Original subtitles

Okay, look.

Charlie had feelings for me. But that doesn't mean that things are going to

happen because they won't, and they didn't. We're looking for a two -page

letter. It's from Charlie. A letter from Charlie?

Hi. Hi!

That's what you're looking for.

Charlie!

Hi. Charlie, Greg found the letter you sent me.

Oh. Thanks, Charlie!

I don't know.

Not home.

Pete, are you sure about this? Because I could get a hotel room. Oh, it's no

problem at all. Thanks.

I got some stuff to set you up here. A bunch of these little shampoos and

Sewing kits.

Little clock radio, huh?

Do you like reading the Bible, Chris?

Maybe later. If you don't mind, I think I'd just like to turn in.

Oh, Pete.

Greg,

this is Magda.

Magda, this is my buddy Greg.

How's it going?

He's kind of on the outs with his wife.

You don't happen to probably woo any Hungarian, do you?

No.

How about that?

Good for you.

You're going out with her and you don't understand a word she says?

I don't know if I am going out with her.

Here's the deal. I went to that little Hungarian restaurant, right?

I'm talking to the owner. I say, I live alone.

My life's a mess.

I need to find a woman.

Okay.

A couple nights later, Magda shows up here.

We eat.

She cleans up my whole apartment.

Next thing you know, we're doing the Budapest Shuffle.

You know, I've had a rough day. I would really like to turn in.

I know, I know.

I'm sorry.

It's just I can't figure out if she's the best girlfriend in the world who

does windows or the best maid in the world who also does me.

Pete, I just left my wife standing in the rain.

I'm sorry.

I know that must be rough.

Thanks.

I guess I don't really have a problem.

Until Friday, and then I gotta figure out if I gotta pay her.

I don't know what she has in mind here, but I'm gonna watch either way.

You sleep tight.

you're something borrowed.

It's a necklace I wore at me and Greg's wedding that Kitty threw for us.

Wow. It's beautiful.

Thank you.

You okay?

Oh, yeah. Fine.

Dama, I would understand if you don't want to be in my wedding.

Oh, why wouldn't I?

Because Russell is Greg's friend and Greg's going to be an usher and your

marriage is in the crapper.

Oh, don't be silly. I want to be there for you.

Plus, it's good for me to stay busy. It keeps my mind off things.

And when I look at this dress, all my other problems seem so small.

Wait,

wait.

I'm surprised.

Everyone looks stupid, so I look good.

You think that might be Greg?

I don't know.

Well, if it is, shouldn't you answer it?

I don't know if I'm ready to hear what he has to say yet.

Hello?

Oh,

hi, Charlie.

Oh, dear.

No, that's just a friend of mine. She thinks she's Chinese.

What's up?

He did see us, and he's a little bit upset, but it's not your fault.

Actually, he's staying with his friend Pete right now.

Of course I told him that. He found the letter he saw together. What else is he

going to think?

There's nothing really you can do, and I think we probably shouldn't stay in

touch.

I know. I hope so, too, Charlie.

What did she say?

Oh, I'm not comfortable with that kind of language.

You ready to call it a day?

I got a freezer full of goulash.

I got some more work to do.

So do I.

Come on, didn't you hear the little pterodactyl on the pole? Mr. Slate says

quitting time.

I'll see you later.

Listen, I... I know I haven't been much of a help during this whole emotional...

It's okay.

Okay, great.

I'll see you back at the crib.

Mr. Montgomery, there's a man here to see you, and he's gorgeous.

Marlene, who is it?

It's me.

And this will only take a minute.

I heard what's going on with you and Dharma.

Marlene, is there something that you need?

Oh, God, yes.

You can go home now, Marlene.

Okay. I'll go home now to 802 Van Buren. It's a duplex. You can walk it from

here.

Look, I know I'm the last guy you want to talk to about Dharma.

But there are some things you need to know.

And what would that be?

Well, for one thing, I can tell you your wife loves you more than anyone. I

don't need you to tell me that.

Clearly, you need someone to tell you that. All right, you know what? Get out.

Greg, you've got an amazing woman. Yeah, I know. I read your letter. Well, maybe

you should go back and read it again.

Because the woman I'm talking about in that letter is the woman you are about

lose. Oh, and like you're not happy about that?

Greg, if you break her heart, I promise you I will be the first one in line to

put it back together.

But that's not why I'm here.

Why are you here?

Because I want her to be happy.

