Original subtitles

No, Jared, no.

Please, no.

What's the matter, my darling?

Hey, everybody.

I'm going to have a baby.

But, Brenda, how?

I mean, you know about my war wounds.

It's Tristan's baby.

Hello.

Tristan's baby.

Tristan's baby. Keep it up. You'll be brushing your teeth with your feet.

Come on, come on, please. This is such a waste of time. Who cares if Brenda's

going to have Tristan's baby?

It wasn't really Tristan.

It was his evil twin, Rex.

Okay, that's it. Show's over.

Hey!

Sure. What do you care?

They're not your friends.

Billy, we think you've been spending too much time inside.

That's right. That's why we stopped at the good old YMCA and we found out a

whole bunch of fun things that you and I can do after school.

You pick one, we'll do it.

Like what?

Well, how about this right here?

Flag football.

It's okay.

All right, all right. Hey, how about soccer?

It's okay.

Listen, Billy, I don't want to hear it's okay.

I want to hear excitement. I want to hear enthusiasm.

I want to hear, oh boy.

How about swimming?

Swimming?

It's okay.

What's wrong with swimming?

Well, it's not exactly a sport that two buddies can connect in, Angela. I mean,

you know, football, I could throw, he could catch.

Soccer, he could kick, I could block.

I mean, swimming, what are we going to do, spit in each other's masks?

Tony, swimming happens to be a terrific sport. As a matter of fact, it's the

only one I ever got a trophy in.

I rest my case.

Only, you don't have to be petty just because he didn't pick the sport you

wanted. This has nothing to do with being petty, Angela. There's no future

swimming. I can name a hundred famous quarterbacks. Name me one famous

Mark Spitz.

I heard the guy's a dentist now.

He spends his day putting his hands in other people's mouths.

Look where a quarterback puts his.

Okay, fine. We'll let Billy decide, okay?

Okay, Billy, what's it going to be? Something fun me and you can do like

football or soccer or swimming, yeah.

Swimming.

It really is a lot of fun.

Swimming.

Swimming.

There's a time for love and a time for living. Take a chance and face the wind.

Open road and a road that's hidden. A brand new life around the bend.

There were times I lost a dream or two.

Found a trail and at the end was you.

There's a path you take and a path.

I've taken the choices up to you, my friend.

Nice and long that you might awaken to a brand new life, a brand new life, a

brand new life around the bend.

Oh, Tony, that's a terrific shot.

Now, just pretend like you're going to throw him in the water.

Horseplay around the pool, Angela?

I think not.

Okay, well then give us a big smile.

Isn't that nice? A boy and his grouch.

Can I have your attention, please?

Hi there. Hi.

My name's Pam, and I'll be your instructor. So as soon as you and your

all suited up, we can get started.

Locker rooms are right over there.

Excuse me, you mean we have to get in the water, too? Yeah, yeah, we got to go

in the water, too?

We find it puts the children more at ease. They learn quicker.

Well, I didn't bring a bathing suit. Oh, yeah, me neither. Hey, there's a great

bistro across the street. You feel like a cappuccino?

If you like, there are bathing suits for sale inside.

Oh, great.

Thanks. They probably only sell those tight, skimpy ones that only look good

you're on the French Riviera and you have no shame.

Also cell boxer style. Oh, good, good. Oh, yeah. Well, you know, the chlorine,

it always makes my hair so dull and brittle, you know.

We also sell conditioner and soap and goggles and nose clips.

I do have very sensitive nostrils.

Come on, let's go swimming.

Yeah, okay.

Okay. Hey, you know, I need deck slippers.

Tony, Tony, smile, smile. Pretend you're going to play football.

and swim back to dinner, father.

No, we can't. Can't do.

Can not.

Can't do.

Hi, boys.

You win.

Ready, Tony.

As ready as a banana can be.

Okay, I want all the fathers and sons of the shallow...

Mr. Rosselli, could you get into the water, please? Oh, yeah, yeah, in a

in a minute. You know, I want to stretch out the old delts and the lats and the

glutes, you know. I don't want to hit the water with cold glutes. They lock

right up on you.

Tony, Tony, this is only a two -hour tape. Oh, yeah.

Oh, oh.

What's the matter? It's my bad knee.

You don't have a bad knee. Oh, well, it starts in my knee. It goes to my back.

Oh, yeah, my bad back. Oh.

