All language subtitles for dharma_greg_s04e14_educating_dharma_2

Hey, I got a question for you. Shoot.

But first you have to know that I took
notes for Donald today and I found out

that all the stuff Larry taught me was
bogus, so I decided to go to college.

because I'm angry at Larry, but because
I really want to go.

So I made some calls and it turns out
that the diploma Abby Needle pointed for

me isn't going to cut it, so I got to
get my GED.

Which brings me to my question.

If a train leaves Boston at 5 .30 and
another train... Hold it, hold it, hold

it. You're going to go to college?

Maybe, if I could figure out what time
these trains collide.

You're okay with that, right?

Uh, sure.

You don't sound very enthusiastic.

I'm sorry. I mean, if this is actually
something that you're going to follow

through with, I'm right behind you.

I'm going to follow through with it.

Spray painted a little graffiti on the
front window of the Jenny Craig store.

I'm sure if you clean it up and
apologize. Well, I didn't really do

just drove.

Trevor and Jason were the ones who
painted the big pig.

I wouldn't worry too much about it. I'm
sure everybody understands it was just a

harmless prank.

Well, I'd like to audit your class.

Really? You want to be here even though
you don't have to be?

I love this class.

The way you spoke about Richard Nixon
opening up China, I felt like I was

there asking Mao to pass the duck sauce.

I'm in love. Are you married?

Yeah.

I mean, if you really want to take my
class, I'd be glad to have you. How

we do it in trade? I teach yoga.

Deal. I've always wanted to learn yoga.

Really? Sure.

Great. If you stretch my mind, I'll
stretch your body. I mean, I'm married.

I mean, I'm... Listen,

Brandon, I really understand what you're
going through. You know, your parents

are never around, and then they try to
make up for it by buying you a trip to

Europe or the big fancy sports car. They
didn't buy this. Really? Then how did

you... Hey,

how about this?

I'll go with you, and then we study
afterwards.

Oh, I don't know. Come on, it'll be fun.
We'll pretend I'm your new girlfriend,

make the ex a little jealous.

Well,

here we go.

Oh, that's her, huh?

Follow my lead.

Come here, you.

With my husband.

I'm talking about the thing at the
party. Hey, you at a party, huh? You're

to love my husband. God knows I do.

It's late. I don't want to bother him.
Why would you bother him? You're my

friend. There's nothing to bother him
about that.

Hey, Greg, I want you to meet my friend
Charlie, who I told you all about.

It's weird. He's usually very dependably
here.

Maybe he's in the shower.

I really should go. No, why should you
go? There's nothing wrong.

Sit. You stay.

You stay.

She meant me.

He's not here. Maybe you should go.
Okay.

Hey, there's that husband of mine.

Honey, this is my tutor, Charlie.

Hi. Hi, nice to meet you.

Where you been, pumpkin?

I'm going to take a shower. They put you
in a jail cell with a toilet right

there.

Do you see the way he opened up to you
right away?

All right, well, maybe you should be
going.

Greg!

Yeah, and?

Nothing. Just wanted you to know I've
been thinking about it.

Well, let me know what you decide.

I could use a couple days off.

I guess that'd be okay.

To think about it.

Why don't I just pay you back the 200
bucks?

Well, yeah, sure, and I'll just forget
about the gas money and the Howard Stern

pay -per -view special I'd already
ordered.

How's 250?

I stopped at an Arby's on the way up.

Hello, husband.

I thought you'd be studying.

Come on, Greg. I don't spend every
minute with a guy.

What guy?

Charlie. Oh, Charlie. Okay, can we get
off of Charlie?

Just came by to surprise the guy I love
with a nice picnic lunch.

Here, Pete, I made you a sandwich, too.

Thanks. You're welcome. Now go eat in
your car.

All right.

Thanks, Helen. Very classy.

So, would you like your lunch first or
your dessert?

Dharma, I'd love to.

But?

Why?

I have a meeting in a few minutes.

Okay.

Look, I know we haven't been spending
much time together lately, and I'm

and I'll make it up to you, I promise.

That's okay.

It's no big deal. I'm sorry.

I can leave you the lunch, but dessert
comes with me.

You need to talk.

Sure.

Come on in.

Yeah, I know it's not much to look at,
so try not to look.

No.

It's great. Got your books, your
calendar, your plant.

Yeah.

It's just temporary until the divorce is
final.

Then I'll be moving into a cardboard
box.

Then you'll have a little more light.

Here, sit.

Can I get you something?

Um, no.

Thanks, I'm fine. I can't stay long.

Okay.

Well, what's up?

