Original subtitles

There is more to life than what's your lip. Take a chance and face the wind.

Open road and a road that's hit. Brand new life around the bend.

There were times I lost a dream or two.

Found a trail that at the end was you.

There's a path we're taking and a path not taking. The choice is up to you, my

friend. Nights are long, but you might wake to a brand new life, brand new

brand new life around the bend.

Okay, okay, here we go, here we go now. The word we have all been waiting for.

There, hey, 89 points.

Wow.

Wait a minute.

Corch flap?

What's a corch flap?

A little flap on the back of a corch.

You think I made that up?

Yes. You want me to get the dictionary?

Yes.

Okay, so I cheated.

Sure. That is it. I am fed up with Joanne Parker.

I mean, she's the worst president. She doesn't care about the Parents

Association. All she wants to do is push her husband's insurance.

Come on, Tony. She must know something about the Parents Association.

Oh, yeah, Mona? Yeah?

Tonight we had to sit through life insurance, the movie.

What happened to you? I left early. I walked home. What are you kidding me? I

couldn't stand to watch Joanne Parker get nominated again.

Who, me? Why, I'd be honored.

That's just what she said.

Just how she said it. Yeah, well, I just wish somebody would run against her.

Good news.

Somebody will.

That's great.

Who?

Somebody with integrity.

Yeah? Who?

Somebody who cares about kids and the community.

Who? Somebody we can be proud to have as the president of our parents'

association. Angela, who?

You.

Perfect for the job. Besides, after you left, I kind of gave him the impression

that you might be interested.

What did you say?

I nominate Tony Maselli for president.

I second the nomination.

All in favor of Tony for president, say aye. Aye. Aye.

Aye. Mr.

Maselli, do you accept the nomination of your party?

Who, me? Why, I'd be honest.

It's a good -looking guy.

I mean, I'd vote for him.

Hey, Angela, this is terrific. Look at all this stuff.

Flyers, buttons, bumper stickers.

One of these.

Thumbs in purple, too. Try it on.

You like it?

Well,

I think it'll definitely get us to killer B vote.

Oh, Angela, you are a terrific campaign manager.

Oh, thanks, Tony.

Selling a candidate is just like selling anything else. It's what I do for a

living. Yeah, well, my only criticism... Oh, you have a criticism?

It's the slogan.

It doesn't seem to have the... It doesn't have enough oomph.

Oomph.

You know.

Yes, I know. I invented oomph. And I can tell you categorically that this slogan

has exactly the right amount of oomph.

I hurt your feelings, didn't I?

Oh, of course not. I'm a professional.

I'm used to dealing with pig -headed clients who think they know it all.

Well, I mean, you know, on second thought, Miss Shelby's our man, eh?

great. It's perfect.

It's perfect. Well, you're the client, as long as you're happy.

Okay.

Aha! I'm glad I found you two together.

Look what I got for your campaign.

Ah!

That's what I call oomph. I mean,

it's not bad. It's not bad. Mother, I'm surprised you didn't stoop lower.

That I like, Mona. I mean, you got them coming and going.

Mother, you are pandering to the lowest common denominator.

Oh, thanks.

I hoped you'd like it.

Oh, Mother.

Dear, just please don't wear it to the debate on Friday night. The what on

Friday night?

Oh, yeah, it's just this little meet the candidates thing that I set up. You and

Joanne, one on one. Angela, I hope you're talking basketball.

Oh, Tony, trust me.

I'll get you ready. We'll go over every possible question.

Oh, I don't know.

Oh, come on, Tony, don't worry. All you have to do is stand up there and be

yourself. Speak out about the issues.

Thanks, Molly.

And it wouldn't hurt if you took your shirt off.

Now, we may be opponents, but we can still be friends.

Can I ask you a personal question?

Sure. What are you paying for car insurance?

Well, I'd have to look that up, Joanne. Well, whatever it is, I'm sure Walt can

beat it.

No, it's too bad. I mean, she seems like such a nice lady. Too bad we have to

mop the floor with her.

We're going to start now, candidates. Please take your places.

Hello. Have you decided who you're going to vote for yet?

Not yet. That's why I'm here tonight. I'm keeping an open mind.

Hi, I'm Wendy Wittner. I'm your chairperson tonight.

