Original subtitles

Monday, Monday, happy day.

Tuesday, Wednesday, happy day.

Thursday, Friday, happy day. The weekend comes, my cycle hums, ready to race to

you.

These days are ours,

happy, free.

These days are ours, share them with me.

Goodbye, gray sky, hello, blue.

There's nothing can hold me when I hold you.

So right, you can't be wrong.

Rockin' and rollin' all week long.

Let's dance.

Let's

dance.

Monday, Monday, happy days.

Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days.

Thursday, Friday, happy days.

Saturday, what a day.

Groovin' all week with you.

These days are ours.

this isn't a crank call. I really want to go there.

Mom,

Tony, you'll never believe it. Richie just called. They're opening the base to

wives this weekend and I'm going to go.

Oh, Richie. Oh, Richie. How is everything?

Oh,

Richard, you sound like a woman.

Oh, that army.

Oh, Mom, it's the airline. I'm trying to get a reservation.

Oh, Mom.

Oh, it's really nice talking to you. And I'll give you back to Laurie Beth now.

I'm so embarrassed.

Well, you know, this is a perfect weekend to go to Greenland. It couldn't

colder than it is here.

Oh, thank God.

An hour. The plane leaves in an hour, and I have so much to do. I have to

I have... Oh, I can't believe it. After four long, lonely months, I get to see

Richie, and he'll take me in his arms. He'll look me in the eyes. Laurie Beth,

not in front of gentlemen.

don't mind taking care of Richie Jr., he's having his first cold.

So you'll admit that he's going to get a hundred colds. No, I mean he might be a

little hard to handle.

Oh, I don't mind, I don't mind. Oh, Mom, it's that darn boiler again.

Is Dad ever going to fix that thing? He says he doesn't have the right tools.

He owns a hardware store, Mom.

Could I borrow a suitcase?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, great. I got a hundred over here.

Oh, Lori Beth, I miss Richie so much.

Gee, I wish you were coming with me.

No, you don't.

You're right.

Oh.

Hold up.

Feels good to be home.

How many times do I have to tell you? You don't live here. This is not your

home.

I know that, Mr. C.

Is that today's paper?

Oh, Marion, I got great news for you. I've been prepping.

All day long, trying to figure out how I was going to tell you this. So hold on

to your hat, Barry! Mr. Seuss got two free tickets to New York. I got two free

tickets to New York.

Well, tell me about it. Well, it seems like I ended up selling more Happy

Plungers than anyone else did.

So, Mr.

Happy is giving us a free trip to New York, and he wants to talk to me about

taking a job with his company.

You want to have a job in New York?

No, Mary, and I just want the free trip. Oh, you and I could have a ball.

I'm going this weekend.

Paris. No. Hawaii.

Oh, no.

Omaha.

Oh.

Sit down over here. Oh, thanks, Bob.

How did you know that?

Process of elimination.

Get back in line.

Why are you going to Omaha?

You were looking at the delegate from Jefferson High to the new teacher's

convention. What kind of a teacher's convention?

I'm going to brush up on my library skills.

Brushing up on your library skills?

Mr. Seekerman, I found out last year 96 % of all the delegates were ladies.

Ah. So I figured I'd put a little Dewey back in their decimal system.

Dad, did you hear the good news?

In less than an hour, I'm on my way to see Richie.

Oh, that's great. I'm going to get my best record.

Wonderful, sweetheart. And Mom and I are going to New York.

Oh, New York.

Oh, I'm going to Omaha. Yeah.

I'm going nowhere.

That's right.

What about the baby? Where's the baby going?

The baby.

Oh, that's right.

Well, no, that's very simple.

I just can't go to New York. I can go to New York.

No, Mom, it's my baby. I should be the one to stay home.

I can go to Greenland.

You know, there must be some responsible person who can take care of the little

guy for a couple of days.

I can't think of anybody.

Oh, that's all right.

Just because I'm going to be home and the baby's going to be home, that's no

reason to think of me.

Well, I'm just a little baby myself.

I'll go up to my room and play with my Barbie doll.

What's that all about?

Well, here's a wild guess.

