Original subtitles

There's a time for love and a time for living. Take a chance and face the wind.

An open road and a road that's hidden. A brand new life around the bend.

There were times when you lost the dream or two.

Found a trail and at the end was you.

There's a fancy taking, a past not taking. The choice is up to you, my

It ain't so long, but you might awaken to a brand new life, brand new life, a

brand new life all around again.

Come on, Angela, let's go. We've got to move. Come on. Tony, Tony, come on.

Tony, Tony, calm down. There's an hour and a half before the movie starts. We

have plenty of time.

What are you talking about? By the time we park it in line for tickets, get

popcorn, then go back because you forgot your juju bees, then you're going to

say, uh -oh, got to go to the ladies' room, tiny bladder, tee -hee.

If I'm such a liability, maybe you should go without me. See ya. Oh, come

want to go to the movie.

All right, all right, but I'm warning you. I am not changing my seat because

think the people in front of us smell.

Hey, wait, don't touch the door. Don't touch the door.

Hi.

Hi. Hank Sloan, U .S. Census Bureau.

Angela Bauer, Caucasian, divorced female, 39 % tax bracket, born October

Thank you. Thank your business.

There's some confusion with your census questionnaire.

Hey, look, pal, we don't mean to be rude, but this woman's got to get to a

at the Cineplex.

But I made an appointment with your sister.

My sister?

Yeah, Mona Robinson, Caucasian female, born May 18th, 1967.

67.

Oh, Mona, flower child.

Oh, hello.

Did you fill out our census form?

I was bored.

I couldn't find the Sunday crossword puzzle.

This is great. Now, look, I'm telling you, if I miss that cartoon with them

little dancing hot dogs that sing, let's all go to the lobby, I'm going to be

one upset housekeeper.

You're the housekeeper?

Yeah, I'm the housekeeper. Tony Maselli, Caucasian, male, born April 23, 1952.

It says here you're the nuclear physicist's brother -in -law.

I told you, I was bored.

Sit down, housekeeper. Talk to Mona.

Come on, Angel, let's go. We gotta go.

I'm confused.

I'm confused.

What exactly is the relationship between those two?

How much time have you got?

We better see the next show. Yeah, let's see. Okay.

Mrs. Robinson, what is your real age?

What did I put down there?

Twenty -three.

You're right. I was wrong. I inverted it.

Please, we need accurate information.

That's as accurate as you're going to get. I mean, spiritually and

she's but a child.

You should see some of the stud buffins I date.

Well,

here they all are, the moral majority.

Mother, isn't it a little late? Where have you been?

Well, gee, I'm sorry, Mrs. Bauer. I ran out of gas.

Oh, come on. You can think of one better than that.

How about a flat tire?

If you were going to be late, young man, the least you could have done was call.

Well, I didn't know I had a curfew.

Well, it is a school night.

What are you going to do, Angela?

Ground her?

I should be very annoyed with all of you for waiting up.

But I'm not.

Because I want to share something with you.

I've been pinned.

Where's the pin?

My pin.

It was on my sweater.

Oh, my gosh.

Impassionating story.

But I still need to know your real age.

Oh, hey, yo, Hank, give it up. Better men than you have tried and failed.

Maybe we should move on to the nuclear physicist slash housekeeper snafu.

Hey, that's a simple one. Six years ago, I decided to brighten Angela's empty

life by agreeing to be her housekeeper.

Empty? Yeah. My social life was hardly empty, mister.

As I recall, our first night together was pretty crowded.

I may not be great in the kitchen, but I certainly make up for it in the

boardroom.

I'm not bored.

The Connecticut clot strikes again.

Here, let me help.

No, no, don't touch it. You'll cut yourself.

Here, let me get the dustpan.

This is good China.

I know.

I care enough to break the very best.

I thought you were getting attacked. What are you doing rolling around on the

floor?

We weren't rolling on the floor. We were picking up a broken plate.

Both of you?

It was a big plate.

