Original subtitles

There's a time for love and a time for living. Take a chance and face the wind.

An open road and a road that's hidden. A brand new life, a ground for being.

There were times I lost a dream or two.

Found a trail and at the end was you.

There's a path you take and a path not taken.

The choice is up to you, my friend.

Not so long, but you might awaken to a brand new life.

Brand new life. A brand new life around the king.

What's in those?

Well, here we have Mona's lingerie.

And here we have the trash.

It's a little tough to tell the difference.

You know, I cannot believe she's moving.

Yeah, the hot tomato goes to the big apple.

Yeah, I hope she's going to be all right.

Giving up her home, going to work with Uncle Cornelius, leaving us.

Oh, it's all so stressful.

Oh, boy, oh, why is this fun? I love moving days.

She's taking it a lot worse than I thought.

Is this the trash?

Yeah.

pictures. There must be some mistake.

No, no, it's no mistake. That's you. Cute gums.

Mother, how could you do this? Well, I'm sorry, dear, but I mean when you're

moving into a hotel suite, there's no room for bric -a -brac. Tony, would you

mind packing this for me?

Careful, careful.

Don't worry, Mona, this ain't gonna get all sugar.

Mona, we cleaned all the junk out of your bedroom drafter.

One drawer.

It was locked.

What's in there, Grandma?

We're going to have Geraldo Rivera open that for you when you're 21.

Hey, I'll be there.

You know, Mona, I've been thinking. It's such a shame that your apartment is

going to be empty when there are so many deserving people who need a roof over

their head and a cordless telephone.

Sam, that's a terrific idea.

It is? Do you have a call waiting?

Wait a minute, Samantha.

There's no way you're moving into Mona's apartment.

Not Sam, you.

Me? Tony.

Dad, what does he need a home place for?

Well, everybody needs a little privacy.

Besides, he's a healthy young adult. He might enjoy having other healthy young

adults over.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

My jacuzzi has six jets.

I like bubbles.

So, Philippe, what do you think?

Touch it. Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony. Bachelor rule number one. No flowers. It

the ambiance.

What do you know about ambiance?

You live at the Y.

But I've done great things with my locker.

Come on. Give me a hand with that Astro Lounger. It weighs a ton.

Oh, anybody home?

Oh.

Hey.

You need some help? Yeah. Get out of my way. Excuse me.

Guys, where do you see this? Look at this here. It swivels. It tilts. This

adjusts in nine different ways.

Oh, I think I'm in love.

Now, this place is really starting to look decent.

But something is still missing.

The piece of resistance.

Genuine synthetic.

That's really nice, Phil. It's going to go nice with those jungle print dish

towels you got me.

Tony, you got one logged in here.

Hey, you know what I should do? To show it off, I think I'll give like a little

pad woman party, huh? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, invite the gang from your neighborhood.

Now, wait a minute, wait a minute. You guys got to behave yourself. Last time

parted, I spent the week cleaning footprints off the ceiling.

Yeah, but these are a lot higher.

You know, this party is going to show the guys that they were wrong about

Right. Wrong about what?

Well, it's just when you moved to Connecticut to take up Dustin, word on

street was you'd gone soft.

Me, soft?

Okay, what bum said that? Me.

Oh. Oh, well, then who else?

Hey, don't worry, Tony. Don't worry, Tony. You can still prove yourself with

place like this. Show those guys you still have the overselling magic. Yeah,

yeah, yeah. Remember the old days? You'd say the word abracadabra. I mean, women

would pop right out of thin air.

Those were the days.

Gee, I haven't said that word in a long time.

Abracadabra. Yoo -hoo.

Anybody home?

What? Oh, hi, Angela. Come on in.

I brought you a little welcome present. Hello, Philly.

Teeny. That's tiny.

Well, thanks for the flowers there, Angela. A violation of bachelor rule

two. Never own anything pink.

Except for Pepto -Bismol.

Well, Angela, come on in. Take a look around. What do you think?

Well, it certainly is eye -catching.

She hates it.

No, it's just... I always thought you had more conservative taste.

Oh, it's because you've never seen this side of me before.

And what side is that?

The wild side.

You?

Wild? You're the most responsible person I know.

No, no, no, no, no. Well, for your information, Angela, for your

am touring a very wild party this Saturday night to celebrate my being on

own. I mean, if it's okay with you.

