Original subtitles

The Dean Martin Celebrity Roast, coming to you from the MGM Grand Hotel in the

entertainment capital of the world, Las Vegas, Nevada.

Ladies and gentlemen, from the beautiful Siegfeld Room, tonight's star -studded

roast has brought together some of the world's greatest entertainers.

They've come from all over the world to be here tonight, here in Las Vegas, in

person.

Your Roastmaster, Dean Martin.

And tonight's very special man of the week,

Neil DeRosa.

Okay there, little boy.

Well, what a thrill it is to have in our presence this evening.

A man who has contributed so much to baseball.

A man who is loved by everybody, but enough about Moriwells.

Let's talk about Leo DeRocher.

This is the kind of evening that brings happiness to so many people, especially

those that didn't show up.

Looking at this audience tonight, Leo realizes you can't buy friends.

All these people tonight are not bought.

They're rented.

Although Leo's retired, he'll remain a legend in baseball. He's done more good

for baseball players than Mamie Van Doren.

Baseball was the only thing Leo ever knew. As a matter of fact, Leo's father

a baseball player.

Leo was his first heir.

Leo started his career as a shortstop for the New York Yankees in 1925, and

very first year he set a record that has never been broken.

Not once did he cut himself during a shaving commercial.

In 1940, he was named manager of the Brooklyn Ball Club. It was Leo who

real togetherness to the Dodgers.

Sometimes you'd find three base runners on second base.

I... I wouldn't say Leo's.

Well, Leo did a bad job down in Houston, but the Astro fans have a new slogan.

Remember the Alamo and forget Leo.

Nice day it looks like, the Hall of Fame of the sports world. So let's kick off

with the great Murray Wills.

Maury's the number one base runner in history.

Statistics show that he's been thrown out at home four times, three times by

wife.

Ladies and gentlemen, the candidate for the Baseball Hall of Fame, Mr. Maury

Wells.

Thank you, Dean.

Not you, Dizzy.

I'm doing the NBC baseball games of the week now, partner.

It's a pleasure to be here tonight to honor Leo DeRocha, a man who makes

Cosell look like an introvert.

You know, people oftentimes accuse Leo of being cruel and cold -hearted.

But let me tell you a little story that I think illustrates the warmth of this

man.

I was just a young player with the Dodgers at the time, and we were on the

down south.

And one night, Leo decided to take...

Some of the guys asked for dinner.

When we arrived at the restaurant, we were informed that blacks were not

But Leo took care of that right away.

Leo turned to me, and I'll never forget his words.

He said, boy, you wait out in the car, and we'll bring your doggie back when

we're through.

No, of course, I'm only kidding.

When Leo was manager, There were no prejudices on his ball club.

Leo treated blacks and whites the same, miserably.

Leo was a shortstop just like me. We played the same position. When I was a

he was really my idol.

And unlike a lot of players today, believe me, Leo was a rough, tumble ball

player. I remember one time Leo ran home and the umpire didn't like the way he

slid into the plate.

It was his upper.

Scott, I can say one thing honestly, though. Leo has, except for a few things

here and there, he's always been kind to his players.

Take Willie Mason, for instance.

Leo's always treated Willie like a son.

In fact, the paternity suit proved it.

Is Leo laughing or is he coming up here?

But I'd like to go on record as saying, in closing, Leo, that I honestly feel

that in baseball, You're the greatest manager in the history of the game. And

baseball and I owe you a lot.

Good

morning.

Now, here's the guy who's responsible for making tennis so popular, Mr. Bobby

Riggs. There's been a story on Bobby in every magazine recently.

And he made the cover of Time.

And years ago, life gave him a big spread.

At his age, life has a way of doing that.

Ladies and gentlemen, the king of women's tennis, Mr. Bobby Ray.

Thank you.

Normally, I don't do functions like this.

But yesterday I received this letter from Leo DeRocha.

Leo doesn't know I'm going to read this, but I thought it would shed some kind

of light on the man that you're honoring tonight.

Here goes for the letter.

Dear Bobby, you and I have been friends for a long time, and I hate to ask a

favor of you, but I'm desperate.

The Dean Martin Show is roasting me as their man of the week.

And you've got to bail me out.

I'm only doing it because I need the money after betting on you.

