Original subtitles

There's a time for love and a time for living. Take a chance and face the wind.

An open road and a road that's hidden. A brand new life up down the bend.

There were times I lost a dream or two.

And found a trail.

And at the end was you.

There's a path you take and a path not taken.

Choice is up to you, my friend.

Not so long, but you might awaken to a brand new life.

Brand new life. A brand new life built round the bend.

People eat like pigs. Major run on the rumaki. Oh, we're out of rumaki. Push

mushroom caps.

We're out of mushroom caps.

Push the shrimp.

That wasn't the shrimp I meant.

That's very good. Excuse me. Tony, we're out of rumaki. We're out of mushroom

caps. Don't worry, Angela. I'm calling in the cheese balls.

Get out there and mingle with those guests, okay?

Angela, you okay?

Yeah, it's just I'm a little nervous. Some of the biggest names in advertising

are out there. Hey, hey, well, remember, that's the point of this party, right?

To give the agency some buzz. So get out there and buzz. Excuse me. Angela,

didn't you mention that Ed Pfeiffer was coming tonight? Oh, of course. He's

flying in from Chicago. I had a limo pick him up at the airport.

Oops.

Oops.

Tell me you didn't forget to send the limo.

Richard, Richard, have you tried our mixed nuts?

Guaranteed, no two handfuls alike.

They're right next to the mix.

Ah, mixed nuts. That piques my curiosity. Mother. Mother, you know how

this is to me.

I'm getting fed up with you. I can't count on you for anything.

What? I showed up for your stupid soiree, didn't I? I'll give you a

Relax, relax.

What is this here?

You know, you two are driving me crazy. I can't think straight.

I'm cutting the chicken livers against the grain.

Okay, I forgive you. Oh, you forgive me. All right, now where were those cheese

balls? Oops.

Well, they weren't very good anyway.

Think about my proposition.

Of course. Good. You know, I think you and I would really be great together.

Come on. Good night, Angela.

May I call you a cab?

No, thank you. I really have to get home tonight.

I will see you tomorrow.

What was that all about? Did I detect the possibility of some imminent bed

bouncing?

Mother,

we were discussing business.

Why do I even ask?

Tony, the most incredible thing just happened. What happened?

A few minutes ago, Richard asked me if I'd be interested in a merger. A merger?

Oh, oh, a murder.

Murder. I thought you said merger.

I said murder.

Graydon Burton and Cowell is one of the heavyweight agencies on the street.

Hey, then. I guess that buzz I was giving you tonight worked out pretty

Well, actually, he said he's been following my career for years. But I'm

you're buzzing hell. Yeah, well, don't patronize me, Angela.

Wow.

Who would have thought?

I guess I never gave myself credit for how good I really am.

Hey, oh, let me tell you. You're the best.

Thanks.

You're pretty great yourself.

I'm sure it's business again, so I won't ask.

Oh, oh, hey.

Good morning. Oh, here she is, America's most wanted merger suspect.

Oh,

I couldn't sleep at all last night. Hey, me either. That Jim Stone's Tina Turner

imitation scared the hell out of me.

Come on, Angela, don't worry about a thing. This meeting is going to go

Oh, I hope so. I hope you're right. All night long, all I could think about

was... Little Angela Bauer with braces on her teeth, knock knees, and here I am

being wooed by the hottest shop on Madison Avenue. Tony, who would have

it would turn out like this? Yeah, yeah, that orthodontist did a good job.

I'm not his mother.

I don't want to be late.

Angela, relax. Now, did you ever think that maybe your mother's taking the

time to look good so that you'll look good?

Does she look good, huh? I mean... No, wait a minute. Now, wait a minute. This

could work to your advantage, you know?

Matching outfits, it says teamwork. It says unity of purpose, huh? It says...

Nah, it says geeks.

I'll go change. No, wait. I will go change. If I wait for you, I won't get

till Friday.

What is it with her?

I think this entire... Our merger meeting is a big waste of time. Oh, and

that, Mona?

Brayden's a yuck.

Now, there's a detailed analysis.

Now, Mona, I know that you wouldn't do anything consciously to blow this deal

for Angela.

Yeah, I would.

Come on, Mona. Now, you know, ever since Angela's been a knock -kneed kid with

braces, she's been dreaming of a shot like this. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. She got her knees from her father.

Oh, Mona.

Oh. Give me a little credit here. Of course I'll keep an open mind.

And you think those knees were bad? You should see her overbite. She looked like

a bottle opener.

Yes. Oh, send her in.

