Original subtitles

We're going to be late. Why isn't Tony here?

Maybe your face in the window is scaring him away.

Yeah, that's the one.

Oh, you know Tony. He wouldn't be late unless it's something very important.

198, 199, 200!

Three hours of basketball, four enchiladas, and I'm still light on my

He's my idol.

Thanks again for taking us all out, Pete. Oh, that's all right, Ernie. You

I'm always in a generous mood after a victory. And when my man Tiny's on a

Pete, where have you been all this time? Angela, we won. We were celebrating. We

won. Tony scored the winning pass.

He's my idol.

Congratulations, but we're supposed to meet Ted and Elaine for dinner.

Oh, you are?

Yes, Tony.

You marked it on the calendar.

Oh, yeah, there it is.

Big letters, too.

Tony, you forget.

Well, you know, the guys, they drag me out for Mexican food. You know how the

guys are.

It won't happen again, honest.

Okay, but you better get dressed. We don't have much time. Okay, okay. Hey,

the way, I'm...

I'm really, really sorry.

Okay.

What?

I'm really, really, really, really, really sorry.

Really.

Hey, time was you to just say, hey, we went out for Mexican. Back off.

But I guess your combination plate ain't got no freeholds.

Wait a minute, what was that, Ernie? Hey, let's face it, Marcelli, you're

-picked. He used to be my idol. Wait, I am not hand -picked.

Tony, are you coming?

Oh, right behind you, sweetie.

There's

a

time for love and a time for living. Take a chance and... face the wind an

road and a road that's hidden a brand new life around the bend well we're

tired and lost a dream or two found a trail

and at the end was you

there's a path you take and a path not taken

the choice is up to you my friend

Nights are long, but you might awaken to a brand new life, a brand new life, a

brand new life around the bend.

I got to get out of here. Come on. You know, I never thought I'd see it. Tony

Marcelli under a woman's thumb.

Are you sure you're Italian?

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You guys are just jealous because I got a woman

who cares about me.

Well, so do I. But let me tell you something, pal.

I'm the one who wears the pants.

She cooks.

She cleans. I can stay out all night. I never get any lip.

Ernie, you live with your mother.

So, she's still a woman.

Let me explain something to you. See, Ansel and I, we're equals, you know.

Nobody's in charge.

I mean, in this relationship, we both wear the pants.

If they both wore the skirt, we'd really worry.

All I can say is when you put that ring on her finger, she put the ring through

your nose.

Oh, come on, man. It's not like that. Hey, it starts small. First, they want

spend a little bit more time with you. Next thing you know, they're telling you

what to wear.

And how to act. Planning your every move. And before you know it, you're

trailing after her at some mall with her packages in one hand and her purse in

the other.

A weenie.

Oh, Lord.

We're going to fight, Tom.

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good night, Al. Come on, get out of the bus seat. Get out. Come on. But rage,

rage against the dying of the light.

And so ends another meeting of the brain -dead poets.

It's really late. Look what time.

Now, Angela's just going to have to learn that, you know, I'm not going to

Tony! Get a raise! I'm just going to shower and change.

Oh, Tony, you know, you probably want to wear a tie. You know how fussy they are

at Le Fleur. Okay, no problem. Maybe the red paisley.

Okay. It goes really well with your blue suit.

Hey, Angela, what about my underwear?

Boxes or briefs?

Are you okay?

I'm fine, sister.

I'm just not used to you telling me what to wear.

Oh, I'm not. I was just making a suggestion.

Oh, okay. Fair enough, fair enough.

But be sure not to cut it this close next week when we go to the ballet.

The ballet?

Remember how I told you I dreamed of being a dancer after I saw the Ballet d

'Avignon when I was little? And you promised to take me if they ever came

to New York? Oh, yeah, yeah. It's just that, you know, I just didn't think it

would happen any time while I was living.

Come on, take it easy, take it easy. My head is still killing me there. Hey, I

don't know how you did it, Toll. You know, making a winning shot while taking

elbow from Stretch.

Well, it's better than taking an elbow from Shorty.

That's too bad you're not going to make that poker game tonight, Toll.

Hey, Tiny, don't remind me, huh? You know, I'm really looking forward to it.

know, I never played poker before.

Am I bringing enough dough?

I could have been rich.

Man, tough luck, Todd. It's a crying shame the little woman won't let you out

the house tonight.

Tiny, that's not the way it is. It was my decision to take her to the ballet.

Let me explain something to you.

Couples should share each other's passions.

Share each other's passions? Now she's taking control of his mind.

Like in that Star Trek where they implanted a device in Captain Kirk's

know, every time he tried to think for himself.

Why don't you go where no man has gone before?

You mean like the ballet?

Get out. Get out. Get out. Take it easy, guys.

Oh, Tony.

You're here and right on time. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to shower and change and

then it's off to Swan Lake. Oh, silly.

It's not Swan Lake. It's the Nutcracker.

Tell me about it.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Look, I just need an aspirin. You know, I took an elbow

while we were playing the game. Look at that shot I took. Oh, that's really

nasty. Did that hurt?

No, no, not too bad.