She wanted to take care of the baby, no one thought about asking her, you know.

Oh, well, that's ridiculous. I mean, who ever heard of a kid taking care of a

kid? Mr. C, you haven't noticed, but your child is no longer a kid.

Joan of Arc saved France at her age.

Of course, Joanie can do it. She's wonderful with the baby.

I don't know.

Do I know kids? I know kids. You know kids. Come on, she's great.

You're right.

Joanie! How are you doing the right thing?

Come on down, will you, sweetheart? I want to talk to you.

I hope this is... I left Barbie naked.

Look, sweetheart, I don't know why we didn't think of it before, but, well, we

would appreciate it if you would take care of the baby this weekend.

Oh, Joey, I know you'll do a great job. Oh, you won't be sorry. I'll bathe him,

and I'll feed him, and I'll burp him. I'll even get him to grow some hair.

I'll take great care of him, I promise. Oh, great.

I'd better get going. Yeah, we'll drive you. I'll warm up the car, huh?

I'll get your coat.

You've got to help me out. He will not leave me alone.

I'll do anything for you. Thank you. All right. Here you go, Mr. C.

Hey, Patsy.

Patsy. Yeah, Pats?

How long has it been since we hung out together?

Five years.

Let's make a deal that we meet every five years, all right?

I'll treat you to a game of skeetball.

Oh, great.

Boy, is Ralph going to be jealous.

Will you pick me up a couple of bagels?

Sure. Oh, that's terrific. You go to Bertie's Bakery. You see, you take the D

train, get off at Jerome, you transfer to the 44 bus, then you get off at

Morris, you walk six blocks west, and there it is.

I'm not going to have time for that. I'm going to be in business meetings all

afternoon. Afternoon's too late. You've got to get there five o 'clock in the

morning. That's what Bertie takes. He takes about a day off.

Well, I'll tell you what. We'll spend the night at the bakery and forget about

the hotel, huh?

That's what I always do.

All right, gang, we're going. Now, you take care of yourself and make sure that

you lock up all the windows and the doors before you go to sleep. All the

Oh, rabbit, little baby. Mommy's sleeping. Okay, now you leave a few

burning at night. Don't open the door before strangers.

And then we wait an hour after eating before you go swimming.

It's the middle of winter.

Then you really shouldn't go swimming at all.

Mother always gets nervous when she flies.

I don't like that thing, Mr. C. I'll be around here a lot.

That's it, I'm saying.

No, Mr. C, what I meant was I'll be around here in the daytime a lot.

Now, look, you don't have to worry about a thing. I'll make sure that Joanie

leaves two lights on, and I'll be out of here every night at 10 o 'clock. 8 o

'clock. 9 .30. 8 o 'clock.

8 o 'clock.

8 o 'clock? It's a deal.

No, Mr.

C, there's no one more responsible than our little Joanie.

Kids, it's party time!

No way. Yes, no party.

Listen, Jenny, this weekend is very, very important to me, and I want to

proved everyone that I'm just not a little kid. Well, I don't think you

understand something, Joanie.

When kids' parents leave town, there's going to be a party.

Oh, really?

Well, how does everybody know this?

Well, you see, Chach, it's like a grapevine.

It goes mouth to mouth.

And whose was the first mouth?

It could have been mine.

You just tell everyone that there's no party. Oh, you guys are a couple of

-goodies, you know that?

And listen, if you ever get bored or anything, you can always give each other

crew cuts.

Yeah. Isn't this nice?

You, me, a baby. It's just like if we were married.

You know,

you're right.

It is just like we were married.

Hey, I got an idea.

Why don't you go outside and pretend you're my husband coming home from work?

What? Oh, come on. Oh, Joni, come on. It's freezing outside. I don't want to

that. Don't you have any romance, Joni?

All right.

I'll be right back with some romance. Okay.

Hi, honey, I'm home.

How was your day, dear?

Oh, not too bad, honey. I got a beat on that math quiz.

Come on.

Act like we're married.

Okay. Okay.

Another new dress, huh?

stuffing your mouth with bonbons?

But I work 12 hours a day in the mines?

Huh? Huh?

