Original subtitles

Sunday, Monday, happy days.

Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days.

Thursday, Friday, happy days.

The weekend comes when Michael hums, ready to race to you.

These days are ours.

Happy, free.

Happy days.

These days are ours.

Share them with me. Oh, baby. Goodbye, gray sky, hello, blue.

There's nothing can hold me when I hold you.

All right, you can't be wrong.

Rocking and rolling all week long.

Monday,

Monday, happy days.

Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days.

Thursday, Friday, happy days.

Saturday, what a day.

Grooving all week with you.

Freddy is not going to come through. Yes, he is. Now, he just might

He only turned me down because he had some other silly engagement.

Jenny, his other engagement is that he's engaged.

He's getting married Sunday.

All right, fine.

It'll just be like always.

Two people laughing, me crying my little heart out.

Let's go play some music, Chach.

All right.

Here's some change.

Go play My Heart Bleeds for You. Thanks, Chach.

you're taking to wear sneakers, right? Don't wait until 20.

Tachi, you've got to give Jenny a date. Why?

Because she has no life.

The only time she goes out is with us.

Tony, she can have dates, but the girl wants greatness.

She wants football captains and track stars and, uh, me.

Yeah. Face it. The girl is fishing in the wrong pond.

So, Tony, everybody I know already has a date for the concert.

Well, except, uh...

Hey, hiya, guys.

Well, you won't do that when I'm a senator.

Maybe we could get her to lower her sight.

I don't know.

Eugene's a pretty big drop.

She may need a parachute.

Listen, you go talk to Eugene. I'll talk to Miss Lonely Heart. Hey, Belvin.

Jenny? Well, uh, what I'm about to suggest is for your own good. What?

happy if you go to a concert with your own date.

So you're going to have to lower your standards.

How low?

Hi, Jenny.

That low?

Let me say that your radiant beauty is more than these mortal eyes can behold.

My soul is blinded. Shut up, Eugene, and get to the point.

I certainly will.

Would you do me the great honor of accompanying me to the Chuck Berry

I'm sorry I can't.

Oh, when did you get that?

As soon as you asked me to the concert.

Wow, what a coincidence.

All right, I'll go with you.

Wow, cowabunga.

Oh, I have to leave. I feel dizzy.

I've got to go. Speed up.

Oh, breathe in a paper bag.

Always helps me. Why don't you stick your head in it and blow yourself up?

you.

I'll get Jenny to come down and you get Eugene to come up. Maybe they can meet

somewhere in the middle, okay?

Johnny.

Aren't you forgetting something?

Oh, hi, Tony.

Look at this. Nobody... Oh,

Eugene was here.

Fuzz, I got a fortune in here. Yeah, what is it? What is it, Al? You

I told you I wanted to get something in here to make this place really classy.

Yeah, brother.

Okay, you ready?

Here we go.

Gumballs are going to give us play. Not gumballs.

Antiques, bud. How much, Al? A mere hundred dollars.

A hundred dollars is a good buy.

Yeah, right.

She didn't give me a gumbo, yeah.

Hey, Fonz, I need your advice.

I'll give you some. Don't put any money in that machine.

It's about Eugene.

How can we make him more manly so that Jenny will like him? You can. Anything

else? No, go ahead.

I've owned this comb now nine years. It never touched my hair.

Never? Huh. How do you do that? Each one of these babies is trained, huh?

Good boys.

Now, Fonz, can we talk now? Or do you want to be alone with your hair?

Joe, if you want to ask us, this is my office. Come on, Fonz. Look, I need some

suggestions for Eugene.

Hey, I thought we settled that. I do not dwell on a hopeless.

But it's for Jenny.

That punk girl's got no life.

It's not that I want to make Eugene Charles Atlas or anything.

It's just that Jenny's gonna think he's more of a man, you know?

I didn't realize we were dealing with deception here. Yeah. In that case, the

Barufi Sting, use it in health.

What exactly is the Barufi Sting?

You don't know what the Barufi Sting is? No.

Remember Rocky Barufi?

Oh, yeah, he's in the Falcons.

Isn't he the one that used to grab me by my ankles and dangle me off the roof?

He's a very fun guy, you know, but not very tough.

Used to go down to the beach and girls would kick sand in his face, you know?

needed a social rep. He needed more of a date than just his sister, you know?

So he meets this Buffy Mandel and falls in love, right? But every time he asked

her out, she would dump beer down his pants. Now, he liked it, but he wanted

more of a relationship.

I can understand that.

So we go to this place where Buffy Mandel hangs out, right?

And I start to insult her. And Buffy, you know, she gets crazy.

And then... Rocky takes a swing at me, you know? And you decked him, right?