What makes her happy is you.

And if you don't realize that, then maybe you don't deserve her.

Hi, honey, I'm home.

Oh, you should have called.

I just put away the goulash.

Oh, it's okay. I'm supposed to go to Russell and Susan's wedding rehearsal.

Well, Dharma's a bridesmaid, right?

Yep. Ooh, that should be a good time.

How ticked off do you think Russell will be if I skip the rehearsal? I'm just an

usher. It's not like I'm going to sing Sunrise Sunset.

It's a shame there wouldn't be a dry eye in the house.

How come you're doing the dishes?

Magda's mad at me.

I put some money on the dresser for her. So she's your girlfriend, and she

thinks you're treating her like a hooker.

Or she's my maid and she thinks I'm testing her honesty.

Or she is a hooker and you underpaid her.

You know, I don't need you adding a third thing here.

She's got a heck of a temper.

I think it's a Hungarian thing. Maybe she's born with it.

Idiota!

You go in there and talk to her for me?

No.

Well, could you at least run in there and grab the cash off a nightstand?

You know what?

Russell's my friend. If Dharma has a problem with me being there, she can

Maid wouldn't break things.

Kids have fun.

And a hooker wouldn't clean.

They're all opposed to this marriage.

Let's just start.

Oh, my.

What? Right here.

Are you going to be okay?

Yeah, I'll be fine.

Are you going to do something loud and stupid and screw up my rehearsal?

Well, I hope not.

Hey, sorry I'm late. It's okay. We were just wrapping up the mingling portion of

the evening.

Going so well?

Thankfully, most of Susan's family doesn't speak English, so my parents

only able to offend a select few.

Nice.

Hey, how are you and Dharma doing?

Uh, not so good.

You sure you want to go through with this? Hey, I'm supposed to ask you that.

Explain something to me, Wong.

10 ,000 Chinese restaurants in San Francisco, and we have to schlep up to

Valley? Don't ask.

Nothing is good enough for you.

Okay, okay, the happy chitchat's over.

What did he say? I heard my name.

He say you a sharp -dressed man.

Susan, you're not helping.

Your father trying to pick a fight.

Come on, it was a big thing for him to agree to have the wedding in a Chinese

restaurant. Oh, please. You family like Chinese food more than mine does.

Folks, why don't we put this aside and just do the rehearsal.

Hold on a second.

If people have... issues, they should be able to get them out into the open.

Dharma, it's not going to help to have everyone yelling at each other.

Sometimes, Greg, that's how problems get solved. Yes, and you're the expert on

problem solving. Well, I do know that you solve problems by talking about

not by walking off and leaving somebody standing in the rain holding two wet

dogs. Yes, well, if Mr. Gottlieb was seeing another grumpy old man behind Mr.

Brown's back, that might be appropriate.

Well,

that's all we needed.

You, I should study it. In our country. Hey, hey, we're not in Thailand now,

friend. Taiwan. Oh, what's the difference?

Oops. Yeah.

This is crazy.

I know.

No, no, no, me first. I don't want to live like this.

I love you, and I know you love me.

It's over. It's done. I forgive you. Let's move on.

I'm sorry, what?

I was hurt, but I'm ready to forgive you and move on. I don't even need to know

what happened. I told you nothing happened. Well, it doesn't matter. I

you. That's very big of you.

What's that supposed to mean? It means I know you were hurt, but where do you

get off coming in here and forgiving me and thinking that that is the solution

to our problem? What, you don't want me to forgive you? Look, we can make this

about who did what to who and what was worse. I'm sorry, what could be worse

than running around with another guy? Oh, I don't know, maybe not finding out

what really happened, assuming the worst, walking out and not talking to me

three days.

I was really angry, Darla.

I know what you were.

Look, all I'm saying is that we can make this about who did what to who and

tally up all the points we've got, but then we just wind up with a giant

scorecard instead of a marriage. Hey, I'm the one who's trying to say this is

okay, I forgive you, let's move on, and I get a lecture about how I don't know

how to be in a marriage? What is that?

You just don't get it, do you?

You were taking this way too seriously. The first husband's just practiced like

the first batch of pancakes.

Dharma, Susan's getting married tomorrow. She doesn't need to hear about

pancakes. Marcy, this is the portion of the evening where we explain to Susan

the facts of life.

This should be good.

No, no, we don't have that. We have the fun limousine ride. We have the bright

scavenger hunt.

