Original subtitles

There's a time for love and a time for living. Take a chance and face the wind.

An open road and a road that's hidden. A brand new life around the bend.

There were times I lost a dream or two.

And found a friend.

And at the end was you.

There's a path you take and a path not taken.

Choice is up to you, my friend.

Not so long, but you might awaken to a brand new life.

Brand new life. A brand new life for ground.

We're here in Tony's Test Kitchen, where impartial judges will be telling a

Bauer agency what flavors they like best with rice cakes.

Mindful. Because if you saw what this stuff looked like, you'd never eat it.

That's it for me. Come on, you guys. This is important.

I'm trying to land the Ping rice cake account.

Yeah, now, come on. Angela's been working hard, coming up with these

So, get with the program.

Join the rice cake generation.

What about you, Dad?

I'm too old.

Okay, kids, I want you to taste this. I want you to give me your honest opinion.

All right.

Hey, Angela, why do you want this stuff?

My goodness, more office supplies, sir?

When you start a business, you need certain things. These are essentials.

new espresso machine.

That's essential?

Yes, it's a very classy thing to have. It enhances your image. Besides, you

your clients alert.

What about this case of champagne?

You don't want them too alert.

Hey, what about?

My favorite is this gumball machine. That says that our agency is special and

unique. All the agencies have one.

Angela, I may have missed one or two episodes of Wall Street Week, but

the money be coming in instead of going out? Mother, you have to spend money in

order to make money.

Just like tomorrow in San Francisco with Mr. Ping, I'm taking him to the finest

restaurant in Chinatown.

That should be a lesson to all of us here in the office. Oh, we should all go

San Francisco for lunch?

Tony, we have to start thinking first class here. I want fresh -cut flowers in

the office, limousines and theater tickets for our clients.

That's the way you create an aura of success.

Oh, that way they don't know we're desperate, right?

Exactly. See?

I watch Wall Street Week.

The boss is 3 ,000 miles away. Take a break.

Would you like another cup of espresso?

No, thanks, Mona. I already had five cups.

Doesn't it make you feel successful?

No, it makes me feel like bumping the roof.

Hello? Yes, the Bauer agency. Would you hold, please?

Paul, are we supposed to talk to them?

It shows you what you know.

Then they'll think we're not busy.

But we're not busy.

But we don't want them to know that.

See, that's how you create the aura of success.

Oh, I get it.

Would you put that over there right next to the Toyota account?

I'm sorry to keep you waiting.

Angela. Angela, calm down.

No, no.

No, we don't have the Toyota account.

No.

I was just trying to create an aura, you know.

Yeah, yeah. The kids are fine. Everything's fine.

Yeah, he's here. Hold on a minute. Get on the phone. Me? Oh, tough. It's cold.

Hi, Angela.

How's San Francisco?

Huh?

Ready for your big lunch with Ping?

You kidding? You're going to do great. Hey, remember, the little chopsticks

there for the salad.

All right, honey.

Knock them dead.

And as soon as you get back, we are going to celebrate.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Bye -bye.

What the heck? Let's celebrate now.

I'll get the champagne.

I'll get the champagne.

Was it great or was it great to hear you two so fired up together?

Oh, yeah, that's my little overachiever.

Okay, wow.

Here is to the Bauer Agency because we are going to go all the way to the top.

Yeah, we're going to ride those little rice cakes right to the stars.

Hi there.

Hey, hey, hey.

Welcome to the Bauer Agency. Come on in, come on in. Have a seat here, have a

seat. Thank you.

Have a glass of champagne.

Oh, hey, hey, hey. And how about a gumball, huh? I feel a red coming on.

So, uh, what can we do for you?

Well, it's not really what you can do for me. It's what I can do for you.

I'm a salesman.

Give me that.

I get the message.

Well, look, I'll just, um, I'll just leave you my card.

I rent limousines.

And I'm sure that you'll find that our rates are competitive.

All right. Well, have a nice day. Yeah.

Excuse me. By the way, you do use limos, don't you? Look, pal, we're not buying

a limo.

Oh, well, that's good, because that would be very unwise of you.

We're talking about leasing.

Mona, this guy's smooth.

I wish.

Actually, I don't even have a sales pitch.

I just give you the figures.

You see, you rent a limousine.

For four hours, it costs you $200.

You do that twice a week, that's $400. That's $1 ,600 monthly, and that's just

for two clients a week. However, if you lease a limo, then it's yours 24 hours a

day, seven days a week. And all of this for just $1 ,000 a month. And what

better advertising than a shiny limo parked out there by the curb with a

personalized license plate that says Bauer.

Now that is class.

It gives the whole operation something I like to call an aura of success.

Let me see that.

