Original subtitles

There's a time for love and a time for living. Take a chance and face the wind.

Open road and a road that's hidden. Brand new life around the bend.

There were times I lost a dream or two.

Found a trail and at the end was you.

There's a path you take and a path not taken.

The choice is up to you, my friend.

Not so long, but you might awake to a brand new life. A brand new life. A

new life. All right,

Mona, don't you worry about a thing, huh? Mr. Wizard will have your likes

in no time.

Okay, now, here we go.

Screwdriver. Screwdriver.

Pliers. Pliers.

Stripper.

Mona,

please, come on, we're dealing with electricity here.

Oh, thank you.

Mona, please, I've got to concentrate on these wires. I mean, there are

scientific principles that must be adhered to.

Now, let me see.

White is all right and green is serene. Touch the red, you're Friday or dead.

Are you sure you know what you're doing?

Absolutely. Now, look, when I tell you, you go flip on that circuit breaker,

okay? Okay.

All right.

Mona,

are you trying to kill me? You said flip the circuit breaker on.

I said when I tell you, when I tell you flip it on, why can't you just admit you

made a mistake?

Okay, I was wrong.

Thank you.

For asking you to help me.

Mona, would you stand in this bucket of water and hold that red wire?

Hey, missy, this isn't a love shack. One foot on the floor.

How about one foot in your mouth? Hey, Sam, don't be mean to Jonathan. He's at

that awkward age.

You're right. Too old to beat up and too young to put in a home.

I'm sorry, Jonathan.

You're apologizing to me?

Boy, you must really be in love.

Are we?

Yeah.

Jonathan, if you're lucky, someday you'll meet someone like Sam.

Hey, you don't have to get hostile.

What can I say? His mother owns the house.

Oh,

hey, buddy.

How are you? Hey, hey, when are we going to our next jet game?

Have you two been seeing each other behind my back?

No, you can't blame me for wanting to see Eric. I mean, he's smart, he's

he's a charmer.

Dad, I saw him first.

No, some girls get all the look.

Hi, hi.

Guess what I got.

A bad nervous condition?

No.

and one for your nasty boy.

That was one of her hits.

You keep me young, Angela.

Hey,

thanks, Mrs. Bauer.

Oh, no, not Tuesday.

Every Tuesday, my grandfather and I play chess.

Couldn't you play chess with him on Wednesday?

Well, I guess I could. It's just that Wednesdays usually are rent -a -boring

movie from the 40s night.

Hey, wait a minute. Are you calling Lassie Come Home boring?

Actually, that's the only one I like. Well,

that's too bad that your grandfather doesn't get out much.

Oh, no, no, he gets out.

Every morning he goes, he takes a walk, and then he goes home and takes a nap.

Oh, what?

That's good. Exercise will keep him youthful. And then he takes another

and then another nap, and then another walk, and then another nap.

Well, maybe he wouldn't nap so much if he didn't walk so much.

It's nice that you and your grandfather are so close.

Oh, yeah, yeah, we get along great. It's just that...

Since Grandma died, he kind of depends on me for company. Oh, well, sounds like

he needs a lot of love. Yeah, sounds like he needs a woman.

Hey, Johnny Kilowatt, you left your stripper.

All right, Mona, put away the tassels, huh?

Hey, Mona, wait a minute. How would you like to meet a nice, vital, well -rested

man?

Dad, I don't think so.

Mona, man, it could be trouble. Grandpa's got a thing for redheads.

go. But you don't understand. Your grandfather isn't Mona's type. He's

This might be a good idea. It might be good for Mother to meet somebody nice

stable. How about rich and rowdy?

Mother, you don't know anything about the man.

Okay. Sell me.

Well, he's smart. He's funny. He loves good food.

Great. A porker.

He also loves naps and boring movies from the 40s. How long you been in

advertising, Angela?

He's also tall and very handsome.

What does he like to do?

Everything.

Out of his heart.

You know, Angela, I am beat from all this cooking. And not for nothing, Mona

gets all the credit.

You know, I don't mind the sweat, but I want the applause.

I want the cheers. I want those burps of appreciation.

You've got to sell Mother as a homebody.

Well, how is this for a homebody?

Looks like a hard body to me.

Now you do carry on.

Wow.

I have outdone myself. myself this time.

Hi. Ooh, the food looks great. Thank you.

And Mona, you look incredibly sexy.

Well, no matter what I do, it just comes out.

Well, maybe you should put it back in.

His grandfather was a happily married and devoted husband for over 40 years.

may not be ready for this. Oh, don't worry, Sam.

I won't do anything to embarrass you. I just do that to Angela.

Come on, come on. I just really want this evening to go well. Yes, I know how

much Eric means to you. Don't worry, it's going to be a wonderful evening.

Thanks.

Okay, ready?

Hi. Hi.

You.

It was a lovely evening, wasn't it?

I knew this was a mistake, but would anybody listen to me?

