Original subtitles

Everybody loves somebody sometimes.

Everybody loves...

In

the history of television, the Dean Martin Show was

really one of a kind.

To understand what I mean by that, you have to know about the unusual

arrangement Dean had with the network. You see, for whatever reasons he had at

the time, Dean wasn't so sure he wanted to do a weekly variety show, so I guess

he figured the best way not to do it was to invent some pretty impossible

conditions. So impossible, no network would ever agree to them. He said, sure,

he'd be happy to do a weekly show, but he didn't want to rehearse the sketches.

As a matter of fact, he didn't even want to rehearse the songs.

And if he didn't feel like singing...

He wouldn't sing. Now, of course, Dean's a reasonable man, and he did agree to

introduce his guests and see that everybody had a good time, but, well,

think no network would ever buy a contract like that.

They did.

The public bought it, too, and right on, buying that fresh, spontaneous style

that Dean brought to television, a style that kept his show right on top for

almost a decade.

Walk like an angel walks.

Talk like an angel talks.

And her hair has a kind of curl.

Yeah, to my mind, she's my kind of girl.

She's wise.

Like an angel's wife, with eyes

like an angel's eyes, and a smile

like a kind of pearl.

Oh, to my mind, she's my kind of girl.

With a little face, that face just knocks.

me off my feet with a little treat she's really sweet enough

to eat oh she looks like an angel looks

and cooks like an angel cooks

and in my mind she's the kind of a world

yeah that's my girl

Because she's my kind of girl.

Pretty little face.

That face just knocks me off my feet.

Pretty little piece.

She's really sweet enough to eat.

Oh, look.

I like an angel. Look.

She cooks like an angel cooks.

my mind in a kind of world.

Yeah, to my mind. She's my kind of girl.

And my heart full of joy

because she's told me that I'm

Wonderful moments. The show was full of surprises.

If you were a guest, you never knew quite what to expect. As a matter of

if you were Dean, you didn't know what to expect. For instance, the famous

closet.

Anybody or anything might be waiting to step out, and Dean himself was the last

to know.

Mr.

Raymond Barr!

plump space, a little concoction that I've whipped up myself.

It's a half a bottle of scotch, half a bottle of bourbon, half a bottle of gin,

half a bottle of rum, and with a black widow spider riding the olive side.

You just drink that right down.

Won't that make me sick? You'll help.

Hi, I'm Bob Newell.

I'm happy to say I was around and part of something unique in television called

the Dean Martin Experiment.

A show where the star never rehearsed.

True, he'd come in at the last minute after the rest of the cast had worked

slaved all week.

And for the most part, he did everything just once.

Oh, sure, he'd goof now and then, but the public seemed to love it.

It became known as the Dean Martin style.

Nice and easy.

And for comedians, what a great straight man, even without a rehearsal.

I'll show you what I mean.

Here's a bit we did together that first year of the NBC series.

back in 1965.

Do you have a private room of some kind? I'd like to discuss returning a gift.

Oh, well, is it underwear, sir?

No, it isn't underwear. See, my wife bought me a toupee for our anniversary,

I'd like to return it.

Well, do you have it with you, sir?

It's under the hat, yes, sir.

Well, what model is it, sir?

I don't know what model it is. It's the crew cut with the widow's peak.

Oh, our Mr. Wonderful model.

Whatever you call it.

Well, could I see the item, sir?

I'll show it to you in just a minute. There's some people coming.

Don't, don't, don't stare at me. Just, just... Have they gone by?

Yes, they've gone by.

See, there it is.

See,

the problem is I notice people on the street, they start laughing at me as I

come towards them, you know.

Well, it certainly makes you look years younger.

Thank you very much, sir. But see, they still laugh.

See, we went to this party and I bent down to put some cheese dip on this

cracker and it fell into the cheese dip.

Everyone quit having cheese dip.

Maybe a laughing matter of you, sir. It's not...

The hostess? The hostess, yes. And we spent about two hours trying to fish it

out of the... So,

anyway, I took it home and I put it in our washer -dryer.

We have one of those with the windows, you know.

Yeah, there's another problem.

See, the kids like to sit and watch it.

to watch it go up?

See, they're mad because I'm returning it.

Would you want a full exchange?

I'd like a straight man who didn't laugh.

I don't want a full exchange.

What I'd like to get is... A real cheap one I could stick in the washer for the

kids.