Angela. Richard. I'm so glad to see you. You know, something tells me that you

and I are right on the threshold of...

Mona? Hi, Richard.

Want a limo?

You remember my secretary?

She'll be taking notes.

Well, your choice.

This is Stacy.

She'll be taking notes as well.

Just in case.

Now... Nice digs.

I thought I'd tell you first what I expect from a merger.

Webster defines merger as the joining of separate entities. I define merger as

the joining of strengths.

It's kind of a melding of powers for the betterment of all. Is it me or is it

hot in here?

As you were saying, Richard.

You know what, Angela? I don't think we need two secretaries for this.

Mona, why don't you go get some coffee, take a look around.

Suits me.

It works every time.

No offense, Angela, but where did you find that woman?

At the end of my umbilical cord.

I use a Walkman when I work, too.

If this merger goes through, we can trade tapes.

So what are you, metalhead, punk, techno freak, what?

Actually, I'm transcribing notes from a meeting. I think we can assimilate all

of the employees into the new structure.

However, there is one that I have great concerns about.

My mother. Yes.

Richard, I know that my mother is unconventional, but she is also sincere,

is personable, and deep down, she is a dedicated professional.

Hey, guys.

I know this is going to take a little while, so I just thought maybe I would

out and get a pedicure.

Ciao.

She has a lot of open -toed shoes.

So you see, Samantha, if this merger goes through, we're going to be having a

lot more of these parties. And of course, I'm going to need you to help

So now, a little constructive criticism, okay?

You don't just pass or derves. You present them.

Dad,

does the phrase child labor law mean anything to you?

Sam, does the phrase no more allowance ever mean anything to you?

So you hold it like this? That's right. Oh,

keep practicing, and next we'll work on liquid transport.

Be still, my heart.

Ladies! Oh, how'd it go? Tell me, tell me, how'd it go? Can you believe it? She

is actually considering merging with Brady.

Congratulations!

Shut up.

She is impossible. Mother, can't you think for just a minute what a good

move this might be?

So what? I would be miserable there.

You would... For once in your life, can't you think about me? Okay, you

miserable there. She is impossible.

Tony, will you help me out here?

How could you tell me to shut up like that?

Mother. You are making me crazy.

Oh, yeah? You want to know what makes me crazy? What? The way you pick your

teeth when you talk on the phone.

If we ever start using picture telephones, you are going to lose half

business.

Don't start, Mother. Don't start with me. Oh, I'm shaking in my pumps.

Oh, now, hold on here. Hold on. I got something to say.

Well, all right. I'm sorry I told you to shut up. Well, that's not it.

But I'm glad you said something, although now it's a little late. You

I mean?

Tony, I know what you're going to say.

What's the matter with you people?

You're not going to settle anything by arguing your family.

Let's have a little understanding and love here. A little cooperation, okay?

That's not me. That's Stallone.

Anyway, that's not it.

Want to know what I think? I think you two should stop working together. Give

up. Never have a job within a mile of each other for the rest of your lives.

Well, I didn't see that coming.

You know what you two remind me of? You remind me of the Sanudo brothers.

All right, all right. But let me tell you, there's a lot that can be learned

from my colorful past.

Joey and Johnny Sanudo, they happened to own a greeting card shop on Euclid

Avenue. And for 35 years, they argued about everything.

So one day they're arguing about where to put the get well cards when Joey

out an axe and chops off his brother Johnny's head.

Oh, my God.

What happened?

Well, we started shopping at Woolworth's, you know.

But what it says is that sometimes business and family just don't mix.

You know what?

I think Tony is right.

Definitely. I think it's a great idea, Tony, and inspiration.

Oh, well, what can I say? It's a gift.

You know what? This will make everybody happy. You, me, Richard.

Richard? And why will Richard be happy? He just thought that maybe you'd be

happier not being an executive secretary.

He told you to dump your own mother? He told you to dump your own mother?

They'll find a lovely new position for you. Well, they'll find a lovely new

position for you.

You dumped your own mother, and I gave you my kidney.

You didn't?

Well, now, if you ever need one, I won't.

Ah, come on, Hamona.

You can't stay mad forever.

And let me tell you something.

When hate fills your heart, it drives the loving out.

Are you defending her or writing a country song?

It ain't funny, ma 'am.

Experience required.

Experience required.

Must be motivated.

Oh, well.

Wait, you're reading The Help Wanted?

I miss working.

No, no, really, why are you reading that?

I miss the train ride into the city.

I miss lunch.

I miss straggling in late and sneaking out early. Yeah, you miss getting paid

goof off.

Hey, you don't expect me to do it for nothing, do you?