What are you doing here? It's six o 'clock in the

morning. What flight did you take?

Oh, man, are your eyes red?

I guess that means you took the red eye, huh?

How did things go with Ping?

Not good, huh?

Well, of course they didn't go good.

If they would, she wouldn't look like that.

Not that you look bad.

Can I iron your coat?

How was the airplane food?

More bad things, huh?

Angela, would you say something? I'm getting lonely.

Jim Peterson.

Bingo. That's a start now. That's a start. That's the crumb bun who took

job at Wallace and McQuaid. And the man who just stole my client, Mr. Ping.

What? How?

Jim Peterson had his secretary call Mr. Ping's office pretending to be my

secretary. He moved our lunch to another restaurant.

Mr. Ping showed up at the other restaurant, but I wasn't there. But

was? Tony Bennett.

You said to guess.

Jim Peterson slithered in with a rice cake presentation in his briefcase.

Why that? No.

What are you going to do?

I'd like to rip out his heart and leave it in San Francisco.

That seems fair.

Mr. Ping thinks I stood him up. He wouldn't even talk to me.

So I flew home.

Economy.

That's the new word around here, Tony.

Um... When you say new words, do you mean flu or home?

It's not economy, is it?

Yep. No more frills.

Ah, frills. Well, when you say frills, what do you mean?

Well, me and the espresso machine goes back.

That's good, because I saved the box for it. And the gumball machine. Oh, that's

okay. I saved the box for that, too. And, Tony, I may be a little jet

but I see a limo parked in the driveway.

Yeah, but I ain't got the box for that.

You bought a limo?

No, no, no, no, no.

That would be very unwise.

We leased a limo.

Yeah, yeah.

It's only costing you $1 .50 an hour.

Oh, my God, that's $1 ,000 a month.

How did she do that?

Quick, tell her about the beauty part. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Angela, you want to hear the beauty part? This is it. When we're not using

limo, we park it in front of the building to impress people.

Tony, that's a no parking zone.

Damn.

Angela, here is the other beauty part.

See, when we are not using it for our clients, then we can rent it out for an

enormous profit. Yeah, yeah. And look, now that you haven't got the rice cake

account, this is going to bring in a lot of extra money.

Who's going to rent it?

People. Oh, people.

What kind of people?

People that aren't smart enough to lease their own limo.

Oh, stupid people.

Who's going to drive it?

I will.

Who's going to do your work around the house?

I will.

Who's going to run the Parents Association and coach Samantha's team

Jonathan from Cub Scout?

I will, I will, I will.

Come on, Iz, I can handle this. And anyway, look.

It's going to be good for the company. Hey, we'll be drinking espresso and

chewing gumballs in no time.

Yeah, Bonnie, Dad said that if I washed the limo, he'd take us for a spin.

Oh, we're going to look so cool.

Are you still blabbing on that phone?

Gotta go, Bonnie, having problems with the child.

Now, what's wrong?

I washed the entire limo all by myself.

Oh. Jonathan, now doesn't that give you a sense of accomplishment?

No. It gives me a sense of being treated like dirt.

Cheap touching.

Okay, kids, let's hit it. Let's do it. Let's move it. Then we'll leave in ten

minutes. Great.

First we'll swing by Bonnie's and pick up the gang. And then we'll stop by

football practice.

Oh, and then we've got to stop by the mall. Oh, wait. Hey, hey. This limo's a

business. Not a one -way ticket to popularity.

Yeah, that's what you think. I have three dates this weekend.

That's what you think.

what I said, Samantha, but hey, I'm busy like crazy here. I just got another

pickup. I'm running myself ragged. You know, I could use a little cooperation

from my family here. Now, Jonathan, did you get the dry cleaning out of the

trunk of the limo? I looked, but there was nothing in the trunk.

What are you talking about? It's got to be there. I put it in there just before

I drop off at JFK.

Oh, no.

Angela's dry cleaning is checked through to Brussels.

No, no.

Look, I am sorry.

We are not an escort service. We rent cars, not women.

How much?

Could you hold?

Yes, the Bauer agency.

And I mean, Mona's limo.

No, no, yeah, yeah, I do. Yeah, I mean, Mona's limo, a subsidiary of the Bauer

agency.

Yeah, yeah, could you hold?

Angela!

Or was it line two?

Mother? Hello?

Mother, there's a man on the phone who wants to know what my hourly rates are.

He means the limo, dear.

No, he doesn't.

Hey, hey, hey.

Oh, there you go. All right, two runs down and raring to go. What's next?

That's it for the day.

Thank God.

You know, this isn't working. My office is in chaos.

My housekeeper's too busy to keep my house... And I have no idea where my dry

cleaning is.

