Original subtitles

Honey, are you thinking of going to college?

Yes, I am. You do know you're talking about four years of really hard work.

Yes, I do, and I intend to do it. Okay, fine. Good for you. Listen, anyone who

wants to learn like you do is welcome in my class.

Thanks. Honey, you're killing yourself with this college thing, you know? It's

no big deal. You gave it a shot.

Come here, you.

What happened last night?

It was an innocent and platonic kiss intended to make your ex -wife jealous.

And you're a hell of a kisser. If you want to leave him for that man, then

him.

At least have the courage to bear your burden in silence.

Don't tell him he's got to be in the picture.

I think Charlie obviously has somewhere else to be.

Goodbye, Charlie.

Bye.

Did you find anything?

Yeah, enough dog hair to make a sweater.

an attachment for the vacuum cleaner.

Yeah, we have it. The dogs refuse to use it.

Hey, Marcy, come on in. Okay.

We're looking for a two -page letter. It's from Charlie. A letter from

Yeah, Jane already pointed out that I'm an idiot for keeping it, so we could

just skip that part and get to trying to find it before Greg comes home from

golf. Got it.

Why did she keep the letter?

It was hot.

No, it wasn't hot.

He said that he understood that I loved my husband and that we could never be

together. And that her laughter was like a gentle rain.

He also say when she smiled, the sun turned green.

No, he said that when I smiled, the sun itself turned green with envy such as my

radiance. Now keep looking.

Where did you see it last?

I can't remember. I keep moving it. I had it in my jewelry box, but then I

thought, what if Greg does something crazy like buying me earrings and

them in my jewelry box so when I get dressed, I just find them.

He does that?

Oh, he might.

You put a chocolate on my pillow once. You know how they do in the hotels?

Of course, I didn't see it, and I woke up with an earful of nougat.

I know I should MYOB here, but if I had a husband who did stuff like that, I'd

never keep a love letter from some other guy.

See, Jane, that's a nice way of calling someone an idiot.

But not as fulfilling.

I'd love you any earring.

You know, we don't have to go to the party if you don't want to. Told your

parents if we'd be there, we'll be there.

Can we talk about the letter?

Not now. When?

I don't know, but not now.

Okay, look.

Charlie had feelings for me.

And the truth is, I liked him, too.

But you know what? I'm human. I'm going to meet people that I like, but that

doesn't mean that things are going to happen, because they won't, and they

didn't.

And everyone agrees that I'm an idiot for keeping the letter, including me.

Okay, you talk.

Let's just go to your parents' stupid Maypole party.

You're not going to talk to me at all?

Not now.

Okay.

Can I turn the radio on?

If you like.

We're about to start dancing the maypole. Oh, good.

Listen, Abby, I don't think Greg's going to dance today.

Oh, no, why not, Greg?

Well, it's my third maypole party this month, and I'm just a little pulled out.

Oh, yeah, I know how that can be.

A little pulled out.

Busting me for lying?

but I can't. Fine, let's just go. I'd rather be alone.

Can you get a ride?

I guess.

Dharma, we want to talk about you and Greg.

I keep telling him there's nothing to worry about, but when I explain what

happened, I don't come off looking so good.

Do you think the two of you maybe need to seek professional help?

I know this wonderful phrenologist in the hay. She feels the bumps on your

and the bumps on your partner's head, and then she figures out, you know, why

the two of you are bumping heads.

Greg's pretty conservative, Abby. I don't think he'd be comfortable with

anything like that.

Yeah.

Yeah, he'd probably be more comfortable with something traditional like couples

acupuncture or simultaneous colonic irrigation.

Maybe.

You know, Dharma, this will work out.

Did you and Larry ever go through anything like this?

Yeah, there was this guy before I met your father.

He was gorgeous, okay? He had long hair and a beard and these piercing blue

eyes.

And I had a picture of him from our trip to Mexico.

On the beach in his sandals, a towel wrapped around his waist.

I couldn't throw it out.

And Larry found it? Yeah.

He was furious.

So what did you do?

I told him...

It was a picture of Jesus my mother had sent me.

This was a photograph.

