Original subtitles

The Dean Martin Celebrity Roast, coming to you from the MGM Grand Hotel in the

entertainment capital of the world, Las Vegas, Nevada.

The glittering city of excitement and laughter provides the scintillating

backdrop for tonight's star -studded roast.

Ladies and gentlemen, from the Celebrity Room of the Grand Hotel, Dean Martin

honors our man of the hour, Sammy Davis Jr., with tonight's guest,

Freddie Prinze and Don Rickles.

Phyllis Diller, Mitzi Russell, Danny Thomas, Milton

Berle, Dionne Warwick, Wilt Chamberlain, Joey Bishop,

Jan Murray, Frank Gorshin, Foster Brooks, Norm

Crosby, and your Roastmaster, Dean Martin. And tonight's very special man

hour. Sammy Davis, Jr.

We're honoring Sammy Davis, Jr.

And in recognition...

Of one of the great black men of our time, even the NBC peacock is wearing an

afro.

Yet this is the biggest night in Vegas since Gladys Knight went to the crap

table and lost two of her pips.

The Sammy Davis story started in Harlem.

His family was so poor when Sammy was born, they couldn't even afford a crib.

Until the age of three, he slept in a hollowed -out watermelon.

Wilp ain't coming towards me, is he?

If you think Sammy's small now, you should have seen him when he was born.

The doctor couldn't tell whether it was a boy, a girl, or a Jimmy Dean pork

sausage.

As a child of the street, Sammy was constantly the companion of bookmakers,

thieves, ex -cons, and pickpockets, some of whom are on the dais tonight.

he got was in Atlanta.

As Sammy stepped off the plane he was met by the governor and a rope.

Even the Ku Klux Klan took notice of Sammy. They voted him most likely to be

next.

He proved that a black man could eat in white restaurants, check into white

hotels, date white women, and be carried away in a white ambulance.

Ambulance. Not ambulance.

Ambulance.

I'm more black than you. You don't know that yet.

Sammy's never denied his heritage. Even at elegant parties in the White House,

he still drinks Ripple.

from a jelly glass.

And Sammy almost did a command performance for Prince Rainier of

didn't perform that night because he was a little steamed that Princess Grace,

she was wearing more jewelry than he was. That's why.

Because you should have seen him when he came in tonight.

He was wearing copper bracelets, coral rings. He looked like a pushcart in

Tijuana.

Today, Sammy is happily married thanks to his beautiful wife, Altaviz. They

in Beverly Hills and have a German cook and a Japanese gardener. Last week, they

got together and captured Sammy's house.

I think the funniest guy in show business. I love him. Mr. Milton.

Burrow.

What a night!

What a night!

Look at Dino. He don't know where the hell he is.

Happy, smiling, relaxed.

He still thinks he's on every week.

I came here for a roast and he's fried.

This one's going to a crisp.

Sammy, you look great. You've taken

off height.

You look beautiful.

I bring you greetings, Sammy, from all of my people, the Italians.

If he can be Jewish, I can be Italian.

And also, in honor of the many blacks on the dais tonight, the hotel didn't put

any silverware on the table.

have a feeling Chamberlain is going to dribble me all the way back to

I didn't come here to talk to a tree.

Just a little sap.

Sammy, you look okay.

Are you comfortable?

Sitting the way you are?

You're not, are you?

Well, I can get you another phone book.

It's good to be on the dais with my very good friend, Danny Thomas.

Danny Thomas is the only comedian I know who gets written up in Watchtower.

I saw Danny at the Dunes the other night. He did two performances, one at 8

a midnight mass.

talking about the biggies.

Let's get back to one of the smallies.

What'd you do with the sardines?

This man, this man, this original model for the Oreo cookie.

What a dancer. He danced with his father. He danced with his uncle.

Until he was 35, he didn't know what a broad was.

You took your glass. You getting tired, Sammy?

Want to take a watermelon break?

The reason I say that is because Sammy hasn't been feeling well lately. Last

month, he had an operation on his throat, and they had a problem. They had

roll him flour to find his mouth.

It worked hard to get where he's at.

At the pinnacle of his profession, he's a pro...

He's a fighter. He takes advantage of every opportunity.

