All language subtitles for dean_martin_redd_foxx_1976

The Dean Martin Celebrity Roast, coming
to you from the MGM Grand Hotel in the

entertainment capital of the world, Las
Vegas, Nevada.

The glittering city of excitement and
laughter provides the scintillating

backdrop for tonight's star -studded
roast.

Ladies and gentlemen, from the Siegfeld
Room of the Grand Hotel, some of the

world's greatest entertainers are here
tonight.

They're in Las Vegas in person as Dean
Martin.

honors our man of the hour, Red Pot.

With tonight's guests,

Joe Garagiola, Steve Allen, Nate Vigoda,

Slappy White,

Jimmy Walker,

Isabel Sanford, Isaac Hayes, Norm
Crosby, Rwanda

Payne.

George Kirby.

Nick T. Russell.

Milton Berle.

Marty Allen.

Orson Welles.

Don Rickles. And your Roastmaster, Dean
Martin.

With tonight's man of the hour, Red Bot.

I'll gather at MGM Grand Hotel in Las
Vegas for the first man of the year

roast of the new season.

Before I go any further, and it could be
any

farther, makes no difference to me, I
want to apologize to those of you who

expecting pheasant under glass. Well, we
don't have that.

But we got something close. Tonight,
we're roasting an old buzzard.

You know how every week on his show, Red
looks up and yells, I'm coming to join

you, Elizabeth.

He's talking to Elizabeth Ray.

Red is really an American success story.

Though he was born in Harlem, New York,
he picked himself out of the gutter.

Unfortunately, he left his mind there.

Born in poverty, he didn't get his first
pair of shoes until he was 11.

He stole them off a wino.

And Red, I want them back.

Red never forgot the fact that he had to
walk around barefoot. When he got his

first big check in show business, Red
bought himself a hundred pair of shoes,

and he didn't forget his father.

He bought him a shoeshine kit.

Raising Red in a tough neighborhood like
Harlem wasn't easy for Red's mother.

She was always working. In the daytime,
she worked in a factory, and at night,

in a restaurant.

She had to keep working. She was putting
Red through prison.

Red's a little nervous now that we have
a southerner as president.

He's afraid he'll be asked to move to
the back of the country.

Ah, but seriously, Red, I've never
missed any of your shows. You're funny,

especially when you put on the dress and
do Geraldine.

Ladies and gentlemen, one of the
funniest guys in our show, the Slappy

Woo, look at him.

Father Dean, it's good to see so many
brothers and sisters on the day today.

And that's one thing I can say about
Dean Martin. He don't draw no color

And in his condition, he can't even draw
a straight line.

But I know why there's so many of black
brothers and sisters up here today. They

just found out there is life on Mars.

And they are black.

Houston reported they dug up a 10 ,000
-year -old Cadillac and two payments

due.

LaWanda Pace. Hello, LaWanda.

Red says she's so ugly she tried to get
a facelift, had to turn out for a donor.

this old show, she gave a soldier a
picture and he put it right over his

He said, if it stops a clock, it might
stop a bullet.

Hey, Bogota, don't you ever smile, eh?

You look at a role, eh? Role, eh? Get
indigestion.

Jimmy Walker sitting there, Jimmy Walker
from the good times.

Is that your lips or are you wearing a
turtleneck sweater?

I'd like to turn my thing to Joe
Graduola. Hello, Joe. Mr.

Baseball. Do you know Joe Graduola, Mr.

Baseball?

During his baseball career, he was sold
more times than a slave.

The roots of the Red Fox family are
seriously quite unusual. His ancestors

not, despite what you might think, his
ancestors were not captured in Africa by

a slave ship. They kept getting left
behind.

It worked out okay. They were the first
black family to land at Plymouth Rock.

and throw it through the window of the
general store.

But they quickly adapted to the American
way of life, and when the pilgrims were

out shooting turkeys for Thanksgiving,
Fred's family was out shooting chitlins.

In the old South, it was Reginald Fox
who actually said to Eli Whitney, I've

seen enough cotton, I think I'll invent
gin.

And this man who sits here tonight, he
may not look the part, but he really

comes from a long line of military
heroes.

It was, well, you think I'm kidding.

It was an ancestor of Red's at the
Battle of Waterloo who shouted the

words, don't fire until you see the
whites.

Ladies and gentlemen, your favorite
comedian and his, Mr. Milton Berlin.

I'm very,

very happy to be here tonight honoring
this Oreo cookie.

