Original subtitles

This is a very interesting resume, Miss Glover, but Angela's new housekeeper

must be the very best. I'm afraid this just doesn't make the grade.

But I worked 17 years for the royal family.

I'm sorry. I'll need at least two references.

Thank you very much for coming by. Here's your coat.

Thank you.

Thank you. There you go.

Help Princess Di. I think she's a little too thin.

What did you think?

Me too.

I like number 12 the best. Oh, number 12? Let's see here. Oh, yeah, yeah, the

-year -old exchange student from Sweden.

Ja, inga.

Hi. Hey.

Is that another applicant? She seemed nice. How'd she do?

Yes. Oh, well, that's too bad.

You're telling me. My teaching internship starts tomorrow. I can't

a whole two weeks without a housekeeper. You're not.

I found someone, and she's perfect. She knows the neighborhood, she loves kids,

she's very diligent, and she lives nearby.

Great, great. Who is she? You're looking at her.

You?

Oh, my God, you're serious.

You're only going to be working for two weeks. I've got some vacation time

coming. Angela, Angela, housekeeping is not a vacation. I mean, sure, it looks

glamorous, but it's not all mopping floors and scrubbing toilets.

Some of it's pretty dreary.

Not if you've never done it before. Who knows? I may like it. I don't think so.

Let's find out.

Angela, you work very hard all year. You only take off a couple of weeks. Why

would you want to do this?

Well, in the future, I may want to take a little bit more time off. And who

knows, with you venturing out into the workforce, you may need me to help

here. I don't think so.

Let me clean my own house, please.

for love and a time for living. Take a chance and face the wind.

An open road and a road that's hidden. A brand new life around the bend.

There were times I lost a dream or two.

So long that you might awake.

Sweetheart, why don't you eat yours first?

No convulsion.

Angel, look, you know, I wanted to jot down some household hints. You know,

and don'ts, things to remember, but I didn't have the time.

Good. Yeah, so I dictated them onto these tapes.

But it was a lot to cover.

Millions of years ago, when the Earth was first created, God said, let there

light. And there was light. And then he said, boy, what a mess. I'm not cleaning

this up. I'm God.

Man was created.

Well, I hope I was thorough enough. Tony, you started at the dawn of time.

Why don't you sit down? I've made you a perfectly fabulous breakfast. Okay,

fine.

Safe to eat?

No convulsion.

Okay.

Here you go.

Oh, Angela.

Wow, it's beautiful. It's absolutely perfect.

Thank you. Although, you know, if you want to get rid of these brown spots,

know, you cook it for a little longer time on a lower flame.

Good tip.

Tape three, side A.

Hi, guys. Good morning.

Sam, what are you doing here so early? I wanted to stop by and wish you luck on

your first day of teaching.

And here, Dad.

Oh, Sam, that is so sweet. Oh, a tie.

A paisley tie.

That's my paisley tie.

I borrowed it to wear to a fraternity dress like a geek party.

See you later, guys. Oh, honey, don't forget your lunch, and after school,

have milk and cookies for you.

I'll rush right home.

Boy, I've heard about families where the woman stays home and cooks, and the man

goes off to work, but to actually see it in my own home.

How retro.

Tony, when you come home, can you teach Madeline the bike?

Honey, you don't have to wait. I'll teach you. I'll be home all day.

Oh, but...

Did you hear that? He said, oh, boy.

That's what this is all about.

Oh, this is a day to remember, Angela, huh? Both of us off to conquer new

worlds. Well, I'm off.

How do I look?

Weak headgear, huh?

Now, that would have won you first place.

I'm trying to make a good impression on the faculty, that's all. Don't you

worry. They're going to love you. Just remember, people like to work with their

friends, so become their friend.

Good advice, Angela.

Look out, real world. Here I come.

Oh, Angela, by the way, you know, when you clean these windows, pour a little

vinegar in the water. It's on tape six. Vinegar. It's not just for salads

anymore.

Yeah, but does he let you do super fun things like sort socks?

No, and he doesn't try to fool me either.

Do it anyway.

Just as soon as I get rid of this jelly stain that somebody left me, we'll go

outside and practice riding your bike.

Mom, this soda has caffeine.

So? Well, it's not the kind Tony buys. He buys caffeine -free. Sorry, I'll get

you some tomorrow.

