Original subtitles

I feel pretty.

Oh, so pretty.

I feel pretty and witty and the caissons go rolling.

Hi. How you doing? How do I look?

Steadily. Maria.

Going out with Kathleen?

Oh, yes, yes. She's making dinner for me tonight. She wants me to meet her

father.

Uh -oh.

It's no big deal.

I don't know.

meeting the dad?

Major step in the relationship.

Come on, come on. He's just in town for a few days. It's no big deal.

If you say so.

Oh, just remember what you always tell me when I meet someone's parents. Mind

your manners, call him sir, and don't wear a miniskirt.

Oh, hi!

Are you, uh, are you sure you had a good time, Angela? Are you kidding?

The openness of the sea, the smell of the air, the... Ray, in my face, I love

sailing.

Well, technically, it's not really sailing unless you leave the dock.

You never set sail?

Well, I got a little car sick on the way over, and then I hit my head on the

boom and dropped my Dramamine overboard.

Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow, Angela. Okay.

Bye. Bye. Bye.

Well, you seem to be hitting it off well with Andy, the new guy.

Oh, Andy.

Yeah. Well, you look very spiffy. Are you painting the town? No, just dinner

with Kathleen.

And her father.

Her father?

Really? Yeah, yeah, but hey, it's no big deal.

Oh! I forgot my carrot cake.

It's her father's favorite. I made the cutest little bunny out of the icing.

But it's no big deal.

Well, I don't envy him.

It's very nerve -wracking meeting the father of someone you're dating.

Have you met Andy's father yet? No. Luckily, he's dead.

Never mind.

Does anybody know who this kid is?

Okay, take a deep breath.

If he puts on a rubber glove, I'm leaving.

Hey, hey, look who's making a house call. What do you say, buddy?

Do you know him? Do I know him? Are you kidding me, Angel? This is a Brooklyn

boy. He lives next door to Mrs. Rosini. She babysits for him. How you doing,

Bobby? It's good.

Oh, yeah, sure. Sorry, Billy.

Good kid, huh?

Oh, there's my little doogie house.

Slippery as an eel, this one.

Hey, hey, hey, Mrs. Rosini, I thought you wanted me to babysit Bobby next

weekend. Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Why, why, why, why, why?

It's Barry.

Sorry, sorry. How swiftly he wins your heart.

You weren't listening. Last week, I asked you to cover for me the week after

next. So, obviously, that would be... Okay, so I wasn't listening, but I talk

much.

It's okay, Tony.

I'll babysit. I'm in for the night. Oh, thanks, Angela. Hey, you're the

greatest. Hey, I gotta go. See ya. Yeah, me too. Oh, Tony, Tony.

Nice chipmunk, huh?

No, no, no.

It's a bunny.

No, not really. What is it? Yeah, please.

dream or two.

Found a trail, and at the end was you.

There's a path you take and a path not taken. The choice is up to you, my

friend. Nights are long, but you might awaken to a brand new life, a brand new

life, a brand new life around the bend.

It's delicious.

Dad will hate it.

What do you mean?

He's been in the army for 32 years. If it's not served on a shingle, he'll love

it.

Well, then he's going to hate you.

Me? Are you kidding? Hey, I'll win him over with my quick wit and my puckish

charm. And if that doesn't work, I'll just give him my jeep.

Hey, come on. Relax. It'll be fine.

That must be Dad.

Or the Cossacks.

open the door without asking who's there? I taught you better than that.

Nice to see you too, Dad.

Hey.

What kind of a boyfriend are you? You let her open the door like that? What if

I'd been a strangler, huh?

Huh? You never went for the eloquent type, did you?

Yeah. Well, at least he's not wearing an earring like that art student you went

out with. What was that guy's name?

Tony. Right.

Tony.

What's your name, fella?

Zachary.

My friends call me Zach.

Billy. Billy, it's time to go to sleep. It's ten o 'clock. You should be in bed.

I should be in bed. What do you say?

Five more minutes.

You said that two hours ago.

This time I mean it.

Mother, just in the nick of time.

We have a little boy here who doesn't want to go to bed. Maybe you can help.