Red Fox, ladies and gentlemen, is not
your everyday run -of -the -mill dirty

man. Red Fox is not only a Negro, but he
has been for many, many years.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I say, the
blacks have it made.

They can walk home alone at three o
'clock in the morning.

What about the Jews?

What about the Jews?

Just remember, Sloppy, you need the
Jews.

The blacks got the rhythm, but the Jews
own the instrument.

But one thing you can say about Red, one
thing you can say about Red, he does

take care of his health.

He does. He sits around the pool sunning
himself, trying to get the bottom of

his feet to match the rest of them.

Look at the people that showed up for
you this evening.

Orson Welles, one of the great actors of
all times, who has done everything.

Well, you've done everything.

Thank God you've never been caught at
it.

But there's something nice that I should
talk about our guest of honor, and that

is Red Fox.

I know him a long time. He's very
generous.

He gave his ex -wife everything he had.

But that's not much at his age.

How much time do I have left?

Just keep going until you get a laugh.

In 1951, I must tell you, he started an
act with Slappy White and found out one

thing. All the slapping in the world
will never make you white.

Those of you who watch Sanford and Son
know LaWanna Page,

better known to you as Aunt Esther.

She's the only person on earth that Red
Fox fears.

She's so mean and nasty, when she
checked into the MGM Grand today, the

line checked out.

This is a lovely lady and a beautiful
comedian, Miss Luana Payne.

What a thrill this is.

Me, standing here between Rummy and
Jimmy.

And I heard about you, honky.

You just keep your chicken -picking
hands to yourself.

Because I'm carrying a can of mace.

Put it on ice and I'll drink it.

Now take a good look at this man.

Devil. Written all over his face.

Just look at him.

Now what other old man has wrinkles that
spell out obscene words?

He told me he was a church worker.

Can you imagine?

A church worker, honey. That's what he
said.

Honey, if he ever worked in the church,
it was finding new sins the preacher

never heard of.

I want you to know I'm not afraid,
honey. Just because I'm on your show,

think I need you.

Honey, I need you like a rooster needs a
marriage license.

He's been after me since I was a kid
back in St. Louis.

Honey, he was there the night I won a
beauty contest.

Remember that red?

They gave me a silver cup.

Yeah, they gave you a silver cup, all
right. Keep your teeth in.

fish -eyed fool.

You ain't no judge of beauty.

You should have seen his first wife,
honey. That woman was ugly.

How ugly was she?

Honey, she was so ugly, if her picture
was on a stamp, nobody would lick her.

You're right, she was ugly, but...

That's the reason why I married an ugly
girl.

You see, around that time, I tried to
join the Elks, and they turned me down.

And I tried to join the Shriners, and
they turned me down.

So I figured, just to get even, I'd
marry a moose.

Honey, Red didn't tell a whole story.

Not only was his first wife ugly, she
was cruel.

She buried three husbands, and two of
them suckers was alive.

And when he broke up with her, he
started chasing after me.

After we started going together, he got
me a set of wheels.

He said if I cooperate, he'd go and
steal the rest of the car.

you whistling over there, George Kirby.

You call me Aunt Jemima one more time
and I'm going to whip your back.

I heard some of the things you said
about me.

You making fun of me.

That girl you go with is so ugly that
she's got pimples on her watch.

girl is a model for a perfume company
she's a model for a perfume company all

right brute i heard what you said

milton girl you keep on talking that
talking i'm gonna put that cigar where

can't smoke it

That's one of the hardest things I've
ever tried to do in my life.

Whenever anybody finishes up here, it's
customary to kiss the guest of honor.

I'd like to read you some telegrams.
There's a people that couldn't make it

here.

Couldn't make it here.

And here's what we... Oh.

How do all these people get in my room?

Oh, this one's from...

child psychologist, Dr.

Spock here. Dear Red, would love for you
and Freddie Prinze to co -star with me

on my television special.

I'm calling it Spick, Spock, and Spook.

Fred Kirby is a man who can talk to you
in 250 different voices, which is two

more than a politician can.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. George Kirby.

I'm here to tell you people what a big
man he is.

This skinny little runt with a fuzzy
head who looks like a used Q -tip.

Now I'll give you an idea of what some
of his very dear friends have said about

him, such as John Wayne.

Well?

I want you to listen, and listen good,
Pilgrim.

You know how I feel about commie pinkos.

Well, I'll tell you straight.

