Original subtitles

Dear diary, boy, are we in a heap of trouble. It started last week when my

friend Tony Maselli was enlisted to fight Medicare cutbacks.

Me in Washington? You know, a young man like you representing us would really

shake Washington up. Tony was so nervous about his speech to Congress, he lost a

whole night's sleep.

Make that two nights sleep. Tony Maselli, get in this bed.

Unfortunately, it made him kind of ornery. The point is, you've all become

bunch of selfish fat cats who've lost touch with the people.

And a little loony.

That's all, folks.

And he hasn't woke up since.

Shouldn't we wake Dad?

He's been out for 18 hours.

If I slept that long, he'd be checking me for my vital signs.

Turn off the television and come have breakfast. But I want to watch Tony.

How do you care? He's still sleeping.

No, he's not. He's tap dancing on TV.

And there I am.

Oh, my Lord, my fly's open.

Oh, wow.

Good morning, everybody.

It was a cloud with the two left feet.

Wait a minute. What am I doing on TV?

thief ban. They cover Congress. And the occasional hoofing buffoon.

There's one more thing I have to say.

Angela and I did not sleep together last night.

Please, could you change that? It was bad enough the first time.

Angela, yo no dormimos juntos anoche.

Boy, when I mess up, I really do it big, eh? I mean, first I make a fool of

myself and worst of all, I let down all the senior citizens.

I thought you were great, Tony.

Really? Well, thank you, Billy.

I didn't know you could speak Spanish.

Jonathan. I got it.

I got it.

Hello?

Yes, it is. May I ask who's calling?

Dad, it's Senator Weber.

I don't want to talk to that guy. He's just going to tune me out about my

speech. Well, what do I say?

Say anything.

He went to France.

Yeah, I could take a message.

You thought his speech was terrific?

That he was a beacon in the night?

A giant among men? Give me that. Give me that. Bonjour.

Beacon speaking.

That's very nice of you to say, Senator.

I think you got the wrong guy.

Really?

Thank you, sir.

Yes, sir. I'll be here, sir.

Yes, sir. Thank you. Bye -bye, sir.

His aide's on the way up. They want me to help them lobby against the Medicare

cuts. They want you. Are you sure they're on our side?

Tony, I think you should work with the senator.

Oh, come on. I'll probably just do more harm than good. Tony, your country needs

you. Oh, please.

My country needs me.

Hello. I'm Christine Morrison, and I'm from Senator Weber's office. And I hope

we can persuade you to work with us.

My country...

Country to the beat.

The choice is up to you, my friend.

Come in, please. Come in. Come in. Christine, this is Angela. Hello. And

her mother, Mona. And that's my daughter, Samantha.

Oh,

and this here is Chappy.

I'm a Scorpio.

Really?

Mr. Maselli, your speech touched a lot of people, including me. You really made

an impression.

So did his face when it hit the floor.

Mother, please, won't you sit down?

Overnight, you have become the Medicare media darling.

You're kidding.

My grandmother knitted you this.

It's very nice. I'll wear it proudly.

Actually, it's a toilet paper cover.

Good, because, you know, if there's one thing I hate, it's cold toilet paper.

Tony, we would love to have you on our team.

There's a strategy luncheon today, congressmen, lobbyists, and hopefully

Me at a power lunch?

I wouldn't know what to say, you know. I'm just an ordinary housekeeper from

Connecticut. I would hardly call you ordinary.

A junior at Ridgemont College, student teacher, volunteer fireman.

Played for the St. Louis Cardinals for two seasons minus two weeks for a pulled

groin muscle May 73.

Hey, you know, that's all healed now. Look, it works good.

Hey, Tony, you have natural charisma. Am I right?

Oh, yeah.

Now, I have a limo downstairs, and I can brief you on the way. Wow, a limo, huh?

Really?

Oh, but I can't. I can't because I promised Andrew and the kids I'd take

the Smithsonian.

Well, I guess it's just you and me, Christine.

Did I mention I'm an Aquarius?

Tony, you have to. You have to. It's why we came here.

You think so? Dad, it's a chance of a lifetime.

Oh, okay. Hey, I'll do it. I'll do it. Great.

Oh, after you, after you.

And, Angel, look, I'll meet you at the Smithsonian at 2. Right by Fonzie's

jacket. Okay.

A limo. You know what I like best about a limo? What? I don't know. I've never

been in one.

Bye -bye.

Bye, Sam.

Bye -bye.

Bye.

Oh,

you're damn cute.

I feel like I walked 400 miles.

You think we're in bad shape? Those dinosaurs were alive when they started

tour. Here, give me alpaca. Oh, but carefully sticky.

Okay, I'll hose them down. Oh, wait. Got it? Yeah.

Oh, my beautiful new blouse.

Broke my heel.

The end of a perfect day.

Are there any messages?

