Original subtitles

Okie dokie, Angelina.

We're all set.

I got aliens.

I got city slickers. And I got the way we were. What do you want to do?

Scream, laugh, or cry?

I think cry. Oh, good, good. That sounds like fun.

All right, let's see. You know, I'm glad you said cry because...

Here's yours, and here's mine.

I haven't had a good cry since, uh... Sam's wedding?

Oh, please, please. Don't mention that to me. I'm just so glad all that

craziness is behind me. Me too. The elopement and the in -laws and all that

running around. We haven't had a moment's peace.

Oh, well.

Now that that's passed, it's time to get back to you and me.

And who's ever at the door.

was great. Really? Did you have good weather?

We don't know.

Okay, okay, moving on, moving on, moving on. Oh, what brings you kids by?

Oh, well, actually, we kind of need a place to stay for the night.

Oh?

We kind of got kicked out of the dorm.

They don't allow married couples.

Well, well, well, well, well.

Seems that we kind of didn't think this married thing through, did we?

Dad, Don't start because tomorrow we're going to move into the married couples

dorm. Oh, so you just need a place to stay for the night, huh? Uh -huh. Well,

gee, Hank, your parents have that great big brand new house. I'm surprised you

didn't go there first.

We did. You went to them first?

Yeah, but I couldn't deal with it. Right when we got there, my dad started

ragging on me about quitting med school to be a puppeteer.

You know, I'm starting to like his father more and more.

I knew this was a bad idea. Come on, Hank. Let's go. No, no, no, no. Wait a

minute. You're here.

It's late.

It's only going to be for one night, so you might as well stay. I don't know if

we should be here. All right, come on. Come on, Sam. It's okay. It's okay. And

after all, you know your room will always be your room.

Well, okay.

Thanks. Come on, Hank.

And, uh, Hank.

This here couch will always be your couch.

There's a time for love and a time for living. Take a chance and face the wind.

Open road and a road that's hidden. Brand new life around here.

It ain't that long, but you might awake to a brand new life. Brand new life.

Brand new life around here.

I'm sleeping on the couch? Wait, wait. We've been married for a week.

Oh, even God rested on the seventh day.

I'm sorry. Just a reflex. Just a reflex. You two should be together tonight.

Thank you. Come on, let's turn in, Hank. It's been a long day and my back is

killing me from carrying up those suitcases. Oh, come on, honey. I'll give

massage.

Are you sure you're okay with this? Your daughter spending her honeymoon in the

room next to yours?

I'm fine. Hey, they're married.

They're legal.

What's the problem?

You don't mean... I swear to God, I'm not doing anything.

They're laughing, they're giggling, they're squeaking.

They're squeaking?

Well, not them, the door. They keep going to the bathroom.

Who goes to the bathroom that much? And what are they doing in there? And why do

they got to go together?

Dad, would you please? I am trying to sleep.

No, no, you're not trying to sleep. I'm trying to sleep. I'm trying to sleep.

And didn't I warn you about drinking so much water late at night?

What's going on?

I suppose you think that's cute.

Dad. Hey, newlyweds. I saw your car out front. Are you kids

staying here? Yeah. In the room next to Tony? Yeah. Hey, rock and roll.

You go back into your room and get some sleep. Okay, good night. Good night.

Dad. Shh.

I don't believe this is happening.

Tony, Tony.

You're going to rest a lot easier once you get used to Sam being married.

I'm used to her being married. I'm just not used to her sharing her pajamas.

That's it. Did you hear that? That's that door again. I've got to do

or I won't sleep all night. Get some more cotton. He is never going to get

through this alive.

She is his only daughter.

I don't want to know.

Good morning.

Oh, good morning.

Sleep okay after you ripped off the newlywed's door?

I know. It was a stupid, immature thing to do. But I slept like a baby.

Well, lucky for them, they're leaving today. And you and I can get back to the

way we were if you get my drift. Oh, do I ever, because...

I love the way we were.

Gee, not you too.

Keep it up and I'm taking this door off.

You're in the kitchen, for goodness sakes. There are health codes.

Well, one kid gone, two to go.

Morning. Oh, good morning. Good morning, Sam.

Let me... Sam,

I think we should talk.

Oh, no problem.

My door is always... Always open.

Sam, Sam, I'm glad that you can laugh about this. Yes, that's only because

leaving today.

Hello. Um, just a minute.

Sam, I need to see you.

Thanks. I'll take it in the living room where I can have some privacy.

Ooh.

Well, she's your problem now, Hayes.

Well, thanks.

Hey.

I'm glad we're not having oatmeal.

That's tomorrow.

Wear a hat.

Wow,

these are great.

They're so light and fluffy. How do you do it? I hand whip the batter. A hundred

to the left, a hundred to the right. Makes those pancakes ready for flight.

Incoming! Whoa!

He calls them air jemimas.

If we don't laugh, we don't eat.