This little bandy -legged little dude is
the only hombre I know who's better red

than dead.

I recall a tribute.

The immortal Edgar Buchanan, once paid
red.

Well, I had a friend.

I've watched Red Fox on Sanford and Son.

And, you know, really, I mean, I don't
know why they make fun of the way I

I mean, Red shuffles like a man who just
shoplifted a dozen eggs in his long

johns. And if he sat down, he'd leave an
omelet.

Anybody who really respects him, Miss
Pearl Bailey.

Hello, dummy.

Well, hello, dummy.

Don't get ugly with me, you understand
me?

Because if that movie we did together
don't get started pretty soon, honey,

Pearl Bailey is going to give you more
than a roast.

You're going to end up a southern fried
turkey, turkey.

Red, as a surprise to you, we've flown
in your former maid, Señorita

Torres.

Thank you, dear.

I don't know if you remember me, but I
once auditioned for you as a gold

Oh, sure, you were the little blonde
I... Had it on the end there. No, I was

brunette you pinched in the end.

Oh, Señor Red was a very understanding
employer, oh yes, because we both were

raised in a Spanish -speaking city,
Harlem.

I did my job with Senor Fatsoudi and New
York Times.

I picked it up. Yes, New York. I picked
it up on my doorstep one morning and

he was sleeping under it.

He even corrected my accent.

Yes, I used to say it, si, senor,
instead of, yes, boss.

He explained to me how to cook a
southern Spanish style. Oh, yes, for

used to love chitling taco, refried
grits, and chilico catfish.

At night I used to lay out his evening
clothes, sometimes with him still in

them.

El señor was very proud of me. He
treated me... yes, like his own

especially when the men from the welfare
department came around.

Abe Vigoda has spent two years on the
Barney Miller Show. He plays Detective

Philip K. Fish.

If his face was any longer, he wouldn't
have to wear pants.

Ladies and gentlemen, Abe Vigoda.

Well, I've heard rumors about Red Fox's
lifestyle.

And since I am a detective with some
experience, they've asked me to shadow

Fox day and night.

During the day, well, it was no problem.

But at night, it was tough.

It's not easy shadowing a shadow.

Monday night.

Picked up subject at Swinging Orgy in
Hollywood Hills.

1 a .m. Party is getting wilder. Women
show up. Red drinks champagne from

Starlet's pantyhose.

Gets run in his throat.

2 .10 a .m. On his way home, the highway
patrol stops Red and gives him a ticket

for zigzagging on the freeway without a
car.

4 a .m. Wakes up with a start, looks
around the bed, and realizes there's no

to start with.

Suddenly, he remembers why his wife
isn't there.

He ran away with his best friend,
George.

George wasn't his best friend until he
ran away with his wife.

9 a .m.

Decides to have a car washed, but car
wash isn't open, so he takes it to paint

shop and has it painted red, blue,
orange, purple, yellow, green.

Explains reason.

In case he has accident, it will confuse
the witnesses.

Heels lucky, so he drives down to Watts
to play him poker game.

In the first hand, he has five aces, but
is beaten by five kings.

In Watts, five kings is four kings and a
razor.

This is the star of good times, Mr.
Jimmy Dynamite Walker.

I'm so glad you finally got my name
straight.

For a while, they kept calling me Johnny
Walker Black.

If Brett had to get a kid today, it'd be
just like his old man, born with a

silver spoon in his nose.

They say that Red has a dirty mouth.

On the contrary, his mouth is the
cleanest part of his body.

He's been washed out with soap so many
times.

Red likes to feel at home. That's how
come he brings an entourage of 300

with him at all times.

It reminds him of his childhood when he
lived in a one -room apartment.

And you know, Red over here is a very
patriotic guy.

His name is Red, his hair is white, and
his material is blue.

And George Kirby is an all -around
entertainer. He sings, he dances, he

impressions. He's known in the business
as the Black Sammy Davis Jr.

And Red started out doing clubs as a
dancer.

Bet you didn't know Red was a dancer.

He didn't know either until the crowd
started shooting at his feet.

Then there's Red's co -star.

Red insisted that he play opposite a
person that had special qualities.

So they searched far and wide to get
Demond Wilson.

It's hard to find a dull black man.

Orton Wells, besides being a producer,
director, writer, is also one of the

gifted Shakespearean actors ever to
grace the stage.