And all I can say about Sammy Davis is give him an inch and he'll be four foot

eight. Thank you.

Sammy and I have been friends for really a long, long, long time.

I met Sammy while I was playing basketball in Philadelphia against the

Celtics, I believe it was.

I scored 58 points that night, and Sammy was so excited that he ran up to hug me

and crashed his nose right in my knees.

Sammy told me how much he envied me, but actually, really, I...

Envy you, Sammy.

I was out there on the court really playing hard with Havlicek giving me a

here and Bill Russell giving me an elbow there.

There you were in the stands with two beautiful chicks getting all the good

parts.

When I really got to know Sammy, though, I found out really that he had a big,

big complex.

His complex was being short.

And that's why Sammy never wears high Western boots. They cut him under the

arms.

Also,

you'll never catch Sammy walking through Central Park.

He doesn't want to be mugged by a pigeon.

Did you notice while he was talking, nobody on the dais heckled him?

Ladies and gentlemen, a funny young man who's taken the country by storm, Mr.

Freddie Prince.

Thank

you

very much, Dean.

I've been watching you on TV for years.

A lot of years.

I heard all those stories about the way you booze it up. I just want to tell

you, if you fall down tonight, I'm not picking you up because it's not my job.

I'm proud founder Sammy Davis Jr., who overcame the prejudice against his

minority background to become a superstar.

It's not easy being Jewish.

Being Puerto Rican myself, I have a special feeling for all minorities.

Chicanos, Indians, Eskimos, Republicans.

It's really strange because, like, Sam is a very special guy to me.

He's a brother, which is not too thrilling for my mom.

You can just hear her say, he's not your brother. That was not my job. No.

except his people got there before we did.

Stanley Summers was really dazzling to a kid just out of New York, like a

fascinating sight, wearing a long white fur coat, rings, jewelry, high heels.

I didn't know whether to ask him for an autograph or a date.

Sammy took me under his wing.

And he actually let me live in his big Beverly Hills mansion.

And it was the best gardener's job I ever had.

Real fun to stay in his house, man. A lot of fun. Because he has a screening

room with a projector. And every night he'd show movies. He told me there were

great classics of the silver screen.

And monumental triumphs of film history.

Such pictures like Ocean's Eleven, Sergeant's Three, Robin and the Seven

And every picture, Sammy had the same line. Frank, can I get you a drink?

Sammy is really upset. He ran out of minorities to represent.

And he wants to be Puerto Rican. He said, would I please make him Puerto

I said, be my pleasure. But you've got to trade in your Stutz Bearcat.

For a 64 Chevy with pom -poms on the antenna, saints in the dashboard, and a

little dog in the back window with his head going up.

Yeah, it was hard picking up girls.

But I went to Sammy. I said, Sammy, look, man, I'm in Hollywood, and I have

women, man. I want you to fix it up for me. Would you please do it? And he said,

all right, Freddie, tonight I'm going to fix you up with a star.

I said, really?

And that night at 7 p .m., the limousine rolled up, and I'm in my tuxedo

waiting.

And the door opens and there was the star.

Mom's me, please.

She said to me, she said, honey, you can keep them black guys because they's all

chicken. What I need me is a hot Puerto Rican.

As they say in Puerto Rican, I gonna read them to you.

Here's one from your rabbi. Dear Sammy, it is now five years since you became

Jewish.

Come in next Tuesday for a booster shot.

Here's one I think you're going to be very proud of. Dear Sammy Davis, we'd

you to pose.

For a nude centerfold in our magazine, sign the National Geographic.

When we asked Sammy who he'd like to have on the dais tonight, he asked for

two favorites, Hope and Crosby.

Unfortunately, Hope Lang couldn't make it, but we do have Norm Crosby.

Sammy Davis has been a source of insulation.

People of all faiths, creeds, and ethical backgrounds that exist hither

yon, pro and con, mothers and fathers, adults, adultuses, all people.

Sammy has done more to combat artificial discrimination and desecration

than Tiny Tim has done for the illegitimate theater.

Negro heritage, he is deeply involved with his Hebrew faith.

Sammy is the only man I know who eats soul food with sour cream,

who sips gin from a saucer,

and who fully understands the timeless struggle for equality

that has prevailed since the ancient Trojans attacked the Phoenicians and the

lesbians and ruined them.

in his humble beginnings.