Oh, you know, I've really got to fix this door, you know. Well, won't you

in? Can I get you something? A cold drink, an hors d 'oeuvre, a nose splint?

Nice to see you too, Mona.

Perhaps now you might explain why you walked out on me the night before our

wedding.

Wedding? Wedding? Wedding? Holy cow.

Yes, I'll tell you why.

Because I caught you flirting with that hussy at our wedding rehearsal.

I wasn't flirting. She just asked me to zip her up. Oh, with your teeth?

You could do better than that, Mona. No, actually, I thought that was pretty

funny.

Forty years. I still can't get a straight answer.

Well, I'm going to take a walk and then a nap. Grandpa, wait. Yeah, Grandpa,

wait.

I mean, come on. We're practically family here. Do we know this guy?

I'm Walter Nordstrom. Hi, I'm Tony Maselli. Nice to meet you. Oh, I'm

Bauer. I'm Mona's daughter. We're nothing alike.

So, when did you two know? Well, I was involved with this bozo before I met

father. Bozo?

Yes. Oh, well, what a coincidence, eh? That's not a coincidence. Think of the

odds, eh? I mean, boy meets girl, then boy's grandson meets girl's daughter's

housekeeper's daughter.

Oh, it's wild.

Oh, that's amazing.

This is so depressing.

Well, why are we all standing here when Mother has made some scrumptious hors d

'oeuvres? Yeah, yeah, why don't we all sit down, huh? I mean, hey, for the

sake.

Okay.

Hey, Grandpa, Mona went to all this trouble.

Yes, I worked like a dog.

Well, I am hungry. Oh, well, please, have a seat here. And kids, please,

here. And let me tell you something. If you're hungry, you're really going to

love my mushroom caps, which aren't as good as Mona's mushroom caps, which, of

course, are the ones we're having tonight.

Well, so, here we all are.

Well, you ought to know. You were there.

Oh, school.

Oh, it was great.

Especially lunch.

Oh, you had lunch today, too? What a crazy coincidence. So did I.

Hey, me, too.

Wow, that really blows my mind.

Well, you know, I really got to ask you a question, you know. So how did you two

meet?

Oh, that's a bad question. That's a bad question.

Let me try another one. How do you feel about movie stars who do commercials?

I don't care.

They're off to a good start, wouldn't you say?

Well, I'll tell you what. Why don't you guys just sit here and enjoy each

other's company, and I'll go in the kitchen and prepare the salad, okay?

I'm gone.

Hey, Walter, what kind of salad dressing would you like, sir? He takes blue

cheese. At least he used to.

I still do.

I'm surprised you remember.

Oh, I have a long memory, Walter.

Obviously.

You still take Thousand Island?

No. But I'm watching my cholesterol, and so should you, a man of your age.

I mean, not that you look it.

Look who's talking. You look younger than I.

You know, these mushroom caps are really round.

Thank you.

I had to beat them into shape.

Who are you kidding?

You couldn't cook your way out of a boiling bag.

You know that's the truth. I cannot cook.

Do you remember the picnic I made for us, you and me and Craig and Jenny?

How could I forget? Even the ants wouldn't eat it.

It's going well, isn't it?

Wait a minute, Jenny. Does she mean Gregor?

There's only one Jenny for me.

What? You married Jenny Treadwell?

That's the...

See, I caught him flirting with the night we didn't get married.

You said that you had no interest in her.

Well, I didn't. Till after I went home from our wedding still single.

You went home from your wedding single too?

Me too. Happened to me two or three times, you know. Happens all the time.

Angela, you must have one of these stories.

Actually, I do.

So, tell me, Walter, who did you hit on the night before you married good old

Jenny?

I don't have to take this.

I'm leaving.

Come on, Eric. Grandpa, wait. I said I'm leaving. Good, because you are never

going to be invited back here for one of my home -cooked meals.

You mean one of Tony's home -cooked meals? Thank you for that

I'm sorry, Sam. I guess I got to go.

That's okay. I understand this is a disaster.

Oh, no, no, no. Please, please, don't go yet. Don't go yet.

I'm just warming up the potatoes. In three minutes, they're going to be all

rotten. One second.

Mona,

weren't you supposed to call the electrician? No, you said you were going

it.

Well, isn't this romantic?

Hey, Sam, what's the deal with Eric's grandfather?

What did you hear?

Well, as far as I can figure out, Grandma hit him with a skillet, cracked

skull, and now he can only speak Gaelic.

You're a morbid little bugger, aren't you?

Hi. Hi.

Come on in.

So, how's your grandpa doing?

Oh, well, he's still upset. He's going around muttering strange sounds that I

can't understand.

Gaelic.

I'm just sorry we ever tried to get the two of them together.

Oh, hey, it's not your fault. I mean, it's that crazy woman.

I mean, she's a real nutjob.

Hey, that nutjob happens to be a very good friend of mine.

Well, hey, that's cool. You know, I got plenty of crazy friends, too.

Eric, I don't blame Mona.