I just received a list of the people on the dais. And you wouldn't believe who

they stuck me with. Now get this.

Jack Carter.

I didn't know that guy was still alive.

So you can see I really need you, Bobby.

Not that you'll add any class to the evening.

But you're such a loser.

You'll make all the other guys look better by comparison.

So here I am, Leo.

Well, here is truly a legend in baseball, Mr. Dizzy Dean.

Dizzy was one of Leo's teammates with the old St.

Louis Cardinals Gas House Gang.

And he was one of baseball's greatest pitchers.

Not only could he pitch a fastball, but he could pitch a ball so slow that the

players could autograph it before it reached the plate.

Ladies and gentlemen, a big name in baseball's hall of fame, Mr.

Dizzy Dean.

Thank you, Dean.

Thank you very much. Boy, the way you put that booze away, I bet I'm not the

only dean who's dizzy around here tonight.

I remember his first game with the Cards.

Leo was playing shortstop.

And the runner was caught between second and third.

The third baseman threw Leo the ball and yelled, tag him, tag him.

Leo yelled back, why?

I'm not it.

Leo's really a great... Leo really has a great arm, though. There's no question

about that.

I don't know how many times I've seen him throw the ball into the right field

stands.

But nobody cared about Leo's feeling because he really knew how to hit the

He was a switch hitter.

And in his very first year, he hit 400.

200 right -handed and 200 left -handed.

Leo was a real clutch player.

In fact, he was arrested three times in the subway for it.

He was absolutely fearless at the plate.

Once Carl Hubble threw a fastball that bounced right off of Leo's head. And Leo

just stood there and smiled.

Naturally, it was the furthest he'd hit the ball all season.

Did you know that it was because of Leo DeRosa that they had to adopt the

infield fly ball?

Whenever an infielder was trying to catch the ball Leo hit, Leo would yell

Hey, buddy, your fly is open.

But the thing I'll always remember most about Leo was his competitive spirit.

One time when he was at shortstop, there was a high bouncing ball.

And I swear Leo leaped eight feet in the air.

And if I told you where the ball hit him, you'd know why.

Ladies

and

gentlemen, a former major league ball player and now a great actor, Mr. Chuck

Connors.

Oh, thank you, Dean.

It's a pleasure to be here again at the end of the lineup with all the bad

jokes.

Anyway, as some of you may or may not know and probably don't know, I was with

the Brooklyn Dodgers in 1949.

Now, this is not funny, lady. This is the truth.

I was a few years after Leo left.

See, I'm a lot younger than he is.

But the players on the team who were still there remembered Leo, and they

always talking about you, Leo.

Well, the most interesting thing they told me about Leo DeRocha was the unique

system of signals he used when he was coaching third base.

I'm going to see if I can remember some.

This one means hit away.

This one means take the pitch.

This one means, oh, I'm sorry, I ate that whole piece.

This means, let's see, bunt.

This means hit away again.

And this means, ooh.

17 less hairs than yesterday morning.

None today.

Uh, let's see now.

This means, uh, slide.

This means, uh, head for home.

And, uh, this means, uh, hey, your zipper's open!

Finally, this one thing that Leo originated that's being used by every

third base in Major League Baseball today is this. Watch.

And it means don't get this damn inning over with. I've got to go to the John.

Ladies and gentlemen, a man who made history with the Detroit Lions, Mr. Alex

Carr.

If I have a reputation for anything outside of my obvious physical charms

my overpowering sex appeal and my intelligence,

it's for being totally candid.

If I were to tell you that I'm not too thrilled about being asked to speak on

behalf of Leo DeRocha tonight, that would be a little short of the truth.

Matter of fact, I'm sick about it.

But I only had two other offers this week.

One to speak at a Republican rally.

And the other to appear in a movie.

They're doing a retake of The Naked and the Dead.

And they want me to play both parts.

Very difficult to say something nice about Leo and maintain my own impeccable

reputation for honesty, Leo.

Let's face it, Leo, it's hard to compliment you.

You busted out in Chicago, busted out in Houston.

You want to talk about the records as a player, Leo? How about the records as

you had as a player? He played in major leagues from 1925 to 1945.

That's 10 years.

Kind batting average of 247.