On my left is a lovely lady who needs no introduction, so why bother?

The finest this community has to offer.

A man following in the tradition of Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, and

Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Weighing in at 165 pounds, Tony Metelli.

Tony! Tony!

Tony! Tony!

Tony!

Okay, we're going to start with a question for Joanne, and then Tony has a

chance to rebut.

Let the games begin.

The chair recognizes Beverly.

Joanne, what do you consider to be your greatest strength as a Parents

Association president?

I'm glad you asked that.

My greatest strength.

That would have to be my firm belief in the family unit. A belief I share with

Walt, my husband of 14 years. A belief in the traditional moral values.

I'm like my worthy opponent who's living in sin with his so -called boss.

that certainly gets things rolling.

Tony, would you like to rebut?

Yeah, you bet I'll rebut. That is a total lie.

I mean, Angela and I are employer -employee and friends.

Oh, friends.

Wait a minute. What are you getting at? Well, I mean two healthy, attractive

adults cohabitating. Are you telling me nothing ever happened?

Nothing. No meaningful glances across the dinner table?

No. No stolen crevices? as you pass the butter or oil or whatever it is you

people use?

Never. You expect us to believe that all this time you two have been living

together, you've never shared a bed?

Uh... Well, it was an accident.

Listen,

I thought I was getting into somebody else's bed.

Handled himself well under pressure.

You see, we were watching this scary movie, right?

So Sam, Sam had a nightmare.

So she came into my room, but Jonathan was already there.

So she went to Angela's room. So then Angela couldn't sleep.

So she went to Sam's room. So then Jonathan got sick and tired of listening

me snore. So he told me that Sam wanted me to sleep with her in her room. So I

went there thinking it was her.

And it wasn't until the next morning that I found out it wasn't her.

Good morning, Tony.

Morning, Angela.

How was I supposed to know it was Angela?

Mr. Metelli, the Parents Association demands the truth.

Wait, that is the truth. Hey, we never took our clothes off.

Tony, we are not on trial. We're here to discuss the issues, not whether or not

we've seen each other naked.

Well, that was an accident, too.

Look,

I don't have a bathtub, and she does. I didn't even know she was home. So I

picked up my Captain Bubble, and I headed for work.

My bubble bath. Hi -ho.

Hi -ho. Hi -ho.

Hi -ho. Hi.

Holy smokes.

Well, so, as you can see, it was an accident.

And, you know, statistics, they say that 90 % of all household accidents happen

in the bathroom.

I don't really have a question.

We're ruined.

Our names have been dragged through the mud.

What are we going to do?

First thing in the morning, I'm going to call Walt and answer your insurance

policy.

This is the worst night of my life.

Oh, that's nonsense, Angela.

Remember the night of your junior prom when you had that huge, ugly zit on the

end of your nose?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Thank you, Mother. And your date came by and took one look at you? I thought he

was going to dump his groceries.

Yes, yes, Mother. You are right. That was bad.

But this is worse.

See, my skin cleared up, but my reputation is blemished forever.

Talk about blemished, huh?

Oh, boy. I mean, I gotta go stand in line at the grocery store while people

down their National Enquirers and talk about me.

And me.

Oh, yeah, Ranger. What was I thinking of? Gee, I know you must feel a lot

than I do.

Oh, thanks.

That's very sensitive of you, Tony. Yeah.

I know how I'd feel if it was all my fault.

All my fault?

Well, I mean, the whole debate was your harebrained idea, wasn't it?

Well, then you must feel really bad since you're the one who choked.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You are both on the same side.

Of course, it is the losing side.

I mean, if you don't stand up for each other, it's becoming very apparent that

nobody else will.

Huh?

You know, Angela, she's right. She's right. You know, Joanne is responsible

this. I mean, she's accusing us of doing things that we never did.

Or even thought about.

Ah, here they are, the decadent duo.

You know that you two have been spotted in the cemetery, romping naked in the

moonlight?

The last thing that we need right now is more gossip.

Huh?

Even if it is about Joanne Parker?

Dish it out, Mona.

Well, it seems that her pool man visited her four times last month.

So? So she hasn't got a pool.

All right, Mona.

All right.

Now we got it. We got it. And I'm going to show her what mudslinging is all

about. All right.

She'll rue the day she raked your muck.

