Original subtitles

Look, all I'm saying is that we can make this about who did what to who and

tally up all the points we've got, but then we just wind up with a giant

scorecard instead of a marriage. Hey, I'm the one who's trying to say this is

okay, I forgive you, let's move on, and I get a lecture about how I don't know

how to be in a marriage? What is that?

You just don't get it, do you?

We celebrate and bless the wedding of Susan and Russell.

I'm sorry, he didn't understand before.

The Jewish wedding anniversary.

This chuppah symbolizes many, many things. It is tradition in the Jewish

religion.

Mainly, this chuppah symbolizes the home that they will share.

Well, I guess we still have some stuff to work out.

But we will.

I know.

Greg!

Dama Montgomery.

D -H... Yes, yes, I'll hold.

Can't this thing go any faster?

Not until we get to the top of the hill.

Should have waited for my car.

It was blocked in, Edward. The valet said it was going to take another 20

minutes. Maybe I should walk. I'll let them know you're on the way.

Edward, I'm sorry. Could you repeat that?

All right.

Yes, thank you. Thank you very much. What? What if they say Dom is still in

surgery and they're going to let Gregory know we'll be there as soon as we can?

No.

What happened to your new van, Finkelstein?

Abby's been asking me that for two weeks.

Will you people leave me alone?

I'll remember.

We're just briefed.

Excuse me for not being Mr. Got Rocks who can just run out and buy a new van

every time he loses one.

Sorry.

I'll get us there as fast as I can.

You're doing fine.

I'm so full of it, I don't snore.

Hello, Dharma.

Hi, George.

Are you dead?

Oh, no, no, it's just the anesthesia. I just had an operation. I'm totally not

dead. I mean, not that that's bad, being dead. You're dead, and that's great for

you.

It's okay.

What are you doing here?

I was up in a maternity ward. I'm thinking about reincarnation. Did you

anything good?

One ugly little girl, big ears.

Well, I'm not snoring.

I'm so sorry.

Hey, George, do you think this happened for a reason? Do you think there's some

kind of lesson that we're supposed to learn from this accident?

Maybe next time you should drive.

Oh.

Oh, Greg.

How are you, son? I'm fine. They said that she came to the surgery great.

Hey, pumpkin.

We're here.

We got here as fast as we could. The band stalled. We had to walk from Market

Street.

Market Street.

Hey, how we doing? Oh, Dr. Coleman, these are Dharma's parents, and these

parents. This the guy who did the operation?

It's pretty good, except he sang along to Christina Aguilera for the whole

thing.

It's his own.

Hey, um, she was pretty banged up. We're very optimistic about her recovery.

Okay. Can you give it to us without all the medical mumbo -jumbo?

She's going to be fine, Larry.

Thank you. Was that so hard?

She suffered a number of minor injuries, but what we had to deal with was her

fractured hip. We set it with a pin, so it's going to be a while before she's on

her feet again.

And she's going to need your help to maintain a structured approach to her

physical therapy.

Structured? I think I can do that.

Oh, yeah, Greg's your guy there.

Okay, I'll check in on her in the morning. Thank you, Doctor.

Doctor? Yeah?

We want her to have the best possible care, no expenses to be spared.

The gang will be glad to hear that.

She'll be fine.

She'll be fine. Hey, George, check it out. Everyone's getting along.

These things bring people together.

We should have flipped the car years ago.

Okay, a little.

Okay, we're just going to manipulate your cervical vertebrae a bit, all

Okay.

Oh, sorry.

Ready?

Yep.

Okay. Okay. Hey, that's okay.

Okay.

Okay. Okay, now that sucks. Suckity, suck, suck, suck, suck, suck.

You know what? Really, that's pretty good.

You know, your range of motion is about 45 degrees.

Really? Because yesterday it was 50.

It's kind of subjective.

At least a yes. She's an easy grader. I think she's a little sweet on me.

There goes your date, cupcake.

You know, because if it is subjective, you really shouldn't use numbers.

You should just say good or not so good, because if you use numbers, it imposes

an arbitrary quantification.

Does it?

There's nothing Greg hates more than arbitrary quantification.

Except maybe raisins in his rice pudding. Oh, and my people say often.

Karma, you have to take this seriously.

How much more serious than do you want me to get?

Okay, is he always like this?

Often.

But, you know, one look at that butt and it's all worth it.

Yeah, butts are good. They are. But for me, it's all about the cat.

Oh, yeah? You want to see some good cats?

Honey, show us some leg.

We're not here for girl talk.

Sorry.

How's your penis, Nancy? So good. Thanks. All right.

You know, I was just reading an article in the Journal of Physical Therapy that

said at this point in lower body injuries, you should really concentrate

building upper body strength.

I didn't read that.

Bet he's got a copy for you.

Excuse me?

Greg Montgomery.

Wow, he is really all over this. Oh, yeah.