Of course it hurts if you're going to pound on it.

Do you feel well enough to go tonight? Oh, yeah.

You know, do we have anything stronger than an aspirin?

Oh, you're really hurting, aren't you? Well, yeah, but, you know, what kind of

man am I if I can't stand a little cranial pressure?

Gosh, don't sit down.

I hope you don't have a concussion.

Oh, no, I doubt it. But you know something, Angela? If I doze off during

ballet, smack me hard.

Because it might be dangerous to lose consciousness, you know.

Well, I'm going to call the doctor. No, no, no, you're overreacting. It's just a

bump. Well, I think you should stay home anyway.

Oh, well, then, you know, you'd have to order the ballet by yourself.

Oh, no, that's all right. I'll just take Mother.

Come on, it'll be fun.

Oh, you get all depressed and whiny thinking you could have been a dancer.

a night of agony.

Go get dressed now.

You've only just begun to know pain.

You'll get a great night out on the town, huh? And I'm stuck here all alone,

lying on the couch.

Just me and the ESPN cheerleader competition.

It's not the ballet, but I'll take it.

And the cheerleading competition continues with the squad from

Central. Give me that!

Well, I'm going to go take one. You probably won't be done.

Hello. Hey, what are you guys doing here? I forgot my wallet. Oh, I found

It's on the table.

I thought you'd be in your ballet shoes by now.

Please, I'm sorry, twinkle toes. I decided to stay home. I don't believe

actually stood up to her.

Well, I'm here, ain't I?

All right, what'd you tell her? Well, I told her, uh, I don't feel like going.

And how did she take it? She took it, that's right, yeah. I told her, hey, you

want to go to the ballet? Take your mother.

Whoa, king of the house.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Watch it there, Tiny. You almost got some exercise.

Hey, great, so you're free. You can play poker.

Uh, well, I was, you know, I was gonna hang around the house and keep an eye on

the kingdom, you know.

Yeah, no problem. We'll move the game here. Let me call Vinny.

Okay, well, yeah, I guess we could play for a little while.

Oh, hey, guys, what's going on?

It's poker time!

Oh, great, I'm in.

Oh, hold on there, Jonathan. Take it easy. What, are you kidding me? This is,

you know, this is more a grown -up guy thing, you know. Oh, I see.

Does Mom know about this?

Okay, five cards down. Texas Hold 'em, Deuces, Suicide Kings, and High Jacks

Wild.

Between the kid and Al, I'm getting cleaned out.

I've never seen such a poker face.

How do you do it?

Huh?

I fold.

All right, come on, let's go, huh? Give me two cards.

Everybody get that, will you?

Whoa!

Tony, Tonya. All right, $2.

Pizza game!

What are you doing? Okay, I got two pepperoni, one sausage.

I got three diet specials.

Three for you.

All right, Ernie, can we finish this, please?

Okay, I crawl.

Okay, read them and weep.

Hey, girls.

Girls, look at this here, huh? Thank you, pizza gals. My luck, it's a

For the worse.

Well, heck.

Well, heck, now it's really a party.

Angela's back.

And early to boot.

Drop the act. You're dead.

This girl's just here delivering a pizza, and I was congratulating him for

getting it here in under 30 minutes. Thank you. Thank you very much, ladies.

Thank you. Now drive carefully and stay in school.

I can't believe I fell for that story about you not feeling well enough to go

tonight. Not feeling well? That's not the way we hide it. She's got to seem to

recall something about the king of the house laying down the law.

Is that what you said, your majesty?

Your majesty?

Well, not exactly.

I see.

Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown.

Hey, Shakespeare in the park.

I had the big concession.

Excuse me.

Poor Tony.

Let's play.

This isn't what it looks like. No?

Looks to me like a bunch of guys drinking beer, smoking cigars, flirting

girls, and playing cards.

Sure, on the surface.

If you look deeper, you'll see that, you know, it wasn't my fault. I mean, they

just showed up. What could I do?

Could have told them no.

Had no trouble saying that to me.

Oh, wait a minute, Angela.

Who's the one who said I should stay home in the first place?

I only said that because I thought it might make your head feel better.

It worked.

Come on, it never hurt that much. You were just playing on my sympathy.

Hey, whoa, whoa, hey. What are you saying, Angela? I planned this whole

As soon as you left, I called the guys. I said, come on over. Angela's gone?

I don't want to hear about it. I don't care how it happened. I just want

everybody out, okay?

No.

No?

Those are my friends out there. I'm not throwing my friends out.

Oh, really?

That's right, yeah. And then let me tell you something. You throw my friends

out, you throw me out, too.

Sam, anybody home?

Who could that be? Quiet!

Probably just some lunatic.

Sam, open up. It's your father.

See? It's not a lunatic.

Oh, that's right. You haven't met him yet.

Hey, hey.

What's going on in there? I hear voices. Nothing, Dad.

Nothing. I'm sorry to... Nothing, Sam?

You called this nothing? Dad!

What are you doing here? Bed check. What's his name?

Hey, I'm yours.

I'm her father. I don't need a name.