Well, did you know your wife was getting it for you, sir?

Well, I didn't.

Well, looking back, of course.

See, one morning she came in with this piece of paper and she told me to put my

head on it.

She traced my head.

She never told me what it was for.

Well, exactly. What is your main complaint?

Well, the main complaint is it doesn't do what, you know, you say it's going to

do.

Well, that particular model is guaranteed to stay on in a hurricane.

Well, yeah, I know it stays on in a hurricane, but, see, we're from Iowa,

you know, we really don't get that many hurricanes.

Mainly, I want it to stay on when I go down for the cheese cake.

If you wish to exchange it, we'd have to have the price tag.

You sure you worked with Jerry? Yeah.

But our stuff wasn't this funny.

Did I use your

phone? Oh, for heaven's sake.

Listen, you want to call Hennessy's and ask them to look and see if there's a

price tag in the bottom of the dish?

Do you know I used to study Dean?

I tried to figure out what technique he was using to look so relaxed and

natural. Actually, he was genuinely relaxed and natural.

And he was a great listener.

So the unexpected never threw him. Not even when Goldie Hawn started delving

into philosophy.

This was a first meeting for Dean and Goldie, and there was instant chemistry.

was there. It didn't take Goldie long to get Dean involved in a very deep, deep

discussion. What?

Oh, it's just wonderful having you on my show. I've always wanted to get to know

you and find out what you're really like.

Oh. Yeah, because whenever I watch you on...

I watch you on television. You're always pretending to be so dumb.

You know what I mean? Yeah, I'm not pretending. I really am dumb.

You are?

Yeah, I am. You know, and what's more, I'm proud of it.

Dumb is beautiful.

You're proud of being dumb?

That's right.

I mean, now, did you ever stop and think, who are all the people that cause

the trouble in the world?

I give up. Who? The smart people.

The smart people.

That's right.

And who are the scientists and the statesmen and the generals who run all

government, make all the wars, and the dumb people?

No, the smart people.

That's right.

And another question.

Look at air pollution.

I mean, who invented the cars and the machines that cause all that? The smart

people. The smart people. Yes. Yes.

And what's the major problem confronting today, confronting our universities?

Population crisis. Well, now you just wait a minute and hold on there, Goldie.

You can't blame that on the Smartville. I mean, dumb people have just as many

babies. Yeah, but they can't count. I know that.

I love you, Goldie, but what can we dumb people do about this thing? Well, now,

this is the question we all have to stick together.

Where? I've said that before, didn't I?

Probably where I heard it. Go ahead. In fact, we just formed a national

organization.

Organization? Yes.

Why did you cheer up?

It's called the DDA.

The DDA?

Dumb Dumbs of America.

Oh. Yeah, it costs $5 ,000 to join and we never have any meetings.

You don't get membership.

No, ma 'am,

again?

Membership privileges, you don't even get a membership card.

Well, gee whiz, a person would have to be real dumb to join an organization

that. Exactly. That's how we weed out all the undesirables.

I said that's how we weed out all the undesirables. You said that just the

as you did the first time.

Well,

doesn't your organization have any activities at all?

Yes, we went and did a...

What? A dumb, dumb march.

A dumb people's march on Washington.

And what happened? Well, we got lost. You got lost?

All right.

All right.

Is there any possible way that you can join the organization?

Yeah, like that.

It's not... Like that?

It's not easy. You see, there's an initiation test.

Oh. And you have to get under 30 to pass.

You have to have under 30 to pass? Well, what kind of test is it? Well, let me

show you.

Can we have a dictionary, please?

It's another dummy to throw it in, I'll tell you.

All right, now, how's this thing go? What do you do? Well, you look in there,

you pick out some words, and I'll tell you what they mean. Oh, all right.

All right.

Okay, here we go.

Appreciate.

Appreciate.

That's like last year what you lost on your car.

Oh. Posterity?

Posterity. That's what you're sitting on wherever you are.

Familiarize.

Familiarize.

That's like when you're getting fresh with a chicky -boo -boo.

A chicky -boo -boo.

Oh, all right.

Subterfuge. He goes in the game to kick.

Yeah,

well. Well, hot diggity dirt. I didn't know that.

All right, to correspond.

To correspond. When you make two people get a divorce.

In Providence.

In Providence.

That's the city in Rhode Island, of course.

Euphonious. Euphonious.

That's some instrument Hungarians pick.

An antidote. If you're poisoned, take it quick.