Bet he's on the phone right now to the Mayo Clinic getting a second opinion.

Hey, honey.

Hold on a second. I'm on with a doctor from Johns Hopkins.

Edward. Hmm?

Are you aware that Gregory has asked Abby and Larry to look after the dogs at

what are the plans for a dog in the hospital?

Yeah, well, that makes sense. He's not home much lately.

That is not my point, Edward.

Well, I missed it then. Sorry.

My point is Gregory did not ask up.

Ah.

Edward, if we do not do something to help the children, this will come back

haunt us.

Why are you going to Dharma's family for Thanksgiving?

Because they walked the dogs. They wanted the plants.

I'm sorry, but that's supposed to be two people talking because you use the same

voice.

I'm all alone in this marriage, aren't I?

Well, I know who's talking there.

Oh, where?

The crystals have to be lined up so that the light refracts through them into

Dermot's healing chakra.

Where's this go?

That's the handle to the shopping bag.

Hook that back onto the shopping bag.

What are we doing?

A healing ceremony.

Uh -huh. Hey, don't knock it. I never missed a day of school growing up.

You were homeschooled.

I am by Hawaii.

What exactly is this supposed to accomplish?

Oh, frankly, not much, Greg. It's a stopgap. I mean, what would really help

is an African replenishment circle. Oh, absolutely.

We should really be taking her to go see Natty and Banga in Santa Fe.

Oh, Natty and Banga's the best.

Okay, you want to drag her 500 miles so somebody can wave chicken feathers over

her head?

Chicken feathers?

She doesn't have high blood pressure, Gray.

Okay, Dharma.

Dr. Pullman. How's the physical therapy going? Well, she's making progress, but

she's still got a little pain when she flexes her knee joint. I made a notation

in her chart.

Don't do that.

Sorry. Doctor, could you possibly do that later? Because there isn't a lot of

sunlight left and I have two whole pages to chant.

Oh, all right, sure. I'll come back in the morning.

You're kidding, right? You can't just walk out because they're doing voodoo?

After four years, he still can't tell the difference between voodoo and a

harmonic alignment ceremony?

Don't be too hard on him. I think he's feeling guilty about the accident, and

he's kind of channeling it all into trying to take really good care of me.

Oh, right.

Of course. Oh, yeah, just like you and your friend Tito in high school.

I'll go talk to him.

What happened with Tito? They were putting up posters for their band, and

father shot Tito in the hand with a staple gun.

He felt so bad about it that he mowed Tito's lawn for the whole summer.

At least he thought it was Tito's lawn.

When I was in high school, I was in a band with my best friend Tito.

Tito had an older brother who was in the Navy, and he claimed there was a woman

who liked to sleep with young guys, you know, take their virginity.

She supposedly lived in a yellow house, so we drove around for hours looking for

it. And you know what, Greg?

There was no yellow house.

See what I'm saying here?

No, I really don't.

Sorry, Pumpkin. I told them the Tito story.

Anthony, don't you have a 2 o 'clock physical therapy session?

Eh, I blew it off for today.

Build your own taco bar over there, and if you can find us a long pole, we're

going to do wheelchair limbo.

Why would you blow it off?

Because we're having a going -away party for Stan. He got his beautician's

license.

Check it out.

What do you think?

I like it.

Is it too short? No, honey, it looks really good. Listen, did Nancy say that

could get physical therapy?

Nancy did the shampoo.

Hey, Greg.

Hey, buddy.

What are you doing here?

He is not being fixed up. He is just a single...

invited to an event where there just happens to be another single person

I'm getting fixed up.

With me.

Okay. Fiesta's over for Dharma. She has to go to physical therapy. Nancy, we'll

meet you downstairs. And Pete, you get back to the office.

I think I know where we can find a limbo pole.

Greg, can I see you out in the hallway for a moment?

Nancy said it's okay to skip one day of physical therapy.

This is the same Nancy who seems to think Pete is a catch.

Oh, good. You're both here. Hey, Doc. You're just in time to take a whack at

pinata. We didn't have any candy, so we filled it with aspirin.

Um, listen.

We took a look at this morning's x -ray, and we're a little concerned about how

the pin is fitting.

Now, we could wait and see how it heals, but I prefer to go back in and realign

things a bit.

I vote wait.

Grandma, this is something the doctor thinks we should do. But I don't want

You're going to need some more time to think about it, but why don't we go

and schedule it so we can just get the ball rolling. Great.

Oh, excuse me.

Honey, you can roll all the balls you want. I'm not going to have another

operation. Darn it. Just think about it, and if you decide later you don't want

it, then we can cancel. Then cancel. I'm not going to spend another two hours

lying on a table while someone cuts me open and sings Genie in a Bottle. We'll

talk about it later. Come on. No, you go. I got a limbo contest to judge.

You have to go to physical therapy.

