Original subtitles

Oh, Sam's little red sweatshirt. She wore this the day she left for camp.

Remember how she cried when the bus pulled away?

It was a t -shirt. It was blue, and I was the one crying.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, but hold on to those memories, Angela.

Tony, Tony, if you feel like crying now, this shoulder's for you. Well, thanks

for the offer, Angela, but I'm not going to cry.

I'm okay with Sam moving out.

Yeah, and I'm the singing nun.

I'm serious.

I've had 17 years to prepare for this day. I'm not going to make a scene. And

besides, she's only going to be two miles away.

Two miles, 2 ,000 miles.

Tony, face it. Once she is gone from the house, she is gone from the house.

Gone forever.

Come on, guys. You promised this wasn't going to happen. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Just such a big moment, you going away to college. I want to remember exactly

how you look and what you're wearing.

Little rayon shorts.

They're cotton.

It won't matter.

I'm going to get a camera.

Well, this is it.

Yeah, this is it.

But hey, I mean, it's not like we're never going to see you again.

I mean, after all, you're only going to be a lousy two miles away.

Are you crying?

No, of course I'm not crying.

It's allergies.

It's hay fever.

Get out of here, you crazy kid.

Yeah.

Nervous? No.

Well, maybe a little. I just wish I wasn't moving in a month after everybody

else. Well, hey, just remember, if you get tired of living there, your room

always be here.

Excuse me?

A little tight. Might have to move that window.

What are you doing?

Opening soon.

Jonathan's love shack.

The loneliest room in town.

It's an over.

Well, goodbye, room.

Thank you.

you think oh isn't it great oh sam imagine imagine

how many great minds have sat at that very desk lawyers judges scientists

crew rules okay so one more on i'll get the rest of the stuff

I mean, oh, no, you're not Jill.

Jill?

My best friend. She was supposed to be my new roommate.

That's not fair. Why do these things always happen to me?

Well, it's kind of happening to me, too.

I'm sorry.

Welcome to my room.

I mean, our room.

We'll have fun.

Great. Let's start over. Good idea.

I'll show you where to put those. Okay.

She got the room instead of her.

Oh!

Great. Rejected and stereo.

Hey, Sam, great news, great news. You're not the only new kid moving in. There's

a big cake down in the lobby that says, Welcome, Jill.

Tony? From biology?

Hey, Melinda! Excuse me.

I didn't recognize you without your lab goggles.

You guys, this is Tony Masella. You know the guy that liberated the monkeys from

the lab?

Yeah, that's me. Campus legend.

Friend of the apes.

What are you doing here, Tony? I'm helping Sam move in. She's my daughter.

Why didn't you say so?

This is great.

Hey, you guys. Star Trek marathon. It's in the South Lounge. Come on.

You two come. Oh, I'd love to. You know, I hope they show that one where the

Klingons take out Spock's brain, you know?

I bet that hurts.

Oh, but I better not. I got to get home. I have to make dinner for the gang.

Okay. See you in the lounge, roomie. Bye, Tony.

Bye, Melinda.

Hey.

Thanks, Dad.

You know, I never thought I'd say this, but I'm kind of glad you're on the same

campus. Sorry. I don't speak to freshmen.

Oh, Andy.

You are as amazing in the kitchen as you are in the operating room. Oh, well,

thank you.

There's one big difference, though. When you take out a gallbladder, you don't

use a spatula.

That's very funny. Oh, I think your patient is boiling over.

Is there anything I can do? Yeah, you can scratch my nose.

Okay. Anything else? Yeah.

You can kiss the cook.

Oh, go on, go on. Kissy, kissy.

Mother,

not everyone likes an audience.

Not everyone deserves one.

Wait a moment, wait a moment. Hey, moda, moda. Hey, big family dinner tonight.

I'm making rigatoni a la Tony. You in? No, I'm going out for Italian.

That's him now.

Hey, well, it's your loss because, you know, nobody... Wait a minute.

What is that?

Linguini alla vongole.

White clam sauce.

No, no, no.

Red. Red. With a pinch too much garlic. Who's cooking?

It's not Julia Child.

Mommy! Gosh, I didn't think you'd be home so...

Apparently not.

We're making linguine bognoli.

Bognoli. Well, at least you got the linguine part right.

It's for the Harrington's potluck dinner tonight. Oh, yeah, that's right. It's

tonight, huh? I gotta tell you something, Tony. I've really enjoyed

your kitchen. I mean, everything is exactly where it should be.