No, I don't see the light flashing.

It's not like Tony not to call. I hope he's doing okay.

Oh, Chrissy, you're such a nut.

Well, it looks like he's doing okay to me.

Tony, where were you? Oh, I'm sorry, Angela, but I was such a hit at the

that they invited me to this private club.

He was fabulous.

And guess who I got to meet?

General Colin Powell.

And guess what he called me?

Tony.

Imagine that.

Those are new clothes, aren't they? Yes, I took Tony shopping for a power

outfit. It was incredible, Angela. It was like a whirlwind of jackets, ties,

shirts. I felt like Pretty Woman.

Oh, that's probably the office confirming our meeting for tomorrow.

Busy, busy, busy.

Yuppie, yuppie, yuppie.

Tony, you're meeting with Christine again tomorrow?

Oh, yeah. She invited me to this very important meeting. It's about the

cuts, and the press is going to be there.

Tony, they approved your helicopter ride. Oh, boy! A chopper!

Hey,

wait a minute. I better go mousse my hair. You know how I look when I get out

a convertible.

I'll be back.

I have to tell you, Tony is a breath of fresh air.

Yes, isn't he?

You don't meet a lot of people like him up on the hill.

Everyone is so jaded jumping from one glamorous affair to another.

You're so lucky you don't have to go through that.

You know, it's very hard to be glamorous with kids around.

wanted to have a family, but with my career, there's no way.

Not everyone can handle having both, but I have a family and a big ad agency in

New York.

Works out great.

Well, I'm sure I could handle that, too, if I had a guy like Tony.

Oh, hey.

Let's get that bird in the air.

Oh, and if Senator Vassell happens to call...

Here's the number for my portable phone.

Thank you.

Hey, Angela, Angela, look.

I'll try to get the pilot to buzz the hotel, okay?

Go by the window. Go by the window. Oh, okay.

Yes.

Angela, who are you calling?

I'm sending a hundred pizzas to her purse.

This is only one. of three White House kitchens.

And it's not unusual to find President Bush himself grabbing an occasional

from the refrigerator.

Look, it's him. It's President Bush. Oh, no way. I have to get a picture.

Dad. Hey, Dad, what do you say? Small world, huh? Hey, come on in. Make

yourselves at home.

Oh, it's okay. You go there with me.

Come on in.

Tony.

What are you doing in the presidential kitchen?

Well, Christine had a great idea, you know? I mean, I'm a housekeeper, right?

what better place for a photo shoot than the presidential kitchen?

I'm hungry. Oh, you are, are you? Well, that's good, because right over there in

that other freezer are some terrific pudding pops. Go ahead, go have some.

Quail won't mind.

Tony, you're having your picture taken with President Bush?

Close.

Millie.

The president's dog?

Yeah, that's right, that's right. Millie will get me publicity.

And when Tony Maselli gets publicity, Medicare cuts get publicity.

Watch this great trick I taught her. You ready? You ready for this?

Millie. Millie.

Democrat.

Big girl, big girl.

Oh, hi.

Look who's here.

Invited the whole family down, did you? No, actually, we were on the tour, and

we'd be happy to get out of your way.

Let me put my chair down.

Here, let me help you with that. Oh, sure.

Too tight?

No siree.

Tony, we're going to go back and catch up with the rest of the tour.

Bye, Dad.

We'll see you back at the hotel for dinner.

Remember, we've got dinner right after that interview tonight.

Be right back.

What dinner?

What interview?

Christine got me booked on the Capital Group.

Oh, the TV show. Yeah, yeah. And then there's this big dinner afterwards. And

guess who I may finally get to meet?

Diane Sawyer.

Well,

that's great, Tony.

I guess you'll finally have an opportunity to discuss the Medicare

the TV show. Yes, yes, definitely, definitely. Although, you know, they

to talk about myself, you know, growing up in Brooklyn, playing pro ball.

Hey, you know what? I'll do them. I'll tell them that story about when the guys

put my supporter in the freezer.

I still get chills.

I don't believe it.

Oh, that's because you're not a guy. It's cold.

You've completely forgotten why you've come here.

You adopted the same fat cat. That mentality that you were railing against

Congress. That's ridiculous, Angela. I still have the values of a common man.

Ooh, pate, my fave.

Oh, oh, excuse me. What was I thinking? Pate, my fave. Photo shoots, fancy

dinners, riding around in Christine's limo. Sounds pretty common to me.

So that's what this is all about, huh? You just can't stand the fact that I'm

spending all my time with her. Oh, please, Tony, I don't trust her. She's a

user. She's manipulative. I don't like her, and that's all there is to it.

Oh, well, if you don't believe me, you don't believe me, you are nothing but a

Democrat.

No, no, Millie, no.

I'm a Republican.

Angela, you're not ready.

I just think I'm going to stay and I have a little something planned for

Angela, Angela.