And one day he'll realize that, and we'll talk about it, and I know he'll

forgive me.

All right.

All right, look.

I know you're going through something here.

What I'm about to suggest might be a little bit too soon for you.

But I just met these two girls on the way back from the bathroom.

One of them works at the Gap. The other's like a doctor or a dancer or

something.

Don't bring them over. Oh, come on. This is perfect. They've already had dinner.

All right.

You want to talk about it?

Because it looks like I got all night.

I don't know what to say. I mean, I don't know if I'm angry or numb.

You want to work through this thing with Dharma?

Here's what you do.

You take her to a marriage counselor.

I hadn't thought of that. That's actually a good idea. I know.

And I got the perfect guy for you.

Completely legit counselor, but for a few extra bucks, he takes the husband's

side.

I'm not going to take Dharma to a crooked marriage counselor.

You can go to an honest one, but then it's just a crapshoot.

I'll see you.

Hey, can I get right home from you?

Sure, come on.

I meant, can you come back in a couple hours? I could drive myself now.

Hey.

So have you had dinner yet?

It was really cool of you to suggest going to a marriage counselor. Thanks.

Yeah, this woman's supposed to be very good. She was mentioned in the best and

worst around town article in San Francisco Magazine.

Well, they were right about best sushi bar with the view and best 24 -hour

locksmith. And the dog washing place.

That's good, Dana. All right, Phil, trust her.

This is ridiculous. She did that on purpose. Did you do that on purpose? No.

See? Now just forgive and let go and I'll see you next week.

But you guys are doing great.

Welcome new friends.

My husband, Greg. Dharma. Hi, Greg.

Dr. Kessler. Oh, please. Everyone just called me Dr. Trish.

Okay. Dr. Trish.

And just so you know, I validate feelings, not parking.

So you two got married on the day you met? Uh -huh.

Oh.

And you really didn't know anything about each other?

No, not really.

Then how romantic!

What a wonderful way to...

Out together.

Well, see, now, I'm not sure it is so great because we're having problems.

Uh -uh -uh. We don't have problems. We have feelings.

And around here, we like to take our feelings out of the feelings bag.

Go ahead. Reach in, Greg.

Grab hold of a feeling.

Go on, Greg. Dip.

Good. Got it?

Okay.

Squeeze it.

Good. Feel the feeling.

Good.

Soft.

Round.

Fluffy.

Nothing in the bag.

It's round.

Just say it's round.

Okay, now see, I like the way you were helping him there. That's what a

relationship is all about.

My Brian... Oh, like that.

Okay, let me start again.

Dharma and I have had a couple of... Okay, can I just tell you guys something

really quick?

Congratulations. I know, but so scary.

I mean, we're the kind of people I see around here and everything all the time.

Can we talk about us? Because I'm feeling a little frustrated that we're

focusing on our problem. Don't take problems, take feelings.

Thank you.

Anyway, my wife has feelings for another guy, and... Dr. Fish.

Oh, hi, Brian. Listen, I've got clients right now.

What?

That is weird, because I was just thinking about you, too.

I love you, baby.

Honey, let's never part.

I love you, Briony.

I'm sorry.

You know what? I have an idea.

I think that you guys are ready and up for throwing the fairness ball.

No more games.

Catch!

Stop.

This is not a game. We have a problem here. You lied to me, and I don't know

I can trust you anymore, and I don't know how we're ever going to get that

Maybe you start getting it back by trying to forgive me and stop punishing

How many times do you want me to say I'm sorry? Because I am. I'm really sorry.

Why did you keep the letter? I don't know. I guess I was flattered that he

thought I was so special. And I don't? Of course you do. I know you do.

Terrific.

Dharma acknowledges that Greg thinks she is special also.

The two of you...

Get a sticker!

Why didn't you tell me what happened between you and Charlie?

Because nothing really happened.

And when your mom told me how upset you'd be and hurt if you knew... Wait a

minute. Wait.

My mother knows about this?

Oh, keep going with this. This is good.

Dr. Fish?

No, it's fine, Brian. It's the same people. Why not?

Yes, Brian, I know you have to spend some time with your wife.

No, I'm not mad.

