Original subtitles

There's more to life than what you're lit. Take a chance and face the wind.

Open road and a road that's hit. Brand new life around the bend.

There were times I lost a dream or two.

Found a trail that at the end was you.

There's a path we take and a path not taken. The choice is up to you, my

Nights are long, but you might awake.

Grand life, grand life, grand life around the bend.

Okay, okay, keep your shirt on. She'll be right out.

Come on, Angela.

The taxi's here. It's not going to wait all day.

They'll wait, Mona. You got the money. They got the time.

Tony, did you pack me a warm sweater? It gets nippy in San Francisco this time

of year. I packed you a warm sweater.

Did you pack me a nightgown? Your flannel PJs, the snuggly ones with the

This is very business trippy.

You're right, Angela. Don't wear them to meetings.

I'm off.

Goodbye, Mother.

Bye. Goodbye, Tony.

Angela, aren't you forgetting something?

Goodbye, Tony.

No, Angel, not goodbye, Tony. This.

Oh, that.

Who is that enormous woman?

That's Celeste Louise, my cousin.

Oh, well, you know what they say. The camera always adds 30 pounds.

Come on, now. Look at that face.

Look at those cheeks.

They're not that big when she's not eating.

Angel. She'd be the perfect model for that Italian foods account.

I've already got the model, thank you. That's what this meeting in San

is all about.

I'm telling you now, Celeste Louise, she'd be perfect. She loves Italian

She doesn't look like a picky eater.

It's not the image we want to project. Thank you. Goodbye.

Angela, are you kidding me? Wait a minute. You don't like this cousin? I

another cousin.

She's half as heavy. Of course, she's a little shorter.

A guy who's sure.

Am I sure?

Mr. Vianelli, I've been in the PR business for, well, long enough to rent

pretty nice furniture.

Now, Angela here has done a real swell job with the ad campaign, but now we're

into Mickey Day territory.

Public relations.

I'm going to peel your Princess Vianelli off your label and stuff her right into

the hearts of pasta lovers everywhere.

I'm paying you, right?

Not enough.

Because I found the perfect princess.

And her name is... Are you ready for this?

I'm going to count to three.

Joyce Columbus.

Yellow.

Angela's here.

You can go in. Thank you. Thank you. You sit.

But I've been waiting all morning to see Mr. Day.

Mickey stepped out.

I'm very sorry.

Angie, damn glad to see you. Hello, Mickey.

I'm insincere.

I'm Angela Bauer.

Ah, Miss Bauer, a pleasure to finally meet you. I love your campaign, those

billboards. Who is Princess Vianelli?

Genius. Thank you.

Mickey was telling me how he found this Joyce person.

Oh, he found her.

It was one of those freak things.

I looked everywhere, and finally I turned around, and there she was.

Sitting in my office.

Talk about luck.

But I made an appointment.

See? Nine o 'clock.

Does it say A .M.? Yes.

Now it doesn't.

Sit.

I'm Joyce Columbus.

Who? I'm Princess Vianelli.

I'm here for the final interview.

That's just a formality.

Touché.

Take a seat.

I'm here for a very big interview.

Me too.

Really?

Great. Great.

Nice outfit.

Size six, right? Right. Me too.

Isn't it a pain? You have to starve, work out, starve some more.

Well, I really don't believe in dieting. Ah, you don't have a lot of friends, do

you?

Yeah, it's a lot of pressure, these interviews.

I'm great with pressure. The best.

This is my first time out as a photographer.

Photographer?

Great career choice.

What's your name? Lauren.

Joyce, nice to know you. Come here.

Listen, when I become Princess Vianelli, I'll put in a good word for you. I

really need the money. I've been trying to see this guy for the past three

weeks. You've been waiting three weeks?

You can't put up with that anymore.

You've got to march yourself into that office and say, I'm the best

you'll ever see. Only I'm not going to be treated this way. Then walk out. If

you do it right, he'll follow you down the block.

I'd be too nervous. I'd forget what I was doing. You'll take notes. Bluff your

way through it. Works for me. I'm going to be Princess Vianelli. I'm not even

Italian.