What are you, like a boyfriend or something?

Well, we've gone out a few times. Well, more than a few.

Yeah? Probably think you're in love.

Well... Ha!

I spit on love!

I'm telling you, when love walks in, respect and compassion go flying out the

door. It all becomes an ugly struggle for control, like two crazy people

fighting over the steering wheel of a runaway car.

Oh, you and Angela had a fight.

I don't want to talk about it.

We won't push it then, Dad. See ya. Yeah, you know, you know, men and women,

it just doesn't work.

We should live on separate continents, you know, and only meet like on neutral

territory like Switzerland.

And then only to perpetuate the species.

Boy, you've really been put through the ringer, haven't you?

Well, Dad always says whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Way to hang

tough, Dad.

Learn from my mistakes, Hank. Hank, my boy, learn from my mistakes.

I thought she only wanted to love me. By now, that wasn't enough.

She had to take control of every facet of my life.

Well, it's a dirty job, Dad, but someone's got to do it. Come on. Here we

Where's your compassion?

I mean, look at him.

Okay, okay, okay. You're right, you're right. Great.

I'll see you tomorrow. Okay.

Good luck.

Thanks, Hank.

Dad.

Oh, I'm sorry, Samantha.

It's just that Angela's got me so crazy, I'm so upset.

Well, let's talk about it. Okay, what? Do you feel like she's controlling your

life?

Exactly, Sam, exactly. It's all coming down just like Tiny and Ernie and the

rest of the guys said.

You've been discussing male -female relationships with them?

None of them have any women problems.

None of them have any women, Dad.

They were right this time, Sam. They were right. I mean, ever since Angela

got engaged, she's changed.

She doesn't even trust me anymore.

You're telling me all this is not going to do any good. You should really just

go home and talk to her.

No way, Sam. I ain't crawling back there. I got my pride.

Yeah, well, if you don't go home, where are you going to stay?

Oh, no.

Just for tonight, Sam.

Okay, okay, okay.

Okay, okay, good, because you know why? Angela Bauer has to learn that no woman,

no woman pushes Tony Maselli around.

Dad, feed, feed, feed, feed, feed.

Okay. Everybody relax.

I decided to come back.

You've been out?

Yes, I've been out all night.

Really?

Oh, give me that, Angela. You knew I was out. Are you kidding?

Tony, after you left with the guys, I went to bed. I just got up.

Really? Yeah.

She just chipped off the night cream.

You know, you try to make somebody's life miserable and they take all the fun

out of it, huh?

How could you sleep after that fight we had last night?

Well, Tony, I didn't think you were going to stay out all night in some

attempt to get even.

And I thought you knew me.

Well, obviously I don't.

what you're going to do every time we have an argument? Run away from home?

no. I only run away from home when I feel like I'm being controlled. I am not

controlling you. Oh, you are not controlling me? I am not. You are not

controlling me. Oh, no? Oh, yeah? Well, what's this? Let's take a look right

over here. What is this here? You got me booked into the millennium. I mean,

what do you call that? I call it a relationship.

Doing things together. Oh, yeah? Well, whatever happened to the answer? Who

didn't push me to do things I didn't want to do? Well, what happened to the

Mastelli who didn't have to be pushed? Oh, oh, oh, please.

The idea is that you end up right in the end.

Please, you're getting spittle in my coffee.

There it is.

Why don't you just leave? We'll settle this ourselves. By yelling at each

Wait, I'm going to help you work through this.

Tony, give me a hand.

Now, Tony, you love Angela.

And you enjoy this relationship.

You just don't want a lot of limits put on your freedom.

Is that so wrong?

Angela.

You have dreamed of a relationship like this for a long time.

I thought so.

And all that you ask is that he want to spend as much time

with you as you want to spend with him.

That's right. We have a problem. We are at an impasse. Right.

So, when you hit a little snag like this, just remember, neither one of you

much of a catch.

Look, Angela, come on. We can make this work, can't we? Well, I think so.

I think all we have to do is compromise.

Right. And you know where we start? Where? We start with our schedules. Come

over here. Let's take a look here now.

All right. You got a miss there. We're there. We're there. Oh, now look here.

For instance, on the 17th, I see that you've got penciled in that we're going

the museum.

You know, it's not exactly my cup of tea.

No problem.

You're free not to go.

Oh, thank you. Thank you. Okay, great. Now, what about the day after? I'm not

doing anything. I have a baby shower, see? Oh. Oh, well, so much for doing

things together. No, wait a minute, Tony.

I'm not doing anything today. And according to the calendar, either are

well, that's because I forgot to write, um, golf with Ray.

See that there? But you know what? I'm canceling. I'm canceling. And I don't

want to take no financial. No, no, no, no, no, no. Because let me explain

something to you.

I want to do today.

Whatever it is that you want to do today, okay?

You mean it? Absolutely, Angela.

Really? Absolutely.

Oh, Tony, this will be great. You can come with me to the salon while I have a

facial and a manicure.

And then I want to go to check out the new spring line at Louisville.

And you know what? This is going to be so much fun. You can sit down and I'll

put on the dresses and I'll...