Original subtitles

Happy day. Happy day. Happy day. Happy

day. Happy day. Happy day.

Happy day. Happy day. Happy day. Happy day. Happy day.

Happy day.

Happy day.

It's all right. You can't be wrong.

Rockin' and rollin'. Oh, no.

Sunday, Monday, happy days.

Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days. Thursday, Friday, happy days.

Saturday, what a day.

Rubin all week with you.

Please stay dry.

this weekend. We're going to have so much fun. We're going to have more fun

the three stooges going to the Vatican.

Oh,

my cheek. My cheek.

Yo. I think I'm ready to go. Do I look all right?

Mommy, you look beautiful.

You look better than beautiful. Your face should be on money.

I don't know if I should go to this tax seminar. Come on, come on, come on. Of

course you should go.

You've been looking forward to this for weeks. And besides, your taxes get

written on.

Written off.

Yeah, right. What were those?

Oh, Fonzie, I've never left Heather alone like this before, and you've never

taken care of her more than two hours at a time. I mean, are you sure it's not

going to be... What is the big deal?

We will watch television, eat some burgers, we'll catch some thieves, and

give her a crew cut.

What? Just joking. Just joking. Thank goodness.

All right, now, just in case you get into trouble, I've jotted down a little

list of things that you should know. It's very important, and you have this,

right?

A little list?

This is longer than the Constitution, and they ran a country on that.

All right, when Heather goes to sleep, a bedroom window should be left open no

less than six inches, not more than ten inches, or she might freeze by morning.

There is a ruler in the kitchen.

Right, it's on the third drawer on the left. Yeah, right, I can read the map on

it. Mommy, don't leave me.

Oh, sweetheart, I would never leave you.

Oh,

what can I do to make this up to you?

leaving her baby for the first time.

Hey, sweetheart, come on, let's get a move on. It's going to be late, huh? Oh,

think I forgot to leave instructions on how to wash Heather's hair. No,

sweetheart, hold it, hold it, hold it. It's right here under H for hair. Then

you cross references under S for shampoo.

I'm going to miss you.

I love you. Me too, I'm going to miss you.

Have a good trip.

Have a great time.

All right, be careful. Be careful and worry.

Oh, parents always worry so much about taking care of little kids, you know.

Well, what are we going to do now?

No TV before dinner and homework.

Do your homework?

Yes, I did. All right, eat green vegetables with every meal. Make sure

this. What is this?

I was a kid, too, huh? What do you say we spoil dinner, get some ice cream?

We're off to ice cream.

Howard? Hmm?

Howard, are you... Howard, are you sure you don't want to go to my mother's with

me? I'd rather wear cactus shorts.

What'd you say, dear?

Oh, I just said, sweetheart, I think it would be nice for you and your mother to

spend some time together alone.

Always. Well, listen, dear, I have to hurry.

Mother's expecting me for dinner.

Probably been slaving over a hot cauldron all day.

It was just a joke, Barry.

You guys were on tour with the band in Canada.

Well, we were. That's why I got the Canadian flu.

Yeah, hit her last night right in the middle of our second set.

Right in the middle of my big number. Can you believe that? I mean, one minute

the girls in the audience were fainting, right? Next minute, boom, she's

fainting.

Okay, well, my mother is just going to have to wait. Come on, Joanie, we're

going to get you to bed ready, and I'll get a nice cold wash rag and a heating

pad, and then when you start to feel better, we'll make some sock puppets.

Sock puppets?

What? Get your coat, Flip. Get his coat. We got a big screen TV down in Arnold's

so we can watch that fight, man.

Mommy says boxing is a crude sport.

Yes, that's why you're staying here with Mrs. B while we go and watch Clay whoop

that bat. Oh, forget it. Fonz, listen, there's a lock on the fight.

Look, Flip, don't be crazy, all right? Not only is Cassius Clay a better boxer,

but he's a great poet.

Kind of like Longfellow.

Who'd he fight?

Ellis, I wish I could join you, but Joni and Chachi are here. Why didn't you

tell me? I'm going upstairs to say hello.

Fonzie, she's got the flu.

Well, okay, you go up and tell them that I said hello.

Well, I can't leave, and I don't think Heather should stay here. I don't want

her to catch you. You're right. Oh, well, listen, hey, it's a shame that you

won't be able to come down and see the fight with us.

Yeah, we're going to miss you down in Arnold. It's supposed to be the fight of

the century. Oh, come on, man. Are you kidding?

Pumpkin and I are going to have a great time anyway.

What? Don't spread that around because we don't want everybody to want to come.

You know what I mean?