What? Oh, yeah, this is a good way to lure Tony away from Christine.

Gain 150 pounds.

I'm hungry, okay?

Angela, you are regressing. You have not pigged out like this since your

divorce. I wasn't that bad.

You ate your settlement.

Not the answer.

Believe me, when Matt and I broke up, I tried eating.

And, oh, sure, it made me feel better for a little while.

But eventually, I had to deal with the fact that I would never see him again.

You want those fries?

Come here, Miss Tons of Fun.

Sit down.

Angela, let me be blunt.

This Christine is young, gorgeous, sexy, and smart.

I feel so much better. You can go now.

Angela, if you don't want to lose Tony, you better do something. Oh, please.

This is not the first time some pretty girl has flirted with him. He always

comes back.

And what are you going to do if one day he doesn't come back?

Angela, when was the last time you told Tony how you feel about him? I don't

have to tell him. He knows.

Wrong.

You do have to tell him.

And then you have to show him.

And after that, you have to tell him what you just showed him.

Come on, let's face it, dear.

Men are stupid.

Oh, thank you.

How you doing, Tony?

Nervous? No, no, you're kidding. I'm... Oh, wow.

Nice threads.

And very few of them.

It's just my regulation party uniform.

Oh, yeah? Well, gee, where do you hang the campaign?

Mr. Maselli, may I borrow your face for a minute?

Oh, yeah, sure, sweetheart. But, uh, hey, listen, go easy on that dark blush.

I've oftentimes been told I'm an autumn person.

Yeah, I see the leaves are starting to turn.

But he's a comedian.

Okay, here are some clever ad -libs the staff wrote up for the interview. Oh,

okay, good, good. Let me see here. Oh, oh, that's good.

I'm funny, I'm funny. That's good, that's good.

Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute. Tony Maselli would never say something like

this. Give this back to the staff, tell them to punch it up, and tell them,

remember, common man, common man.

Oh, sweetheart, one second.

I think you could pluck my eyebrows right in here, please.

Right there, yeah.

Let's see what else we got here. Uh -huh. Oh, that's good.

Oh, that's real good.

Oh, wait a minute. Now, this sounds like I'm for the cuts.

Well, you are.

What? Ow!

Would you mind moving it a little bit? Yes, and could you leave my eyebrow?

Oh, Jimmy.

Christine, what's going on here?

Senator Weber owes another very powerful senator a favor.

So we're repaying that favor by changing our vote.

What do you mean? We're just going to flip -flop just like that?

That's politics.

Well, that stinks.

I mean, don't you care about all those senior citizens out there?

Of course.

But we'll find another way to help them.

If you just play the game.

Remember, one hand washes the other.

Yeah, well.

At least when my hands wash each other, they're clean.

Tony, if you don't go along with this, you'll be throwing it all away. The

limousine. I don't care.

The helicopter ride. Big deal.

Diane Sawyer. No Diane Sawyer?

Tony, I like you.

And I think we work great together.

And I'm not just talking professionally.

Oh, and, uh...

I guess I'd be giving that up, too, huh?

Well, I'm sorry, Christine.

Me, too.

Tony, you're off the show.

Let me guess.

You're here on a tour.

No.

I'm here to see Tony.

I've got a newsflash for you, Christine.

I know you're after him.

You're not going to get him.

Tony and I are good together, and nobody, especially you, is going to get

way.

Do I make myself perfectly clear?

You can have him.

I just told him I'm never going to see him again.

Oh.

We changed our vote, and he wouldn't.

So I had to play hardball.

I see.

What are you doing?

Playing hardball.

It's for you.

Hi.

Hi, Angel.

It's all over.

I heard.

You must be pretty upset.

It shows, huh?

Yes.

Your mascara's running.

You were right.

I let it get to my head.

I mean, you tried to warn me, but I was seduced by the glamour, the power, the

limos. The legs.

I didn't even notice.

She has knobby knees. No, she doesn't.

I'm sorry you're not going to get to be on the TV show.

Well, hey, it's life in Washington, you know. But I'll tell you something. I'm

not going to stop fighting the Medicare cuts. I'm going to write a letter to

every one of them senators.

That's the Tony I didn't sleep with.

Come on, Angela. Let's get out of here. I've had my fill of the hill.

Uh, Tony.

Yeah. This, um... Well, one thing. I know, I know. Too much blush. I look

Um... You... You know how I feel about you, don't you?

Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. You know, you know how...

How do you feel, you know? Yeah, sure.

How do you feel?

Well, I like you.

That's good, Angela, because I like you, too.

Oh, good.

Well, I just figured I hadn't told you in a while.

Oh, good.

What was that for?

Well, I told you, and now I'm showing you.

Oh, I get it.

It's like that game, show and tell.

That's good, because I like that game.

Me too.

Maybe we should play it more often.