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1
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Have you seen my other captain's bar?
Oh, sure. Here, honey.
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I can't believe you're using my
captain's bars to hold up a Love Is
3
00:00:11,010 --> 00:00:13,810
I can't believe I put this up for you
three months ago and you never noticed
4
00:00:14,050 --> 00:00:16,590
But then, love is loving his fault.
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These are official captain's bars.
Honey, you're only in the Army Reserves
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00:00:20,530 --> 00:00:23,530
weeks out of the year. The other 50,
they're assigned to the Thumbtack
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Okay, but just so you know...
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These are official captain's books. Yes,
they are.
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Okay, listen. Hey, while I got you here,
what do you think about if we knock out
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this wall and put in a pass -through
window? You know, maybe a countertop and
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bar stools on the other side. It'd be
great for puppet shows.
12
00:00:38,460 --> 00:00:40,680
But we could eat there, too, right? Or
both.
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Dinner theater.
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00:00:43,940 --> 00:00:44,879
That's probably Pete.
15
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All right.
16
00:00:46,360 --> 00:00:48,300
I guess this has been up long enough.
17
00:00:50,220 --> 00:00:52,620
Ooh, mock tuna salad. That sounds good.
18
00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:56,029
Hi, Pete.
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00:00:56,030 --> 00:00:57,270
Well, look at that. It's young Elvis.
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00:00:59,890 --> 00:01:03,790
Thank you. Is that my paperwork for the
plane? Hey, hey, hey. Not so grabby,
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00:01:03,790 --> 00:01:05,750
Joe. Wear my chocolate and nylons first.
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00:01:07,370 --> 00:01:10,430
Pete, don't bop that. I don't want to go
off to war or a virgin thing. That's
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how he got me.
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00:01:12,410 --> 00:01:14,550
Man, I wish somebody would have said
something last night.
25
00:01:16,330 --> 00:01:19,810
Did you get somebody to water the plants
and pick up the mail at the office?
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How many times are you going to ask me
that?
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00:01:22,250 --> 00:01:23,850
Take care of it tomorrow, okay?
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Okay.
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Do I smell cinnamon buns?
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No. You mind if I check?
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Go ahead.
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Hey, how come they're going to close the
office down while you're gone? Because
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I'm not going to be here. But your
partner will be here. Not if he smells
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imaginary cinnamon buns.
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I think it was the cereal.
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Do you mind if I have some? But in
there. Do not walk around with it.
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Okay.
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00:01:44,690 --> 00:01:47,870
How is Pete ever going to feel confident
as a lawyer if you close the office
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every time you leave town?
40
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Dharma, I love Pete.
41
00:01:50,650 --> 00:01:54,310
But he's not going to feel confident as
a lawyer because he's not a good lawyer.
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Because you're not giving him a chance.
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Look, I know you see Pete as a wobbly
little baby bird, but maybe he's a
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00:02:02,820 --> 00:02:06,200
majestic eagle just perched on a cliff
waiting to soar.
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00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:09,440
I do not see Pete as a wobbly little
baby bird.
46
00:02:10,280 --> 00:02:12,360
You guys don't want this temporary
tattoo thing, do you?
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00:02:12,900 --> 00:02:13,900
No.
48
00:02:14,380 --> 00:02:18,740
You know, Pete, I've been thinking,
maybe we should keep the office open
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I'm gone.
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00:02:19,420 --> 00:02:21,400
I'll get somebody to take care of the
plants.
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00:02:22,840 --> 00:02:25,580
LP, Greg wants you to take care of
everything while he's gone.
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All by myself?
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00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:31,100
Sure. I mean, there's no reason why you
shouldn't. I'm sure you'll do a great
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job.
55
00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:33,600
All by myself?
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00:02:34,660 --> 00:02:37,260
Yeah, we'll talk about it on the way to
the airport.
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I'll call you when I get there.
58
00:02:38,860 --> 00:02:41,820
I'll wait for you, my soldier boy, no
matter how long you're gone.
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00:02:42,180 --> 00:02:43,180
Starma, it's two weeks.
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00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:44,640
Oh, well, then I can't make any
promises.
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Love you.
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Love you, too.
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00:02:47,920 --> 00:02:50,880
I gotta tell you, Greg.
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I'm not real comfortable running the
office all by myself. Pete, you'll be
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You'll do a great job.
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00:02:55,780 --> 00:02:58,500
You do remember I went to law school in
the Caribbean on a high -life
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scholarship.
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Dharma.