All right. Say goodnight.

Goodnight.

Hey.

Is that a great dinner or what?

The secret is out. I am Chef Foyardee.

Well, do you want me to help you do the dishes?

Why? Don't we still have some clean ones in there?

We have our tea party now. Yeah, sure. As soon as you brush your pearly whites.

Let's go. Hurry up.

Yeah, well, good evening. Right back to you. Well, it's a beautiful night here

in Miami as Cash's play continues to pound around the ring. What are you

I'm just waiting for the tea to come.

I hope so.

Fonzie? Yeah.

Fonzie? Yeah, yeah. Who are they? Meet Jane.

Hello, Betsy.

How are you? Watch out for Betsy. Betsy West.

No kidding.

Well, let me tell you something, Betsy. I cannot wait to have tea and trumpets

with you. Yes, you look very pretty. Very pretty.

They say thank you very much. Well, you're welcome. Very, very much.

Now, you two better be on your best behavior, okay?

There you go, sir. Oh, hey, thanks.

I brought my lip too hot.

I haven't, but you do yet.

I knew that.

Oh, please, just half a cup. I'm trying to cut down.

And this is it, sports fans.

Fifteen rounds for the heavyweight championship of the world. All right.

One dump or two?

Yeah, that's good. Get out of that corner.

Chop, chop, you.

Fonzie, one dump or two?

Confuse him. That's it.

Get left, get left.

Come on, Cassius. Come on, Cassius. You're a poet.

Yeah, yeah. Roger said so. Come on. I guess he doesn't want to play with us.

All right. Yes, all right. A little less floating, a little more stinging, all

right? Whoa.

Whoa. Oh, that hurt. Oh, oh.

All right.

Boom, boom, boom. Yo.

Hello.

What is this? Four guys in a ring.

Better.

All right.

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How about it, sweetheart? Would you like a nice fluffy pillow?

No, no, thanks.

I got it.

Some orange juice. It'll give you a nice shot of vitamin C, huh?

Oh, okay.

Yeah? All right. I'll get it.

I asked her first.

I knew her first. I used to change her diapers.

Yeah?

Polite?

She changes her own diapers now. Okay, okay, okay. Especially orange

juice. I don't have the stomach for it anyway.

Oh, my poor baby.

Here, let me see this.

Oh, my.

How do you read those things?

Chachi, you go on upstairs and get some aspirin for Joanie, huh?

Why don't you go? You knew her first.

The aspirin, Chachi.

Goodness, your temperature.

Is it high?

It's 98 .6.

That's normal.

Oh, Dad, you don't have to have a fever to be sick.

You don't have to be sick to come home, either.

Now, come on, sweetheart. Is something bothering you?

No, no, Dad.

It's just that being on the road wears you down.

I'm tired. I just need to rest. That's all.

Okay.

You just stay here as long as you want.

Thanks, Dad.

Hey, I found the aspirin, Mr. C.

It was right between the cough syrup.

And your Grecian formula.

It's a joke.

One very bad joke.

Big time musician.

I'll bet you Victor Moon wouldn't talk to me like that.

All right, Joanie, here you go.

Thanks. A little aspirin.

And good night's sleep.

We'll be back on the road in no time flat.

Chachi.

I'm sick. Can't you just let me enjoy it?

Enjoy it? Enjoy what?

Johnny, don't you want to get back to those packed auditoriums with those

screaming for more, huh?

Don't you want to?

Josh, I don't think playing for a camp full of pig farmers and moose jaw were

exactly squealing. Oh, please, Johnny. Come on, they love you.

I mean, after your solo, what'd they do, huh? They gave you a standing ovation.

That's because my halter top fell off.

Now, that was strictly a coincidence.

Hi, there's Jenny. How are you? Oh, don't come too close unless you want the

Canadian flu.

No, we really don't. Hi, anyway. Good to see you.

Chachi. Are you sick? No way.

Oh, goody. Jenny.

Oh, sorry.

Listen, I'm sorry about turning the house into a hospital zone.

Oh, don't worry about it. I've been having a ball at Jenny's. We've been

cramming for our finals. Yeah, thrill a minute.

Well, now it's time to help the two sick ones here.

We will start with Chachi Spongebob. He's not sick, remember?

Oh, well, this is preventative medicine, dear. I see. Well, an offer like that

could stop an epidemic.

Well, enough talk about health, then.

We'll talk about show business.

Yes, we want to hear all about the glamorous life under the light. Yeah.

Show business?

Is that all anyone ever talks about?

Well, what's with her?

That's, uh, fever talking.

I hope...

