All language subtitles for dharma_greg_s03e07_fairway_to_heaven

So, Greg Lee, how is everything going
with your plan to, um... Oh, what is it

exactly? Waste his life.

That's it.

I can't believe you'd make such a big
deal of inviting us over for dinner and

give me nothing but grief.

Oh, I just wanted to give you grief.
Your mother insisted on serving a meal.

Greg is not wasting his life. He's on a
path to spiritual enlightenment, and I

think we should all support him.

Fine. There you go.

Thank you.

Here,

dear, you need another napkin? Or do you
just want to use your Harvard diploma?

We're family. You don't need to break
out the fancy stuff.

You know what? I don't need to sit here
and take this.

Gregory, Gregory, I am sorry. I am
sorry.

It's just that I worry about you. I know
how difficult it will be for you to

have parents that other people look down
on.

See, honey, it is about you.

You haven't worked in months. People
have started to talk.

I tried to cover for you. Told everyone
you were at Betty Ford.

Then Bunny Stanton comes back from Betty
Ford and makes a complete fool out of

me. Come, Bunny.

You're here.

Listen, you guys. Greg is going to
figure out what he wants to do. It's

take some time.

And you're comfortable with bringing
home the bacon or whatever it is you

eat?

That's what you do for someone you love,
Edward.

I'm sure if you want to take some time
off and find another path, Kitty would

out and get a job.

What is that?

Nothing, nothing, nothing.

Hail now, Edward. Turn into the skin.

Kitty goes to work. Hello, I'm Kitty
Montgomery.

I'm here to work!

God, get off the treadmill for a couple
of months and suddenly I'm wasting my

life. Greg, you can't let your parents
get in your head.

You're right. You're right.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Damn it, Dharma, I'm wasting my life.

Kitty, Edward, get out of there.

I got to go back to work. I got to do
something.

Okay, what do you want to do? I don't
know.

Whatever it is, it's got to be
important.

Not that I need recognition so much. I
just need a sense of purpose and serving

the greater good.

Okay, then you definitely don't want to
go back to being a lawyer.

I wish I knew what it was.

Craig, you're making this too hard. Just
follow your bliss.

Find the thing that makes you happy. All
the other stuff will take care of

itself. Easy for you to say. I can't
think of anything that makes me happy.

I can think of one thing.

I don't want to catch you making a
living at it.

Never mind, I can wait till morning.

What?

I figured it out.

I know how to make myself happy.

Then why did you wake me?

No, no, no. I was thinking about what
you said and all of a sudden it hit me.

What? My bliss.

of my life playing golf.

Well, whack the little ball with the
stick off that golf.

You know, I'm pretty good and I figure
if I practice eight hours a day, by the

time I'm 50, I can go on the senior
tour.

50?

You're 32!

18 years, plenty of time.

So much.

A lot of wives wouldn't understand this.
Oh, well, you can understand that.

Night. Night.

Okay,

you're hosing me, right?

list. She practically pushed me onto the
golf course. The only way Jane had ever

pushed me onto a golf course is if we
were flying over one in a plane.

Hey, Greg, check it out.

How cute am I?

Very cute. What are you doing here?
Well, I decided I had a choice. I could

at home and complain about being a golf
widow, or I could come out here and

share your passion. Really? Yeah.

Terrific. Hey, Jane, how would you feel
if I quit my job and just played golf

every day?

Single.

What do you think?

I'd definitely hit it that way. Good
call.

Not sure. Caddy?

Maple syrup.

I believe you had pancakes for
breakfast.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

Give me your finger. Let me see what you
had for breakfast. Just work the

camera, Pete.

driving range sorry never mind all right
mr ball don't get

too comfortable here comes mr club

caddy where'd the ball go i

think it went all the way around the
world and came right back here your

and optimism will be reflected in your
tip

Elbow straight.

Straight. Thank you.

Okay, bend your knees like you're
sitting on a stool.