No problem. I'll just be up in my room bouncing off the wall.

Wear a helmet, dear.

That's not how Tony does it. Well, Billy, it would be a very boring world

everybody did it the same way.

But when Tony does it, the stain gets smaller.

Hello, loved ones.

Oh, what a...

Wonderful afternoon at the spa.

That's not how Tony does it.

The world would be very boring if everybody did it the same way.

Always been my motto, kid.

By the way, Angela, did you finish all my ironing? Yes, wicked stepmother.

Good.

Thank you. Here's the list for tomorrow.

Change the oil in your car?

Tony does it for me.

Hi,

honey. I'm home.

Is it that late already?

Oh, you wouldn't believe the day I had Angela.

First I get to the school and no one's ever even heard of me. Then I find the

classroom and then... Angela, that's not how I do it.

I tried to tell her.

So, Angela, how was your day?

Actually, you know, it went pretty well.

I guess some things were tougher than others. Oh, tough. You want to hear a

tough answer? I'll tell you tough.

Elementary school. It's a dog -eat -dog world.

Oh, chicken.

Uh -huh. Oh, and that faculty lounge. It's a shark tank.

Get this, get this. One of the other TAs, he offers me a prune danish. So, of

course, I ate it.

He knew.

That was the principal's Danish. So when the principal shows up for it, there I

am, reeking of prune.

I'm telling you, if it wasn't for sweet little Lois, I just wouldn't have had a

friend there at all. I mean, but things worked out.

Uh -huh.

Are you listening to me? Sure am. Shark tank, prune Danish.

Who's Lois?

Oh, she's the teacher. I'm assisting.

I have so much to learn from her.

Grizzled old veteran, huh?

Oh, not really, not really. I think it's only been about two years since she was

Miss Delaware.

Angela, Angela.

Yes, what?

Nothing, nothing. It's just that that isn't the knife I would use, you know.

Angela, what is wrong with this blouse?

Nothing.

It's beautifully clean, it's beautifully ironed, and it's sparkling white.

Which would be fine, if this weren't my red blouse.

A little too much bleach.

That'd be my guess.

Well, uh, see, uh, Billy was hanging on my leg, and I... What did we eat?

Just a minute, just a minute. The chicken is cooking, the salad is being

the rice... Oh, I forgot to make the rice.

Oh, great.

It won't take long.

Angela, why don't you finish the salad and I'll make the rice. It's okay, I got

it. No, no, please, I'd like to do it. Tony, really, I can handle it. I know

can handle it, but there's a little trick with a bouillon cube I never told

about. Yes, you did.

It's on tape seven, side B, right after the history of wheat.

Okay, you do it, you do it. Thank you. Although, you know, that's not the pot I

would use.

I don't cook like you. I don't clean like you. I don't do anything like you.

you know what? I don't... Don't care, because from now on, we're going to do

things my way.

You got it?

Good. And if you don't like it, you can all get out of my kitchen. Any

questions?

You bought the soda with the caffeine, didn't you?

Okay. Breakfast is ready.

Let's move it. I'm on a tight schedule.

Hold it.

Where are you going?

Come with us. We're going for Egg McMuffins.

They don't yell at you there.

I know Angela's been a little tense, but she's in there making you a simply

delicious breakfast.

What are you...

You see, she asked nicely.

Come on.

Okay, we've got a busy schedule here. Jonathan, I'm going to drop you off at

school ten minutes early so I can get to Billy's craft show by nine.

Then I've got to rush back here for the TV repairman who's supposed to be here

sometime between ten and next Friday.

I want you out front of the school at exactly 115 because you have a haircut

145. Then we've got to get back here no later than 305 because that's when I

penciled in to go to the bathroom. I skipped that yesterday.

Morning. Morning.

Almost all Angela again?

Is there a problem?

Well, I sort of wanted scrambled eggs.

You want scrambled?

Personally, I love eating omelets. Well, I could eat them every day.

I know because I do.

Look, here's the plan.

We'll mutiny.

I'll drop my napkin on the floor. When Angela bends down to pick it up, you

whack her with the ladle.

Then we'll stuff her in a hefty bag and lock her in the trunk of the car.

Okay.

Not so fast, Mr. Christian. Look, guys, come on.