I just... No, I mean, yes, I am aware that you will tell her about us when you

are ready to tell her about us.

You do?

All right, I love you too, baby.

Greg was talking about his mother.

So let's take out the mommy doll.

Greg, what do you want to say to mommy?

Of course I told her not to tell you. It would only hurt you.

Just like her telling you about me only hurts me.

You made it about you really fast.

Gregory, I am sorry.

I am really sorry that you have to go through this. Oh, really?

What is that supposed to mean? Oh, come on. Like you haven't spent the last

three and a half years hoping that Dharma and I would break up. All right,

not saying that I haven't thought that. Thank you.

Oh, Gregory, just sit down.

Please.

Do you remember Emily

Manhart?

The girl I took to the prom?

What about her?

Right before the prom. Remember, we were here.

We took pictures in the living room, and you had on your little tuxedo, and

Emily had on the De La Renta gown.

Hideous, frilly little thing, but it was the style.

What's your point, Mother? The point is that when I looked at the two of you

standing there, I saw your whole life.

You'd go to college.

You'd marry Emily. You'd go into your father's business. You'd have two

children. A little girl, Catherine, after me.

You'd live nearby.

Oh, not so close that I'd...

ruffle Emily's feathers, but close enough so that the grandchildren could

to Nana and Poppy's house.

And you know what?

What?

Well, I think if I'd gotten that wish, you wouldn't be a hundredth as happy as

you have been with Dharma.

Well, it's not exactly paradise right now.

The honeymoon is finally over, so welcome to the real world.

So I'm supposed to act like this never happened? No!

Oh, no.

No, you are angry. And you should be angry. Every right to express your

Years ago, when I discovered that your father had strayed, I instructed the

housekeeper to pick up this very coffee table and throw it through that window.

I just don't know if I can get past it.

Oh, of course you can.

But if you can't...

I understand Emily finally had her ears pinned back.

Hi.

Hi. I wasn't sure you'd be here.

Well, here I am.

So, did you do the Dr. Trish homework?

I tried, but I don't know what these questions have to do with our

If your anger were an animal, what would it be?

I wrote down buffalo just because I don't like them.

You don't like buffaloes? I love buffaloes.

Oh, well, maybe there's something to that one.

You know, we don't have to go back to her. We can find somebody else or we can

just talk.

I want to get through this.

Me too.

So what's new?

Well, my mother seems to be loosening up a bit.

Really? Yeah, she suddenly thinks you're good for me, and when we have kids, she

wants to be called Nana.

Wow, miss a little, miss a lot.

What about you?

Just stuff.

I got accepted to UCC.

Well, that's great.

Yeah, but I'm probably not going to go because that's where Charlie teaches and

that would bother you. No, you worked hard to get in. You should go.

You sure?

Absolutely.

Well, it's a very big place. I probably won't even see him.

Well, that's probably a good thing.

So what do we do now?

I'm not sure.

Do you want to just get a bite to eat and talk?

That sounds nice.

You know, the pizza place across the street made the ten best lists in San

Francisco Magazine.

Chinese it is.

What are you doing here?

Oh, just registered.

Got my book.

You got in? Well, that's great. Yeah.

Can I give you a lift somewhere?

Oh, no, I'm fine. The bus will be here.

The bus doesn't come by again for an hour. Come on, my car's right over here.

Oh, I'm fine. I'm cool. I love the rain.

It's freezing.

Don't care. I love the freezing.

Dharma, you're being silly. Now, let me give you a ride.

Charlie, Greg, that's... I found the letter you sent me.

Oh. Yeah.

I kept the letter.

Get over yourself.

Sorry.

Anyway, I think everything's going to work out okay, but I don't think it

be a good idea if you and I started hanging out together, you know? Okay, I

understand. Yeah.

But you getting pneumonia when I've got a perfectly good crappy car you can ride

in doesn't make any sense either, so, uh... Come on.

Dharma.

You know, it doesn't have the thing over it. I don't care what kind of fence it

was, darling.

Where are you going? I don't know.

Not home. Come on, Greg. Let's go inside and talk about this.

I don't have anything to say, and there's nothing I want to hear.