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00:03:03,860 --> 00:03:04,960
What are you doing?
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00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:06,400
Pass through a window.
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00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:09,680
We just talked about this.
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That's nice. I mean, it really opens the
room up.
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Any suggestions?
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00:03:41,180 --> 00:03:43,560
I don't know. I used to blame stuff like
this on my little brother.
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00:03:45,100 --> 00:03:48,320
I want a pass -through here. I want to
stick my head through this hole and say,
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who wants pie?
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I never have pie.
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Because I don't have a pass -through.
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00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:56,620
Now, come on. You know about this stuff.
What do I do?
80
00:03:57,540 --> 00:03:59,920
Well, you got to reroute all the water
and the gas.
81
00:04:00,540 --> 00:04:02,560
This looks like the main trunk to a
phone line.
82
00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:05,700
You know what? Why don't I give you a
hand? We can knock this out in two,
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00:04:05,700 --> 00:04:07,060
days. A week, if you pay me.
84
00:04:08,780 --> 00:04:12,260
Thanks, but this is my project. Besides,
Greg wants you to handle things at the
85
00:04:12,260 --> 00:04:14,960
office. Well, I don't think so. He took
the key to the big file cabinet.
86
00:04:16,980 --> 00:04:18,200
Really? That's weird.
87
00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:21,380
Not that weird. I bet next time he
leaves, he locks up your tools.
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00:04:24,580 --> 00:04:26,360
This envelope tastes terrible.
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00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:27,940
It's a vegan glue.
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00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:29,440
Made out of turnips.
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00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:31,120
Tastes like feet.
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00:04:32,110 --> 00:04:36,530
Hey, you guys, my friend Pete is a
really great lawyer, and he doesn't have
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00:04:36,530 --> 00:04:39,670
lot of cases right now, so I'm thinking
if anyone needs any help with the legal
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00:04:39,670 --> 00:04:40,670
problem.
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00:04:41,770 --> 00:04:45,950
Anyone ticked off or cheesed off or got
their panties in a knot or a bunch or a
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00:04:45,950 --> 00:04:47,510
lot? Yeah, okay.
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00:04:48,350 --> 00:04:51,590
Somebody needs to sue the United States
government for the suppression of alien
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medical technology.
99
00:04:54,330 --> 00:04:55,770
Okay, that's a possibility.
100
00:04:56,430 --> 00:05:00,270
What else we got? Claire, can you say,
Will, what have you heard?
101
00:05:03,210 --> 00:05:06,310
also might have meant that Clara was
going to take a long trip to see her
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00:05:06,310 --> 00:05:08,410
parents. My parents are dead.
103
00:05:10,970 --> 00:05:12,850
I'm just learning tea leaves.
104
00:05:16,230 --> 00:05:19,010
Hey, Marcy, do you need a lawyer for any
reason?
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00:05:19,230 --> 00:05:20,209
Uh, no.
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00:05:20,210 --> 00:05:24,450
Dharma, I know you're trying to help
Pete, but lawsuits just divide people
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instead of bringing them together.
108
00:05:26,230 --> 00:05:29,250
Remember, law spelled backwards is wall.
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Right, Dharma. Besides, everything with
me is great.
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00:05:34,580 --> 00:05:35,960
What happened to your arm?
111
00:05:36,260 --> 00:05:41,680
Oh, nothing really. I was on my way to
shower at the Y because my landlord
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temporarily turned off our hot water a
few months ago.
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And I had to take the bus because the
steering wheel on my new car, well, it
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00:05:49,860 --> 00:05:50,860
keeps coming off.
115
00:05:51,900 --> 00:05:56,360
And anyway, I was getting off the bus
and the driver accidentally closed the
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door on my arm and dragged me not far.
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Maybe a block.
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00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:02,160
That was you?
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00:06:02,300 --> 00:06:05,740
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't see you. I would
have waved.
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00:06:07,440 --> 00:06:08,700
What do you think, Abby?
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00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:11,480
Well, obviously, we can sue those
people.
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00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:16,100
I don't want to make any trouble. I
mean, my brother -in -law told me the
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and the bus driver was very apologetic,
and I think he might ask me out.
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00:06:22,990 --> 00:06:24,250
Why don't we go after your landlord?
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00:06:24,810 --> 00:06:28,810
Any particular feelings you have towards
him? Well, no, I only met him that one
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time when he came over to remove all the
smoke detectors.
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I got a lawyer for you.
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00:06:34,810 --> 00:06:38,330
Oh, can we take the bus? Because I think
it's important to get back on the
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horse.