And how was your day? Oh, the usual.

Did the laundry, bought a new toaster, had an affair with the milkman.

How dare you?

How dare you buy a toaster without asking me?

Come on, Sutton. We're making a mockery of the whole thing.

Married people are happier than that.

Yeah, sure.

They don't have to be home at 8 o 'clock.

Oh, no, it's that darn boiler again.

You know, it is getting kind of cold in here. I know.

Chach, will you go look at it? Yeah, all right. Thanks.

Oh, sure.

12 hours a day in the mines, and now I got to go back down again.

This is fun. Yeah. I like playing married.

Can't you be a gentleman?

No one was home.

Well, where were they?

Here.

Oh,

my.

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I hate you. You look fabulous.

My new diet.

What are you doing, one of those carb things?

Way better. You should try it.

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Really? Really.

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Cheers.

Everybody's doing a band -aid dance now. Okay, everybody, let's get naked and

see who's best.

Jaunty didn't mean it. Besides, who'd take their clothes off if they were fat?

You're not helping.

I think Bobby's getting a little out of control.

Oh, Jaunty's harmless.

He's just unwinding from the pressures of maintaining a straight C average.

Besides, Jaunty, sweetheart, don't be upset. It's your party. You make the

rules.

It's like a party. Yeah, there is a party. It's in the living room.

Why don't you invite me?

Oh, wow.

Look at this cute little Tammy from my third period.

Hey, Tammy, how you doing?

Oh, man, I hate third periods.

I'm sorry I'm unmanaged. Did you fix the boiler?

Fix it?

Are you kidding?

I just gave that thing its last rites.

Yeah, it's going to be shot. Shoot.

I'm going to call a repairman.

Here, start looking.

All right. Beep, beep.

the party any less fun.

Yeah, this is great.

Next week and all done.

Gosh, Eugene.

Sure know where the action is.

If you're not having fun, you can leave.

Joanie, nobody said we weren't having fun.

Oh, a ringing doorbell. That's fun.

Rudy to the rescue.

Who died?

Do they know?

You must be Rudy.

What does that say, Liberace?

So where's the busted boiler?

Oh, it's in the basement.

Good.

You want me to dig through the floor? You got stairs.

Oh, oh, uh, follow me. Uh, time to... Oh,

can you fix this?

Are you kidding? My mother didn't name me Rudy to the rescue for nothing.

Yeah, well, uh, listen, Rudy to the rescue, what's this gonna cost?

Look, Rudy's got a special this weekend. Only $199 .95.

$200?

No.

$199 .95.

Listen, I don't think my parents would want me to spend that much money.

Okay. It's been nice meeting you.

Tony, I don't even know if you have that kind of money. Do you?

Well, my dad left me that blank check in case of emergency.

Come again?

What's the matter? I'm sorry. When I hear blank check, the blood rushes to my

head.

I'll get started.

Well, wait a minute. Hey. I could take the baby to a hotel and this could wait

till Monday, right?

Well, you see, what you got here is your standard Crookshank galvanized pipes.

Now, Crookshank was an idiot.

And in this weather, if there's no heat going through these pipes, then the

water in this pipe freezes and expands.

So? So.

They could boist.

Boist?

You could be doing sea hunt down in your basement.

You know what?

This happened in my mother's building.

Really? Yeah, it cost her two grand.

Two grand? Listen, you better listen to him. He knows.

Johnny, that green lamp upstairs, is that an antique?

No.

That's a load off my mind. You got any glue?

What? Never mind, I'll find it.

Beth, Beth, Beth, you gotta decide.

You gotta decide. It's just $200 now or it's $2 ,000 later. It's up to you.

Johnny, you better get up here quick.

Hey, makes no never mind to me. I can save your house or I can save somebody

else's. All right, all right, all right. Save mine.

I don't know why I'm so nervous.

$200. Sorry, I'll tell you what to do. You go up to your room. I'll talk to

father. You push your bed right in front of the door.

I spent the money. I'm going to tell him.

I'm very proud of you.

Thanks. All right, I'll take a look.

Thanks.

You know, it's them crookshank pipes. The guy was an idiot.

if it's any consolation.