It's just one session. If I want to play hooky and whack at a paper mache donkey

full of painkillers, I'm gonna.

Okay.

Great.

Who had a good bath?

We had a good bath, didn't we? Yes, we did.

Larry, I think you need to see this.

Dharma has mutual funds.

Boy, you always think it's going to be somebody else's kid, and bam, it's

Let's not say anything.

She'll come to us when she's ready.

Since when is it a crime to tip a doorman?

He wasn't holding the door, Edward. He was licking it.

And that's not worth a couple of bucks?

Hello?

Oh, Abby. Oh, Joan.

Well, we're here to relieve you. What?

Yes, we're going to walk the dogs and water the plants and what have you. All

right, just a tip. If you decide to get in the bath with the dogs, keep an eye

on Nunzio.

He can get a little curious.

I think they've got things under control. Nonsense, Edward. It isn't

shouldn't have to shoulder all the responsibility themselves as a woman

child. You know, we did want to take Harry down to the carousel in the park.

We're protesting the depiction of animals in captivity.

Aha. Well, that sounds like a lovely little family outing.

Okay, all right, well, this is the list, and we've marked off the things we've

done. You want us to go over it with you? Oh, there's no need, Abby. We know

to read a list. Off you go. Thank you so much. Okay, bye -bye.

Don't let the doorman lick you on the way out.

I never understood that expression.

All right, they've brought in the mail, they've bathed the dogs.

Edward, why don't you give Stinky his heartworm pills, and I will change the

water in the tofu culture tray.

Which one is Stinky?

Oh, for heaven's sake. Thanks, Edward. We've known these dogs for years.

Well, hmm.

Well, the name should give you a clue.

You're not suggesting I smell them, are you?

Maybe you could take a bath with them and see which one gets curious.

What's going on?

Wheelchair tongue depressor jello relay race. If you've never seen this before,

you're in for a real treat. Go, go, go!

Should you be doing this?

Honey, I'm in pain no matter where I am. At least out here I can open this baby

up and see what she's got.

Hey, listen.

I'm sorry that I was pushing you.

Thank you.

I know you're concerned about having the second operation, so I used some of my

parents' connections, and I got in touch with a guy who's supposed to be the

best on the West Coast. His name is Dr. Gower, and he's at UCLA, but he's flying

up tonight.

What? He checked your records and he agreed to do the operation and Dr.

Coleman's totally cool with it. In fact, I think he's a little starstruck.

Dharma, I thought you talked to Greg about this.

Abby and Larry are taking me for a healing in Santa Fe.

Well, how could you plan that without even talking to me?

Oh, the Tito story about the stapler.

That's what you wanted me to tell him.

Can you guys give us a second?

Yeah, sure, honey.

I told him the one about the yellow house.

What yellow house? Exactly.

Honey, I know you want to help me.

And I've been doing things your way, but this... It's my body.

And I've always done a pretty good job taking care of it, and I always will.

right now, I really want to do things my way.

What's wrong with that?

Nothing.

If it's just you going through this. But this isn't just you going through this.

This is us going through this. And if there's any chance that this operation's

going to make you better, you have no right not to do it.

Just as I can tell, he's eaten six heartworm pills.

Uh -huh. Well, I had them wrapped in raw turkey bacon. He must have taken them

when I wasn't looking. He probably thought they were hors d 'oeuvres.

No, no, he's not a dog. He's a 65 -year -old man.

I called his doctor.

They said to speak to you.

Uh -huh.

Uh -huh.

Fine.

Thank you. Yes, thank you very much.

All right, he said to walk you twice a day and keep you off of dry food for the

weekend.

If you want more stovetop casserole, there's plenty right there on the

And we have enough for two more weeks right here in the freezer, at which

I will come back and make you more.

Because your mummy is here to help.

You know, I didn't know if I was going to be able to make this dish.

But I was delighted to find out that Dharma had finally started buying milk

comes from cows instead of beans.

You know, Gregory, if Dharma didn't have you, she would be trying to fix that

hip by sitting on some mountaintop in Kathmandu wrapped in bark instead of

behaving like a normal person and having that operation tomorrow.

She's come a long way in four years, and that is all.

You're doing.

And I think you should feel very proud.

Here, Edward. Din -din.

How are you doing?

I'm going to have an operation.

They gave me a shot.

You're going to have another operation?

I need to be responsible.

We're in this together.

Hey, Dharma.

Hey!

They gave me a shot.

This is Dr. Gower. Morning.

And they're going to take you down to the operating room now. Now, do you have

any questions?

Would you ask my dead Indian friend if he would like a shot?

Okay, I think you're good to go.

I'll see you after the operation.

Everybody, hang on just a second.

I'm very sorry. There's going to be a change in plans.

Don't make me know, never mind.

I had a shot.

Sorry.

I guess I kind of forgot who you were.

It's okay.

It's all going to be okay.