He has appeared in Hamlet, Macbeth,
Othello, and soon he will appear in a

new play based on

the Carter -Ford presidential debates
entitled Much Ado

About Nothing.

It's a rare pleasure indeed to do honors
to the star of Sanford and Son, LaWanda

Page.

Is it, I wonder, widely known that Red
Fox once aspired to the classics?

Seriously, I wonder if that's known. I
used to run the old Lafayette Theater up

in Harlem. I really did, you know. And I
directed classical plays with black

cats, and I'll never forget the day Red
Fox turned up to audition for the title

role in Hamlet.

I still have the text, his text.

But yes, ladies and gentlemen, this
Nubian nebbish has brightened up the

best material with some of the most
fragrant idioms of the street.

Shakespeare in Red's hand had not been
exactly mastered. No, Shakespeare had

been mugged.

And here it is, slightly edited for
television.

To bleep.

Or not to bleep.

That is the bleeping question.

Whether it is nobler to suffer being
shafted in the bleep, or to

sling back the outrageous bleep they're
slinging you, and by opposing the

bleepers, bleep them all.

Here is Red Fox's number one fighting
protege, Kid Honky.

Kid Honky.

I made all these bets on all my fights,
and after I lost the last three, I asked

him for a contract, and he said, Don't
worry, kid.

I already got one out on you.

It has me on a special diet.

Mustard greens, hog jaws, pig knuckles,
and black -eyed peas.

It hasn't improved my boxing, but hell,
I can dance ring around any one of the

pips.

That helps me train, and he has his own
ideas. We drink, and we smoke, and we

play cards all night, and we run around
with broads.

I ain't never won a fight, but who the
hell cares?

Many years ago, Buddy Haggard and
Phyllis Diller had a love affair, and

a love child.

I am that love child.

One thing I'll say about Red is he's
never forgotten his poor

boy beginnings.

He has this lovely 20 -room house with
a...

private gate and a swimming pool and he
keeps the windows broken.

Did you see the furniture?

Authentic Louis the 14th. And it all
came from Louis on 14th and Crenshaw.

But Red's house is laid out beautifully.

It has a nice flow.

All the rooms lead into a central
massage parlor.

The wine he served was from his own
private stock, Berry Ramps.

How often do you get a chance to drink
industrial strength ripple?

Mr. Joe Garagio.

I got a biography right here in front of
me, and I want to read some things

about Red Fox, okay? Yeah.

It says, Red Fox, the television star
and nightclub comedian, is just the same

off the stage as he is on.

Red always has been known as a blue
comedian.

But he has promised the network he would
clean up his act.

He couldn't clean up that act with tidy
bowls.

Did you ever hear of the picture of the
dirty dozen?

Well, Red was seven of them.

Listen, because of his material, the
government had to come up with the Clean

Air Act. Did you know that?

No. I just told you.

Red Fox has recorded 49 albums which
have sold 10 million copies.

I think you got that wrong.

Why? He recorded 10 million albums and
sold 49 copies.

I got a statistic for you. Yeah? Red Fox
has been making audiences laugh for 22

years. That's not so hot. He's been a
comedian for 45 years.

Ladies and gentlemen, Ripsy Muscle.

Since Red Fox came to NBC, they had to
change the logo because so many black

people followed him here that the
peacock was turning to a crow.

His good fortune, let us not forget that
the man has gone through the trauma of

a terrible divorce.

The judge... The judge said to him, he
says, Mr. Fox,

your wife said that you busted her lip,
broke her nose, and swelled up her eye,

and you say you didn't touch her.

The judge said, well, judge, who are you
going to believe, me or this punch

-drunk broad?

On the first day at Boulevard, a woman
rushed up and grabbed and says, Mr. Fox,

you should be ashamed of yourself coming
out of that massage parlor.

Red said, well, I've been in there all
day, lady. I got to come out sometime.

This man's talents have never been
exploited.

He is a highly versatile performer and
has a great background.

He works in so many rough situations
that the day on a movie set when the

director says, cut, Red reaches for his
knife.

What is right and what is wrong?

I asked him. He said, Lola Falana is
right.

Lawanda Page is wrong.

Ladies and gentlemen, my great musical
talent, Mr.

Isaac Hayes.

I want to admit I'm not a comedian, but
what I'm going to lay on you people

tonight is the truth.

About ten years ago, Red Fox called me
and asked me to go on a tour with him.

A personal appearance tour. He said I
would see 25 cities in 25 days.