A word a day.

A word a day.

Like resume. Yes. That's how we keep our fancy IQ.

A word a day. A word a day. Like cheese souffle. Oh, that name. Oh, cheese

souffle. From Park Avenue to underage.

To underage.

That's the word insurance salesmen use most.

What's tantamount?

Tantamount. That's the company that is here on the coast, a picture company on

the coast. Disseminate.

Disseminate. That's a fellow with a feminine point of view.

View!

But kaleidoscope, kaleidoscope means I...

Whatever the nonsense, Dean went through with it.

But just once.

Dean performed a song. And to perform a song, okay, you have to understand the

lyrics. You have to have a feel for the music. And that's the way Dean worked.

And with that came the charm and the smile and the look and all the marvelous

moves that Dean had. It's like the difference between watching Fred Astaire

number. And he's brilliant. He's fantastic.

He's precise.

He is the most precise performer I've ever known in my life. I was lucky to be

able to do one of those shows. He's fantastic.

I was also fortunate enough to work with Gene Kelly.

Gene Kelly had great moves, great dancer, but he had more of a feel for

and for what he was doing. And Dean, of course, was like Gene Kelly.

Other guys, precise guys, performers, not performers, singers, were like

Astaire.

Gene used to love to work with Dean.

They just felt the great companionship, feel, performance, and they

understood one another.

Am I blue?

Am I blue?

Ain't it tears in these eyes telling you?

Now, wait a minute, Dean. I can't go on. I'm all choked up. You mean all these

blues songs were too sad for you? No, I think I have my shorts on backwards. Oh.

But you're right. Those blues songs are awful sad. Let's sing something bouncy,

okay? Rock hell well.

I'll tell you what we'll do, Dean. Let's sing some happy blues songs. Happy

blues songs?

Yeah, you know, like Blue Skies or Bye Bye Blues.

Oh.

It's the saddest title I ever heard.

What? Bye -bye blues?

Oh, blues. I thought you said bye -bye booze. Oh, no.

Blue skies smiling at me.

Nothing but blue skies.

Blue days, all of them gone.

Nothing but blue skies from now on.

Bye. Bye.

Bye.

wear tuxedos on the job.

But on Dean's show, that didn't seem to bother anybody.

Least of all against like Johnny Carson.

You the head of the hospital?

Yes, what can I do for you? Well, I have a little complaint to make about your

hospital. You see, I was here a month ago to have my appendix out.

Well, I really don't know how to tell you this, but you see, it's just one of

those crazy... You want us to put your appendix back?

Let me tell you what happened. You see, I was in a semi -private room, and the

other patient in the room didn't want to be by the window.

So we switched beds, you see.

And we were scheduled for surgery the next morning, both of us.

Well, to make a long story short, they gave me the operation they were supposed

to give the other patient.

What kind of operation was that? It was a sex change operation.

We're very careful how we treat patients here. I mean, at this hospital, we aim

to please.

It's not your aim. I'm complaining about it.

I've just had it before.

What is your name? Green.

Cynthia Green. Well,

you've got to admit we sure did a good job.

Won't you please sit down?

I go out looking for broads.

I want you to know, Mrs. Green... Just call me Cynthia. Cynthia.

I want you to know, Cynthia, the hospital will do everything in its power

make a man. Just tell us what you want.

I'll tell you what I do want. I want you to get the best doctors, the best

nurses, the best surgeons in the world. I want you to bring them all here

together at the hospital at your expense.

And I want you to right this terrible wrong that you've done me.

You mean you want us to change you back into a woman?

No, I want you to talk to my husband.

I want you to meet him.

I just love being on Dean's show.

They always let me sing and play the piano and dance and do every...

Well, watch.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, for my first impression.

Oh, oh, oh.

Hey, hey, no, no, just a second.

What do you mean for your first impression? What is this? Well, the last

times you've had me on your show, Dean, you let me sing. So I thought maybe this

time I'd do something a little different. So I worked up a couple of

impressions.

Hey, that's terrific. Well, who do you do?

Oh, a lot of people. A lot of people.

I always had kind of a flair for mimicry when I was a kid.

Here, let me show you. This is one of my favorites. Who's that? Jimmy Cagney.

Oh, Jimmy Cagney.

Well, you dirty rat.

and the brother in fact.

Hey, and I thought you were going to be lousy.

Who else do you do? Who else?

