Original subtitles

There's a time for love and a time for living. Take a chance and chase the

Open road and a road that's hidden. Brand new life up down the bend.

There were times I lost a dream or two.

Found a trail and at the end was you.

There's a path you take and a path not taken.

The choice is up to you, my friend.

Nights are long, but you're not awake to a brand new life, a brand new life, a

brand new life for ground.

It doesn't look at all like the one on the box.

Nobody's going to notice, though, because when I serve it, I'll serve it

this.

Josh, I just wish I could do one thing right in the kitchen.

Hey, you're a great eater.

Now, come on, Angela. After all the prison food Nick's been eating, he's

to think this is terrific here.

In fact, it's just like him, crooked.

Tony. That is no way to talk about your father -in -law.

Now, he's made some mistakes, but he's paid his debt to society.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but he still owes me a hundred bucks.

Well, just give him a chance, okay?

Okay.

Oh, now, this is his first day out of prison. We want to do everything in our

power to make it enjoyable.

Right.

And now, straight from Danbury Penitentiary, the very lovely, the very

rehabilitated Nick Milano.

I did not

want to impose.

I mean, now that I'm a free man, I want to make my own way in the world. I don't

want to ask nobody for nothing.

Oh, that's my cab.

Hey, Tony, you happen to have 78 bucks on you?

You took a cab all the way from Danbury Penitentiary? Well, the limos were all

booked.

I would have charged it, but I'm over my credit, Laurie.

No, I have some left bills.

No, no, no, Angela. He's from my family. He's going to mooch. I'm going to be

the moochie.

Rotten.

Angela, could you loan me $50?

Thank you.

There you go.

78 bucks.

See, I usually tip 20%. That's it.

What's he going to think of me?

He'll be glad they're not counterfeit.

Did you hear him? He said bags. He said bags.

Now, he'll use every check in the book to worm his way in here, Angela. Why did

you have to be so nice to him? All I said was hi.

Yeah, but you said it like you meant it.

Tony, what is wrong if he stays with us for a few days?

Angela, Nick doesn't stay anywhere for a few days.

We could be looking at five to life.

Where should I put it? Right outside the door.

I'll tell you. He's kidding.

He's out there. He's kidding.

What a killer.

You look wonderful.

Incarceration agrees with you. You are super cute.

Thank you, Nick.

So, tell us about prison.

Did they chain your feet and make you build roads and play the harmonica?

Nick wasn't in that kind of facility.

I'm so glad you're here. Oh, I want to spend time together. No, never say time,

sweetheart. Never say time.

But rent is sure.

I plan to stay right here in Fairfield.

That's wonderful.

You'll be close.

How close?

I don't know.

I just thought someplace where I could kick back and relax, you know? Maybe you

could stay all night.

Now, why did I think of that? Oh, Nick, Nick, we would love to have you. Great,

great, great. I'll stay. You convinced me. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. We'd

to have you if we had the room.

Tony, how much room does he need? I mean, he's used to living in...

Very cozy corner.

We have no room upstairs, no room downstairs, no room at all.

No room.

Dad, can we make room?

But where, honey? What am I going to do, put them in the garage? I will take it.

I'll take it. You won't even know I'm around.

I'd like a 10 o 'clock wake -up call, please.

Reach for the stars, Bellano. You got the drop on me, Red.

I am a prisoner of love.

Oh, Nick.

How does freedom feel?

Oh, it feels so good.

So much better than my pillow.

The only issue, you won.

Oh, Nick.

Nick,

I've been seeing another guy.

And... I'm afraid we're not going to be able to get together.

Yeah, but you didn't wait for me.

Well, you know, at first it was just a lark, and then we began spending more

more time together, and suddenly it got very serious.

You haven't seen him for a while, huh?

Three days.

Wow. In a row.

Oh, that's a real commitment.

Well, I guess all I can do is hang around and hope.

Or have him blown away.

I'm just kidding.

So, what are you up to, Nick? Oh, about 220.

Oh, no, no, no. I got a real surprise for you. Oh, another one of your capers,

eh, Nick? No, no, no, Red. Well, I was in prison.

I wrote a diet book.

The only capers you'll find are in my salmon mousse.

Oh, you wrote a book? Oh, Nick, that's wonderful.

The Prison Diet.

Blimpos behind bars.

You like?

Or is this better?

How I got slimmer in a slammer.

I'll stick with this.

Everybody loves a blimpo.

Oh, I'm so proud of you, Nick.

So, can I take a look at it? Oh, sure, sure, sure. But don't go on a diet,

because if you lost any pounds, I would miss them so much.

I can't wait to curl up in bed with this tonight.

I'm sorry, Nick.

It's all right. You better go now.

It's okay.

No one feels like to be a tortured writer.

Writer? What are you writing now, bed checks?

Tony, wait till you hear Nick has great news.

Moving out, Nick?

After I got the place fixed up the way I like it.

I am an author.

While I was in prison, I wrote a diet book.

Nick, have you looked in a mirror lately?