A bar stool.

I was doing milking stools. Yeah, I
know.

Just take it back nice and easy and
shift your weight to your right side.

Good. Keep your left foot down.

Now just all the way back.

Now follow through nice and easy.

to hold on to the club.

How do you shout for me?

I tried. I really did. I played 18
holes.

Whack and walk.

Whack and walk.

God forbid you should jump in the sand
and make a castle.

Let me tell you something about golf.

It's a conspiracy to turn precious land
and water resources into secret meeting

places where rich, white, fat...

I've nearly lost touch with reality.

Wait a second.

Has somebody been wearing my codpiece?

Larry, who would be wearing your
codpiece?

You never know.

Come on, you know, I mean, it's golf,
big golf, dumb golf, no windmills, no

clown's mouth, nothing.

Honey, if you want a life partner you
can admire and respect... I'm going to

have to shave my legs.

The hair is coming out right through the
tights.

Nobody's going to be close enough to
notice.

It feels funny.

Darmy, you know what might cheer you up?

Why don't you and Greg come with us to
the Renaissance Fair?

No thanks.

I've had some bad experiences at the
Renaissance Fair.

Really? Yeah, I don't know what happens
to the guys who go to those things.

Maybe it's the costumes. Maybe it's the
medieval beer.

Maybe it's just spending a whole day
outside their parents' basement.

Whatever it is, they're all over you
like fridge magnets on a suit of armor.

You sure?

They're busting in extra hunchbacks for
the charity flogging booth.

Come on, Abby, help me out. What should
I do about Greg?

Well, honey, what do you think you
should do?

Oh, all right.

I got it.

You don't want to say anything to
influence my actions, just like I

say anything to Greg to influence his
actions, right?

It's not my place to say.

little weasel and tell his mom.

Golf. Golf.

And you are fine with it?

It's not for me to say.

Really? Just like I wouldn't say
anything to you about any action you

regarding your son's decision to play
golf for the rest of his life.

I understand what you're

saying. I'm not saying anything.

Then it's good we never had this
conversation.

What the hell just happened?

Hey, Dharma.

Hey, how was lunch with your parents?

Great.

Greg, listen, don't take it personally,
okay? No matter how much she yells at

you, you have to remember that your
mother loves you very much. She didn't

at me.

Yell or scowl or threaten to write you
out of the will.

It's because she loves you. No, my
mother didn't say much of anything. My

did most of the talking.

Hmm.

Well, whatever he said, Greg, it's
because he loves you.

He offered me a job.

Really?

I wonder what the thinking was there.

I took it. I mean, I told him you and I
needed to talk about it first because

we'd have to relocate.

Really? That's no problem, honey. I can
teach yoga anywhere.

Where are we headed?

Are you ready?

Do I have to get ready?

Gotland.

I'm sorry, did you say Oakland?

Oakland? Who moved to Oakland?

Scotland. Montgomery Industries does a
little North Sea oil business.

Scotland? And here's the best part. I
talk to the guy who's leaving the job,

there's nothing to it. You do a little
paperwork, you drive to the coast to see

if any of the rigs are on fire, and
that's it. The rest of the day, you have

yourself, in Scotland, the birthplace of
golf!

of lung.

And then neatly stuffed back into its
own stomach. Yummy.

That's not food.

That's what happens when circus trains
collide.

Quite the national dish of Scotland, I
think.

Oh, how about a wee bite?

Not if it was served up in the
glistening Scottish ass of Sean Connery.

Pardon us. Can I understand some blood
pudding? It's another Scottish taste but

tickler made of, are you ready? Blood!

What have you been drinking?

Gosh! It was invented by the
grutskortsman Angus McBarf when his wife

what was for dinner.

Are you really planning to eat that
stuff?

No. I'm serving it to my bonny husband,
Gregory.

Gregory.

He can have a great big ball of his new
life.

Aye, Boots, yeah.

Then I won't want to move to Scotland.

