Original subtitles

You know, Angela, I don't think I've ever been happier in my entire life.

A romantic restaurant, a beautiful woman, and a half a pound of beef under

belt.

It really has been a wonderful evening.

Let me tell you something. When I take my best girl out, everything has to be

just perfect.

Pardon me, sir.

Your credit card has been rejected.

It can't be. I just mailed in the payment. Do me a favor. Run it through

will you?

I did, sir.

Perhaps you have another card?

Uh, yeah. I got it. I got it.

Let's see. Do you take JCPenney?

Security!

Why don't I just put it on my card? Oh, no, no, no. No way. No way. When I take

you out, I pay.

You do take cash, don't you? Because I got plenty of cash here. I got plenty

of...

cash in my car. I always have cash in my car. I'll be right back. I'll be right

back.

He'll be right back.

Yes, I'm sure you have to believe that.

Mr. and Mrs. Braddock, good evening.

Excuse me.

Paying customers.

Angela!

Oh, Ted!

Hi!

Elaine. Don't you just love this place? Wonderful food, great service.

Incredibly reasonable.

Okay, okay.

I got your blood money.

$22 for a piece of beef. I didn't even get french fries.

$1, $2, $25, $35.

Tony, Tony, Tony.

I'd like you to meet Ted and Elaine Braddock, friends of mine from the

club. Oh, oh, oh. Yeah, hi, hi.

Hi, hi.

My credit card.

Oh, yes.

That can be so embarrassing. Oh, you've been there, huh?

No.

Well, nice meeting you anyway.

It's good to see you. Good to see you.

All right, well, anyway, this should just about...

Not cover it. Look, there's an automatic teller machine a couple of blocks...

Tony, wait, wait. I've got it, and I've got enough for the tip. Please, no

arguments. Oh, but Angela... No arguments!

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

It's been a pleasure serving you.

Angela, you've tipped them too much.

It's okay. It's no big deal. Let's just go. Oh, like... Wait a minute.

I'm just getting our money's worth.

Oh, mince.

I gotta tip the valet.

There's

a

time for love and a time for living.

Take a chance and face the wind.

An open road and a road that's hidden. A brand new life around the bend.

Fell or tied and lost a dream or two.

Found a trail and at the end was you.

There's a path you take and a path not taken. The choice is up to you, my

friend. Nights are long, but you might awaken to a brand new life, a brand new

life, a brand new life around the bend.

Wait a moment, wait a moment, wait a moment. Oh, good morning, you're here.

What am I, wood?

Hi, Dad.

Listen, Mona, my roommate Lori is having a birthday, and I don't know what to

get her. She's kind of, like, off the wall.

I've got the perfect thing.

It's this gaudy white purse with these stupid green palm trees on it.

It'd make a great gag gift.

I bought you that purse.

Yeah, and it made me gag.

Come on, Sam, I'll show it to you.

It glows in the dark.

Hey, hey.

Tony, I'm going to have to get you a new water stand here. This one's got a bum

leg on it. Okay.

These mints are delicious.

They should be. They cost about six bucks a piece.

Ooh, Le Fleur.

Swanky place.

How'd you swing that? I almost didn't. Came up a little short last night at the

restaurant. Angela had to bail me out.

Hates to be dating a babe with deep pockets, huh?

What's that supposed to mean?

Hey, don't get me wrong.

You're my idol.

But how do I get a rich, beautiful woman to take care of me?

Hey, Ernie, let me just tell you something, huh?

Let me just tell you something. I pull my weight around here. When I'm in the

house working, I'm working for Angela the same as you.

Good morning, sweetheart.

Good morning, Angela. Hi.

Hi,

honey.

I'll peddle your water.

Listen, I've got to run. Don't forget, dinner tonight at the country club.

I forgot.

Oh, and I'm going to meet you there. And if you have any trouble getting in,

just use my name.

Mr. Tony Bauer.

Has a nice ring to it.

It's on your neck when I get a hold of it.

Hello.

Name, please.

Tony Maselli.

I'm sorry, you're not on the list.

Would you try looking under Bauer, please?

Oh, you're Angela Bauer's guest. How can you say so? She is such a lovely lady.

Oh, why, thank you, thank you. You're a very lucky man. What's that supposed to

mean?

Oh, hi. Hi, guys.

Hi. How are you? You remember Ted and Elaine Braddock from the restaurant?

Of course. Hi, Elaine. Hi, Ted.

By the way, everything's straightened out.