He started himself as a trio.

And to this day, he always seeks insulation from those three wise men, me

you Shaq, and to bed we go.

Here's a dear friend of Sammy's.

Singer Dionne Warwick. Like many young people, Dionne grew up listening to

Sammy's albums. And when she was 18, she looked at her mother and said, Turn it

off, I'll be good.

Ladies and gentlemen, the lovely and talented and beautiful Miss Dionne.

thrilled to be here to honor not only a great star, but someone I once dated.

And that's no joke. I really did date Sammy Davis Jr.

We had a lot in common. I started singing gospel at the age of six, and he

started breaking the commandments at the age of seven.

I'll say this to Sammy. He always knew how to make a woman feel tall.

He just stood by her side.

He sure is.

I still don't know why Sammy went out with me in those days. I just wasn't his

type. I wasn't sexy.

I wasn't beautiful.

I wasn't white.

Sammy spent the first hour telling me all about his book, Yes, I Can.

And I spent the rest of the evening telling him, No, you can't.

And here he is at an age when his wife out to be says, I wish he could.

People think of Joey Bishop as just a replacement for Johnny Carson. Now

a lot of... That's... That's not true. We in show business know better.

We don't think of him at all.

Mr.

Joey Bishop.

your roast, Dean. I really do.

It's fantastic.

You get good laughs.

You come out drunk, you breathe on the audience, and they'll laugh at anything.

I go back with Sammy 25 years.

Remember when you got your first $100 ,000, you bought a Rolls Royce.

Then you bought something for your father, a chauffeur's cap.

on something I'm sure they're not familiar with, and I know you'll attest

this. I, and I alone, was responsible for Sammy Davis' conversion to Judaism.

He wanted me to turn color. I said, go to hell.

I got a bad back. I can't march.

month, we were down south doing a benefit together.

We got in your bus, and I said to you, you'll have to sit to the rear of the

bus. Sammy says, I'm Jewish. And I says, get off.

Just want to reminisce with you while they're honoring you.

Remember the place down there for your conversion?

You were going to synagogue, you didn't want to go alone, and you called me for

Joey. Please.

I've never been to synagogue in my life. This is my first time as a Jew. Can we

go together? I said, what time, Sam? You said, 7 .30. I said, I can't make it. 7

.30, Sam, but I'll meet you in synagogue at 8 o 'clock.

And you said, I'll be sitting in the third row.

Like, if he didn't tell me where he's sitting in synagogue, I ain't gonna find

him.

So, for heaven's sake, throw a white skullcap so I'll spot you.

He was never so embarrassed in my life.

His first time in synagogue, the rabbi walked out. Sammy jumped up and

here come the judge.

when you can't beat him, you might as well join him. And he went and became a

Jew.

Now that he can live high on the hog, the rabbi won't let him eat a pork chop.

They say that the truest way in which you could reveal a man's personality and

character is the manner in which he relates to his children.

So I asked Sammy, I said, Sammy, are you a good father?

For example, on holidays, like, say, for christmas do you play santa claus for

your kids he said the kids too hip for that i see when your kids don't dig

claus he said they don't believe no white man is gonna ride

is a mirth maker, and Sammy is a soul of loveliness.

And there they were on the beach. Sammy was riding the water skis, and Don in

the hot sun was sweating in his boat, pulling Sammy Davis along.

I had to yell at him.

I said, Hey, Rick!

The hotel always makes me laugh.

The adorable Miss Phyllis Dillard.

It's so nice to be here at the MGM Grand Hotel, but I wish they hadn't put me in

room 13.

13 is very unlucky for me.

My bust size.

and I wasted the whole afternoon.

I took a beauty nap.

Sammy, you know, you really are the total performer.

Last night I saw your act at a club downtown, down the strip, and you're

too much.

That audience was moved from laughter to the brink of tears.

While you were on, they doubled the minimum.

up from the ghetto to become a star, and he has everything that goes with it. He

wears custom -made clothes, expensive jewelry, drives two foreign cars.

Sammy has earned his success.