Somewhere over Normandy.

I have never been so depressed in my life.

You know where to reach me.

Bloomingdale's, fourth floor.

Oh, whoa, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. What ever happened to

economy? Tony, it doesn't cost anything to try things on.

And besides, the feel of cashmere next to my skin always cheers me up.

There we go, here.

Mona. Mona, what are you up to?

Mr. Ping's limo is going to arrive to pick him up just a little sooner than he

expected. Oh, dirty fool.

Just call me Fast Mona.

So, Mr.

Ping, what takes you to Wallace and McQuaid?

A little advertising business?

No. big advertising business.

TV, radio, magazines, boxes.

You see my face everywhere.

You know, Ping, I pick up a lot of dirt up here in the driver's seat.

And I can tell you that since they lost their president...

Wallace and McQuaid haven't been the same.

Oh, no, no, no. I'm quite satisfied.

Wallace and McQuaid have given me good treatment. They've given me a big hotel

suite, a limousine like this, with a driver who's... You

certainly

have a way with words.

Instead of toots.

You know... I'll tell you something else about Wallace and McQuaid.

The person that really made that agency what they are is Angela Bauer. Oh, I

don't like her. She stood me up.

Big flake.

Angela Bauer?

That's impossible.

She has great integrity, and she's bright and creative, and her agency is

just small enough to give you that down -home personal touch.

What are you, a mother?

You know, Ping, I like you.

I have that effect on women.

I wonder, Ping, if I could ask you a favor.

Could we make one tea?

Stop on our way. For you, Mona, no stop is too teeny weeny.

What was so important that you had me paged at Bloomingdale's? I was in the

dressing room and a sales girl pulled me out of there and I was trying on the

most incredible silk blouse. Oh, my God, this is it.

everything else. I'm a shoplifter.

Take it easy. Take it easy. They know you. You called them. You put it on your

credit card.

Not sure I like it. Are you kidding me? It's you.

It's you. It looks fabulous.

It does, doesn't it? Yeah, and you know that's good, Angela, because you never

know when an important business client may walk right through that door, you

know what I mean?

What do you mean?

Let me get the tag. See, come here. I got a scissors right over here. Come

Oh, thank you for escorting me up here. It is so nice to have a big, strong man

around. Three times a week, not a little.

Ooh.

Oh, Thomas.

The power agency?

You tricked me, Red.

Yes, Ping.

I am her mother.

Meet Angela Bauer.

Mr. Ping, what are you doing here?

Your mother gave me the old Shanghai surprise.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to grab a cab to Wallace and McQuaid. Now,

now, wait a minute, Ping.

This is Wallace and McQuaid.

I don't see Wallace. I don't see McQuaid.

Oh, they've been dead for years.

What you do see is the woman who was responsible for nearly all of their

national campaigns. Which campaigns?

Well, Peche Fragrances, to name but one.

Oh, Mrs. Ping loves those.

Yeah? And what about Guacamunchies, to name but two?

Guacamunchies? They're disgusting.

Yeah, that's true, Ping, but she sold millions of them, and she can do the

thing for your disgusting rice cakes.

You must be good.

The best.

Go ahead, Angela. Pitch your little heart out.

Mr. Ping, for months I've been developing ideas for your rice cakes.

And if given the chance, I think I can make your product as American as apple

pie. And as tasty.

How the hell can you do that?

Step into my office. I'll tell you.

Oh, ho, ho.

Oh, get him, tiger.

Thank you.

Oh, mother, call Jim Peterson. Tell him I'm sorry he missed his appointment with

Mr. Ping. We'll send over a case of rice cakes. Oh, cruel and disgusting

punishment. I'll deliver them myself.

Yes, yes, thank you. We will. We'll deliver it tomorrow.

Yes.

You did what? We're not in another business, are we? No, we are out of

I unloaded the limo.

They are taking up our lease.

That's wonderful.

Who's the lucky sub -leasee?

The Happy Horizon Funeral Home.

Of course, they won't have any use for the bar or the TV, but I'm sure they'll

rest comfortably.

How did you do it? I told them the beauty part.

that it was only going to cost him $1 ,000 a month, which was $2 .50 a week,

a day, and that worked out to be only $1 .50 a stiff.

How could they resist?

Hey, hey, look what I got.

Found the dry cleaning, huh? Oh, Tony, thank you.

My Harris tweed suit. I thought it had gone to the big baggage carousel in the

sky. Now, you know, people are always making jokes about the airlines losing

their luggage, right? But hey, they always come true for me.

Angela, get ready to say hello, too.

Your kimono?

Angela, this is great.

You can make extra money by being a geisha.

Well, Tony?

Arigato gozaimashita. Sayonara.