No, no, no, no, no. Why is everything so simple to me and so complicated to

everybody else?

Oh, because you're the Fonz.

Yes, I am.

Anyway, Rocky Brufe takes a swing. I go down for the count. Rocky's a hero.

Buffy is impressed.

And she starts to date him. She's dating him?

Dates him. She marries him. She married him? What are you, a parrot?

Oh, wait a minute, Fonz. You mean her name now?

Is Buffy Barufi?

Are you kidding me?

What am I wasting my time for? It's a good plan. Take it or leave it. No, it's

great plan. I'll take it. Yeah. I'll take it. All right. Oh, listen. I'll go

tell Eugene right now that you're going to take a dive for him. Hold it.

Right here.

Frankie Barufi is my blood brother. Uh -huh. Eugene is another form of life.

Does that tell you anything?

He tells me you won't do it.

Then who will?

Just stay down long enough to make it convincing.

You think I can do it, Mr. Stee? Oh, sure. As long as you make it look real.

Let's see you do it. All right, let's test it right now, Eugene.

Okay, now we're sitting in Arnold's, and I say, um... Boy, Jay, that's a nice

-looking dress.

Did it come with a Halloween mask?

Eugene!

Stop that.

Listen, you're not supposed to laugh.

You're supposed to tell me not to make fun of your girl, and then take a swing

at me. Remember that?

Can you believe this man is going to go to Harvard?

Let's try it again, okay? Okay. Here it goes.

How dare you speak to this beautiful young lady that way? Good.

You see, she would be sitting at Arno's right now.

Swing and move.

If I make a fist, I black out.

That's no use.

I'm always a failure.

I'll never get the girl of my dreams.

Chachi, come over here.

Now look, the first thing you gotta do is you gotta keep your back to Jenny,

see? That way you can hide the punch with your shoulder. Like this.

Oh! Oh! Chachi!

Chachi! Chachi! Chachi! You okay?

I'm fine.

I'm fine. You missed me by a mile.

It's so real.

This is going to be neat. Oh, you are terrific.

Boy, it takes to be real impressed.

Thank you, Mr.

Cunningham. Please, please, accept this pen.

As a symbol of thanks for what you have done for me.

Thanks, Mr. C.

It's got a picture of Abraham Lincoln on it. Yeah, yeah, I know. Turn it upside

down. Watch his beard grow.

All right, just another moment here, and she's going to be all takey -dokey.

Ah, there you go.

Now give it a try.

Get with the shaking. You're supposed to put a penny in there. Not my penny.

Oh, I'm hurting.

It's got to be at least 75 years old.

The only thing with 75 years can do to a gumball.

I'm going to get this out of here.

No, it's in there real good.

Oh, good, there she is.

You ready? Yeah, ready. Here we go, the roofie stage.

Hi. Hi. Where's Joanie?

Oh, she's in the bathroom getting old gum out of her teeth.

we caught you here.

Say, Jenny, tell me something. With legs that skinny, do you find it hard

standing up in a strong wind?

You want I should beat him up, huh?

Are you kidding?

You clean your plow.

Eugene, what are you waiting for? I asked her if she wanted me to beat you

She said no.

Well, don't let her ask this time, okay?

Eugene.

Eugene, darling, why don't you make yourself useful? Go over to the jukebox

play Blue Moon.

You like that song?

Yes. Boy, only a jerk would like that song.

Um, you're speaking about the woman I love.

You say one more bad thing about her, one thing, and I'll give you a good

ration.

Okay.

Okay.

Is that your face or did your neck throw up?

I think he's dead.

How can you tell the difference?

And now, a special message from Carol Burnett.

That concludes our special message. You're watching TV Land.

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Your favorite cousin of all time to thank for bringing the whole family

Sure, our parents always talked about taking us on a Walt Disney World

but they never got around to it. So when I heard that grown -ups can get a

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You know, Grandma, you've got me, your best grandson ever, to thank for

the whole family together.

This is Merton Grundy. He was only small change at the bank, but recently he

started to change his image. He got the newest design in vans, the Ford

Econoline, which he did his own thing with. A wild and woolly paint job, and

customized Ford's spacious front room especially for his special friends.

Get a Ford and do your own thing.

Ford, the closer you look, the better she look, uh, the better we look.

Just give Eugene a break. You know, he tries so hard to make you like him.

Jones, the man is a geek.

I cannot believe he'd think I would buy that charade of his. I mean, the guy

sucks his thumb in study halls. Oh, he does not. Yes, he does. No, he just

his nails.

I've seen him. When he thinks no one is looking, the thumb goes right in.

Oh.

The man.

Hi. Oh.

Is anybody still mad at me? Just... us two.