He just hasn't paid for it.

in Mississippi he told the bus driver that he wanted to be on the front of the

bus so the driver tied him to the bumper

this man believes in

equal opportunity Sammy has a white gardener a white maid and a white

and he's also got a black secretary to make sure they don't steal

you can make your life even more meaningful.

Go into politics.

Nobody understands the need of blacks, nor do you do.

Sammy, I want you in the White House. Then I want you to replace Kissinger

Cary Grant.

And every time you send Cary Grant abroad, be sure it's me.

And whatever office you run for, I'll be your running mate. You know, they say

that politics makes strange bedfellows.

And we'd be about as strange as you could get.

Thank you, sweetheart.

It's all right with me.

bit of Cary Grant, that's all.

I need a sweetheart.

You may ask, what is Jan Murray doing on a roast for Sammy Davis?

As little as possible, we all know.

Would you please welcome Mr.

Jan Murray.

this whole night, and I want to tell you something. This whole evening is a big

farce to me. Everyone's standing up here and they're talking about Sammy Davis

Jr. is this, Sammy Davis Jr. is that, and there is no Sammy Davis Jr.

This man is a composite of everybody and everything he's ever seen in his life.

Remember years ago when he came back from England?

Suddenly he was Sir Samuel of Watts.

How long do you think Sammy was in England? 36 hours.

He was at the airport trying to get his jewelry past a metal detector.

Who do you think he became this week? I'll tell you, you'll never believe

You know, as you all know, this man is now starring across the street in one of

the major hotels in the world. And I went to see his show last night. Now,

closing number, you'll never believe the gall, the temerity, the audacity that

Sammy Davis has to walk out on the stage with a slouched hat, a finger in his

raincoat. A cigarette in his mouth, and he sang my way.

What was he doing?

Frank Sinatra. I went backstage after the show. I said, Sammy, how can you do

that song? That's Frank's song. It was written for him. It's his life.

Sammy said, that's a lie. That's my song. It was written for me. It's my

All right?

Folks, I went out and got a copy of the song. Here it is, My Way.

Let's see if this is Sammy's life. All right?

Here's the exact lyric. All right?

And now the end is near.

So far, you're right, Sammy.

Saw your act last night. Your voice is flatter than your nose.

And now we go back to the song. And so I face the final curtain. That part is

also true, Sammy.

So now if you ever find out you're doing this song, it'll be curtains.

You make one call, you wake up tomorrow morning with the head of a watermelon on

your bed.

life that's full. I've traveled each and every highway. Now, that part, I admit,

that is Sammy's life. He did travel each and every highway, but on the back of

the bus.

You know, to this day, Fred McMurray doesn't know who stole his wallet.

You know, Sammy, the last time you had cash in your hand is when you bought

freedom from Scarlett O 'Hara.

Now I'd like you to meet the magnificent impressionist, the man of a thousand

faces and a thousand voices.

He is beautiful, Mr.

Frank Gorshin.

Hey.

Nice to be here tonight to roast Mr.

Sammy Davis Jr.

The world's only dancing fudgicle.

Everybody knows that you're a great actor, you're a great singer, you're a

dancer. I love everything you do. I love to watch you show up.

But you do your impressions all wrong, Sammy.

Well, when you do Richard Burton, if I were Richard Burton, I'd really be

Upset!

I've been humiliated.

Degraded. Fully besmirched by this... This... Brillo pad with legs.

I do my best.

I say, is this the dagger I see before me? The handle toward my hand?

I don't say.

George C. Scott from his great Oscar -refusing role of General Patton.

If the battle gets tough, we find ourselves in the miserable position of

to retreat.

Well, I want you to remember these few simple words.

Teach, do your...

this man -tan Moishe Dayan.

My big scene with Deborah Carr from Hero Tenet.

He did it like this.

You'll have to go back to your husband.

I found myself another woman I love very much.

Who is she?

Who is she?

Who is she?

Did the name Ruby Petonia mean anything to you?

that I get to introduce someone who's in worse shape than I am.

Here's the distinguished chairman of the Las Vegas Chamber of Commerce, Mr.

Buster Fuchs.

standing here and I'd rather imagine you're surprised that I am.

The last time you and I were side by side somebody stepped on my tongue.

Alien jump. Alien jump. Folks.

G. Martin has a, without a doubt, the warmest heart in show business.

And you would, too, if you drank Sterno.