For better or for worse, this is what Angela wants, and I think we should be

supportive.

Give her one more chance for me, okay?

Okay. All right, come on.

Let's move it.

Whoops.

The ladle, the ladle.

What is going on here? Nothing, nothing, nothing at all, nothing at all. Well,

I've... I gotta get the rest of my stuff.

Lois is picking me up. We're really buried at work.

I love taking out the garbage. I really do.

She's ready to snap, isn't she?

Like a cheap brassiere.

The first one who says this is not how Tony does it gets a breakfast sausage up

her nose.

Nice seeing you, Angela.

Can you teach me how to ride my bike again, Angela?

All right, but just for five minutes before you have to go to school. Easy.

Okay, I'll take you around here.

Remember what I told you. Imagine that you're on a tightrope. Just keep looking

straight ahead. Don't look down.

Hey, hey, hey!

Looking good on that bike there, buddy.

Oh, there's my ride. Bye, guys.

Morning, Lois!

Doing really good.

You're sure this is no trouble?

For sure, Mr. Campbell. Are you kidding me? Hey, I don't think of you as just a

principal in the school. I think of you as a friend. And as Angela and I say,

our house is always open to our friends.

Come on in.

Or we could go for Mexican.

I knew it. This is a problem. No, no, no. Please, please. Come on in. Come on

in. Angela!

Angela, this is Mr. Campbell, the principal of the school.

Hello.

The one I said I was bringing home for dinner.

Dinner?

I left you three messages. Didn't you check the answering machine?

Tony, if it isn't dirty, sticky, or hungry, I haven't touched it.

Maybe I should go. Oh, no, please, please, Mr. Campbell, please come in and

yourself comfortable.

Have a seat here.

The house doesn't usually look like this.

Well, it was perfectly clean ten minutes ago.

Well, what happened?

They did.

Fire, pestilence, and death.

Okay, look, you straighten up. I'll go make the fish.

I didn't get any fish. I didn't go to the market.

What do you mean you didn't go to the market? I mean, what were you doing all

day?

Let's start with a car full of screaming kids with stops at the cleaner, the

bakery, the shoemaker, and the car wash. Oh, you had time to go to the car wash?

When a child pukes in your car, you make time.

I will warm up some chicken. Oh, you're not going to give my boss that chicken.

Last night you said you liked it. Well, I lied.

I suppose you've been lying about everything.

No, no, not everything. I honestly think the house is a mess.

Fine. That's the thanks I get after giving you the three best days of my

Well, if you want a chicken, have Lois make you a chicken because I quit.

So you got the hots for Lois, too.

I never do those things.

Truce?

You lure him in, I'll whack him with a ladle.

You know, when your father and I wanted to make up after a fight, we'd build a

fire, we'd get a good bottle of wine, and then we'd...

Have a nice chat.

I guess I said some pretty harsh things down there.

You did.

You insulted me and my chicken.

I apologize to the both of you.

Listen, I guess I was feeling a lot of pressure, you know, with the new job,

it finally all came out.

You've been feeling pressure, too?

Oh, yeah, yeah. But, hey, that's no excuse. I mean, you have every right to

mad at me. That's right.

But I'm not mad at you.

I'm mad at me.

What do you mean?

Tell me, how many times have I surprised you with a dinner guest?

The house is always immaculate. You whip up a wonderful meal. You make the

guests feel comfortable, and you never break a sweat.

Gee, Angelina, I...

I've been doing this for a lot of years, you know. I was born to be a

housekeeper. I guess I've been stressed out because I've been trying to be as

good as you. Oh, wow, that is stressful.

I just wanted this to work out for everybody. I wanted it to work out for

and me, all of us. And I just don't feel like I accomplished anything this week.

I feel like a failure. That is not true.

Hang on, hang on, hang on one second.

Hang on.

Just a second here, Billy boy. We'll be right down. Hey, be careful. Don't ride

too close to that garden.

Angela, you are not a failure, Angela. Wait a minute.

Is he riding his bike?

He's riding his bike!

Oh, a Kodak moment!

Oh, let me see you go. Come on, let me see you go.

Whoa!

And you said you thought you were a failure.

Well, I guess I did one thing right.

And you know, you look pretty good doing it, too.

You think?

I can't wait till we run out of that soda with the caffeine.