Well, I was back then when Red wasn't
known, and I didn't see 25 people in 25

days.

Anyway, you started out on the bus the
next day. Let's see. Now, that was Red.

It was me.

48 animals, I mean 48 girls and a 20
-piece band.

And man, Red packed more blacks under
that roof than a white landlord.

Red was driving and naturally we got
lost the first night.

Because when I woke up in the morning,
the first thing I could see was this

of rednecks.

And when I say rednecks, man, I mean
rednecks.

They were Indians.

I said, Red, do something, man. Do
something.

Red.

We'll put on a show for them. They'll
love it.

Let me tell you how the Indians loved
it.

Before that show, I had the prettiest
afro you ever seen.

We ran out of money. He'd pull the bus
into some little town and yell out his

winner at the mayor. Hey, which way is
the ghetto?

The mayor would say, we don't have a
ghetto.

Red points to all the blacks on the bus.

Well, you got one now.

Ladies and

gentlemen, the master of malice, Mr. Don
Rickles.

Hey, this is an exciting night, really.

To see all these wonderful stars,
LaWanda Page is here.

LaWanda Page, a former girl that used to
hang around downtown L .A. going,

Officer.

Case comes up Tuesday.

You attacked a dead snail.

Where are you sitting, LaWanda?

Oh, there you are.

When you get a group of you together,
you never can tell who's who.

I want to thank Marty Allen, who just
came out from safari.

Oh, Marty Allen, the one with the spear
and the safari haircut.

Good luck to you.

Loan it to the black guys in case they
have a luau.

Slappy, good luck to you, really. And
keep running in front of Red's car,

checking for grenades.

That was a good one. Dean just looked up
and said, my underwear is on fire.

Dean puts cigarettes out in his
underwear and thinks it's an ashtray,

luck.

I'd like to say that also, he's here
tonight, Mr. Television.

One of the great stars, Milton Berle,
who's been my idol, but I was in a state

institution for many, many years.

We also have a great... great man with
us tonight, Joe Garagiola.

You never can recognize him with that
funny head and the catcher's mask on his

face.

One of the great catchers of all time,
Joe Garagiola.

A foul ball came back and he said, Ow!

You see, ladies and gentlemen, as you
can see, he's black.

The reason you can...

I've seen a lot of black guys, Nipsey,
but you're overdoing it.

Who cares about Nipsey? And here tonight
is Isaac Hayes. I like you, Isaac,

really. I have nothing against you. I
don't listen to your music.

I'm too busy at home listening to Yasha
Haifetz and all the Jewish stars get

together trying to figure out what you
do.

Ava Vigoda, one of the great detectives
in Barney Miller.

Good to see you, Abe. I spoke to the
cemetery.

They ran short of dirt, so they'll bury
you Tuesday.

I sure do want to thank George Kirby.

George? So good he got heavy again.

George looks like a black beach ball.

I've always liked George.

Does Billy Eckstein, Pearl Bailey, Louis
Armstrong, Joe Louis, all the biggies.

Did a white guy once and bombed.

Uh, Isabel Sanford. Oh, what a night to
have her on the dais. My goodness.

Isabel, good to see you. When you get a
minute, rinse the cups.

Steve Allen.

Great talk show host. Steve. Over here,
Steve. His glasses are so thick that

during the war with Japan, he was one of
them.

Great author and married to Jane
Meadows. Sorry.

No, Jane Meadows is a lovely lady.

I saw her out in the hall going, want an
apple, sailor?

Good luck to you. I think you make a
delightful couple. Stay with her. She'll

in the home by Friday.

Liz Torres, a Spanish lady, and you'll
see her very, very shortly in her new

movie called Kiss My Muchachos.

Jimmy Walker's here.

Dynamite!

He's a fantastic guy. He's in a show
called Good Times, which I never watch.

Oh, I do. Once in a while, I use it for
a nightlight when the wife and I want to

play charades.

I've always loved you, Dean. You're such
a warm, wonderful guy. We've spent so

many hours together watching you go into
a coma.

Really, Dean, you're a fun guy. I spoke
to Frank Sinatra Thursday, and you will

be found in a garage Wednesday.

And so, last but not least, one of the
great guys. You know, we make jokes

this man, Red Fox.

The world does, and he's being honored
tonight, and he deserves to be honored.

For so many years, Red and I go back to
the Slate Brothers in California, and

then when he had his own club, which
failed.

And then he had his own nightclub, which
failed.