My book could be a bestseller. Well, that's great, Nick. Really, that's

wonderful. But until the royalty checks start rolling in, you're getting a job.

Here's the one answer.

Just what I was looking for. How did you know that?

Nick,

you are going to get a job, and I am going to help you.

Now, look.

The produce manager down at Shop King has been driving me crazy to go out with

his sister. I hate blind dates, but I'm going to make an exception this time.

I do him a favor, he gets you a job.

I got a better idea.

Why don't you take the job and I'll go out with his sister?

What would I get for a salt with a weed whacker?

Grandpa's book, I'm impressed.

It's really good.

I thought it was a potpourri of information and anecdotes with just the

amount of je ne sais quoi.

Really? No, but I liked it anyway.

That's what I meant. I think Nick is really talented.

I just wish I could do more to help him.

He's doing great. He's got a job. He wrote a book. Even Dad's proud of him.

Where is that lazy, low -down leech?

You mean Jonathan?

You know who I mean, Samantha.

He wasn't working at the supermarket. He wasn't the employee of the week. And he

didn't save a baby in a runaway cart.

Who did?

There was no baby, and there was no job. He's been lying to us.

I'm home, you very own green grocer.

Who's about to become black and blue.

So, Nick, how was your day at the market? Tough? Oh, killer. Killer.

Killer. What a day.

Grandpa, he knows. Oh, sure he knows.

Knows what?

I had a little talk with my friend down at Shop King today.

You were spying on me.

Tony, I can never trust you again.

Oh, come on, Nick. Come on now. You had that job and it was yours. All you had

to do was show up.

And I made sure of it by going out with the produce manager's sister, Marlene.

Oh, yay!

Did you two kids have fun?

She's a meat packer. She keeps her apartment at 30 degrees.

Tony, I'm sure if you give Nick a chance, he's going to tell you exactly

didn't take the job. Of course I am, of course I am. It's very easy. I thought,

isn't there someone more deserving?

That's it?

All right, you want to know the truth?

Yeah, but please tell us your version first.

The truth is that I am a writer.

That is my fate, my destiny.

Call it what you will. I call it a pile of pepperoni.

Now look, Nick, I know you. I know you're not going to change.

I want you out of here in 15 minutes. Dad, that's not fair. Okay, 20.

I'm going to take it in there.

Dad, you can't just throw him out on the street.

Don't worry about me, sweetheart. Don't worry about me. I'll just... I don't

want to stay anywhere where I am not wanted.

I'll go out. I'll find a vacant lot and a cardboard box.

You can get one down at the supermarket.

Dad, all he needs is a little time until his book gets published.

Samantha, that's not going to happen.

Guess what, everybody?

Nick's book is going to be published. What?

Yes. You're kidding me. No.

I didn't want to tell you before because I didn't want to get your hopes up, but

I gave the book to a publisher friend. He loves it.

He does.

He really does.

I can't believe it.

I'm not a bum anymore.

Oh, thank you for believing in me.

Thank you for believing in me.

Oh, what the hell? Thank you for going out with Marlene.

creature on the face of this earth.

Samantha, isn't that a little mean?

Yeah, I was just showing her the heart from the frog I dissected.

You know, I think it's still beating.

You're disgusting.

I'm going to keep him in case my lizard needs a transplant.

Someday they're going to put him in a jar.

So?

So what?

Apologize to Grandpa.

Oh, gee.

Must have slipped my mind.

Come on, Dad. I want the two guys in my life to be friends.

Well, I just never run into them, you know.

How could you miss them? He's big, he's round, and he hangs out at the

refrigerator.

Well, not all the time, Samantha. You know, he's out there pretending to be a

writer while I'm here doing housework, hard work right here at the house.

Have a seat.

Come on, Sam. Is this going to be a lecture?

Sit.

It's not easy to face up to our mistakes.

But I know that you are a big enough person to admit when you're wrong.

But it wasn't my fault. Nick started it.

But that's not really the point here.

I promise you I'll apologize.

Okay, okay, I promise.

Good. Now let me see your little smile.

That was great, Samantha, great. You know, the only thing you forgot was that

I'm going to look back on it someday and thank you for it.

Tony, I thought I had a cold.

Ah, you want to do it again?

Nah. Nah.

Famous writer calling.

And his able -bodied assistant, Nick.

Grandpa, you look wonderful.

Very literary.

Nice, huh?

This is what the pictures are going to look like on the dust jacket of the

you know, something like this.

Of course, they'll airbrush the crow's feet and a couple of the chins. Oh, gee,

Nick, there'll be nothing left.

He wears success very well, doesn't he? I just hope it doesn't all go to my

head, you know?

It's the same model Willard Scott wears.

Dad, is it there something you want to say to Grandpa?

Nice rug, Nick.

Well, you get what you pay for, you know. I introduced him to a couple of my

friends, Mr. Bergdorf, Mr. Goodman, Mr.

Abercrombie, and Mr.

Fitch. They were so nice to me. Oh, Nick, we're all so proud of you. We all

aren't we, Dad?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, right, Samantha.