Angela, who is this?

Well, Grant, you're not going to believe this, but this is my new housekeeper.

Housekeeper? Hey, hey, hey, who is this bozo?

Tony, this bozo is my boss.

It's your boss?

I thought they chased you around your desk, not around your stove.

I don't find that very amusing, and I don't have to explain my behavior to a

male Mary Poppins.

Mary Poppins? You're lucky I like that movie. I take care of it.

Don't tell me to behave myself. Talk to Conan the Barbarian here.

Tony,

go to your room. Angela.

Tony, go to your room. I don't want to go. Grant, go to your cab.

Grant, go to your cab.

Tony, go to your room. I'm going, I'm going. Grant. I'm very sorry about this.

We'll talk about the weekend at the office tomorrow.

Well, look on the bright side. You just had a fortune in cab fare. Great. That

makes two meters that got turned off early.

I knew it.

I knew this wasn't going to work out. Hey, no problem. We just got our signals

crossed. I'll cross your signal.

You have just intruded on a personal moment with someone I... happen to like

lot. From now on, if you feel tempted to butt in, please butt out.

Well, next time I see somebody crawling all over you on the floor, I'll know

that's how you entertain friends.

I think we better continue this discussion in the morning. Right now, I

angry I could strangle you.

Let's go to bed. Right.

Let me get this

straight.

You two both sleep upstairs?

Oh, yeah, yeah, separately.

Across the hall, behind locked doors.

Never the twain shall meet.

As I recall, your twains met once.

You want to... Might as well go sleep in her room.

Samantha had a nightmare. I think she wants you to sleep with her. Oh, yeah?

I need to go check on her.

You go ahead and get some sleep, Doug.

Oh, I'll go see how she is.

Sam, honey, it's me.

I'm here, babe.

It's all right, sweetheart.

Well,

hey, hey, hey. These things happen.

A lot.

Rub -a -dub -dub, dearie.

The federal government doesn't need to know about the bubble bath incident.

The bubble bath incident. Oh, that's an even better one than the one I was

thinking.

about hi ho hi ho it's off to bathe i go

going

down the path with my bubble

bath hi ho hi ho hi ho hi ho hi holy

The reflection of the bubbles blinded me. Those weren't bubbles.

Could we get back to the questionnaire, please?

Okay. Tony, you're obviously more than a housekeeper, but you are not a boarder,

a roommate, or a house pet.

What are you? Well, once he was a door pride.

Oh, hey, I like this one.

Check this out. Bulldog.

I'll write a book.

$30.

$30?

That'll buy five beds of petunias.

Going months. $40.

$40.

Wait a minute, Angela. What are you doing? I work for you all the time.

I know, but I love petunias.

$50. $60.

Seventy. Eighty.

Eighty dollars.

We'll be able to buy rose bushes, too.

Ninety. One hundred dollars.

One hundred dollars.

A new picture to have in your record.

Do I hear a hundred ten?

One thousand dollars.

I didn't hear a hundred ten.

Forget neighborhood beautification. We can all afford to move.

Any other bids?

Angela, I am your mother. I know what's best for you. Buy him.

Aha! Then you are her mother.

You're her mother.

You're her mother. All right, all right. Well, that settles that, huh? I think

we still have time to make it to the movie. All right. Just one more thing.

What's that?

Questions 2 through 33.

Well, would you excuse me for a minute? I'm just going to go to the bathroom.

Small bladder.

All right, we're on the last page.

We better be.

Question H -30. How would you describe this building?

It's a house. Look around you.

Please, the man's just trying to do his job. But if I want to go to the movies,

why won't he let me go to the movies?

Age 32, which fuel is used most for heating this dwelling? Oh, well, the

way to explain that is to tell him about a party we went to.

Regrets.

I've had a few.

Oh, excuse me. Would you hand me a napkin, please?

Hey, what's the matter? Your arm broke?

You have the whole stack.

Thanks very much. That idiot dropped a drink all over my coat. Oh, wait, Mr.