And then he did a couple other things,
which failed.

To be honest, I don't know why I'm here.
Red's a failure.

And today, you won the Major Bowls
Amateur Hour, and now you're with DeMond

Wilson as punishment.

We're going to go to ABC, a great
network that one time was doing... I was

ABC many, many years ago myself, and we
failed because we had other shows

opposite us.

Fred, sometimes you're bald, sometimes
your hair is red. No matter how it comes

out, you're a beautiful human being. I
wish you luck. I wish you good things in

life. You deserve them. Thank you for
letting me be part of your show. You're

delightful man.

There he is. You've been waiting for
him. Mr. Red Fox.

Again, I'd like to just tell you a story
so I know I'll get one up front.

There's a story about integration, more
or less. There was a bus driver, and he

had a bus full of kids.

They were all in the bus arguing about
black and white, what was right and what

was wrong, who was right and who was
wrong.

And the bus driver just got fed up with
all the conversation about black and

white, so he stopped the bus and told
all the kids to get off. And he walked

outside with them. He said, look, I'm
tired of all this bickering about race

who's right and who's wrong, who's rich
and who's poor, who lives in the ghetto,

who lives in mansions.

He said, from now on, if you're going to
ride this bus, everybody's green.

You got it?

Everyone's green.

He said, now get on the bus. Dark greens
in the back, light greens in the front.

You guys sure worked me over tonight.

I've heard Dean Martin say nicer things
about milk.

Dean Martin made a special trip to be
here tonight.

He left the floor.

And it's nice to see my friend Steve
Allen here.

Steve has done as much for comedy as
Elizabeth Ray has done for typing.

I'm glad Slappy White showed.

Slappy thinks he's in big time tonight.

Let me tell you something, Slappy.

Being on a Dean Martin rose is as
important as being a beauty mark on the

page.

And Joe Garage.

You are a credit to the game of
baseball.

Even though Joe is in television now,
his first love is still baseball.

I know because at 3 o 'clock this
morning, I saw him at a bar with a

bats.

You look good tonight. I mean, I didn't
know Fruit of the Loom made tuxedos.

I just heard they published your book of
poems.

Makes me glad I can't read.

I'm glad that Milton Berle is here.

It's a shame he isn't on TV every week.

Crabbe was going to give him a show of
his own, but he aged before the cheese

did.

But a nice thing did happen to Milton
last week.

They made him honorary pin boy on
Celebrity Bowling.

And there's my old buddy, Marty Allen.

I've seen afros before, but your hair
looks like a pregnant haystack.

And there's brother George Kirby.

Really good buddy.

George is a big favorite on television
talk shows.

That's because he can't make it on the
joke shows.

George is appearing at Las Vegas at the
International.

The International House of Pancakes.

I'm honored to have Mr. Orson Welles
here, though, and I mean that with great

respect. I respect him because he always
is reading books.

The only book I ever read was one by Dr.
David Rubin.

everything you always wanted to know
about sex.

But he left out the most important part,
where to get it.

And I want to thank my maid, Ms. Torres,
for being here.

I understand she's Puerto Rican.

I once had a Puerto Rican working for me
who was my valet. He was very good at

removing spots from my pants.

Fire spots, tan spots.

about Puerto Ricans. I always thought
Puerto Ricans were Mexicans with a job.

We don't usually get stars of your
caliber on these roads.

I mean, but tonight we had to lower our
standards.

And Don Rickles. I mean, he's mean. I
mean, he's real mean.

Whenever he gets out to Disneyland, his
favorite ride is the Tunnel of Hate.

I was at the dentist this morning. He
was getting his fangs kept.

I've got to excuse my friend, though,
Isaac Hayes, for how he did tonight.

You see, before Isaac got in the show
business, he used to be a Roto -Rooter

man.

And he just can't shake the habit of
going down the drain.

And of course, there's Aunt Esther, Miss
LaWanda Page.

3 ,000 manholes in this town and she had
to drop in here.

First time I met LaWanda was at a party
and she came topless.

Her upper plate fell out.

You work me over, now I got some things
to say about you.

Get a load of that face.

Look like a wedding cake that was left
out in the rain.

She checked in the motel last night.
They gave her a room with an ugly rest

mattress.

Oh, before I forget, I just want to say
I'm inviting everyone here on this on

this to dinner.

Everyone except you, Lawanda.

Have some ribs fill up to your room.

Don't be attached to Nipsey Russell.