Here's my Ed Sullivan. Ed Sullivan?

Well, ladies and gentlemen, tonight

on our stage we have a really big show.

Put him down to a T.

Wait till you see this one.

Betty Davis. Betty Davis.

As a good friend and frequent guest on Dean's show, I was just as aware as the

rest of America that Dean's charisma included being quite a ladies' man.

They all found him charming, suave, sexy, attentive, and, of course, the

made sure Dean was surrounded by them.

He came in once a week and found the studio filled with gorgeous girls.

That's not a bad way to begin your day.

Back in 1965, the show started this policy innocently enough.

Like heaven.

Poor little girl.

Poor little girl. Get bigger every day.

Like heaven.

Poor little girl.

They grow up.

The most delightful way.

I think one of them got my bottle by mistake.

Those little eyes so helpless and appealing.

One day we'll flash and send you crashing through the ceiling.

Like ever.

Poor little girl.

Thank heaven for them all.

No matter where, no matter who.

Without them, what would little boys do?

Then the dolls became real live ones.

can't touch that.

Pretty Girls became a regular part of the show each week with musical

questions. Now watch this particular show and see how Dean handles an unusual

situation. Remember, this is not an outtake.

This is the way it went out on the air.

What is this thing?

called love.

You'll never know if you don't know now.

Pick all these up.

Oh, do, do, do, what you done, done, done before, baby?

Love is lovelier the second time around.

She made the mistake.

I didn't make a mistake.

She made the mistake.

It's like you don't get from champagne.

Don't bite your nails. You know what happened to Venus de Milo.

Well, you're off. Okay.

Now, come on. Let's do it again for you. It's all right, sweetheart.

It'll just come out of your check.

kept it light and put everyone at ease.

Watch how smoothly it goes this time.

Let's play, what do you think?

A little game of musical questions.

It's a funny little game.

We love it a lot.

Okay. As long as you don't try to put us on the spot. Well, ain't this a kick,

girls? Now, you know how to play. Just grab a card and you sing the question

I'll give an answer. Okay?

What is this thing called love?

You'll never know if you don't know now.

Oh, do, do, do what you done, done, done before, baby.

Love is lovelier the second... time around.

Let's move more into that.

Hi again.

I get no kick from champagne.

Mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all.

Two different worlds.

If you watch closely in this number, you'll see Roy Rogers, Dale Evans, and

the dancers lead Dean around as they shout instructions and push and pull him

all directions.

Dean just stayed loose and went with it.

Proof that the leading man can be led.

Just once.

On camera.

Then he dropped in.

He brought his own ding -a -lings.

Oh,

I'm so

dizzy.

Jack, I said you could do my entrance, but who are they?

These are my ding -a -lings.

had his girls every week and they were charmed by him. But then Jack's ladies

were just as crazy about Jack.

Well, I guess when two great lovers meet, it presents a challenge that can

be met by a showdown.

That's me.

Anything better than Jack.

No, we can't. Yes, we can.

No, we can't. Yes, we can.

Victor Barber attempts to show Dean his method of vocal punctuation marks.

It's a punctuation that makes it very clear what you are singing or what you

singing about.

So? But you can't sing punctuation marks. Oh, yes. My system, the phonetic

punctuation. You see, I have a system I call the phonetic punctuation.

And that means that you add sounds to the punctuation marks. So anybody who

understands the system will know what it is all about. For instance, a period

sounds like this.

Could you turn the other way when you do that?

That's period?

Well, if you're sure, you can... wherever you want.

All right, then do it. That's the period. Then a dash is... Good.

And an exclamation point is a vertical dash with a period underneath.

Question mark is rather difficult.

Question mark?

Yeah.

No, no, your isn't long enough.

I'll call you.

I'm sorry.

No.

Okay.

That dash, right?

But what are we going to do? How do you sing these things? Well, you sing a song

and I'll do the punctuation mark. And then I'll ask you to sing a song with

punctuation mark. Just get used to it. It's nothing. All right.

Okay. I finally learned it myself.

All right.

Now, why don't you sing, and I'll try the punctuation. Maybe I can do it. I

don't know. Well, I only sing for funerals, but... All right.

All right.

Oh, you can kiss me on a Monday.

A Monday. A Monday. A Monday is the best.

Never, never on a Sunday. A Sunday. A Sunday.

Of course, that's... My day off, right?

That.

It doesn't come out. It doesn't come out at all.

