All language subtitles for dharma_greg_s05e03_papa_was_almost_a_rolling_stone

Arrgh, matey, guess what this is?

Some kind of pirate radio setup.

Arrgh, matey, you gave it away, huh?

Hey, Greg, guess what this is?

I have no idea.

It's a complete two -watt radio station.

Yeah, we thought this would be fun for
Dharma to play with while she was

recuperating. Sure helped me through the
summer of 82 when I couldn't leave the

house.

Remember that, Dharma?

Sure. The air was too thick and the
ground was too soft.

Oh.

Sure. 82?

Hey, you want to do a radio show with
me? We could be the D -Star and the G

on the big rock and weasel.

I don't think so, Dharma.

Oh, that kind of attitude is going to
ruin Rocktober, G -Man.

You guys realize this is against the
law? You have to have a license from the

FCC to broadcast.

Oh, this is pretty small time, Greg.

But, Dharma, if you do get caught, don't
panic and try to flush the equipment.

First of all, that was an illegal cable
box, and I was trying to hide it behind

the toilet. It fell in.

Okay, then when it dried out, we got
showtime.

You're listening to Radio Dharma. I'll
Dharma all the time. You give me 22

minutes, I'll give you the Dharma!

Radio Dharma!

Oh,

morning, Greg.

Morning, Marcy.

I'm a wacky sidekick.

Oh, I see. You guys really think
anybody's listening? Oh, yeah. Tons of

We checked. You could pick us up all the
way down to the laundromat.

That's right. It's the all -rappin', all
-rockin' mega music station where you

get weather on the half -hour, traffic
on the ones, and continuous hit music,

music, music.

I'm gonna get some coffee, coffee,
coffee.

All right.

And back to our contest question.

Would you rather be hit on the fire or
have a... sit on your...

Again, our number is 857 -23...

Please turn down your radio.

Hi, this is Dave. I love your show. I'm
a long -time listener, first -time

caller. What?

Could you play some Springsteen? Oh, you
know what, Dave? I would love to, but

we only have the reel -to -reel hooked
up, so our selection is limited.

Abby and Dorma sing Wheels on the Bus.

Oh, check this out.

The tape of my father's band rehearsing.
I never knew he recorded anything.

Dead air, dead air, it's dead, dead air.

Moody Blues, recorded off the Mike
Douglas show, August 5th, 1972.

Wow, 72?

That's when Peter Frampton was with the
Moody Blues. Let's hear that.

Coming right up. Peter Frampton never
sang with the Moody Blues.

He sure did, dude.

You're out of your mind.

The opinions of my husband, Greg, do not
necessarily reflect those of the

station, the management, or my wacky
sidekick.

Okay, 1972, Moody Blues, 7th Sojourn.

No Peter Frampton. Got the CD right
here. The CD's not gonna...

They reissued it. Contractual reasons.
Oh, that is a load of bull.

Greg, we are on the air.

All right, this is some very exciting
radio people. Frampton or no Frampton,

be the judge. Here are the Moody Blues.

The wheels on the bus go round and round
and round and round and round. The

wheels on the bus go round and round and
round and round. Greg, we should go if

we're going to get 18 in. Hold on.

Yeah.

72 Moody Blues.

No Frampton.

Well, there you have it.

Hey, hold on. What is this? Wait, wait.

Oh, wow.

That's not mine. No, it's mine.

I've been looking for this for 20 years.
You know, they don't make these

anymore. Well, that's just a damn shame.

Look at that.

Been rolled up in a ball all this time.
Not a wrinkle.

in that box, Greg, there should be a
pair of burnt orange hush puppies.

Oh!

I wonder what got into your mother
there.

I can't imagine.

It's good. I know. It's our number one
most requested song.

Really?

A guy called in and said, play it again.

That's really good.

You know, Larry always said he was a
pretty good musician, but I never took

seriously, you know? I mean, he also
said he was the Gerber baby and that

he taught a monkey to fish, so... You
and I had very different childhoods,

didn't we?

He really was a good musician.

You gotta wonder what happened.

You know how it is. People get busy,
they start a career.

No, that's not it. No, probably not.

Edward, where are you going?

Bob Gunderson's thinking about selling
his boat. I thought I'd take a look.

And do we really think we want to
present ourselves to the public in this?

We're comfortable in this.

Oh, Edward Montgomery.

You know, if I let you do things just
because you're comfortable, why, you'd

spend your day sitting in a Lazy Boy
recliner watching a large -screen

television sipping beer out of a can.

If I change my clothes, can I have a
Lazy Boy?

Of course not.

I'll say hi to Bob Gunderson for you.