Yeah, except this.

My imported Italian spoon given to me by my grandmother. God rest her soul.

Oh, I guess I shouldn't have used it to snake the drain.

He's kidding. He's kidding. Andy, I think you better take that stuff out to

car. Thanks again, Tony.

Don't mention it, and.

So, how is Sam and the dorm? Oh, she's great. She's thrilled, you know. She

a lot of new friends. She's got a hand -carved desk.

Good, good. Well, that's good.

So, you okay?

Me? Oh, yeah. Never better. Never better.

Uh, Tony, listen, why don't you come with us to the Harringtons?

Angela, come on now. Stop worrying about me.

I'm actually looking forward to having some time alone, you know.

And besides, not for nothing, but that Harrington dog is a little too fond of

me. Oh, all right.

You sure?

Yeah. Bye -bye. Okay, bye.

Have a good time.

You too.

Let's see what's on the old TV here.

of a man won't breathe.

Only want to make some friends?

Call 5 -5 -5 -5 -5 -5 -5 -5 -5 -5 -5 -5 -5 -5 -5 -5 -5 -5 -5 -5 -5 -5 -5 -5 -5

-5 -5 -5 -5 -5

-5

They're calling me.

Hiya, Sam. How you doing?

Yeah, in fact, your lamp is here.

Oh, you do? Well, yeah, I'll bring it down, you know, whenever I get a chance.

I'll get it.

Dad! Not just Dad.

Dad Light.

It can't all be gems.

mean you had to bring it over right away well i had to drop off some books at

the library anyway sam uh hi guys bye guys oh tony wait did you ever have the

carol for american history oh yeah you mean the guy's been putting more people

to sleep than ether i'll give you a little hint uh don't sweat the textbooks

memorize the the lecture notes because this guy likes history the way he tells

it Gotcha. Okay, I'm out of here. Hey, Tony, did you ever have Messenger?

Oh, did I have Messenger?

Oh, what a beauty he is, I'm telling you. You know, a lot of reading. Good

stories, though. Good stories.

I'll give you a hint, too. If you're having first period, do not, I repeat,

not sit in the first row.

Horrendous morning breath.

Oh, God,

the lambdas.

Isn't there a dweeb curfew?

to get rid of them. Oh, well, hey, let me handle this.

Let me handle this.

Oh,

boy!

Want to get lucky?

Oh, must be that Bulgarian exchange student. Let's go.

Men are such pigs.

Way to go, Olga.

I don't know him. I swear I'm an orphan.

Tony, why don't you join us? Oh, I really... Oh, come on. I want to get the

scoop on my teachers, too.

Oh, okay. I'll go with that.

Hey, Tony, after burgers, we can go bowling.

Oh, you girls like to bowl? Of course. Every Thursday night? Oh, Olga likes to

bowl.

Olga bowls overhand.

Hey, come on, roomie. Okay.

Bad news. Machine's busted.

Oh, no. Did you call maintenance?

Sorry, Sam. I stopped by to pick up my jacket. The girls asked me to fix the

machine. Oh, Tony, how do you get an ink spot out of a blouse?

Scissors.

No, no, no, no. You know what? You use hairspray and a toothbrush.

The man's a genius.

He can fix anything.

I'll be through here in a minute. Well, I hope so, because I will just die if I

can't wear this sweater tonight.

Yeah, you see, you see, Melinda has a big date with Michael.

And Lori's going to a fraternity mixer where she's hoping to run into George,

which I still think is a mistake. But does she listen to me?

Dad, you know... One second, one second, one second.

Okay, ladies, start your washes. All right, way to go.

I'm going to get some quarters. Oh, me too.

Is he the greatest?

Oh, yeah, he's a campus legend.

Dad, we've got a problem.

Let me guess. It has something to do with me being in your washer?

You are everywhere.

Everywhere. I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm happy you fixed the washer, and ice

skating was a lot of fun.

You've really knocked them dead at the talent show with your rendition of Have

Stayed Too Long at the Fair.

I stayed too long at the dorm?

Look, it's not that I don't appreciate, you know, how you helped me when I first

got here. All right, hey, hey, hey. Say no more. Say no more. The last thing I

wanted to do was crowd you.

Anyway, there's a big fight that I want to see, you know, at home, at home.