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00:06:41,230 --> 00:06:42,530
So we have a case, right?
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Yeah, probably.
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00:06:44,290 --> 00:06:46,010
If I were you, I'd get myself a lawyer.
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00:06:49,130 --> 00:06:51,970
Seems Marcy would like you to handle it.
Me?
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00:06:52,590 --> 00:06:53,590
All by myself?
135
00:06:54,310 --> 00:06:56,290
You know, this really isn't that
important.
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00:06:57,130 --> 00:06:58,130
Marcy?
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Let's do the bastard.
138
00:07:02,530 --> 00:07:04,030
Come on, Pete. What do we do first?
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00:07:04,350 --> 00:07:05,350
Well, all right.
140
00:07:06,230 --> 00:07:07,189
Hang on.
141
00:07:07,190 --> 00:07:08,470
Let me check something.
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00:07:10,890 --> 00:07:11,890
Landlord.
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The wheels of justice are turning.
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Landlord's one word, right?
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And Phil.
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All right.
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00:07:25,480 --> 00:07:28,720
Hey, Marlene, quick question. What kind
of forms do you need if your landlord
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turned off your hot water and you want
to sue him?
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00:07:30,640 --> 00:07:34,900
Well, first you file a complaint with
the court. Then you file a motion for
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mandatory injunction seeking equitable
relief for the matter outlined in the
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complaint.
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00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:41,080
Thanks.
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00:07:42,440 --> 00:07:46,800
Okay, I'm just riffing here, but, um...
What if we filed a complaint with the
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court and then filed a motion for
mandatory injunction seeking equitable
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for the matter outlined in the
complaint?
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do you do that?
157
00:08:00,580 --> 00:08:02,160
This is for Pete, isn't it?
158
00:08:03,840 --> 00:08:07,200
Yeah, he just needs a little push in the
right direction. Could you help? Sure.
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00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:08,840
Great.
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00:08:09,660 --> 00:08:14,060
All he has to do is get down on both
knees and say, Marlene, you are the
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of law.
162
00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:17,320
You know everything and I know nothing.
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You are exalted and I am ignorant dirt.
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00:08:23,440 --> 00:08:25,840
What if I talk to Greg about getting you
a raise?
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00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:28,500
And a company car with a ski rack? I'll
do my best.
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00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:32,480
This is very sweet of you. I like
helping people.
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00:08:34,580 --> 00:08:37,799
Honey, you would have been so proud of
Pete. You should have seen him all
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dressed up with his hair comb, trying to
remember the combination to his
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briefcase. Uh, Pete filed a suit?
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00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:44,760
What's the suit?
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What's the difference? The point is he's
doing great. All he needed was someone
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to believe in him.
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00:08:49,820 --> 00:08:51,680
Oh, Darman, you didn't loan him any
money, did you?
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00:08:52,720 --> 00:08:55,660
Why can't you just admit that it was a
good thing to leave the office open?
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00:08:55,960 --> 00:08:59,480
Okay. You're right. I'm sorry. How's the
pass -through coming?
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Good, good.
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00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:04,620
How's the Army Reserves going?
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00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:08,360
Oh, great. You know, it's mostly
military law classes, but there's some
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00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:10,480
cool electives. Yesterday, I got to ride
in a tank.
180
00:09:11,020 --> 00:09:12,020
Really?
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00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:14,440
Did they let you fire the gun and blow
stuff up?
182
00:09:15,580 --> 00:09:20,340
No, they don't let you fire the gun. But
I got to ride in it, and one of the
183
00:09:20,340 --> 00:09:21,340
guys took my picture.
184
00:09:23,370 --> 00:09:24,370
So you made some friends?
185
00:09:24,530 --> 00:09:27,950
Oh, yeah. We're army buddies. I mean,
these are the friendships that last a
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00:09:27,950 --> 00:09:30,890
lifetime, you know? In fact, tonight,
some of the guys and I are going on
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00:09:30,890 --> 00:09:33,470
special night maneuvers with an elite
group of army rangers.
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00:09:35,390 --> 00:09:37,070
Do lawyers do that?
189
00:09:37,330 --> 00:09:41,370
Oh, yeah. You know, camouflage, night
goggles, the whole deal. And, you know,
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00:09:41,390 --> 00:09:42,390
we're not all lawyers.
191
00:09:42,790 --> 00:09:44,010
Colonel Flexman is a dentist.
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00:09:45,830 --> 00:09:46,830
Hang on.