Sinatra. Wait, don't do that. No, no. The trick is to use a little club soda

give you a pat. You don't roll, do you?

That's my trick. Oh,

Mr. Sinatra.

Mr. Sinatra, I've seen all your movies. I've seen every TV show. You know, Our

Town, 1955.

I know every song you ever recorded by heart, by heart.

Intonations, everything.

But there's always been one question I've been dying to ask you. What?

How does it feel to be worshipped and adored by millions and millions of

Nice.

Do you see what I see?

I don't believe it.

Oh, girls.

Frank, this is Angela and Mona.

Oh, it's an honor, Mr.

Sinatra. How do you do?

Ring -a -ding -ding.

What does Frank Sinatra have to do with home fuel?

Nothing. But didn't I look great in that red dress?

Okay. Last question.

Have the two non -married consenting adults in this household ever

carnal knowledge of each other?

The federal government wants to know that?

No, I didn't.

You may not believe this, but I am not a full -time census taker.

I am a writer about to happen, and I find you inspiring.

Well, I'm a guy about to go to the movies, and I find you tiring.

Come on, Andy.

We still got more time to make that movie. If you don't slow us down, I'll

you off at the ticket booth.

Will you be stopping the car? Maybe.

Sounds like those two got it bad for each other. Yeah, but you'll never get

to admit it. At least, not while they're conscious.

I'm telling you, I want you to know.

An appendectomy is a fairly routine procedure.

But as with any major surgery, there's always the chance of death.

Who picked this hospital?

Don't worry.

I'm going to be here when it's all over.

I mean when they wheel you out.

Alive and fine.

Angela, if anything should happen to me... Nothing's going to happen to you.

know, I know, but if anything does... Hold it, hold it, hold it. If anything

does, I just want you to take care of Sam.

Oh, Tony.

No, I mean, you've been real good to her. You've been important to her, like

when she needed a woman around, or helping her grow up, or helping me let

grow up.

I would have never made it through puberty without you, Angela.

Oh, Tony.

No. I'd be honored to take care of Samantha.

Thanks, Angela.

And Angela, I love you.

What?

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. What did he say?

What did you say? Tony? Tony, wake up!

Ma 'am, it doesn't matter to me, but he might enjoy surgery more if he slept.

You're probably right.

Should Angela ever tell Tony how she felt?

She told everybody. But she was asleep at the time, too.

Tony.

Tony.

to me.

We're listening.

Okay, okay, okay. Come on, come on. Let's go back to bed. Come on, let's go.

Come on, the excitement's over. Break it up. Come on.

Tony, I love you.

Pancakes for breakfast?

They are so weird.

Ah, but weird?

is grist for the writer's mill.

You know, if I ever use them in a novel, I'm going to get them together at the

end because they seem so right for each other.

I'll dry up.

Oh, admit it. It was your fault. Sure, sure.

It's always my fault. Oh, excuse me, but we'd be sitting right now in the movie

if you hadn't gotten on the wrong line. So shoot me.

What was I supposed to know that it was the ticket holders line? Because they

were all standing there holding their big blue tickets.

You know what? You know what? I don't want to go to the movies with you

Well, what's the difference? We don't get in anyway.

Well, maybe they'll kiss and make up when they're unconscious.

I'll keep you posted.

Well, maybe we could talk about it.

Some more over dinner.

Someplace nice.

So you could wear that red dress.

You little census taker, you.

I'll change.

I got a couple more of these to do. I'll be right back.

Hey, Angela.

How about I make some popcorn and we rent the way we were?

Sounds perfect.

Great, great.

Tony? I know.

I know, not too much butter.

Memories, like the corners of my mind.

Coming this fall

on ABC, you'll laugh yourself silly when you meet Hank the Housekeeper.

Hank, how could you barge in on me when I'm taking a bubble bath?

Andrea, I swear, all I saw were your bubbles.

Tuesdays at 8, 7 Central.