Do me a favor, one last thing. Keep an eye on Laurie. She always forgets to

empty that lint trap.

I'm going.

Oh, where's Tony? I've got his jacket.

Oh, he went home.

Oh, well, I guess I'll see him tomorrow.

Oh, I don't think so. He's not going to be coming around here as much.

Why not?

Well, I kind of asked him not to.

Oh, Sam.

Look, what would you do if it was your father?

Shave my head and join a biker gang.

But he's not my father. He's Tony.

He's cool. And he's fun.

Fun? You call it fun when your father becomes one of your girlfriends? Guys,

this is not fun.

Well, his life isn't much fun either.

Especially with Andy in the picture.

Andy? Yeah.

Tony feels weird with Andy hanging around Angela.

Angela? Besides, it's not easy coming home to an empty house. I mean, even

Jonathan's got a life ski trip and everything.

Yeah, and Mona?

Well, Mona's Mona.

How do you guys know all these things?

The other night, a bunch of us were sitting around talking about

And when the candle was passed to Tony, just let it all out.

He's in such pain.

He needs people.

And you threw him out?

Angela?

Mona?

Jonathan?

Andy?

Aunt Bea? Opie? Gooba? Anybody?

It's okay, it's okay. Alone is good. You know, you get to know yourself better.

So far, I like what I see.

All right, all right. Oh, Eddie, looking good. Oh, way to spit.

I'm talking to the TV.

Now I'm talking to myself about talking to the TV.

Oh, why not go all the way?

Tony, would you like a sandwich?

Why, I'd love one. Well, make it yourself. Why, I ought to.

Excuse me.

So now, where's the bread? How should I know? Do I look like a maid?

Oh, hey. Just getting in?

Yeah. Annie and I were going to have dinner here tonight.

Oh. Well, no problem. I'll just go upstairs and watch the fight. No, it's

He canceled. He had to work late. So can I watch the fight with you?

You want to watch the fight? What are you talking about? You hate boxing.

I do not. I love it.

So?

Who's punching tonight?

Box has lived since down before the first beer commercial.

Yeah, put your money where your mouth is, kid.

Wait a minute.

What? Why is everybody so into this fight tonight?

Are you kidding? We love boxing.

Futurism, the sweet science, the canvas tango.

I just like to see sweaty guys hitting each other.

All right, come on. Let's watch this.

Hi,

guys. Hi.

What are you doing here?

You forgot your jacket. Oh, good. I didn't miss the fight.

You want to watch the fight, too?

Wait a minute.

Oh, no.

Oh, my God. They knocked his teeth out.

Oh, Angela. Angela, that's his mouthpiece.

Oh, oh, oh. Well, they're putting it back in without washing it.

That's the least of his problems.

Come on, Eddie. Get up.

Come on, buddy, come back. Here he comes. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, this may

good fight after all.

Yeah, no empty house here, huh, lonely guy?

Oh, I get it.

I knew I smelled a rat.

All right, which one of you guys set this up?

I just felt bad about what happened. I mean, I thought you were interfering,

especially when you showed up in my Maytag.

I just, I didn't realize that you were, you know, missing everybody.

You know, poor, lonely, pathetic Tony. You don't have a friend in the world.

This is just a big take pity on Tony night.

I'll take it.

Good.

Wasn't it nice of Sam to set this up for me?

Yeah. It was really great.

Except I wish I didn't have to hear from her what was bothering you.

Tony.

Tony, please.

The next time that you're hurting and every fiber of your being is crying out

pain, I want you to tell me.

Okay.

You're crushing my pinky.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I meant emotional pain, but a pinky's a good start.

I guess Sam moving out hit me a little bit harder than I thought it would.

I knew that it would.

It's just like her going off to camp.

I know, I know. I cried.

Yeah. And then we sat around all night and we talked about it and...

Looked at old snapshots and we drank tea.

You felt better, remember?

Yeah, I remember.

It was hot chocolate and slides, but I did feel better.

But, you know, anyway, things are, you know, different now.

Well, they're not so different that I can't be here for you.

Sort of like the song says, you'll never walk alone.

You're not going to sing, are you?

Round two.

Come on, get in. Come on. All right, don't knock him out yet. Don't knock him

out yet. Okay, knock him out.

Oh, hey, now this is what family's all about, huh?

Warmth, sensitivity, and compassion.

Whoa, that time those were his teeth.

In a word, love.