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00:09:48,570 --> 00:09:49,570
Hey,
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00:09:50,650 --> 00:09:53,070
Marcy. My landlord left me out of my
apartment.
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00:09:55,790 --> 00:09:57,250
have to call you back. Have fun camping.
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00:09:57,550 --> 00:09:58,990
Dharma, it's not camping.
197
00:10:00,990 --> 00:10:02,970
Right. I'm sorry. I love you, honey.
Bye.
198
00:10:03,950 --> 00:10:07,470
What happened? I thought Pete got your
water turned on. I know, but then I went
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00:10:07,470 --> 00:10:09,330
home and there was a big padlock on my
door.
200
00:10:09,930 --> 00:10:13,610
Anyway, I was wondering if I could
borrow a sweater. It's a little drafty
201
00:10:13,610 --> 00:10:18,410
Y. No, Marcy. Not staying at the Y. Come
on. We'll go see Pete and get this all
202
00:10:18,410 --> 00:10:19,289
straightened out.
203
00:10:19,290 --> 00:10:20,290
Oh, wow.
204
00:10:20,410 --> 00:10:22,150
Did you tell your landlord about that?
205
00:10:32,780 --> 00:10:33,780
looks a little crooked.
206
00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:37,480
I've got a little problem here. Marcy's
landlord locked her out of her
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00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:38,640
apartment. Relax.
208
00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:39,960
I expected that.
209
00:10:40,580 --> 00:10:43,320
I wish you would have told me I would
have worn a sweater.
210
00:10:44,880 --> 00:10:47,280
Don't worry. You know, we'll slap a
restraining order on him.
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00:10:47,660 --> 00:10:49,300
We'll have you back in your apartment in
no time.
212
00:10:49,700 --> 00:10:51,900
That sounds good. A restraining order.
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00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:54,780
Doesn't sound to you, Marlene, a
restraining order.
214
00:11:03,790 --> 00:11:06,150
whose name is partially on that door?
215
00:11:06,890 --> 00:11:08,890
You are a pathetic little man.
216
00:11:09,150 --> 00:11:13,770
You know, I don't got to take that.
Pete, she's just cracking wise, which is
217
00:11:13,770 --> 00:11:18,170
of the things we love about her. You
pathetic little man. Where do you come
218
00:11:18,170 --> 00:11:19,170
with this?
219
00:11:20,050 --> 00:11:23,710
All I'm saying is you don't slap a
restraining order on the guy. You go
220
00:11:23,710 --> 00:11:25,970
the court. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Now, who's
the lawyer here?
221
00:11:26,370 --> 00:11:28,270
Pete, no one's saying you're not the
lawyer.
222
00:11:28,530 --> 00:11:29,570
We're just thinking it.
223
00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:45,360
That's for me to know.
224
00:12:41,930 --> 00:12:44,610
They must have given us a bad bunch of
night goggles because we couldn't really
225
00:12:44,610 --> 00:12:47,810
see anything. And then the compasses
didn't work and we didn't have any
226
00:12:47,810 --> 00:12:49,050
batteries for the flashlights.
227
00:12:49,450 --> 00:12:50,470
It was pretty rough.
228
00:12:51,010 --> 00:12:54,530
Honey, I'm sure these guys aren't just
playing a little joke on you.
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00:12:55,430 --> 00:12:59,050
Dharma, these are U .S. Army Rangers.
They're not frat boys.
230
00:13:01,570 --> 00:13:02,570
Okay, well, listen.
231
00:13:02,690 --> 00:13:05,910
Hey, so long as I got you on the phone,
I got this crazy bet going with someone
232
00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:08,830
at work. Let's assume you're in a battle
with your landlord over hot water and
233
00:13:08,830 --> 00:13:11,780
you file the motion for mandatory
injunction seeking equity. Bull Relief,
234
00:13:11,780 --> 00:13:14,580
responded by locking you out of your
apartment, what would be the next thing
235
00:13:14,580 --> 00:13:15,820
do say, legally speaking?
236
00:13:16,940 --> 00:13:18,420
Does this have something to do with
Pete?
237
00:13:19,060 --> 00:13:20,060
What do you mean?
238
00:13:20,280 --> 00:13:23,600
Well, you know, if Pete's having any
problems, just tell him to ask Marlene.
239
00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:27,260
Okay, but if we were to ask her, what do
you think she'd say? Oh, honey, there's
240
00:13:27,260 --> 00:13:28,520
our cab. I gotta go. Love you.