Angela's the only one who's going to pay you to do that.

Ha!

You what?

Hello.

I'm calling about your ad.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how hard would you say this job is?

Uh -huh.

And how concerned are you about promptness? Oh, and are you near any

shopping districts?

I sound lazy?

Well, you sound fat.

So much for the job at Weight Watchers.

What do you think of these?

They're nice.

No, I mean, do they grab you, leave you cold, make you want to go... No,

they're nice.

Thanks.

That's Java lady to you.

Mother, what are you doing here?

Earning a living.

I know why you're doing this. You're trying to make me feel guilty. That and

free donuts.

No good.

No good.

That's a peach.

Yeah, that is, isn't it? I'm not talking to you.

Donuts, coffee, coffee piping.

One sugar, please.

Mona!

So glad to see you.

Angela, there are a few things I'd like to go over with you, please. Fire away.

Your coffee, Mr. Braden.

Thank you, Mona.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have two more floors to service before I scrub

stairs.

over your client list, and there are just a few here that don't fit into the

Braden Burton Cowell and Bauer profile.

Richard, you're not suggesting that I let go of some of my smaller clients.

Angela, this is the time to make those tough decisions.

Well, I don't think you understand. You'll be fine.

Oh,

and by the way, you don't have to worry anymore about coming up with a slogan

for Me Perfume.

I don't? No, Ted had a revelation this morning while shaving. He came up with

something that's wonderful. You're going to love it.

Damn.

Hey, Mona.

Where you been?

Working. You got a job? Great.

I quit.

Property of Braden Burton and Kel.

Severance pay.

Some guy's wife and kids.

I heard someone coming. I grabbed what I could.

Mona, I hope you weren't there bothering Angela.

No, I didn't have to. Angela is miserable.

Come on. What are you talking about miserable?

She's happy. This morning at breakfast, she had to say she was happy 40 times.

Dad, people don't go around saying they're happy when they're happy.

Sure they do, Sam. I've done it. Hey, look, I'm happy now, right? Watch.

Hey.

Hey.

I'm happy.

You're right. People don't do that.

I know my daughter. She wants out of that merger.

Yeah? Well, how do you know that, Mona? Because I overheard her being humiliated

by Brayden. I think this whole merger thing was a mistake, but she's never

to admit it. You know how stubborn Angela is. Hi, hi.

You know, Angela, you seem so happy.

I am.

Oh, my poor little baby.

Angela, we have to talk. Come sit here.

What is it?

Now, Angela, I know you're happy. I am so happy.

Oh.

I'm not.

I miss working with you. My life is incomplete.

And I know this is very selfish, but please, please, please pull out of that

merger. I want the Bauer agency to be the way it was.

You do? No, not exactly the way it was. Better.

Because this time, you are going to have a top -notch executive secretary.

Who? Yeah, yeah, who?

Me.

I'll learn shorthand.

I'll learn to type.

I'll learn to fax, whatever that is.

Mother, you would do all that just for a chance to work with me again?

Angela, Angela, she is one desperate woman. Tell her how desperate you are,

Mona. Go ahead. I am desperate.

Yeah, yeah, tell her. You'll come in on time every day, right, Mona? Go ahead,

tell her.

I'll come in on time every day. Yeah, and you'll never leave early from now

right, Mona? Tell her. Go ahead, tell her.

I'll never leave early from now on. And no more of those three -hour lunches for

Mona, right, Mona?

Lunch at my desk every day.

Now, tell her you swear.

You never know how much.

I didn't appreciate you until you were gone. I need you.

Oh, Mother.

I need you, too.

Now that's what I call a merger.

Good. Let's call Brayden and tell him the whole thing is off. I already told

him. Huh?

I called the merger off this afternoon.

Huh?

You were right, Mother.

I wasn't happy.

Uh -huh.

And now you've come to me and you have made all these promises. Mother, you...

You are so very, very special.

Get your hands off me.

You tricked me. Mother, I did not trick you. You know, you are always accusing

me of something. You are wrong.

Don't tell me I'm wrong. I hate when you tell me that I am wrong. You are wrong.

You are wrong. Please stop telling me I'm wrong. You know what it does to me.

I'm not sorry. It upsets me.

Oh,

hey. Am I glad to see you guys. I came up with a great one. Listen to this.

Listen to this.

Well, Mona and Angela were fighting like cats and dogs.

Then Tony got them together, and now they're happy as hogs.

Now Mona's going home, and Angie's heading upstairs.

She just closed the lights on me, but I don't really care.

Thank you very much.