Charlie, we need to talk about what
happened last night.

Okay.

What happened last night?

It was an innocent and platonic kiss
intended to make your ex -wife jealous.

Well, it certainly worked. She called me
and demanded her plant back.

And it was innocent and platonic.

To tell you the truth, that's what I
thought, you know, for the first two

-thirds of the kiss. And then it kind of
took a turn there.

Charlie, I'm happily married, and I love
my husband.

And you're a hell of a kisser.

Charlie. Look, I'm sorry. I never meant
for anything like this to happen. And I

know you're married. Happily. Right.

But if that should ever change, I just
want you to know, half of all this could

be yours.

Well, thanks. That's good to know.

But in the meantime, friends?

Go good tomorrow?

Great. And afterwards, maybe we can go
over any questions before you take your

GED. Great. Okay.

Oh, I guess we did that already. Yeah.

Um,

so I guess I'll go.

See you.

Goodbye.

Just bang?

No, chitty, chitty, bang, bang?

Nope. That's not going to work.

Hey, I've had plenty of friends, guy
friends, who are just friends.

Name one.

What about Albert?

The crossing god?

Uh -huh. Just friends.

You see him once a day for five minutes,
and he's 80 years old, and he wants

you. Hey, just because a man says that
he can still drive at night doesn't mean

he's hitting on you.

I think you're kidding yourself, Dharma.
Men are beasts.

I want to chop you like a dead battery.

Just this morning, the bus driver asked
me if this was where I got off.

Did you believe that?

I would have said something, but it was
my stuff.

So, how hot is this Charlie guy? Can we
fry an egg on his pants or what?

Oh, yeah.

Okay, you know what? All right, okay?

There is nothing going on with Charlie
and me. Can we please change the

Is she going to see him again?

Tonight they're studying.

Uh -huh.

Uh -huh. Uh -huh.

Better go home and shave your legs.

You know what you want?

Oh, no, I'm waiting for a friend.

Okay, would you like something to drink?
A glass of wine?

No, we're just friends. We're going to
be studying. We're not drinking wine.

Wine's what you drink when you're on a
date.

Oh, I could have a beer, though. Friends
have beer.

Would you like a beer? No, I don't... I
don't think so. I'm going to wait and

see what he gets.

Okay. Oh, you know what? What if he
comes here and sees I don't have

so wants to order a bottle of wine?

Better get me a cup.

Okay. With a shot of rum.

Okay. No, wait.

No rum.

Okay.

Hey, yo, Charlie buddy over here.

Hey, Dama, sorry I'm late.

Oh, that's okay. You're not late. I just
cracked the books. Oh, good.

Geometry, your favorite.

We'll start with that. Oh, okay.

Hey, do you want to get a bottle of
wine?

Sure. All right. I got to go.

Previously, I had feelings for Charlie.

It doesn't make any sense because my
feelings for Greg haven't changed one

If anything, I'd love him more now than
I did the day we met.

Oh, Darmy, you know better than that.
Feelings don't have to make any sense.

It's true. You know what summer sausage
does to me?

And yet I have dreams about it.

Larry, that's not the same thing. That's
a homoerotic thing.

You just say that because you don't like
me eating meat.

It works, too.

Dharma, how long have you known this
man?

It's a couple of weeks, but the
connection is so strong.

I really want to find a way for us to be
friends. I just don't know how to do

it.

Well, I think you know what we're going
to say.

Continuing to see this man and
suppressing your feelings is just going

you so much pain.

You're right.

So the only thing to do is go to Greg
and tell him the truth and hope that

comfortable welcoming Charlie into your
marriage.

What?

The notion that a relationship is
restricted to two people is arbitrary

imposed by societal convention.

Yeah, I mean, some people are meant to
live in pairs and other people are meant

to live in warm, loving...

And that's what's good for them.

You remember Herb and Sheila and Lois
Tupperman?

Tupperman's were a clump. Oh, a very
happy clump.

You know, Herb has almost zero
cholesterol.

Okay, but you guys, my thing is not the
same as the Tupperman's. Well, sure,

because that was two women and one man,
but the emotional issues are the same.

Abby, I'm not going to live in a menage
a trois with Charlie and Greg.

Oh, well, then you really do have a
dilemma on your hands.

You are fantastic.

Thank you. You weren't too shabby
yourself.

Thank you.

And you.

Can't take all the credit. I had a
little help there. No, no, no.

You were more than holding up your end,
Bravo.

Thanks.

Good night.

Good night.

Well done.

Tomorrow. So, where you been?

