Kenneth Kincaid's

to quit college, you've played naked with her on the roof, and now she and

band are living with us.

It's not like you're going to get fired.

It's not about getting fired. It's about how I look professionally, and I really

need your support here.

You want to talk about someone who is not being supportive?

You compare my job to this ridiculous band. There it is. Right there. Right

there. You all just heard it. Oh, Dharma.

Wait.

Dude, your snake's clubbed.

When I'm angry, I like to slice the lamb. It's very calming.

Plus, Dimitri doesn't mind.

I got a wife, a lot for coffee, one little sandwich, one little platter, no

tomato!

What's up?

Listen, I know what you're going through.

Greg is just like my dad. Everything you do is wrong.

He's not really like your father.

They won't let you play in a band. They don't even want to talk about you

getting your nipples pierced.

How do I handle Greg?

You know, you don't tiptoe around him. You do whatever you want. You want to be

in a band? Boom.

You're in a band. You want the band to move in? Boom.

There they are.

You don't waste your time explaining things because you know he's never going

get it. Screw him, right?

Well... Keep covering for me here, please.

with red hair, who may or may not still live in San Leandro.

And Simone borrowed our steak knives and went to some sort of religious service.

Phil, you were right. I have been making your life harder, and I'm really sorry.

No, no, this is my fault. I shouldn't have dragged you to the Kincaids in the

first place. They're boring, stuffy people, and of course they don't get

That's their problem. I get you.

Yeah, most of the time.

And come on, be honest. You know, you don't really like going to these dull

business dinners and playing Guess Whose Wife Got a Facelift.

Now that's a plan for money.

So, you know, what I'm thinking is I'll just go to these things alone and you

can do the things you like to do. You know, get into the band, get a sound.

Is this what you want to do? Yeah, I think it's a good plan.

Tomorrow night there's a reception for some Kinesco executives and...

You don't have to go.

Okay.

Okay? I mean, I know it's not a perfect solution, but... Oh, fine.

Will you bring me back some big shrimp?

Sure. See, in this way, you don't have to ruin a perfectly good bra bringing

them home.

It's not ruined. It's still my shrimp bra.

Ah, thank you, son. Have you met the boys from, uh...

From Kinesco, this is Ralph Dawkins and Carl Walker from the Midwest Marketing

Division. Nice to meet you. Oh, there's Kenneth. Let's say hello.

I'm sure we'll be seeing a lot of each other.

Actually, you won't after the merger. They're toast.

Kenneth, welcome to the Montgomery Industries family.

Thank you, Edward.

You know, I owe your son here an apology.

I gave him a hard time about his wife, but it turned out that Arma getting

involved with my daughter really did work out for the best. Well, I'm not

surprised. I am.

Tad. What happened?

Well, she put an end to this whole band thing. She quit.

Kicked the kids out of your apartment this morning.

Kelly's back with us, talking about finishing college.

Tell her thanks for me. Hey, you can tell her yourself.

Look.

Ladies, I am so sorry I'm late. I was almost out the door when I realized I

wearing last year's scarf.

So, it's been my name in markets. It was taking the valet forever to find the

car. It was taking so long, it was almost easier to just go buy a new one.

I know the feeling.

So glad that you're here. Your husband said you weren't coming.

Well, you know, I think it's better to keep them on a need -to -know basis.

Am I right, girl kitty?

This is my absolute favorite color on you.

Is it? Yes. Thank you.

Are you feeling all right, darling?

Lipstick.

Excuse us.

Do not leave until we talk about those shoes.

Yum.

What are you doing?

Check me out. I'm a corporate wife.

I'm wearing pantyhose.

This is new. We like this.

I told you you didn't have to come here. I wanted to come. Why?

Okay, I don't want to do separate things, honey.

It starts with me not coming with you to these parties, and then we go on

separate vacations, and then pretty soon we have separate bedrooms, and then

pretty soon we're in separate houses, and then you decide to sell yours, then

you fall in love with a real estate agent, I find out about it, start

the bottle, and then one day I'm on my bus bench in front of the liquor store,

and you walk by and you don't even know me!

Sarma, that's not gonna happen. Damn right!

vicious -looking mole. They were going to vote when you get up there.

I swear to God, I told them they couldn't play here anymore. I even wrote

down and made Jared read it back to me.

I called them. They were a little ticked at you for quitting, but I explained it

was my fault, and I think that they understood, although Simone did put a

on me.

I mean, I told you I didn't want to do separate lives.

Yeah, I know.

That's why we're going to go back to the way we used to do things.

How's that?

Well, you know.

We love each other a lot. My parents aren't crazy about you. Your parents

crazy about me. You go to my things, you embarrass the hell out of me. You

embarrass me at my things.

Really?

Huh.

Anyway, it worked kind of for four and a half years, so I think we ought to, you

know, stick to it.

What's Mr.

Kincaid going to say when he finds out Kelly's back in the band?

It's gonna be a little awkward for me at work, and you know he and Kelly will

have some things to deal with Okay

I'll

be up on the roof have fun.

Nope not naked not naked

here he comes walking down the line the kind of guy that makes me feel so fine

i had some guys telling all