Yeah? Yeah.

All right, all right. I'll give it a try.

Billy?

Sweetie?

Go to bed.

Or the boogeyman's going to come and eat your face.

What's a boogeyman?

Well, think of Angela without makeup.

Hello? Oh, hi.

Yeah, sure, just a sec. It's Angela.

I'm going to make some more coffee.

Excuse me.

Hi, how's our little one?

Oh, won't go to bed, huh?

Oh, we're just babysitting for a friend.

Tony, I'm sorry to bother you, but Mother's suggesting we get a stun gun.

Okay, okay, look, put him on. Let me talk to him.

Yeah. Hi, Billy.

Hey, listen, listen. What's the matter? You don't want to go to sleep?

Five more minutes.

Yeah, well, look, I know how hard it is to go to sleep in a strange house.

I'll tell you what.

Why don't I sing you a little song that I used to sing for my daughter when she

was a little girl, right? And let me tell you, everybody who hears this song

just feels warm, safe, and happy, okay?

Okay. Okay, here goes. Ready?

Who can turn the world on with a smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?

You're gonna make it after all.

Is he sleeping, Angela?

Well, he snores.

All right, all right. Well, let it keep snoring.

Listen, um...

Listen, I got an important job for you, bud.

Go upstairs and tell Sam that Angela's asleep and that you're ready for bed.

you do that?

Easy.

Attaboy. Okay. See you later. Bye.

Bye.

Kids.

That was real nice, the way you handled that kid.

Firm yet gentle, warm and loving.

Thank you, sir.

Do you like to shoot guns at people, Tony?

Pardon me? I'm playing in a war game tomorrow. I'd like you to join me in the

trenches. Well, I was going with some neighbor girls to the Penny's White

You'll love it.

Me and the boys put on our combat fatigues. We slog through the mud and

each other with paint guns.

There's nothing quite like that feeling when you nail somebody right between the

eyes.

More bunny cake, sir?

Tony, I've got a confession to make.

Well, I'm sure you were just following orders, sir.

No, no.

I'm 62. My biological clock is ticking.

Tony, I'd like you to have my grandchildren.

Gee, this is so sudden.

Of course, it's your life, but I want you to know I'd be proud to call you son

-in -law.

Oh, thank you, sir.

Good skin, perfect pores, a broken nose. I like that in a man.

Tony, could you help me in here, please?

Oh, sure.

And he's good in the kitchen, too.

Thank you, sir.

You and Dad getting along okay? Getting along famously.

Why was he stroking your face?

Has he ever mentioned anything to you about his biological clock?

Oh, no, no, no. He didn't say that, did he?

I wouldn't make that up.

That's it. This time Dad and I had a little talk.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Wait a minute. No need to make a scene. And

he may be armed.

Look, look, I know where he's coming from.

He just wants his daughter to have a family. I mean, hey, I want the same

for my daughter. I know, but... Look, he's at a time in his life when he wants

to be surrounded by his children and his children's children.

I guess. Sure, sure. He wants kids fighting for that wishbone at

and racing around the tree at Christmas time. Their little eyes lighting up as

they tear away the wrapping paper.

Uh -huh. Yeah.

I mean...

But most of all, what he wants is he wants you to be happy with a good home

a decent, caring man.

You know what I'm saying?

Oh, yeah.

And coming from you, it sounds wonderful.

I'm so happy.

I got a bug in your cereal.

Where?

There.

That's not a bug. It's a raisin. It's a bug. A raisin. Bug. It's a raisin. Now

prove it.

Hey,

Jonathan.

What's bugging him?

Hey, buddy, how you doing?

It's Billy!

No, I mean Buddy and... Oh, never mind.

So, how was last night? Was it no big deal? Yeah, it was great. It was great.

did it all good. You know, in fact, me and her father are going to play war

games today.

I played war games once with this guy named Larry.

See, he was a general, and I was his spy with vital information.

Would you please...

I'm glad it went well, Dad. Yeah, it did, it did.

Although... There was one kind of a funny misunderstanding.

Yeah?

What was it?

Me and Kathleen were talking, and somehow she got the crazy idea that I

to get married and have kids.