I'm sorry. I should have called. I
got... You know what? I'm sorry. You

have to call. I trust you. Trust is one
of the strongest parts of our marriage.

Okay.

So, where were you?

Oh, um... It looks like this friend and
kid's parents are splitting up and his

mother needed a good lawyer, so I
introduced her to Howard Radner, my

does divorce work.

Oh, that's too bad. How come you're
helping her, not the father?

She asked me.

Oh, that's understandable.

Beautiful, vulnerable woman asking you
for help? Of course you say yes.

I wouldn't call Nancy vulnerable.

Oh, Nancy.

Call her Nancy.

So she calls you Greg?

Yes, she does.

Well, that seems perfectly normal. Two
adults calling each other by their first

names till 8 .30 at night. There's
nothing to feel guilty about there.

Thelma, is something bothering you?

Why? Is something bothering you?

No.

Greg, clearly something is bothering
you, otherwise you wouldn't be

it onto me.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Maybe you should think about it for a
while.

I just want you to know that I love you
and I trust you and I know it's nothing

you're going to act on, so it won't
change anything between us, okay?

when we start for this test tomorrow,
huh?

That's probably a good idea.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. My turn,
my turn. I want to raise a glass of this

legal intoxicant in honor of my
daughter, who now that she passed her

be the first Finkelstein to go to
college.

Larry, you went to college.

Okay, just wait a minute.

Since me.

Since Finkelstein, well said.

First of all, I have to apologize to
Dharma. When she told me she wanted to

this, I didn't take her seriously.

But if there's one thing I've learned,
it's that this woman can do anything

she sets her mind to, including
convincing a busy college professor to

on his own time. Charlie, thank you for
giving Dharma the help, the

encouragement, and the pats on the back
that I wasn't there to give.

To Charlie!

And Dharma, thank you for being my
teacher.

You inspire me in so many ways.

And here's to spending the next four
years sleeping with an attractive

co -ed.

And with any luck, it'll be my wife.

Speech! Speech!

Speech! Well,

thank you everyone for coming.

I really appreciate all of your support.

Why don't I get some more drinks?

Sleeping with co -eds, that is!

Would you like some help? Oh, no, I'm
fine. Sure?

Everything's under control.

Your professor seems like a nice fellow.

He is.

Very handsome.

Very charming.

He's just a friend.

I thought he was your tutor. Oh, he is.
No, he really is. He's really more my

tutor than my friend. Uh -huh.

Oh, my friend Evelyn had a French tutor.

The two of them live in New Jersey now.

Kitty, nothing happened.

Nothing happened?

All right, look, some stuff happened,
but not the kind of stuff people usually

talk about when they say stuff happened.
In that regard, nothing happened.

All right, good, good.

Then I suggest you say adieu before
something does.

I, um, thought we could just be friends,
but I guess I'm going to have to put an

end to it.

Good.

And I have to tell Greg.

Tell him what?

That I had feelings for Charlie and that
there was a kiss.

Dama, listen to me. You cannot tell
Gregory any of that. I have to, Kitty.

So that you can feel better and Gregory
can be hurt.

Our whole relationship is based on
honesty.

Look, Dama, we both know that you are
not the woman I would have chosen for my

son. But you are the woman that he
chose.

Now, if you want to leave him for that
man, then leave him. But if not...

At least have the courage to bear your
burden in silence.

Hey, hey, hurry up. I want to take a
group photo with the graduate before Dad

passes out. Oh, she'll be right there.
She'll be right there. Okay.

So I'm supposed to go out there and live
my life and let this thing gnaw on my

soul forever?

Yes.

It's called love.

Ah, don't forget your shrimp, dear.

sitting here. Oh, good. Okay, everybody
over here. We're going to take a

picture. Here we go. Here we go. All
righty.

Or by the couch. Everybody by the couch.

It's time to get in there.

Hang on a sec. I do want to say
something.

I just want to thank the person without
whom I would not have passed this test

and without whom I would not be saying
whom.

Oh, you were right to doubt that I'd
stick to this.

Because I spent my whole life being open
to new things, you know, which is good.

But you showed me that if there's
something you really want, something

very important to you, you should not
let anything or anybody get in the way

that.

So thank you.

I love you.

I love you.

Okay, everybody loves... Everybody.
We're going to take this picture or

Come on, get in there.

Charlie, get in here.

You know, I really should be going.
Don't tell him he's got to be in the

picture. I think Charlie obviously has
somewhere else to be.

Goodbye, Charlie.

Bye.

Congratulations.

Bye. Okay, everybody squeeze in there.
Okay, everybody smile.

Cheese.