You remember my credit card was rejected, and I was totally humiliated.

want anybody else to know, and now I've told two new people.

This is Phil and Ida Davis.

Why, Angela, where have you been hiding this while?

Well, in the kitchen, mostly.

Yes, I'm Angela's housekeeper.

Oh, dating the help.

How cozy.

I fired the woman I know. What more do you want?

Oh, Ted, how is business? Are you guys going to be bidding on the McGregor

account? They're threatening a lawsuit.

Ted, give me the call Monday. I'll put my best litigator on. Oh, okay. Phil is

the best. He saved our lives on a Northeastern Airlines account.

Boy, we come to a party and they talk shop the whole time. Don't you just hate

that? Oh, yeah. Men.

Well, if your Angela's anything like my Ted, she must eat, sleep, and drink

business. Well, I really don't think my Angela's anything like your Ted, unless

your Ted wears women's clothing.

Hello. All kidding aside, there's a price you pay for being the woman behind

man.

Or the man behind the woman.

Ladies and gentlemen, if you would like to take your seats, we'll begin the

auction. Thank you.

Now, our first item today is a Louis Cator's replica clock, donated by

John and Hilda Barnes.

All right, now we'll start the bidding at $200. That would look fabulous in our

den.

200. Ted.

Consider it an early birthday present. I have 300.

400. Oh, I have to be so careful what I say in front of him.

I hate that clock.

Going once.

Going twice.

Sold to Mr. Braddock for $400.

Gee,

wonder what she'd do if he bought us something good.

This item is from the private collection of Ms.

Mona Robinson.

$1 ,000.

$2 ,000. $5 ,000. If anybody bids against me, I'll sue them. I want it,

So do Mr. Davis.

You know, Phil, they follow you no matter where you are in the room.

is a lithograph from the abstract impressionist Pierre Cazolet.

Oh, my gosh.

I love that painting. I had a poster of it hanging in my dorm room in college.

Really? Now, we'll start the bidding at $200.

Oh, what the heck.

I have two.

Do I have three?

I have three. Can anybody give me four?

400. Oh, Tony, I don't know if I want to bid that high.

No, you're not. I'm buying this for you. I have 500.

Six.

Oh, Tony, this really isn't necessary.

I have $708.

Don't worry about it. I'm having a ball here.

I have $1 ,200.

What happened tonight, 10 and 11?

$1 ,500.

I have $1 ,500.

They're skipping numbers again. $1 ,600.

$1 ,750.

Going once. Tony, I can't let you do this. Going twice. I already have the

poster. It's just $2 ,000. I can skip numbers with the best of them.

Told to Mr. Barr.

Oh, no, that's Miss Ellie.

Here's your new water stand.

Thanks, sir.

Ooh, a boat.

A boat?

Not a boat, I don't think.

This is an important piece of art that I bought for Angela.

Wow. What did that set you back, a couple hundred bucks?

Add a zero.

$200 ,000?

One zero.

Ernie, one zero.

Well, still, that's a lot. Where do you get that kind of money? I have no idea.

Don't you have a stash of mad money? Mad money I got.

Bonehead money, I'm all out of.

I use next semester's tuition to pay for that, and Christmas is coming, too.

Why don't you take your second job? You know, moonlight.

Hey, that's not a bad idea, Ernie. Hey, maybe I could be a waterman like you,

huh?

Boy, have you got some ego on you.

We watermen are a... very special breed.

I'm so sorry. You got any other ideas?

Actually, I do. Yes, there is a restaurant on my route and they're

waiters. Pretty classy place.

Hey, that's not bad. That's not bad. I could work a few nights, pick up some

quick cash. Angela wouldn't even have to know.

Let me make a call for you, buddy. Thanks. I owe you one.

How about a date with Mona?

Boy, have you got some ego on you.

As you can see, I have a lot of experience as a waiter.

Uh -huh.

It's all right there on my application.

Uh -huh.

You'd have to, you know, lower your eyes to see that.

I've seen enough.

You've got the job.

Look, maybe we should get something straight.

See, I'm already involved with someone.

So?

So you keep looking at me like I'm some kind of pastry.

Easy, cupcake.

Let me explain.

Every Monday night is ladies' night, and all the waiters wear this.

There's no shirt.

I know.

Can you start tonight?

Oh, no way. No way. I mean, I got too much pride and dignity to go traipsing

around in a skimpy outfit in front of a bunch of overheated screaming women, you

know. Hey, Maggie, I just got a $100 tip off my first table. Would you put it in

the safe for me?