Yo,

Heather, it's breakfast time.

I thought I asked you to get dressed before breakfast.

I am dressed.

This is what I'm wearing today.

Yeah, okay. Listen, after breakfast, I'll help you get into a snappy outfit,

right? Um, I don't want breakfast.

Oh, sure you do. How about eggs and bacon?

All right, hey, eggs.

Yeah.

We'll go with cereal.

I'd rather have bacon. We will go with cereal.

We better clean this all up here because you don't want your mother to see this

mess, huh? Okay.

What are you doing?

I'm making more room for my toys. Yeah, wait a minute. Would you please come to

the table?

Right now.

Come on.

Get up there.

It's just right here in the package. Kids love this. Three to six.

I wish I were seven.

Yeah, thanks very much. That's very nice.

Come on. Eat your cereal. I mean, how are you going to get the fries to the

bottom of the box?

That's how.

Hold it.

Right back here, miss. Right back in your chair.

Now, you're going to eat this cereal and you're going to clean up the mess that

we made, all right?

I have been there and back.

I used to throw around my cereal and I wouldn't get dressed. But you know what

did? I went further. I locked myself in the bedroom.

How about that?

Sweetheart, are you in there?

No.

Okay, you made your point.

I got a great idea.

You come out here, we'll be friends.

We'll go get ice cream.

See you around.

because you want a pony.

Are you telling me the truth?

Do you want the pony or not?

No, I don't think so. Thanks very much for coming up here, though.

Put me down!

Put me down!

Hey, let me tell you something.

I will put you down if you tell me why you turned from Shirley Temple to Attila

the Hun.

Because you lied to me.

All right, time out here.

I do not lie. I never, ever lie.

It's a very good one, because you're out here, ain't you?

What about the tea party?

You promised you would come.

I was there.

It was just me, Jane, and Betsy. Who wets?

But you were more interested in that dumb fight. Oh, now, let's get a grip on

ourselves. That was not a dumb fight. That was a championship.

World championship, hon.

You're not interested in one word I'm saying here, are you?

All right, uh...

Why don't we just step right into my office?

Yeah.

Do you know what I learned?

Being a mom ain't easy and your mother's very good at it and I'm not.

No secret here.

Remember when you were learning how to ride a bike?

At the very beginning, you used to fall off your bike and everything, and you

would scratch Robo, scratch your knees, you know?

Yeah, and my tushy, too.

The cutest tushy this side of the Pecos, I gotta tell you.

Taking care of a little girl is like riding a bike for me, see?

Yeah. And I'm falling off right now, and I'm scratching up my tushy, I gotta

tell you.

But I figure if you give me a little bit of time, I will be able to do wheelies.

So...

What do you say?

Thank you.

One lump or two.

Ah, you cannot fool me. I know you did not pour it yet.

Oh, just half a cup, please, because I'm trying to cut down.

It's a lovely day, isn't it?

Oh, Mrs. See, I owe you such a big one for this.

Well, I thought you might need a hand. Yes, and you did wonderful things with

these. Oh, Arthur.

You know, I'm just so amazed. How do you know everything? How do you get stains

off walls, gum out of hair? Is all the gum out of mine?

It's just fine, fine.

Oh, thanks a lot.

You know, usually everything comes so easy to me, you know.

But I got to admit, that little girl had me on the mat this weekend. Oh, Arthur,

learning to deal with children just comes from experience.

See, first I raised Howard, and then I was ready for Richie and Joanie.

All that you need is that love is there, and then they'll be okay.

Children are very resilient.

Yeah? Sure, you know, my mother's always been sort of strange, but it didn't

affect me at all.

to take a bite of, which I think I will do.

Hey, hi, Mom!

Yay!

Hi, darling.

Oh, I missed you.

We missed you. Is everything all right here?

Hey, there was no problem, huh, Heather?

It was a piece of cake. Oh, I honestly expected to come home and find this

a disaster, but this is... Oh, Fonzie, you even got the water stain out of the

coffee table.

Oh, yeah, well, that's a mixture of mayonnaise and ashes. You're up for out.

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Oh.

Joanie, come on.

What's the long face?

You all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

All right.

Thatchie's right. You know, you look a little tired.

Well, I didn't get much sleep last night. Oh, Howard, she's having a

Give me your socks. No, Mom.

Mom, it wasn't the flu that kept me up.

Johnny, where's your suitcase? I can't find it. I didn't pack them.

Why not?

Chachi, believe me.

This wasn't an easy decision to make.

But I think this is the right one for me.

I'm quitting the band.

Next up, I Dream of Jeannie.