Of course it is. Oh, okay, because I really want you to make it. You see,

now on, it's housekeeper by day, macelli magic by night.

Abracadabra. Welcome, wagon.

Amazing.

Look out, everybody!

The party machine has arrived!

All right! Hey, what's up? Hey, Philly, what's with the sheet?

I don't know. I got great shoulders.

Hold up! Hold up! Hold up!

Philly, Philly, Philly, what are you doing? What are you doing? I made this

you. Hold on. This is the party. Now get hardy. Get cool. All right. I'm hardy.

I'm cool.

Get ready.

Abroad to Jabra.

Yeah, Lord, please.

Maybe you've got to be Italian.

Hi, Angela.

Want a boogie? No.

Oh, thanks, my niece.

Ah, I understand.

I'll come back with a clue.

Don't you look? Thank you so much. Oh, I'm quite glad to see you.

I mean, I'm glad you made it.

Well, it's a very successful party. Everybody looks like they're having a

time. Yeah, they were a happy bunch.

Tony, Tony, Tony.

You remember the Futterman twins?

Hi, Tony.

Oh! Hi, hi.

Ansel, I'd like you to meet... Now, wait a minute. Which one's Sally? Which

one's Susie?

This is Sally.

Are you sure? Maybe I should check?

Get lost, creep.

Bye, Tony. I wonder if they do everything together.

Um, Oprah.

Yeah, yeah, I see your lips go way back.

Would you like to dance?

Well, it's either you or Tiny.

I'm a lot easier on your toes.

You look real nice.

Is that a new dress?

Yeah. You don't think it's too conservative for a happening scene like

No. It's perfect.

It's perfect.

Hey, hey.

Settle down, ladies and dirtbags.

A few of us guys pitched in for a special pad warming present for Tony

All right, all right already. Let's see what I got for my two bucks. Okay, okay,

okay. And without further ado, hit it, Shalimar!

Oh, no, where is it? Where are you going?

I really don't want to leave the festivities, but I've got work to do.

that's all right. Let me walk you home. Oh, no, that's all right. I want you to

leave your party. Oh, now, you know, you've seen one veil, you've seen them

Hey, guys,

keep the ceiling clean, huh?

Well, thank you for a lovely party.

You're welcome.

You're a lovely guest.

I mean, you didn't eat anything. You didn't drink anything. I don't think you

stole anything.

Well, see you in the morning.

Good night.

Oh, hey, Angela, you know, speaking of morning, maybe tomorrow I'll make

something special for breakfast, huh?

Juice and coffee will be just... Good night.

without Tony around?

Sweetheart, I miss him, too.

You know, we could have fun together.

Want to go to the movies?

With my mother?

Come on.

Come on. We'll go to the multiplex.

I'll sit in a different aisle.

In a different theater?

All right. See, we are a fun couple.

Tony! Hey. I just came by to pick up my jacket. Hey, buddy.

You want to go to the movies with us, Tony?

We don't have to sit with Mom.

Jonathan, I'm not sure Tony has more exciting things to do on a Friday night

than be with us.

Sorry, pal of mine, but I do have some plans.

You do?

Yeah. Philly and I were going out for a big night out of town.

Again? What do you do every night?

Well, a lot of fun things. Hey, guy things.

I can't wait till I'm a guy.

Hi, Dad.

Bye, Dad.

Wait a minute.

Where are you going?

To Bernie's. Oh, okay. You can go.

I know. Angela already told me. Yeah, well, be back by 11.

I know. Angela already told me. Can I have a hug? Or did Angela already do

Okay. See you later, Angela. See you tomorrow, Dad.

Hmm.

Um, so, uh... Hey, what movie are you guys going to see?

101 Dalmatians.

Oh, I love that movie.

I guess I'm off to do my guy things.

All right, all right. Hey, keep your pants on.

Oh, it's just a figure of... Never mind.

Oh,

hey, Philly, it was not my fault.

Oh, yeah? Those chicks were plenty hot on us, especially the one with the

hearts on her stockings.

Those were not hearts. Those were tattoos.

Who cares?

I mean, we both could have had nights to remember, but you had to tell a blonde

that she didn't know how to make shrimp scampi.