Then you save it for the next time.

Oh.

Well,

here goes. I'll try something, you know.

Myself, I have to do this?

How can I do it myself?

Fly me to the moon. That's a good one. And let me play among the stars.

Let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars.

Maria. I just made a girl named Maria.

And suddenly that name will never be the same to me.

The most beautiful sound I ever heard.

Big night for love.

Who are you?

Why, is it truly wonderful?

Shall we dance?

On a bright cloud of music, shall we fly?

Shall we dance? Shall we dance?

Shall we then say goodnight and mean goodbye?

A female deer.

Me and my name. I call myself.

A long way to run.

So.

is still burning.

in a hobo jungle are things they never taught me in a classroom.

I like where to find my hand. I walk from old school to Chicago

in the afternoon.

I'm not bragging or complaining.

I'm just talking to myself.

Never travel in a hurry.

Cause I got nobody waiting for me anywhere.

Home is anywhere I'm living.

If it's sleeping on some vacant bench in City Square.

Or if I'm working on some road gang or just living off the path.

was a sort of a situation comedy segment with Kay Medford as Ken Lane's mother,

who thinks that Dean is merely that small -time Italian crooner who sings on

Kenny show.

If you don't sit still for your haircut, you won't get the lolly.

How do you do, Mr.

Sinister?

I'm just getting my candy ready for the party. You're a little bit early. I'm

not finished yet. But come in, sit down.

Oh, no, not there. That's for company.

Hi,

Dean. Hi, Frank. Hello, Kelly. How are you? You're sitting on the party again,

huh?

Tell me, are you in show business, too?

Are you kidding?

Frank, Mrs. Lane. Frank, show them your show.

or dooby -dooby -doo.

Mom. Yeah?

Will you get your mind out of the gutter?

No, Mr. Plank, what Dean means is that I sing just like him.

Oh, well, you have my deepest sympathy.

Well, it's going to be a lovely party tonight. Some very nice girls are

Do you have any trouble getting enough girls, uh, Kenny?

Uh -huh. Of course not. Girls are crazy about Kenny. All he has to do is call

them. Yeah?

Ken sure has a way with girls.

to go jump in the lake, but I think you'd cause an oil slick.

Frankie?

Frankie, do you go out with girls yet?

Uh, no, ma 'am. I'm saving myself.

For when you get married.

No, for when he gets divorced.

Marvin, if the Pope knew you were Italian, he'd turn Jewish.

I think we're all finished now, but you know...

Maybe we ought to wash it, dear.

Give it to me. I'll drop it off at the cleaner.

Why don't you drop your mind off at the cleaners while you're at it?

Now, Frankie, don't you worry about the girls. You'll be perfectly safe.

I'm your chaperone.

What's a chaperone?

Oh, Frank, picture Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice with Billy Graham sitting in

the middle.

She sure does.

Well, I really am glad we came tonight. Usually on New Year's Eve, I have a

little get -together at my place.

Yeah, it's this annual affair.

Oh, you're slowing down, huh?

I want you to meet Kenny's sister. This is Shirley.

And this is her girlfriend, Gladys. Why don't you pick and see who gets who?

Gee, what a shame. We don't have a coin to flip.

Here.

Okay, Frank. What do you want? Heads or tails?

Judging by their heads.

Shirley, why don't you pick, huh?

Now, we've talked a lot about Dean's charming ability to walk blindly into a

sketch, do it once and make it work, or being thrown into a dance routine

without rehearsal and making that enjoyable.

Well, when it came to singing, well, just about every singing star in the

business appeared on Dean's shows and always looked forward to those medleys

with him.

What times they had.

Somebody sometime, especially down in here.

© BF -WATCH TV 2021

Take me back there.

Oh, how I'd love to be

in my manor.

Jesus.

wants a grand song but we ain't got a grand on hand if you watch the scenes

with the two of the guys together okay you'll start to gravitate toward

dean because he has such a command on that audience you

don't know that frank's on the stage you're only concerned with dean because

dean is in his element

He's a performer.

He's not singing.

He's performing.

Is he singing? Yeah, they're doing some things together, but he's really

performing.

If you're

looking for action, he'll burn us to spot.

Even when the heat is on, it's never too hot. Not for good old reliable

Nathan, for it's always just a short walk

to the oldest established village.

can get us there.

If

the

size of your bundle you want to increase, go broke

and quiet and peace.

Who's what?