I cannot believe you are being this petty because Billy picked a sport you

like.

I'm not being petty.

I can't swim.

What? I'm afraid of the water.

Bad back. Coming through. Big way. Can you keep an eye on me?

Oh, the pain, the pain, the horror.

Look, look, look, look, look. As far as Billy and everybody else is concerned,

my back went out and you took me home early. Okay, fine. But wouldn't it be

better just to be honest? No.

Tony, this is ridiculous. Sooner or later, somebody's going to find out

afraid of the water.

You're afraid of the water?

Yes, Moni, yes. Go ahead. I'm afraid. Make fun of Tony the Scaredy Cat. Go

ahead, laugh.

No, I'm not going to laugh. I'm afraid of the water at your age.

That's not very funny. Actually, it's sad.

No, it's not. It's funny. Laugh, please.

Well, you poor thing.

Tony, you have a phobia, and I think we should talk about it, find out what

caused it, and help you get over it. Oh, I know what caused it, Angela.

Oh, I know.

But it's too horrible to talk about.

Tony, come on and tell us. You'll feel better.

Well, here it is.

I was nine years old, and I was at the public pool, Cypress Pool, and I was in

the water for the first time in my whole life when I heard that sound.

The sound of wet feet on a wet pool deck.

Heavy feet.

Then somebody yelled, Who goes?

Suddenly there was this big splash, and I was knocked under the water.

You know, and I tried to pull myself to the surface, but I was stuck between

these two huge white things.

And they looked like marble columns.

Then I realized they were legs.

A fat lady had jumped on top of me.

And I was stuck under the little skirt of her bathing suit. Oh, the horror, the

horror. Poor baby, you must have been terrified. Of what?

caught under the water, gasping for air, thinking that the last sight you were

ever going to see was a tag that said JCPenney size 40.

The Kate Smith collection.

Doubles as a parachute.

Too bad I didn't drown. You guys would be rolling on the floor.

Sorry, sorry.

We shouldn't. be joking.

Fear of the water is no laughing matter.

Who's afraid of the water? Your father.

Thank you. Thank you.

You didn't tell her?

Oh, it's a funny story.

You see, he was nine years old. Mona.

You're afraid of the water.

Of course, that explains why every time I asked you to go swimming with me,

you'd say, I just ate, I gotta wait an hour. And then an hour later, you'd be

eating again.

That weekend at Cape Cod, I put on 19 pounds.

All these years and I had no idea.

What else have you been hiding from me?

Nothing. Did you really play professional baseball?

Yes, I really played professional baseball. You know I played baseball.

my baseball card, my glove, the photos.

Yeah, well, they can be faked.

Faked? And what about Brooklyn? Did you really grow up in Brooklyn?

No, no. I got this accent growing up in London.

You're right. All right, Dad, I don't know what I was thinking.

I'm sorry.

It's okay, honey. If indeed you are my dad. Yes, I'm your dad. Yes, I play

baseball, and I'm from Brooklyn, and I'm afraid of the water.

You're afraid of the water?

Yes, I'm afraid of the water.

Oh, so like it would really scare you if I did this.

Guess not.

Okay, now, now, listen, listen. Mom's the word. Mom's the word. But, Tommy,

entire family knows. You might as well tell Billy. No, no, Mona. The kid puts

up on a pedestal where, under normal circumstances, I belong.

I think he would admire you more if you told the truth. No, no, no, no, no.

Boy, that was fun.

How's it back, Tony?

Oh, it's, uh, well, it's still a little sore there, Billy.

But I think it'll be okay in a day or two.

Great. Then we can be in the Father's Unreal Arrays next Friday.

Oh, relay race, huh?

Bet you can hardly wait, eh, Tony?

Yeah, and there's a trophy.

Tony and I are going to win it. Right?

Right.

I'm going to take a bath. I have to practice my stroke.

You just should have told him you can't swim.

It's okay.

He'll find out.

And he sees them pull me out of the pool on a hook.

Okay, now, give me your hand. I'm going to step into the pool.

Everything will be okay. I'm right here.

Angela, I am not a child.

Sorry.

I'm afraid.

You can do it.

way to overcome a fear is to confront it head on. You just have to jump in. I

can't. I just can't.

Hi there.

Just gonna do some laps.

Well, at least it got you in the water.

Oh, my God. It's okay. It's okay. You've been in the water before.