Your grandfather cheated around on her.

Well, he said that was just a cover story, that she was selfish and

and I believe him.

Oh, you do, do you? Well, you're wrong.

Jonathan, are you going to sit here and let him talk this way about your

grandmother? No way. Look, you have no right calling my grandmother.

What was it again?

Selfish and arrogant.

Oh, well, I can't argue with that.

Jonathan, I thought he said elfish in Arabic. That I won't stand for.

Look, you have no right coming in here and talking that way about my friend.

Hey, if the shoe fits.

you should leave.

Hey, I'm gone.

You know, forget the concert tomorrow night. I'd rather spend the night

my grandfather nap.

Fine! And while we're at it, why don't we forget about going out again? Ever!

Fine with me.

Enjoy the 90s.

Boy, you really got a mouth on you.

Hi, troops.

What's up? You just missed Eric.

Oh, he's a sweet boy.

Too bad that grandfather of his is such a boob.

Well, I never want to see that man again.

Well, you don't have to worry about seeing either of them again.

I just broke up with Eric.

Why?

This wasn't about me and Eric's grandfather, was it? Mona, I really

to talk about it. But Sam... It's over, okay? Forget it.

It was about me and Eric's grandfather.

Yeah, but don't worry. Sam... Sam stood up for you. She really let him have it.

You would have been proud.

Tony, I'm sorry. I just can't watch this anymore.

It's too sad.

Reminds me of Sam and Eric.

Why are relationships so hard?

Why do fools fall in love, Angela?

Why do birds sing so gay?

Why does the rain fall from up above?

Why do they fall in love?

Maybe it's because fools rush in where wise men never go.

But wise men never fall in love.

So how the hell do they know?

Let me get that.

Huh. He's back.

I came to apologize.

Oh, okay. I forgive you.

I mean, to Sam?

Oh, yes.

Um, Sam?

Hey, Sam, please. I really want to talk to you. It's important.

Why don't we all sit down here? Tony, I think they'd like to be alone.

Oh, oh, yes, of course.

Well, we'll be in the kitchen trying not to listen.

What are you doing here?

Look, I came to apologize. I was wrong about Mona.

Yeah, you were.

It was really nice of her to come over and apologize to Grandpa.

Mona apologized?

How do you like that, huh? Eric, back quick, huh? Back quick. I'll tell you,

times really have changed. When I was a teenager and a guy broke up with me, I

wouldn't see him again ever.

Well, that was their loss, Angela.

Really? What am I going to say? Tough on you?

Hey, is that Eric's car I see parked out front?

Yes, it is, and he's in there with Sam right now.

Goodie, goodie, goodie, goodie.

What's goodie, goodie, goodie, what?

Nothing, nothing.

No, no, no, come on, why?

What's going on?

Eric said you apologized to his grandfather.

But just for what I did to him 40 years ago. No big deal. See you.

Wait a minute.

Talk, I say. Talk. Okay.

Well, 40 years ago, I was very young and very beautiful.

In fact, people used to come up to my mother on the street and say, your

daughter is very beautiful.

People would walk up to my father at work and say, your daughter is very

beautiful.

Okay, you were a doll. Finish the story, please.

Well, the truth is, there was a very good reason that I dumped Walter right

before our wedding.

Mother, there is no excuse for hurting someone you care about.

I met another man.

How so? It was your father. Daddy?

Your father?

Boy, I feel truth and beauty in the orphan.

I met your father.

At the post office.

Oh, it was so romantic.

I was standing in line and this charming, wonderful man named Robert

up and said something to me I'll never forget.

Can I use your tongue?

To lick the stamp.

You had to be there.

Anyway, by the time we got to the counter, we were in love.

See, that post office was the game. I was messing around with spin the bottle.

Anyway, I just could not think of a way to tell Walter that I had fallen head

over heels in love with another man who's young and scared.

So I took the easy way out, and I used his flirting as an excuse.

Well, Mother, why, after all these years, did you finally decide to admit

You don't want to miss Janet Jackson, do you?

Thank you, Mama.

Come on, go, go. You and Eric are going to miss the concert.

Oh, thanks, Angela. Thanks, Dad.

Well, what are you thanking me for? For not yelling at me when I come home late

tonight. Don't thank me yet, lady.

You know, Mother,

It isn't often that you admit you're wrong.

Yeah, Mona, it's really nice that you did it for my little girl.

In my book, you're racist.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So are we going to have popcorn or not? Yeah, let me get

bowl. You got the bowl. Let me get the soup.

Mom,

how old were you when you started dating?

Age isn't important.

You know, some people develop quickly, others slowly.

There is no right age to start dating.

Really old, huh?

You're getting more like your grandmother every day.

Oh, hi. Hi.

I'm loaded with homework. I'll see you later.

I wouldn't go in there if I were you. Romeo and Juliet are at it again.

Oh, not again.

I wouldn't think this is the love shack.

I'll put an end to this.

All right, kids, the party's over.