Hell, I played it that way, Leo.

You heard of the Ted Williams shift? Well, they had one for Leo.

The pitcher played in.

I like that joke regardless if anyone else does.

Leo, you were small.

But you were slow.

Leo into a race against a tree, you'd have to bet odds on the tree.

Especially after a dog race.

We would play with the old gas house gang, but I'll tell you, they could do

everything with the baseball.

Right, Leo?

Except autograph it.

A lot have been said and written about Leo's reported run -ins with the

and you know, I'm from Chicago, I understand these things.

Throughout my great career, I've always believed in showing the proper respect

for coaches, Leo. I mean, I can't understand, you know, when they say,

hang him in effigy.

Is that the right word?

I mean, if you're going to have a hanging, Leo, let's have a hanging.

I thought probably a lot of these reports were blown out of proportion

players not getting along with you. Excuse me.

So I researched the issue thoroughly, and just let me say that...

This to you, Leo, and I mean this in honest sincerity, face -to -face, man

-man.

No matter how many nasty things have been said about you, Leo, by writers and

broadcasters, players and owners, vending machine operators,

job supporter manufacturers,

and fans and umpires in vending, I said that.

I'd like to say this to you, Leo, in all sincerity.

You could count your real enemies on the fingers of the Mormon Tabernacle

Choir.

Well, a lot of your friends and admirers couldn't be here tonight, but they sent

a load of telegrams, and I'd like to read a few of them right now here.

The first one reads... Dear Leo, I understand you once said that nice guys

finish last.

I couldn't agree more.

Signed, Mae West.

Dear Mr.

DeRocher, we wish to thank you for advertising our product every time you

disagree with an umpire. Signed, the Acme Natural Fertilizing Company.

needs no introduction. What he needs is an act.

Ladies and gentlemen, a man who's done for comedy what Charlie Finley's done

baseball, Mr. Jack Carter.

Thank you. And Alex, that was a great speech.

We'll invite you again when Nixon gives a dinner for Judge Sirica.

I am so choked up to be here.

What a night between Leo DeRucia and Dean Martin.

Here they are, lippy and nippy.

Incidentally, you know, Dean just willed his body to science, but I got a

feeling that the Gallo brothers will get it first.

I'm so choked up, all of my idols are here. Look at these athletes. There's

and Chuck Connors and Maury Wills.

I haven't seen such great bodies since I won Truman Capote on the dating game.

And I loved baseball. I followed it all my life. As a kid in Brooklyn, the

Dodgers, the Giants, the Yankees. I remember when they had white

And, uh... And Leo's a champion of the black cause. He brought a lot of Negroes

into baseball, and it wasn't easy.

First time he put Maury Wills in the outfield, he kept rolling up the grass

smoking it.

That's why they put him in the infield. He couldn't hold on to a fly if his

zipper was caught.

More he will. Mr. Holdout. Every year, I'm holding out, I'm holding out.

He could hold out longer than Doris Day would in a movie.

And I didn't get to mention my boy, Chucky Connors. The big, tall one. The

couple, all by himself.

I just made that up.

Chuck Connors. There he is. A dodger. Former dodger. Tax and draft.

And my man, Dean, Dizzy Dean, I love him.

Started up again 20 years with the old Cardinals, and it ain't easy running

around the baseball field in those long robes, I'll tell you.

Remember that one?

I loved him. And then he became a sportscaster.

When I was a kid, turned on just to hear Dizzy going, Now where I'm about to

know if I'm on.

Yeah, it's love in the third base of the ball. Hit a ball and it beats you down

the long, down ball side.

Yeah, I'm about to know if I'm on. Never gonna know if I'm on.

at the time. I thought we were captured, you know?

He's a white Negro, I tell you that.

Bobby Riggs laughed, you idiot. I laugh when you play.

We're here to talk about my man, Leo, Leo the Lip.

Leo DeRocho, a man who's been maligned.

Punch, beat, and spit out, and rightly so.

Two words describe this man's life. Assault and battery.

All this loud -mouthing. He came back from Texas. He was mad.

He was in a polar lounge at the Beverly Hills Hotel. Boy, it's good to be back

in Beverly Hills. I hate that crummy Texas and that Houston.

Ain't nothing there but football heroes and hookers.