But never up to my waist. Oh!

Angela. Tony, you're choking me.

Angela, please.

Please don't let me go. Carry me to safety. Tony, you're being silly.

Oh, I am. You're right, you're right. Have them empty the pool.

Relax. Relax.

Take some deep breaths.

Good.

Now, unwrap your legs from my ribs.

Don't let go. One leg at a time. Don't let go. Everything's okay.

Don't let go. Shut up and do it.

That wasn't so bad, was it?

You yelled at me.

It's time. Off love, Tony.

All right, now.

First thing I'm going to teach you is the dead man's float.

See ya.

It's just called that. But what are you going to teach me next?

Housekeeper's stuck on the bottom of the pool for ten minutes and nobody goes to

save him?

It's a thought.

Now, lay across my arms.

Come on. No, no, no. Come on.

Put your face in the water.

Angela, I breathe through my face.

You're supposed to hold your breath and blow bubbles.

Okay. Okay, here goes.

I'm looking for some change I dropped.

Yeah, right.

Okay. Okay, now you're going to put your face back in.

Only this time I'm going to tell you when to take it out. But what if you

forget? I mean, you've got a lot going on in your mind. You know, with Jonathan

growing up and business and all that.

Bubbles. Bubbles.

Bubbles. Bubbles.

Bubbles. Angela, I did it. I did it. You know, it's like a whole other world

down there.

Attaboy. Attaboy. Now do it again. Come on. Bubbles. And kick.

Kick, kick, kick, kick, kick.

Pollywog. He's really getting the hang of it now.

Is your back better yet, Tony?

Oh, no, no, no. Oh, no, no, no. It's still pretty sore.

It's still pretty sore.

You just lifted me near.

Oh, yeah. Well, you know, Billy, this motion doesn't bother me. It's that

swimming motion. Oh, oh, oh, it kills me.

Yeah. I guess that means you're not going to be in the race tomorrow, huh?

No, no, that's right, that's right. I'm not going to be in the race tomorrow,

but I got a great idea.

If you can't have me, you got to have the next best thing, right?

Angela. Me?

Her.

Yeah, yeah, she's a pro. She's a champ. She's a winner.

She's a girl.

Yeah, yeah, but she's a girl with a lot of swimming trophies.

Billy, I'd be honored.

But you're a girl, and all the other kids are going to be with their fathers,

and you're a girl. I know, a girl, a girl. It happens.

I know why you're doing this.

You do?

You don't want to swim with me.

Wait a minute. What are you talking about?

What makes you think I don't want to swim with you?

Because I'm not good enough. You're afraid I'd make us lose.

Oh, no, no, no, Billy. That's not the truth at all. You see, the reason I

want to swim with you is that I'm afraid of the water.

Afraid? You?

He doesn't really mean afraid.

Technically, you see, it's a phobia based on a traumatic childhood

Oh!

I'm afraid.

You mean like when I was in my room and I was afraid of the dark?

Yeah, exactly.

You got me a nightlight and I wasn't afraid anymore.

That's true.

Then why don't you swim with a nightlight?

Well, for the same reason you don't sleep in the pool.

It wouldn't help.

Honey, he tried to swim for you. He did. He really did.

It's okay, Tony. I understand.

Now, I know this must be harder, but honesty really is the best policy.

It really is.

I wish dad were here to see him. Face it, he's a water weenie.

I'm swimming this race.

Tony, are you sure?

You bet I am. Look, it's like you said. I just have to face my fear and jump in.

You can do it. You bet I can.

Atta boy.

I'll call the paramedics.

Come on, Billy.

Come on, buddy.

What's the matter?

Are you okay?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you know, she really shouldn't be wearing stripes.

Come on, Billy.

He's not swimming this lake, buddy.

Did you see me out there? I was great.

I'm sorry, Miss Sully. I wanted to wait, but, you know, the kid got hungry, so I

went and got a burger. Come on.

Hey, don't let him swim for an hour.

Dad, I am so proud of you. Way to go, Tony. Hey, I told Angela you could do

See, Tony conquered his biggest, deepest, darkest fear.

And I did it all for you, kid.

I could have won with Angela.

Hey, hey. Oh, great. I want to get a picture of the last place relay team.

that's awesome. You got it.

Can we do something other than swimming next week?

Sure, name it and you got it.

High dive.

Oh, oh, oh, my neck.

Another phobia.