Oh, Mr.

V. Of course she's Italian.

We even did tests, didn't we?

Tests?

How do you test to see if someone's Italian?

Oh, you know, the regular sort of test.

Actually, Angela was pretty much in charge of that.

No, I think you had the test kit that day.

So?

Oh, you know, we brought her in, showed her different shaped noodles.

Okay, I'll be right out.

It never ends.

The truth?

My name isn't even Columbus.

Your name isn't Columbus?

Huh?

Well, that's great.

Next thing you're going to tell me is you're not even Italian.

Well, you caught me.

You're honest. You're straightforward. I like that.

Babs, call security and have her dragged out of the building. Oh, wait, wait.

My mother dated an Italian once.

Well, okay, good enough.

Yo, focus, everybody.

Joyce, you know Angela.

Of course, it's nice to see you again. Mr. Vianelli, this is Joyce Columbus.

Well, how do you do?

Oh, I'd shake your hand, but I've got all this mozzarella on me.

So, Joyce, where are you from?

Little Italy.

In New York? I know everybody there.

Not that one.

Another one.

The smallest one.

The smallest one?

Tiny, actually.

Tiny Italy.

Yeah, there'd be no one there that you knew, just mostly me and the rest of the

Columbus family, Nina, Pinta.

Joyce, are you feeling all right?

I like this girl.

She has a fine sense of humor. I think she'd make a very good... All right.

I've been waiting all morning. I've been waiting three weeks, and I'm not going

to wait any longer.

Five minutes. Wait five minutes.

Now, I've got something to say, and you're going to listen.

Now, I... I've got something to say and you're... Wait a minute, I just did that

part. Who the hell are you?

I'm the best photographer you'll ever meet.

And I won't be treated like this.

I'm going to walk out this door and you'll never see me again.

So goodbye.

And if you think I'll come back, you can... You were saying, sir?

That's the girl.

That's Princess Vianelli.

No, this is the girl. This is Princess Vianelli.

Oh, Mr. Vianelli, that girl is blonde, Nordic, very 80s. Everything you didn't

want. I know. Go figure.

And then...

This is all yours.

It's very nice.

This is your refuge, your hideaway from the world.

And occasionally, we like to capture that on film.

Like tomorrow, we're shooting the Princess Viannelli photo layout. Listen,

gonna let you... Get settled in here.

Remember, it's your place, so make it your own.

Of course, we have to nail a few things down.

Sure thing you understand.

Cute.

Joyce.

It's you.

Were you expecting someone else you stole a job from today?

Listen, I... I didn't plan to take your job. I just needed the money.

I hope you understand that.

I understand.

I had a lot of time to think about it after you left this morning.

I looked at your side and I looked at my side and I realized I don't care about

your side.

That's it? You came all the way up here to say that and leave?

to see what you've reduced me to.

I'm a shopping cart person.

This is my home now.

I keep my clothes up here and I sleep under there.

You know, you can get in trouble if you don't take that back.

Let's talk about emotional trauma.

Becoming Princess Vianelli was my big shot.

Don't you see?

I started out a chubby kid with braces.

I had to go on a diet.

I took ballet classes, speech lessons. I didn't always talk like this, you know.

And I didn't even want to be a model.

I mean, I was driving by the Miss Charlottesville Beauty Contest and they

me out of my car and they gave me the title.

Things just happen to me. It's like I don't even have a say. in the matter.

Well, then, this won't come as any big surprise to you.

Get out.

This is a big step for me.

You see, not too long ago, I had it pretty bad.

I had a perfect husband, a gorgeous home, a Corvette.

I'm so sorry, I had no idea...

My life was empty, and then it got worse.

What? You found the Hope Diamond?

No.

My husband left me for another woman.

What did she look like?

You don't understand.

You see, I came here to start over.

At least this is something that I can call my own. I mean, this is my

sofa my chair my vase and no one can take it away from

me do you use mousse in your hair you

never listen to me no one ever listens to me

I'm listening.

We would like to spend the night.

Forget it. I'm safer on the street.

Are you sure you'll be all right? I'll be fine. I can take care of myself.