Oh, Sam,

you know your father makes the greatest pancakes.

Flip her one, Tony.

Incoming!

Sam, what's the matter? That was just school. There's no married housing

available. Oh, no, honey.

That's terrible. Well, what are you going to do?

I guess she'll be staying here a while longer.

Oh, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Hey, hey, hey, hey. I don't like it any more

than you do.

It just so happens that we're in a position to help.

I mean, if that's okay with Angela.

Of course.

Although it's hardly ideal.

For you, I mean. I know. There's no way we're staying here after what happened

last night. Right, Hank?

Well... Hank!

I don't think we have any other choice. I mean, we can't go back to my parents'

place. I know, I know. Anyways, we'll only stay here until we find a place we

can afford.

I know.

And not a second more.

Fine, I'm happy about that. Because let me tell you something, the sooner you

two are out of here, the happier I'll be.

Now, for one second. I do. Okay.

Tony? No, it's me.

Oh, sorry.

Oh, that's okay.

Your father promised he'd be back to watch City Slickers with me.

On Fast Forward?

Well, yeah, Sarah, I've got to return the tapes in about an hour, so I'm just

going to the good parts.

Oh, oh, here's the part where the little calf is born.

Oh!

Well,

I've got good news.

Hank found a place we could afford, and as soon as he gets back, we're going to

go look at it. Oh!

apartment. Wow.

Hi, guys.

Let's go look at our new place.

No bottle.

It was a dump.

Wait a minute.

That's where you were?

Yeah. Wait, you took dad to see the apartment?

Yeah, and we turned it down.

We turned it down.

Why did we do that?

Well, it just wasn't a good apartment, Sam.

Ask the hank man here.

Oh, I plan to, sweetheart.

Excuse us.

The apartment was pretty awful, was it? Oh, gee, it's too bad, too. You know,

I'm so disappointed.

I mean, it was right in their price range, you know, and they could have

in today.

Oh, darn, we were so close, you know.

Yes, weren't we?

How could you make a decision this important without me?

I wanted to check it out. You had class, and Tony offered to come.

Right, so he could find things wrong with it, so he could get you to turn it

down, so he could keep his little girl... under his thumb.

I think you're overreacting. I am not overreacting. I do not overreact. My

father overreacts.

Okay.

Listen, Sam, no offense, but maybe the problem here isn't your father at all.

Maybe it's you.

Look, Tony, I was just selfishly hoping to spend a little more time alone with

you. Oh, and we'll have it, Angela. We will. We'll have it. Listen.

The door's back on the hinges, right? I got plenty of cotton for my ears.

From now on, it's just you and me in paradise.

Like Adam and Eve.

Excuse me, is that offer for the couch still open?

Adam and Eve and Hank.

Okay, here you go.

All the comforts of home. We had a home.

Come on, Hank, come on now. Get your mind off of that, all right?

You're right. You're right.

Hey, what's that?

It's just a puppet I've been working on. I'm trying to develop some new

characters for this cable show I'm going to be doing this summer. Oh, really?

Yeah. What is it? Is it like an animal or something?

Sort of.

I think one of us is going to have a nightmare.

100 to the left, 100 to the right. Mix those pancakes, ready for a flight.

Incoming!

Hey, hey, hey, that doesn't sound like me.

Hey, hey, hey, that doesn't sound like me.

Okay, I get the idea. Okay, I get the idea.

Ayo, away. Ayo!

One more word out of me, and you're dead.

Oh, my gosh. I'm strangling a puppet.

Weirdest thing I've ever seen.

Well, Jonathan, did you see Sam? Did she say anything?

Nothing. Where's Hank?

Why isn't he here? We promised we'd never go to bed mad at each other.

Eh, what does it matter?

As long as you wake up in a human nut.

I miss him so much. I know, dear.

No, you don't understand how frustrating it is to finally find the person you

want to be with, only to wind up apart.

Well, actually, I have... I mean, it's so frustrating to be so close and yet so

far.

To be under the same roof, but not to be able to see each other because someone

keeps butting in. You have no idea how tough it is.

Don't bet the farm on it, Missy.

You think you're the center of the universe with your cute little newlywed

problems. Well, you're wrong, baby face.

Here I am trying to be with the guy I love that I waited eight years for. Not

two months, eight years. Eight long, lonely years. And what happens? You

in here and take all that away from me? Bitter, you bet I am.

I suppose now wouldn't be a good time to say you need a root job.

I was wrong. This is the weirdest thing I've ever seen.

Oh,

did I oversleep? What did I miss?

Nothing. Tony, listen. Where are the kids? Where are the kids? They're in the

kitchen. They're talking.

Leave them alone.

Leave them alone. They're doing fine.

I'm not surprised because...

I gave Hank a little advice about how to be, you know, sensitive to women.

Tony, can we talk? Not now, Angel.