Susan, you still have to find a pair of jockey shorts.

All right.

Here's what you're signing up for.

You and me.

It's love at first sight. You look into his eyes, he looks into your eyes, and

it's all, you are the sunshine of my life.

That's why I always feel love.

Greg. And Miss Greg.

And she's back.

You know, the really hard part is the family. You don't have this problem with

Russell. Me and Greg's families are so...

So when you have a wonderful future together, so maybe one day you make a

little mistake and he finds out you're human and then it all goes to crap.

Oh, look.

It's the other lady.

You know what? Here's a quarter. Get on the phone. Call it off.

Dermot, that's the light. You bet it is, sister.

It's one time lengthwise, one time widthwise, right? Wrap it around the

it makes a J. You slip it right in the G string. Any questions?

It's okay.

They do bachelor parties here?

They're familiar with the concept, yeah.

Okay, let's move out. Come on, let's go, let's go, let's go.

Come on, six men are going out, six men are coming back.

Nobody gets hurt.

Hey, Russell, you coming?

Yeah, in a minute.

Hey, listen, I know these bachelor party strip club things aren't fun for

anybody. Except Pete.

So let's just kind of see if we can do this for him. It's his night.

What am I doing, Greg?

What do you mean?

Susan and I disagree on where we'll live, what we'll drive.

And I have huge problems with her family, and her family has huge problems

my family.

Am I kidding myself to think it's going to get better?

Yes, you are.

It's not exactly the pep talk I was looking for.

Look, all that stuff is not going to change. So you just got to decide.

Whether it's worth it or not.

How the hell am I supposed to know that?

Hey, guys.

Give us a minute, Pete. You've got to come in there.

Magda's in there.

You're Magda? Yeah.

So, she's a stripper?

I don't know. She's got a feather duster and a French maid's outfit. It could go

either way.

Come on.

Hi. Hi, I work with your daughter down at the co -op, and I just... wanted to

say that we're so happy we can share this wonderful day with you and your

family. Hello.

Very much.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mrs. Wong.

What cultural hubris to just assume you speak English.

It's a crime that we self -absorbed Americans commit all over the world.

And we're hated for it.

Very much to you.

Kitty, Ed, what are you guys doing here? The groom's father is my lawyer.

Oh, right. I knew that. So much for your ginkgo biloba.

Kitty, how is Greg doing with the situation?

As well as could be expected.

Well, I think it's important for us to let the children know that we love and

support them.

And if they don't get it right in this lifetime, they have hundreds of others

work it out.

Yes, that's exactly what I told him.

Listen, Ed, if, God forbid, the kids don't patch this thing up, I want you to

know that I want the four of us to continue to be friends.

Well, let's just hope it doesn't come to that.

I hear you, ma 'am.

Oh, God, this is so bad.

Did you do something different to your hair?

My mistake was that big green drink in the bowl with all the straws.

Why did we order that?

We didn't. That was at another table. You drank it while the people were

dancing.

Really?

That's it. I'm grounded. Just home and school.

Listen, Susan, I may have said some things last night that might have been a

little negative.

That's okay.

But if you could stay away from me today, it would help.

can do that.

Susan, I know you're busy. I'm only going to take a minute.

Oh, you're not supposed to be the bride.

Yeah, six more weeks of winter.

Listen, I've been going about this the wrong way.

It's not about my way or your way or I'm right or you're right. If we do it that

way, we'll just find out with a big scorecard instead of a marriage.

We need to work through these things together.

I really needed to hear that.

Welcome, family and friends.

We're here tonight to celebrate the coming together of Susan and Russell.

They are happy that so many of you who mean so much to them are here to

celebrate and share this, their wedding day.

I welcome you and bless you with these words.

Blessed be you who are here in dedication to all that is loving, good,

sacred.

We celebrate and bless the wedding of Susan and Russell under a chuppah,

the Jewish wedding canopy.

This chuppah symbolizes many, many things. It is tradition in the Jewish

religion.

Mainly, this chuppah symbolizes the home that they will share.

together. Go!

The chuppah symbolizes the home that they're going to share together.

And this chuppah also has special significance.

It was a nice wedding.

Yeah, Marcy sure made a move for that bouquet.

She's a little tiger.

I know.

I thought Mrs. Wong did a good job singing Hava Nagila.

Well, I guess we still have some stuff to work out.

But we will.

I know.

Farmer, are you okay?

I don't think so.