241
00:13:30,580 --> 00:13:34,180
I don't want to rough you, Dharma, but
if we're gonna shower at the Y, it's
242
00:13:34,180 --> 00:13:35,560
to get there before 8 o 'clock.
243
00:13:37,500 --> 00:13:39,200
Oh, uh, you should shower.
244
00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:41,240
Watch the towels.
245
00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:28,739
Dharma, what's up?
246
00:14:28,740 --> 00:14:33,180
Listen, Pete, about the Marcy thing, I
was talking to one of my yoga students.
247
00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:38,660
I'm not sure. She might have been a
lawyer. And she said that in a landlord
248
00:14:38,660 --> 00:14:43,400
dispute like this, you file a writ of
mandamus with a declaration to the
249
00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:44,440
Superior Court.
250
00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:46,040
Yeah, that's what I did.
251
00:14:59,030 --> 00:15:01,530
Amber, can I have a copy of the papers
that Pete filed at the court this
252
00:15:01,530 --> 00:15:04,190
morning? Um, yeah, it's over there in
the cabinet.
253
00:16:42,030 --> 00:16:43,990
It's a really exciting time.
254
00:16:45,010 --> 00:16:47,350
What's the big deal?
255
00:16:47,950 --> 00:16:48,950
It's perjury.
256
00:16:50,430 --> 00:16:53,270
Pete can go to jail and they can shut
down Greg's law firm.
257
00:16:54,930 --> 00:16:56,710
Darby wants to talk to you. Hang on.
258
00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:46,080
carted off to jail, that is going to be
a major setback. Oh, yeah.
259
00:17:46,860 --> 00:17:47,860
Jail's bad.
260
00:17:49,500 --> 00:17:50,720
Exactly. Yeah.
261
00:17:51,360 --> 00:17:53,380
So what do you think? Can you give me
back the papers?
262
00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:55,280
No.
263
00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:57,700
That's it? Just no?
264
00:17:58,500 --> 00:17:59,500
No, ma 'am.
265
00:18:01,180 --> 00:18:03,980
Okay. Can I explain to you again what
happened?
266
00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:05,199
If you'd like.
267
00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:06,200
Would it change anything?
268
00:18:06,500 --> 00:18:07,500
No, ma 'am.
269
00:18:11,220 --> 00:18:14,940
haven't thought of that would let me get
those papers back before a judge sees
270
00:18:14,940 --> 00:18:16,020
them? Possibly.
271
00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:18,820
What might that be?
272
00:18:19,060 --> 00:18:20,060
I don't know.
273
00:18:23,860 --> 00:18:24,860
Okay.
274
00:18:25,380 --> 00:18:26,580
Let's try another approach.
275
00:18:26,860 --> 00:18:27,860
Okay.
276
00:19:08,360 --> 00:19:09,360
Our pleasure, dear.
277
00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:13,140
I would have called my folks, but
they're at my place and the phone isn't
278
00:19:13,140 --> 00:19:14,140
working.
279
00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:20,420
Don't you want to know why I was eating
court documents?
280
00:19:21,880 --> 00:19:22,920
Not really, dear.
281
00:19:23,860 --> 00:19:24,880
I'm a little curious.
282
00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:26,320
Edward?
283
00:19:26,460 --> 00:19:27,460
It's unimportant.
284
00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:36,100
Hey, do you think we could stop for some
Pepto or something? I think I got a
285
00:19:36,100 --> 00:19:37,620
little paper jam going back here.
286
00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:04,420
The contractor that's putting in the
pass -through window. Nah, we don't need
287
00:20:04,420 --> 00:20:05,420
pass -through window.
288
00:20:07,120 --> 00:20:09,760
You know what you haven't had in two
weeks?
289
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:12,200
Yes, I do. A hot pretzel. Let's go get
you one.
290
00:20:14,180 --> 00:20:15,920
Well, shouldn't somebody be here while
they're working?
291
00:20:16,220 --> 00:20:17,220
Marcy's here.
292
00:20:17,740 --> 00:20:18,740
Marcy's here?
293
00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:22,080
I'm glad you're cool with that, because
she's kind of living with us for a
294
00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:23,560
while. Oh, I have good news.
295
00:20:23,780 --> 00:20:26,880
I got you a new law client. A fun case.
Contempt of court.
296
00:20:27,300 --> 00:20:29,560
Destroying public records. Please tell
me it's not feet.
297
00:20:30,380 --> 00:20:31,520
It is not Pete.
298
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:33,720
Anything else?
299
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:35,140
Marlene could probably use a raise.
24273
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