Big guy grabbed him. Listen, buddy boy, my wife comes from Texas. Leo said, oh,

really? What position does she play?

In final closing, I'd like to repeat the words of Howard Cosell, a great

sportcaster. A couple of weeks ago at a big sports writer's dinner, he said this

about Leo.

Ladies and gentlemen, our subject de Rocha, a maudlin relic of a bygone era,

a living legend.

When giants trod the earth and dodgers cut them down, the maniacal masochistic

de Rocha played the game.

He could go to his left, he could go to his right, but he never went to his

pocket.

As a leader of men, one word describes a man who could be senile.

But that's Geroncho, a big talker and no batting average.

My wife's got more runs than a pantyhose.

But seriously, I've said some horrendous things about Leo, but he is a living

monument to baseball.

And you all know what pigeons do to monuments.

Oh, that was beautiful.

He imitated you real good.

I'd love to listen. Never could understand you, but I love you.

And now, Leo, we are pleased to have with us one of the most respected

in the National League.

He worked behind the plate in many of the games your teams played.

Ladies and gentlemen, would you all please welcome Mr. Foster Brooke.

Thank you very much, Dune. Dune, Dune. Thank you. Thank you, Dean.

Friends, it is indeed a pleasure for me to be here tonight to honor the

one and only Leo de Cockroach.

What's that?

What's that?

De Rocher?

Well, I knew it sounds like a little bugger.

It's also a real thrill for me to be here on the same day.

Be here on the same day.

Speakers platform.

I will.

Well, you'll have to excuse me because all those Puerto Rican ballplayers look

the same.

a truly fine baseball manager.

Probably one of the three or four hundred best of all time.

Leo doesn't scare me once when Sandy Cove... Sandy... Sandy Cove... Well,

Sandy Cove was pitching against this team.

Leo came running out of the dugout and said, grease ball, grease ball.

I told him, don't be ridiculous. Sandy is Jewish.

And he's a man of very diverse interests.

He's especially interested in genealogy.

The study of people's...

people's family trees.

Until I first met Leo, I always thought I was a son of a waitress.

Because as Leo well knows, there's one time Cardinal Rule in baseball.

And I'm like, I'm playing umpire.

Never changes his call.

Unless there's a broad in it for her.

He always puts me away.

Ladies and gentlemen, nice guys don't always finish last.

because our man of the week is right up on top, one of the great managers of all

baseball, Mr. Leo Derosier.

This

evening's

been about as exciting as watching Marcus Welby sidestep a bedpan.

I'd like to correct one impression you may have gotten tonight.

I am retired, not deceased.

As a matter of fact, they wanted me to manage the Oakland A's next year.

But I hired a lawyer, and I beat the rap.

However, it's nice being here, and it's nice to see a few people on the dais who

aren't in show business.

Maury Wills, Dizzy Dean, Jack Carter.

I don't know whether many of you are aware of this, but Chuck Connors, who is

now an actor, used to be a big league ball player.

And he's just as good an actor as he was a ball player.

He struck out in both.

Chuck was with the Dodgers for a short time, and he did for baseball what he

for TV.

He never had a hit.

And it's nice to see more he wills.

Well, I... First time I met Maury, he was just a kid hanging around the ghetto

in the playground.

So I put a bat in his hand. I said, do you know what this is for?

He said, yes, sir.

And he hit me over the head and stole my wallet.

And it's really up to it, having my old buddy Dizzy Dean with us. Baseball fans

will never forget him.

Dizzy couldn't hit, but he sure could throw it.

And I'm glad that Alex Carr showed tonight.

One of the greatest defensive tackles football has ever known.

He started out as an offensive tackle.

Then he learned about deodorant pads.

And what can I say about Dean?

You don't run into guys like Dean too often.

You generally trip over.

In conclusion, I'd just like to say I've enjoyed every minute I ever spent in

baseball.

Baseball is truly the great American pastime.

Now all we got to do is convince Frank Sinatra.

I want to thank all my wonderful guests for being with us tonight and my special

thanks to Leo DeRocher.

All of us here tonight chipped in and laid a new car on Leo.

It took him three hours to get out from under it.

Good night, everybody.

Good night.

Walmart. Hot chocolate. Be home.

Bye.