Oh, by the way, I'm not wearing
underwear.

I don't know why I ever did.

Hello?

Uh, no, they turned off the radio
station.

Because my wife had to go to physical
therapy.

Yes, they can turn it off because it's
not a real radio station.

Fine, write a letter. I'm not going to
put a record on.

Actually, you know what?

There is a record I want to play.

Uh, okay.

Here are the Moody Blues from their
album Seventh Sojourn on the original

which does not feature Mr. Peter
Frampton, something known to anyone

tying his own shoes.

And I think you know who you are, and I
think you owe me an apology.

Oh, why, thank you, ma 'am.

Would you mind saying that on the air?

Hold on.

Uh, go ahead.

Okay. I just wanted to say I was
listening yesterday, and I really liked

you handled that guy.

Oh, well, he didn't do his homework.

We need people like you to drown out
these other idiots who love to just run

their mouths.

I'm just one guy, but I do what I can.
They're all a bunch of crackpots. Elvis

is alive.

Cigarettes cause lung cancer.

I see spaceship.

Wait, hold on there. I think it's pretty
widely accepted that cigarettes do

cause lung cancer.

Says you.

Well, yes, in 40 years of research.

By doctors who are paid shills of the
chewing gum industry.

Hold on. Uh, or don't.

Hello? Wow, what a wacko, huh?

Takes all kinds.

You want to talk about a conspiracy?

Let's talk about Major League Baseball
juicing up the ball to get more home

runs. Well, how do you know it's the
ball? Maybe they're just getting better

players. It's the same guys, only now
they're hitting more home runs.

Look at the stats.

It's an interesting question.

Major League Baseball, are they juicing
the ball?

What do you think? Give me a call.

And while we wait, here are the Moody
Blues, who, being English, are probably

not baseball fans, but might enjoy
rounders.

The English game from which baseball is
derived.

Oh, wow. I used to love that song.

What was that?

Listen to that.

Your old man wrote that.

So, Larry, did you ever do gigs?

Did you ever get up on stage and yell,
hello, San Francisco?

The buzzest I ever got was, hello,
Shapiro Bar Mitzvah.

Oh, man, they did the 26 -minute free
-form Hava Nagila.

The tough one to end.

You should have seen your father in
those days, Dharma. He loved performing.

He would get on stage and just light up.

Once. And everyone did back then.

So why did you quit?

You know, music.

Let me explain something to you about
the music business, Dharma. You can't

anywhere unless you're willing to sell
your soul to corporate America for a

of magic beans, a handshake, and a one
-way ticket to where are you now?

Bill.

Abby, why did he really stop?

Well, he was just starting out, and he
knew he'd be on the road.

And you were on the way.

He gave it all up because of me?

No. Gave it all up for you.

How is that better? That is not better!

The running suit, Gregory.

The ugly, orange velour running suit. He
was with you when he found it. And he

has not taken it off since.

So what do you think, people? Is Dad out
of line or should Mother take a chill

pill? Our lines are open.

What? People? Who are you talking to,
Gregory? Sorry, Mother, it's the top of

the hour. Gotta go.

Time for As I See It with Greg
Montgomery.

This is San Francisco, folks, and it
rains from time to time.

If you're a local television station,
there's no need to send your weatherman

outside. We know what rain looks like.

Just tell us it's raining and do it from
a regular desk, not from Action

Stormwatch Central.

And remember, folks, we've got 99 years
to go.

Let's not be hasty in naming something
the storm of the century.

Think about that while Mr. Leo Sayer
makes you feel like dancing.

Nice.

Thank you.

Hey, check this out.

Every Monday night, it's open mic night
at punctually 4th Street. Well, that's

great. I'll give him a plug on On the
Town with Greg Montgomery.

Oh, I'm thinking a little father
-daughter dinner with Larry.

Pull out the old guitar and then bing,
bang, boom, he's back in the music

business.

How exactly is that going to happen?

I have no idea. That's why I said bing,
bang, boom instead of something

specific.

Wow, that was good.

Promise you won't tell Abby I had meat.

That was eggplant, Larry.

Oh, man, I could have had meat.

They have an open mic thing going on
here.

Cool. There is not one dessert here you
could add meat to.

I signed you up.

To sing here? Yeah, I'm thinking you get
back on stage, you know, work your

songs, get your chop back. Whoa, hang
on.

I don't even have my guitar.

It's in the car. I'll go get it. No,
stop. Wait.

Take a look at these people.

They don't want to hear from an old guy
like me.

Larry, it's open mic night. Nobody wants
to hear from any of these people.

Sorry. Rock on.

Dharma, I'm not going to sing. I haven't
rehearsed.