Look, Nick, this isn't easy for me to say, but I thought you were a failure

that you were never going to make it, but I guess I was wrong.

Tony, Tony.

Takes a big man to say that.

Could you say it again?

Don't press it, Grandpa.

Come here, you big lug.

Nick, nice aftershave. Or is that rug glue?

Is it this great?

My two guys are friends again.

Hey, look, Nick.

Let me know if there's anything else I can do to make it up to you. Ah! Don't

silly, Tony.

Of course you could help me pack. I want to move into my new apartment.

I'll get started on it right away. There's no rush. Want to bet?

What the hell?

I'd like the number of the Danbury State Penitentiary, please.

Oh, yeah, I guess you could call it a residence.

Well, Red, I guess this means goodbye.

Well, you're only moving to New York, Nick.

Yeah, I know. But you know how it is with the life of a busy writer?

You're on the road all the time, those book tours, the talk show circuit.

Who do you think I should go on?

Johnny or Joan, because I don't want to get either one of them mad at me.

Try Oprah.

You'll look thinner.

You always have the right answers.

You know, Red, we've been together for a while, and we come so close,

but then not anything, you know?

So what do you say? How about one for the road?

Me?

I need a friendly kiss. A careful, friendly kiss. What do you say, huh?

Well... Is it good?

Well, okay.

You feel a draft. What is it?

What is that? What is that?

What is it?

I'll kill that salesman.

What? He said it would stay on in the shower. Well, let's go in the shower and

see, all right?

Come here.

What is going on? Why are you dragging me out of the kitchen?

Maybe he's afraid you'll cook something.

No, no, no, Mona.

I want you and Angela to see something. It's only going to take a second here.

See what?

This is the original title page from Nick's book.

Oh, a collector's item. It's going to be valuable someday. Oh, yeah, but... No,

no, no, no, no, no. Not so fast, Nick.

This is very interesting here.

Blimpos Behind Bars by Dick Archer.

Who's Dick Archer?

Oh, who's Dick Archer? Who's Dick Archer?

Oh, well, that's very easy to explain.

Who is Dick Archer? This is very hard.

Very hard. Who is Dick Archer? Actually, he's not helping.

Your number, please. My number's the broom, right.

I used it. It sounded thinner.

You know, Nick, it's funny because it does sound a little thin because I

the prison.

I know who wrote the book. It wasn't you. It was Dick Archer. Oh, Dick, Dick,

it's so close.

Come on, come on, Nick. Time to give it up. Come clean.

All right, he wrote it.

Oh, what good was it going to do him?

I mean, his days were numbered. He was on death row.

Not anymore.

Oh, no, may he rest in peace. He was a nice man, but a trouble solver, but a

good man.

They're letting him out.

That murderer.

He appealed his case. He got off on a technicality. But he's guilty.

And me.

How could you steal from the man who was about to be executed?

You're right.

I should have waited till they fried him.

Now, Nick, aren't you ashamed of yourself?

I'm too scared to be ashamed.

Did they say how soon he would be getting out? What time you got?

Oh, oh, Nick, I'll be back someday.

Wait, Nick, where are you going?

Undercover.

Bye -bye, Blimpo.

That's where you are.

Oh, hey, what are you doing out here? Oh, um, well, Nick's sudden departure

me with egg on my face, and my friend is expecting a great manuscript that he

can publish.

Oh, so you thought you'd just dash off a bestseller, huh?

Angela, you're not writing a cookbook, are you? And you don't know the first

thing about cooking.

No, Mother, it's not a cookbook. It's a romance novel.

Go for the cookbook.

Come on, let me see what you got here. No, it's just the first draft.

All right, all right, all right, all right, all right.

Ah, Love Slaves of the Suburbs. An important first novel by Lady

Angelique Bouvier.

Oh, good thinking, Angela. I'd use an assumed name, too.

Hey, listen to this, listen to this. The warm summer wind gently caressed the

turnpike.

That sets my heart to pounding. Isn't there anything juicy in here?

Oh, look here. This looks promising.

Montgomery pulled her roughly toward him, his manly arms enveloping her.

He caressed her neck, and his hands ran through her flaxen hair, while his

fingers traveled tremblingly down her spine to her. Wait a minute. Wait a

minute, kid. What's the matter, Tony? Is it too hot for you?

No, Angela, but what? Montgomery, how many arms has he got? He needs four to

all those things.

I knew a guy who could do that.

Figures.

Come on, I can show you how to do it.

Come on, take her, Tony. Take her in your manly arms. Go on.

Embrace her.

Envelop her in your manly arms. That's it. Okay, there you go.

Now, ready?

Now, run your hands through her almost flaxen muscles.

Go on, there. I'm trying to see.

There? Now what?

You figure it out.

How many Huxtables fit in a Brooklyn brownstone?

Well, if Denise is away and Sondra and Elvin move in, but the twins aren't born

yet and Theo's still in high school, well, you can figure it out yourself.

The Cosby Show is next.