Sorry to rain on your parade, but we can't use it. Why not?

Because two wrongs don't make a right.

What about three wrongs?

We are going to win this election fair and square.

Well, that's the hard way.

It's the only way.

Well, let me know if you want to hear about Joanne and Don the dry cleaner.

When she drops her clothes off, so does he.

Angela, Angela, are you sure we can win this election without using that stuff?

Absolutely.

I hope you're right, Angela. Gee, I want this.

I want this. I mean, you know, this place has been really good for Sam, you

know, and I would like to give something back. I mean, these are good people

here. They're good people.

All right, they're a little uptight, but hey, so were you before you met me,

huh?

Well, after an uptight stick in the mud like me, the rest of the community

should be a piece of cake.

That's what I thought.

You know, this smear campaign's gonna be rough, but I can handle it.

So can I. All right.

Hey.

Oh, wait.

Who gave you that china?

Some creeps at the park. They were bugging us.

Pop them one.

Jonathan!

Well, actually, Sam popped them. I kicked them when they were down.

All right, young lady. Now, what did I tell you about fighting?

Lead with my left?

You know what I mean.

They deserved it. They've been riding us all day.

About what?

Just your basic stuff.

Mom.

Tony doing something wrong?

Absolutely not, sweetheart.

That's what Sam told him.

Right before she made him eat dirt.

I don't believe it's gone this far.

Hey, look, kids.

Go wash up for dinner. Go ahead.

Oh, darn.

That kid's tooth chipped my nail polish.

He'll pay for that one.

I don't believe it. I mean, it's one thing to pick on us, but they're picking

the kids.

Look, you're my campaign manager.

What do you think I should do?

Tony, Angela, no hard feelings. I hope we all want what's best for the kids.

Yeah, sure, Joanne.

Joanne, that's a lovely blouse.

Oh, thank you.

Joanne, who does your dry cleaning?

Don Simpson.

Why do you ask?

Oh, well, I'm just looking for a new place.

I understand Don has the best one -hour service in town.

Attention. May I have your attention, please?

It's time to elect our new president.

Wendy, I have something to say and I got to say it before the election. A point

of privilege.

Point of what?

Is that really a thing?

I hereby withdraw from the election.

What?

Never mind.

Do you want to tell us why?

No.

I'll tell you why.

Angela, please. It's over. Forget it.

I don't want to forget it.

Tony Maselli has been living with me for almost two years now.

But I see you all know that.

What you may not know is that this man is a fighter.

He's never run away from a fight in his life.

And I just saw him resign.

And I ask you why.

Do you want us to guess?

Tony Maselli moved here so that his daughter could have the benefits of

up in a great community like ours.

But now she's being teased and tormented by this smear campaign.

A campaign that is utterly without foundation.

Or truth.

Really? You mean there's nothing between you two?

Yes, there is.

There's friendship.

And there's respect.

And caring.

But nothing good?

This community needs a man like Tony Maselli. Angela, it's two ladies already

dropped out of the race.

Well, that's our loss.

Because he's the finest man I know.

And I trust him with the most precious thing in my life.

My son.

And she lets him drive her Jaguar, too.

Yes.

is the best thing that ever happened to Jonathan.

He's the best thing that ever happened to me.

And he is the best thing that could ever happen to this parents' association.

I re -nominate Tony Maselli for president.

I re -second the nomination.

Let's hear it for Tony Maselli.

Angela, that was beautiful. I mean, I thought I'd have to be dead to hear

like that said about me.

It was a nice speech, wasn't it?

Wait a minute.

You were the one who talked me into resigning.

Oh, was I?

You did that so you could get their attention, and then you could make this

speech, huh?

What's a campaign strategist without a strategy?

Just glad they went for it before I had to sing God Bless America.

I don't know if I mentioned this to you, Angela, but you've got a lot of oomph.

Oh, thank you, Mr. President.

We did, didn't we? Yeah, we really did.

Yeah, do you know all that stuff you said about, you know, me being the best

thing that's ever happened to the Parents Association?

Yeah. You know, and about me being the best thing that's ever happened to

Jonathan?

And about me being the best thing that's ever happened to you?

Did I say that?

I think I heard you, yeah.

Well, that was all part of the campaign.

That's what I thought.