Well, it might cheer you up to know that the x -rays show that Eugene's arm

isn't broken.

It's just sprained.

So he's going to drop the lawsuit against you.

And now for the good news.

We can still all double date to the Chuck Berry concert. Oh, good. I'm not

to the concert with that whip. Oh, Jimmy. Come on. The man is humiliating

enough.

If you go to the concert with him, it'll give him back a little bit of his

dignity, you know?

I know.

Think of it as a mercy date.

care for you.

Besides, you know, I feel a little guilty for beating him up.

Just go to the concert with him. Give him one happy moment in his pitiful

life. All right, I'll go. Yeah, but if he tries to kiss me goodnight,

I will rip...

thing. It happens.

No, it doesn't. Not since the cave times has it happened, huh?

Move over.

So, huh?

Killer Cunningham.

How'd you do it?

Want to go a couple of rounds?

Fonz. Huh? Well, Dad taught me the self -defense stuff you learn in the army.

Yeah? You know, when I thought Chachi was really hurt, I guess I went crazy.

You're cute, Fonz.

Fonz, you got to see how humiliating Eugene is. You can't believe it. I know,

know. I saw some Girl Scouts pelting him with cookies.

something you can do?

No. Nada.

Zipper -oony.

I'll tell you something. Spending time with Eugene is lost time I can

more in a coma.

Fun little girls pelting him with cookies.

No. No, no, no, no, no.

Hold it.

I'll meet you down here.

A favor you could do me.

After the concert, go eat at Vinny's, all right? It's right across the street

from the stadium. Do that for me, will you? How would that be doing you a

Well, look.

I don't want him in Arnold's, you understand?

When people see him, they throw garbage at him. He messes up my restaurant.

All right.

Vinnie, come here. I'll go to Vinnie's.

Josh, are you sure this is the place Fonzie was talking about?

It's the only Vinnie's across from the stadium. I guess this is it.

Why would he send us to a place like this?

He didn't want Eugene in Arnold's.

soak up the atmosphere.

Ah, this place was highly recommended.

We'd like a table for four.

Table for four, huh?

You're too young to buy beer. And if you don't like chili, beat it.

Let's have four chilis. Good idea. Good choice.

I guess I'll take my coat off now and show the bod.

Let me help you, Pookie Bear. Hey!

You bumped me.

Excuse me. I'm sorry. Very sorry.

Hey!

You did it again.

You did it again.

Al, I'm sure it was an accident, okay?

I'm sure we can all be friends.

Here, accept this nickel.

Quarter. You want to step outside, four eyes?

Well, I can use the fresh air.

Oh, I get it. This is another setup.

I suppose you paid this gorilla to take a dive for you, right?

Your old lady is calling me a gorilla.

I don't beat up broads. That means I got to beat you up.

Come on, my chili's getting cold.

Pardon me, sir.

You know, I think we can discuss this like a couple of adults over a nice bowl

of hot chili. What do you say?

Forget it.

Forget it.

Forget it.

Forget it. Oh, you guys really think I'm gullible. I suppose when you come back

in here, you're going to tell me Eugene beat up this creep, right?

No, she's calling me a creep.

I'm going to hurt you bad.

Jenny, be nice to the man, please.

are gonna die.

That is very convincing, Chachi. Really, that's a great act.

Jones, get a load of this.

It's all an act.

And that was a very convincing one.

You gonna be first buzzard breath? Wait, wait, wait. How about you?

Possibly. Listen, I think, um, I think if anybody's gonna do the fighting here,

it should be me, okay?

I can defend myself.

Well, for a few seconds.

Look, I'm busy with this guy. You run out of here and call the police. Okay.

And an ambulance.

Here.

Hold my jacket.

go out with me again?

Call me.

Jenny!

On the telephone, you mean.

Listen, you two lovebirds, I think we should get out of here before this guy

comes to, okay? No need, no need. Look, we ordered some chili, so you might as

well sit down and enjoy our meal, huh?

Now bring it to me immediately!

We are working through lunch.

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What do you want from me? I want you to make this go away.

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Hey, Lou.

Thank you. Very good job, huh?

Thank you.

Penny,

I don't know how to thank you. Hey, Font, you always came through for me.

That must have been a good friend of yours, Font. No, no, it's my curse to

care of the less fortunate, you know?

Think of me as the Statue of Liberty. Give me a poor, give me a tired, give me

hungry, give me a jerk.

Hey, Pop.

What's that?

One time.

No, I got it. Come on, Pop.

Up next, it's an all -in -the -family hour.

Yep, back -to -back bunkers. Here's a family with real issues, like the

War, Watergate, women's lib, you name it. And they'll fight about it, next.