You had to live in a hill, didn't you?

Okay, hold the noodles up.

That's it. You love those noodles. You are mad about those noodles. You have

noodle fantasy.

Take the noodles out and rub them all over your... No!

Okay, well, just smile at them. You smile at them.

Lauren!

Everybody take five.

How much is this costing me? Take two.

Angela, Lauren's having a problem, and I think it's one of those women's things.

Talk to her?

Yes, Mickey, I will talk to her. Thank you.

What's up?

This isn't right.

Somewhere there's a girl out there chasing a shopping basket.

And she's the one who deserves this job.

I just wish I knew where to find her.

I'm going to take a shot in the dark.

I'm giving you one last chance.

Thanks. Okay, let's do this.

Joyce, where have you been?

Later. Mr. Vianelli, I want you to reconsider me for the princess.

That won't be necessary. Miss Columbus, I'm very sorry.

If I hire you, I have to fire Miss Sullivan.

And at Vianelli Foods, we're a family.

You don't fire family.

I understand.

I've called Melvin Belli. I'm going to sue you for $32 million for breach of

implied contract.

Dump the blonde. You got it.

Now, you got a knapsack?

I would have given you your job back.

Woulda, coulda, shoulda, but didn't.

What do you think I was trying to do?

I was trying to tell you, but you, and then, oh, to heck with you all.

Excuse me?

Did she say heck?

I'm afraid she did.

What are you doing?

Making a sandwich.

Really? Are you insured for that? I'm upset.

When I'm upset, I eat.

Me too. Of course, by the time I feel good again, I no longer look human.

Well, you're lucky.

I can't even gain weight. I forgot.

You're cursed.

Oh, that's your secret. Never eat the crusts. May I?

Go ahead, Your Highness.

You take anything you want anyway.

Oh, no. The peasants are revolting.

What makes you think that you can push people around and entreat them like they

don't even count?

Seems to work.

Besides, it's better than running away from everything every time it doesn't

work out. You're right.

And I'm not running anymore.

From now on, I'm going to stand up to you.

All right, you're standing. Now what?

Give me a break.

I'm new at this.

Let me help you out.

Here. Why don't you say I'm too pushy?

That's part of your charm.

So, I need the job and you need the job.

What are we going to do?

I don't know.

Are you going to eat that?

Here, we'll split it.

Ladies, we have to make a decision.

What are they doing in there? I want my princess.

I knew we shouldn't have hired a woman for the job.

I'm losing my light, I'm losing my patience, and I'm losing my peasants.

want one of you out there with a crown on in ten seconds, or you can both pack

your bags.

I'll handle this.

Mickey.

Ooh, you've been working out, haven't you?

Yeah.

Listen, we need a few more minutes.

I'd really appreciate it.

Please?

What's the rush? Rome wasn't built in a day.

You're good.

Um, excuse me.

Mr. Vianelli, I, uh, have an approach that I think... Well, I think we can

call it different.

I want you to open your mind to a new concept in packaging.

Please sit down.

Picture this as a photo layout.

Lauren, Joyce.

The Vianelli twins.

Twins?

Frankly, sir, I... I think your food is too good for just one princess.

And with two princesses?

Everyone will assume that your food is twice as good as anybody else's.

It would be like having two princess sisters.

Only not be related.

I'm sorry, but princess sisters, two princesses, it's stupid. I like it.

in a good way.

Not the sisters part. That's stupid.

But two princess models, one for canned food, one for frozen foods.

I always felt each had their own personality.

And you're not alone there, sir.

Now I'm getting two for the price of one.

Just remember, you're going to have to share everything. The apartment and the

job and all the fringe benefits.

Deal? Deal.

Well, I'm going to have to rethink the entire campaign and I'm going to have to

get rid of the peasants.

Oh, it's always the peasants.

Is it cheap? We get this giant bathtub. We fill it with spumoni. We lower the

two of them right into it. Okay,

now we need to come up with a schedule.

Schedule? Two girls, one bathroom.

Right. How long does it take you to put your makeup on? I really don't believe

in makeup.

You know, if you keep this up, I'm going to be your only friend.