Hey, I'm not interested in anyone who doesn't use fresh garlic.

Last night you weren't interested in the stewardess because she vacuumed with a

canister instead of an upright.

I've got high standards.

What are you, the good housekeeping seal of approval?

You know, we used to have good times, but I think the guys are right.

You've changed.

Don't say that, Philly. I am still the same old wild man I always was.

Hey, hey, want to watch Little House on the Prairie? Right.

I wonder if Michael Landon's hair is real.

Tony!

I'm sorry, Philly.

That's okay, I have that effect on ladies.

Oh, please come in.

Oh gosh, I thought you two guys were out on the town.

Is anything wrong?

Oh, my God, what happened?

I'm afraid he's not making it as a wild man.

Oh, you had me scared.

Well, it is scary. I mean, right now he's up there watching Little House on

Prairie.

I thought you two were out doing guy things every night. Yeah, but we're not

doing it with any women.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Tell me about it.

Let me ask you something, Angela.

Are you and Tony, well, how can I put this delicately?

Are you doing the horizontal mumble?

I beg your pardon?

Is there something between you and Tony that I don't know about?

No, of course not.

I didn't think so. I mean, you and Tony.

I just can't figure it out. He's got me worried. He's acting like a homesick

puppy.

You know, Philly, you are a very good friend to Tony and a surprisingly

sensitive man.

Well, that's what my parole officer says.

Night, little Joe.

Hello?

Oh, Tony.

What are you doing home so early?

Well, I just walked in the door.

You know, Philly pooped out.

Yeah. Well, the reason I'm calling, Angela, is, you know, the pilot light

out on the stove today, and I'm not sure I relit it, so I thought maybe I'd come

over and check.

Well, I'm right here.

Just a sec.

No, no, it's fine, but thanks.

Oh, Bella, okay. You know, I was just a little worried, but now I'm not.

Okay, good night. Good night to you, too. Yeah.

It is the weirdest thing. One minute it was on, and the next minute, boom, it

was off.

Well, boom, now it's on.

Well, since it's on, would you like a cup of tea?

Oh, sure, I'll make it. No, no.

It's after hours. You are my guest.

And I can boil water.

Hey, knock yourself out.

So far, so good.

You know, I just realized how nice this kitchen is.

Well, Mother's kitchen is nice, too. Oh, yeah, yeah, it's nice and cozy, but

it's not like this one, you know?

I mean, it's not all that light and the plants and the nice little spoon rest on

the stove there.

You know, Tony, I was thinking... Oh, no, Angel, I couldn't take your spoon

rest.

No.

What I mean was, You know, sure, tonight it was the pilot light, but, you know,

it could have been a prowler.

And, I mean, what if the kids needed you in the middle of the night, or if I

couldn't find my furry slippers?

They're in your closet, so I could show up on the lift. You see?

Now, um, I think, Tony, that maybe it's best if you move back into the house.

Now, I know, I know how much your bachelor life means to you, and I know

much it would mean asking you to give this up.

Yeah, well, I would be giving up a lot, you know.

I'd have to give up a great apartment.

Got to cut down on all those wild nights.

I was still hoping to find that key to Mona's drawer.

But, uh, but hey, it would make you feel better. It would.

It really would.

Oh, hey.

You're the boss.

Oh, no, no, hey.

I think now that I'm back, this is my job, isn't it?

Uh -huh.

You know, I noticed in the paper that they held over 101 Dalmatians.

Would you like to go with me Saturday? I'll let you sit with me.

Okay.

Yeah, that's a... It's a great film, you know.

I love the part when them little Dalmatians all get home back where they

It's my favorite part.

Mine too.

Did you hear something, too?

No, Angela. I'm out here checking for termites.

Tony, maybe it's the chainsaw murderer.

Angela, you've been watching way too many movies.

Angela,

hold me.

Drop that!

Osterizer?

Mona?

Protein drink, anyone?

here? Why aren't you at the hotel?

My brother and I have finally come to an agreement.

We disagree about everything.

Besides, I've decided if I'm going to have to spend my life with somebody who

drives me nuts, it might as well be you.

Oh, my.

That's the sweetest thing you ever said to me.

Oh, this is... I'm so happy. I'm so happy. There is one thing

I guess I should tell you.

There's some footprints on your ceiling.

Oh, you found them.