I'm Logie from the eggplant.

Okay, fine.

You go practice, then you come back next
week, do a couple Mondays, and then...

Dharma, I'm not going to play. Not now,
not ever.

What? Why?

What's the point?

If you love music, you could be great,
Larry. No, maybe once, but... Come on.

Dharma, let it go.

Why? Because I'm the father, and I said
so.

Because I'm the father, and I said so?

Come on, Larry, you're kidding, right?

Dharma, I'm 52 years old, and I have
other things to do with my life now.

fine. Larry?

Fine, you have your excuses. You always
have your excuses.

Well, you know what? Don't use me as one
of them.

Come on, Marcy.

Dharma!

Dharma!

For those of you who were with us
yesterday, our legal puzzler, what

is a crime, a breach, and a tort? The
answer is, of course, embezzlement.

And that sound tells us it's time to
wrap up Greg's legal patch for today.

And now, side three of the rock opera,
Quadrophenia.

What happened?

Her father didn't want to go on, and
they had a big fight in the middle of

restaurant, and I didn't get to play
Foggy Mountain Breakdown.

Her father gave up something he was
really good at, and I want to help him

it back, and he won't let me.

Darma, are you sure you're doing this
for him? Because it sounds more like

you're doing it for yourself.

Talk to me in your radio voice.

Look, you have no reason to feel guilty.
Maybe he did quit because of you, but

it's not your fault. You didn't choose
to be born.

In what universe did I not choose to be
born?

Should have seen that coming.

Yeah.

Do you know the transmitter's unplugged?

What? We must have forgotten to... plug
it back in after we're using the heating

pad.

Marcy, when was this?

Oh, yesterday.

So for an entire day I've been sitting
here talking to myself.

But Greg, you were having fun and isn't
that what really matters?

No, Marcy.

What really matters is that basically I
was sitting in my bedroom talking into a

hairbrush on Hey Greg.

that my parents were still married and
the whole family worked together and we

solved crimes.

Thank you, Marcy.

Somehow that actually makes me feel a
little better.

Oh.

Larry, I'm really sorry about what
happened.

I should never have called you a
quitter.

I don't remember you calling me a
quitter.

Well, not in so many words, but all that
stuff I said about excuses, I shouldn't

have said that.

Okay, but you didn't call me a quitter.
Yes, I did, Larry. The same thing. A

person who always has excuses is
basically a quitter. Well, that's a

rough. Yes, and I shouldn't have said
it. I understand in the heat of the

moment, but coming back and grinding on
it?

what I'm trying to say is that if you
stopped your music career because I was

born, then that's something that I
should be proud of.

You know, I mean, how many other kids
have a dad that would make a sacrifice

like that?

Dharma, let me tell you something.

Dear Mr.

Finkelstein, unfortunately, your
submission to Elektra Records does

our needs at the present time.

It's a rejection letter.

One of many.

Not suitable.

Not interested.

Columbia House of Records and Tapes is
not a recording company.

Wow.

I mean, people thought I quit music
because of you.

And it was easy to let them think that,
rather than to let them know what was

really going on.

So if someone had liked your stuff, you
would have gone out on the road?

Oh, yeah, in a minute.

But then, I would have missed out on
being there to see you grow up.

Yeah.

So that story just wasn't that good.

No, Larry, you can't base that off of
one box of rejection letters.

I got five.

I really loved your song.

Maybe you were just ahead of your time.

You know, that's what they said about my
spray -on gravy.

One thing about angels...

They ain't always right. We had a little
baby girl.

Made from San Francisco light.

Called her Dharma.

Because the truth was plain to see.

The miracle of life.

One and one is three.

He played music. He talked about legal
stuff. He had a total blast, didn't you,

honey? No, I did not.

Well, not now he didn't, but then he
did.

Do your radio voice for them.

Can we just drop this, please?

Good. Smooth.

I say, if a man finds something that
makes him happy, more power to him.

Would you like some more wine? Yeah.

Oh, sorry.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Problem.

It's 100 % synthetic.

It blots right up.

Like astroturf.

Oh, watch this.

And these are beasts. That is enough.

Edward, I have done everything that I
could for you. I have stood by you in

thick and thin.

I have put aside my dreams for the two
of us to build an empire.

I have endured the pain and humiliation
of childbirth to bring your son into the

world.

Humiliation? Hold your questions to the
end.

I will not spend the rest of my days on
the fuzzy and stain -repellent arm of a

man who chooses to dress like a...

Rathroom Davenport.

Dad, maybe you should give up the
running suit.

Son, I know your mother.

Eventually, she'll get used to it.

I guess.

And then I'll take it off.