Wait, I'll tell it again.

We heard you.

The next thing you know, she's going to have you shopping for furniture and

silverware.

Actually, it's China.

Good morning. Good morning. Nothing for me, Tony. I'm having breakfast with

Andy. However, I was thinking... Dinner? Yeah, maybe we could defrost... Those

salmon steaks? Yeah, because the other night we had... Exactly. When you have

too much... It makes you feel... Wow.

That was good.

Anybody want a cigarette?

I... Gotta run.

Gotta run. Oh, Sam, could you... Have you seen the train? No, lend me your

scarf. I knew that.

Well, you'd better get going, too. You have quite a busy day.

I mean, furniture shopping at 2, wedding at 6, house hunting at 8, baby at 11.

That's not funny.

I now pronounce you husband and wife.

It looks like a nice house for us, honey.

Mr. and Mrs. Mastelli, welcome.

Oh!

Congratulations, it's a girl. Oh, thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

My God, that was fun.

I could have played all afternoon.

Yeah, me too.

Hi, guys. How did it... Oh, dear.

You got slaughtered. It was an incredible act of bravery. He threw

a trench full of enemy soldiers.

I was being chased by a bee.

Self -effacing. I liked that in a soldier.

Well, I've got to go to the little grunt's room.

You did fine, son.

Well,

lucky for me, you're a lover, not a fighter.

It's a really big B.

Hey, listen, after you've cleaned up and we've had lunch, let's hit the

furniture stores, okay?

Uh -huh.

What style do you think would look better in here?

I don't know.

Mediterranean? Colonial?

Whatever you like.

But you spend a lot of time here. I want you to feel comfortable, like it's your

home, honey.

Oh, look, I...

I'm not ready for a home, honey. And I'm not ready to be a son -in -law. And I'm

definitely not ready for fine china.

Tony, I don't want to get married.

You don't?

No. Oh.

So, do you have any turpentine? But, I...

been thinking about it lately, especially since that speech you gave

you know, about children and children's children.

Oh, well, you know, you must have misunderstood because, you know, I was

in a more cosmic, a sort of a universe.

I was drunk.

It's Angela, isn't it?

Listen, Kathleen, I don't know where I'll be or what I'll be doing in the

future, but right now I can't seem to see it without her. I mean, somewhere.

Possibly in a diaper.

I see.

Heather, look, let me try to... No, you don't have to explain.

You thought I was getting too serious.

You don't feel right leading someone on when in the back of your mind there's

someone else.

And even though what we have is great, it's best for both of us to break it off

now before someone gets hurt.

Phew.

Boy, that was the hardest thing I've ever had to say.

No, the hardest thing will be telling my dad.

Telling me what?

What happened to you?

I just broke up with Kathleen.

Oh, looks like she took it hard.

No, it was terrible. The tears, the pleading, the pillow tossing. Poor

That was her father.

Well, what are you waiting for, man?

Huh? Run on upstairs and tell Angela you're back on the market.

You know, Angela's got a life of her own, and there's no way I'm going to

her with my problems.

Okay.

Hi. I broke up with Kathleen.

Tony, I'm so sorry.

What happened?

A lot of stuff getting in the way. You know, college and work and things.

Right.

Thanks.

So, are you okay?

Oh, yeah, sure.

Actually, I think this was for the best, you know. I think I'm just going to

stay home tonight and watch one of them old musicals. Maybe...

Singing in the rain.

Oh, I love that movie, especially when... Oh, me too, and then when... And

Donald O 'Connor, he does that... And then they sing... Good morning, good

morning.

I'll make the popcorn.

I can't.

Huh? I have a date with Andy.

Oh. Well, we'll do it another time.

Sure, no problem.

Hey, have a nice time.

Oh, okay.

It's Timmy.

It's Tony.

See,

Mrs. Rossini, he made this picture for you. Oh.

Oh.

It's a giraffe.

No, it's a bunny.

I never get these.

Well, give Tony my love and tell him we're sorry we missed him.

Pony, were you playing war games again?

No, worse.

I finally made it to the Penny's Whitesdale.