Please,

Tony, we haven't... Tony, we haven't had a chance much lately.

Please?

Okay, okay, okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're right. You're right. I'm sorry.

I'm all yours.

Thank you.

Right after I answer the door. Excuse me.

I know you don't want to be here. I'm here, Anna.

You want to hear screaming? I'm going to give you... Hi.

Hi. Gosh, it's good to see you. Is Hank here?

Yes, yes. Come on in. I hope we're not interrupting anything.

Oh, no, no. Hazel and I weren't doing anything. Come on in. Not a thing.

We just didn't like the way things ended the other night with Hank walking out

and all.

Didn't like? She's been haunting me about this argument for the past two

I'll haunt you to the grave if you don't make peace with Hank.

I welcome the grave. It'll be the only peace and quiet I've had in the last 23

years. Oh!

Oh!

Joe, Fran, come on now. You shouldn't be talking to each other like that or

making those noises.

Come on. Why don't we sit down and try to straighten this out? Come on. Sit

down. Come on. Angela. Angela. Move. Come on. Now,

Joe. Joe.

Come on now. You must. You must listen to what Fran is trying to say to you.

Thank you, Tony.

You're such a lucky woman.

Mom. Dad.

What are you doing here? I came here to talk to you.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Did you guys make up? Yeah.

Oh, that's great. Hey, you got one fight settled there? Now, Hank, come on.

Let's patch things up between you and your dad. What do you say, huh? Come on,

sit down.

Angela, make room. Get out of there. Get out of there.

All right. Your father promises.

Not to make fun of your career and your earring.

So if you're still looking for a place to stay, you can come and live with us.

We'd love to. No way.

Wait, why not?

Because he'll be nice for a couple of days, then it'll start all over again.

That's it. Open season on the earring. Oh, come on. Give your son a chance.

Give your dad a chance.

Give your dad a chance. No, it's not that.

Okay, let's try something else. A new tack.

Something I learned in psych.

Let's do rule reversal, okay? Now, Sam, you're going to be Hank, and Hank,

you're going to be Sam. Dad, why don't you let us take care of our problems and

you go take care of yours?

I don't have any problems, Samantha.

Spoken to Angela lately?

Well, where'd she go?

Okay, I'll be right back. Joe, your friend.

Angela, I'm sorry I got involved in it.

Angela.

Angela, what are you doing?

Cleaning. It makes me feel better.

Since when?

Since I've been using your face.

Little Tony.

All right, I think we need to talk.

Why bother?

Because the minute I start, you're gone. Off to solve somebody else's problem.

The kids, the in -laws, it's always Tony to the rescue. Oh, well, you think I

like that, Angela?

You think I like all these people always coming to me with their problems? You

think it's fun being the guy who always has the answers?

Excuse me.

I have to go scrub the toilet. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Come on now, Angela.

Not that.

Surf's up.

Oh, come on. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

I don't like this any more than you do.

You love it. There's nothing you love more than a family drama. You love the

excitement and the crisis and being the center of attention.

I can't believe you could say that, Angela.

I mean, I'm not happy with them moving in here. I haven't had a good night's

sleep since they moved in. Of course not, because you were up all last night

singing show tunes.

Oops, there it goes. Hold it, hold it.

That wasn't me.

That was little Hank and little Tony.

Well, don't you worry. He's being punished.

You thrive on being involved in everybody else's life but mine.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Come back here.

Okay,

I'm sorry that I neglected you. I'm sorry.

I guess I did let the kids get in the way of us.

You know, because it kind of felt good to be needed again.

Thank you.

No more getting involved, okay? I'll tell you what.

Let's go to the movies.

Really? Yeah, I want to see Beauty and the Beast again. Okay. Come on.

Look, Hank and I need our own place, and we can afford it if I get a job. I'll

just drop out of school. Hold it.

That's it.

I held my tongue long enough, Angela.

Sam, you're not dropping out of school, and Hank, you're not moving back with

your parents. No, but, Dad, you don't... No, no, you don't want to live with me,

Sam? That's okay, because you can move right into Mona's apartment.

What? What?

And, you know, you can move into Sam's room, and then everybody will be happy.

Oh, no, no, I...

We already discussed it. Now, wait a minute. Please, please, please. You

you guys, you know, straighten this out between yourselves because you know me.

I don't like to get involved.

Yeah.

Tom. Yeah. Kids are all tucked into my place.

Hey, Mona. I really appreciate you swapping spots with Sam, you know. Are

sure you're going to be all right in her room?

I'll adjust.

Thanks, Mona.

Nighty -night. Okay.

Hey, Mona.

You're the greatest.

I know.

He's like, kill us.

Mona? Say, you're not Mona.

Good eye.

Well, I brought her these flowers because we had a little fight the other

See, what happened was... Yeah, yeah. I wasn't over there.

Really, I'm not interested. It's that window right over there. Let me give you

little hand.

Mona!