So one size fits all?

Tony, could you get table number four drink order for me? Sure, sure.

Do we have health insurance?

Hello, ladies.

What would you like?

A better view of your chest!

Move that tray!

Move that tray!

Move that tray! Just calm down, calm down.

You are the best looking guy in here. Oh, come on, please.

You really think so?

Yeah.

Well, you know, because I was thinking, take a look at this, take a look at that

blonde over there. I mean, he's, you know.

He's dog meat compared to you.

Yeah, well, I do try to work out and, you know, most of it is nutrition.

Oh, it's so generous. Thank you.

Surprise!

Happy birthday!

I'm so embarrassed.

Wow. Look at that hunk over there. Oh!

Samantha, what are you doing here?

What am I doing here?

Samantha, I don't approve of you being in a place like this.

Well, at least I have my clothes on.

Come over here. Come over here.

Come on. I want an explanation and I want it now.

Well, that's simple, Sam. I'm your father's evil twin.

Oh, hi.

Hi. How'd things go at the library?

Fine. Good, good.

Okay, okay, I'll talk.

I wasn't at the library.

I was at Willie and Guillermo's.

It was ladies' night and I was working there.

I was scantily dressed, exposing my body to a room full of screaming women.

Oh, that's nice.

So I needed the money.

You needed the... Oh, I knew it.

The painting.

I wish you would have let me help you out.

Don't you see, Angela? That's the problem.

I'm tired of being Mr.

Angela Bauer.

Tony, come on. Nobody thinks of you like that.

Well, maybe the auctioneer.

And Ernie, and that maitre d', and all your friends, and get a load of this.

Here, check this out.

You may have already won one million dollars, Mr.

Angela Bauer.

Even Ed.

Since when do you care what other people think?

Since I started dating a babe with deep pockets.

Things were just so much simpler when I was just a housekeeper and you were my

boss. Angela, I don't know if I can handle this.

I see.

Well, I guess it's more serious than I thought.

Yeah.

I got a real problem here.

Well, you shouldn't.

You, of all people, know that money isn't the measure of a man. Oh, yeah,

yeah. I got the love, respect, and admiration of my family. Big deal.

Don't be so hard on yourself. You just started this new career. Who knows how

far you can go? Oh, come on, Angela. Come on.

No matter where I end up, I'm never going to be as successful as you.

You'll always be the breadwinner and I'll be making crumbs.

So what do you want me to do? Sell my business, go back to being a copywriter

and let you support us?

You'd do that for us?

No.

Well, it was your idea.

You... You know that every day of my life, I run up against guys who

can't handle the fact that I'm a successful woman.

I thought you were different.

It's one of the things I love about you.

But if you can't handle it, I guess it's better we find out now.

Okay, I thought about it. And here's how we're going to handle this. And I don't

want any arguments.

First...

In regards to the aforementioned painting, whatever the hell it is, I've

to grant you permission to loan me the money.

Really? The reason for the reversal of my prior position is that upon

and in light of overwhelming evidence, I've decided that I am a jerk.

I see that it's unanimous. Good.

Are you sure you're okay about me helping you out here?

No.

But I love you enough to give it a shot.

I'm glad.

I know this isn't easy.

I'd like to think I'm mature enough to be in a relationship with a woman like

you and still feel good about myself.

That's great. I'll get my checkbook. How much do you want me to give you? No,

don't say give.

Don't say give. I said loan. Please, please do not ruin this. I'm sorry.

I'm going to pay you back with interest.

Fair enough. We'll make it 3%.

Three percent? Come on, Angela. That's like giving it to me.

Make it 15.

15? Your uncle the loan shark charges less than that.

Make it five. Ten. Six.

Eight. Seven. And a half. Deal.

Thank you, Angela, for understanding and for allowing me to feel like a man.

You, uh...

Really want to feel like a man?

What do you have in mind?

Open this jar.

Was it as good for you as it was for me?

I'm coming, I'm coming.

I'm coming already.

Ted McMahon?

Are you Mr.

Angela Bauer?

Come on in, please.

There is no Mr. Angela Bauer. There never was. There never will be. I'm Tony

Maselli. You got it?

Okay, but boy, that's too bad because Mr.

Angela Bauer just won one million dollars.

Well, that's tough.

Wait a minute. Hey, wait a minute.

I'm Mr. Bauer. I'm Mr. Angela.

I'm Mr. Red.

I'm anything you want me to be.

I love Star Search.