Ask me to

tell you

something.

We don't mind if you have parties in your room with a lot of scantily dressed

girls running around, but please have a little consideration for your neighbors

and also for me.

Sam, please cover up your keyhole.

On behalf of the citizens... On

behalf

of the citizens... On behalf of the citizens... On behalf of the citizens...

behalf of the citizens...

Superstars, Sandy Duncan Jr.

Sandy Duncan.

Where would Las Vegas be without you, Slammy? Slammy?

you think you are.

Whenever you play Las Vegas, many people benefit financially.

And may I add a finer bunch of girls you couldn't ask for.

The excitement you create in an audience is incredible.

There they sit, spellbound, wondering if someone in your entourage is

ransacking their room.

Dancing for pennies to that magnificent moment when Frank Sinatra phoned down to

the lobby and said, Send the colored kid up to dance while I shave.

You know, Sammy Davis is always singing, what kind of fool am I? I'll tell you

what kind of fool Sammy is. He asked me to invite Don Rickles here tonight.

Sammy, you asked for him, and you got him. Ladies and

gentlemen, here's the man whose sense of humor is as twisted as Carl Malden's

nose.

Sammy, you people rust.

It's a wonderful treat to be able to, this wonderful black man, Sam, I kid

we know each other a lot of years, really. And I love the black people. We

you people, I swear, because no Jew's going to make up a train.

My kid, Sammy, you're a black man. I took a guess.

into a bucket of M &M's, I'll tell you.

To you, my good friend, Freddie French, who's your buddy, and we need the Puerto

Rican people, I quote the grades, the words of a great Puerto Rican, Manuel

Gertezas, who said to me in New York, do you want more coffee?

Look at this wonderful day.

Frank Borsh in his whole life as Burt Lancaster.

Joey Bishop, who passed away and wasn't told about it.

Will Chamberlain, I say from the bottom of my heart, you can move into my

neighborhood any time you want.

Black giant.

Can you imagine this guy?

Standing in front of the keys.

I kid you, Wilton, why?

Because you could hurt me.

You better know this is too fast for you, Dean. I'll make you feel at home.

Youngstown, Ohio, right?

What's that town you come from?

Steubenville. Why, that's better.

kid, but now, Milton, I say this from my heart.

Show business in your life.

Thyself be thee with your new book.

Love thee and know thyself, Milton.

He's old. He understands.

I have based my whole humor on laughing at bigotry. I laugh at Wilks Haven. Ha,

ha, ha, ha, ha. But if you don't laugh back, it's not funny.

I laugh at the blacks, the whites, the purples.

Mostly the blacks.

and who said after the Muhammad Ali fight, was I down?

Let me taste that, Sam.

To the black people, remember the words of a great Negro, Johnson Jones, who

said in Biloxi, Mississippi on a Saturday night, if the...

That's right.

Look who became the priest.

Now you're Catholic and I'm a Jew and Sammy, you're black.

I'm sorry.

Remember the words of a great Negro. I say that honestly.

All peoples are alike. We are all working. You live in my neighborhood. I

in yours. Right, Sam? Right.

Are you crazy?

It doesn't matter.

It's what's in your heart. Right, Sam?

Be proud.

Brothers, we kiss, we hug.

Any black on my lips?

One time he met his wife, Altaviz.

She was a struggling young dancer in his nightclub act.

Altaviz, Altaviz, could you marry someone with a simple name like Zephyr?

Ladies and gentlemen, here's a surprise for our man of the hour. I'd like to

bring on Sam Lee, lovely wife.

I've heard almost every word that you people on the day have said about my old

man.

And all I can say is, right on.

kid, Sammy, but I'll have you know that he's personally created jobs for a lot

of people nobody else would hire. His tailors.

Ladies and gentlemen, now's the moment that I wait for every night.

I'd like to present my numero uno.

My Mr. Wonderful.

My husband.

Thank you.

I would first of all like to thank a man that I love very, very much for giving

me this honor.

Mr. Dean Martin.

One of the great joys of being 45 years in this business.

is to have people who love you make fun of you.

That is one of the great joys.

Because the day they don't make fun of you, that means they don't give a damn

about you. I thank you.

That's it. Thank you very much.