And if that were to come to pass, then
how could it not?

That would be his life choice. And I
cannot interfere with the life choice of

another.

I just want to take this opportunity to
thank my wife.

I was a little nervous about moving so
far away. In fact, I almost changed my

mind. But she has worked non -stop for
the past few weeks to get me in touch

with my Scottish roots. The smell of
agate.

The sweet drone of a bagpipe. Clan
Montgomery, I'm coming home.

I can't believe our little girl's moving
to Scotland.

I'm a little surprised myself.

We're going to miss you, Puntus.

Oh, I know, but what a wonderful
opportunity.

See what happens when you don't
interfere with the life choice of

Dharma? The universe just gives you a
big thumbs up.

Yep, I can feel it.

Dharma, there's a lot of boiled cabbage
left over. Would you mind if I took some

for the Renaissance Fair?

Sure.

Just that the Renaissance Fair needs
gassy geeks in tights.

You're moving to Scotland?

Uh -huh.

You're not going to tell him this is
stupid?

No.

Can I tell you this is stupid?

No.

I wonder what Scotland's going to be
like.

I'll show you. I have informative video.

That's Greg playing golf.

Exactly. Now add a couple castles and a
lake with a monster.

Does he really think he can become a
pro?

Yes. That little girl's got a better
swing than he does.

What little girl?

Wind it back.

How about that time? No.

Wow.

Okay, I have an idea, but it's bad and
it's wrong.

How can I help?

I guess this is the last time we'll be
playing together for a while.

Yeah.

Next time we play, you'll be a big hot
shot professional golfer.

Right. And I'll be Lord King of the
Moon.

Cute. And each morning, I'll bring the
dawn by riding across the sky in my

flaming chariot. Okay.

I get it. You don't think I have a shot
at going pro.

And from my chariot, I'll bring the rain
by peeing over the edge. That's enough.

It's pretty pitiful.

Lord King of the Moon accepts your
wages.

Hey, guys.

Hi.

Where's Jane?

Jane couldn't make it. This is Tiffany.
The starters sent her over to join us so

we'd be a foursome. This is my husband,
Greg, and this is Pete.

Nice to meet you, Tiff. It's Tiffany.

A Tiff is a small argument.

So it is. Got it.

She's adorable.

The kid's going to blow us down.

I know, honey.

But just think, one day when she grows
up, she'll be watching the senior tour

television, and she'll be able to say, I
played with Greg Montgomery.

All right.

Tiffany, why don't you go ahead and tee
off first?

Lay into it, Tiffany.

Oh, honey, there's a closer tee up
front.

That's okay. I don't want to slow you
down.

Okay.

How old are you, Greg? Shut up and hit.

Here I come.

She didn't slow it down, did she?

You can pick yours up.

Thanks, Stephanie.

I'll put mine.

You sure?

I already won the whole.

stiff.

Try as it didn't boomerang back to you.

Anyway,

now I know what to get you for
Christmas. Don't bother. I'm never

again. Oh, you mean it's a profession,
but you'll still play golf on the

weekends for fun, right?

I don't really want to talk about it.
Could you give me a little space,

Sure, you got it.

What are you talking about? She's not a
regular little girl.

She's like a golf Mozart.

She's a freak of nature. I found her and
I fixed her on you.

Why? Because I didn't want to go to
Scotland, which is also my fault. Please

don't make me explain.

You set all this up?

Pack my asbestos pajamas. I'm going
straight to hell.

You know what, honey?

There's no way I was going to be a
professional golfer. I know, but it was

dream, Greg, and I crushed it like a
bug.

You did me a favor.

But why do I feel so dirty?

You know what? Forget it.

Next weekend, instead of me playing
golf, why don't you and I spend some

time together?

with which I shall purchase two wagons
of mead.

And perhaps after, thou wouldst lie with
me in thy father's Volkswagen chariot.

It's got to take a lot of mead, buddy.