I just want you to know that your best friend in the world, Jenny Piccolo, will

be right here, right by your side.

All right, we're home.

See you, Jones.

Did everything go okay, dear?

Yeah, just fine.

The baby's cold is all gone.

Wow, Dad, did you lose some weight? You look great. No, as a matter of fact, I

gained four pounds. Well, I knew it looked good. I don't know how it

Want a bagel? No.

Those are for Al.

I know, but... Oh, those pumpernickels. Did you have a nice weekend here?

Oh, yeah. Well, enough about me. How was New York? Were you going to move in?

No, no. I turned the job down.

We got off to a bad start.

We took a cab from the airport and he showed us some sights.

Like Boston.

Well, it sure is good having you guys home.

Thanks. So, any trouble with the boiler? Sure. Go ahead. Blame me. I knew you

wouldn't understand.

Well, the repairman was threatening to leave and the baby was crying.

Sweetheart, what are you talking about?

and he charged me $200 to fix it.

What?

I don't understand.

I don't understand.

I leave you alone for one minute and what do you do? You throw open the

and you holler, Hey, everybody, I got a blank check. Come and cheat me.

Dad, I don't know anything about mechanical stuff.

Well, then why don't you listen to me when I explain these things?

Because, Howard, you just explained them to Richie. Yeah. You man, you just love

to have your little secrets about boilers and plumbing and...

know anything.

Oh, I'm sorry, Joanie. I didn't mean to yell at you. It's just that the whole

thing hit me so hard.

200 bucks.

Boy, that's almost what I spent for the cab ride.

Joanie. Oh, let me bet the happy wanderers are back. Yeah, I find.

How you doing?

Someone went down there to look at the boiler, huh?

You know what I found?

Bagels.

Will you tell me what did you find?

All right.

$200 well spent that Joanie hadn't thought fast could have cost you $2

Really? Oh, yeah.

Oh, sweetheart, I knew you'd make the right decision.

Tomorrow I'm going to teach you how to turtle land.

Isn't that wonderful, Howard? Isn't that wonderful?

She's really growing up.

Aw, you were always the baby.

It wasn't so bad when Mitchie grew up because I still had you as the baby.

But now you're not the baby anymore.

Why don't we let the baby be the baby?

Oh, perfect.

Why don't we go and see the baby? Oh, yes!

Oh, Johnny, I'm proud of you. I knew you'd make the right decision under

tremendous pressure. Oh, thanks, Dad. I used to have a green lamp in this room.

Oh, oh, we'll talk about that later. I want you to see how well I took care of

the baby.

You broke it? The baby's just fine.

By the way, uh, how was the teacher's convention?

I had such a weekend, I can't believe it. 400 luscious teachers, huh?

Oh. I wish I could have seen that.

Meet me up at my apartment. I'll be there in an hour.

I say this calls for action, and now, nip it in the bud. You got to nip them

things in the bud.

I'm going to get my bud nipper and go over there and nip some bud. There's

one way to take care of it. Nip it in the bud. That bud is nipped. There's no

place like TV land. Nip it.

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Dad, this is done.

It's go time. Oh, boy.

Here's one way to take computer help.

Target in sight.

Can I help you?

Not a word of this to your mother.

Hang on.

Here we go. What do you want from me? I want you to make...

Go away.

Please. Don't go there. Go down.

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Howard. For us.

I ran right over as soon as I heard you came back.

I brought my cream cheese.

I brought my pipe.

Ready.

What are you talking about, Al?

My bagels. Did you bring my bagels?

Oh, your bagels.

Sure, they're right here on the counter.

That's great.

Why, I don't believe this.

Marion, call the police. We've been robbed.

Save.

You ate them, didn't you? Yes.

You ate them!

I'm sorry, Howard. I blinked after just a second.

Come on, sit down.

Tell me.

Tell me how they tasted.

Don't leave anything out.

I can't do this. I wonder how they're tasting.

Mike!

All right, put down that butter knife.

Okay, I did exactly what you told me to do. I went to Bernie's bright and early

in the morning. Nice and clean. Oh, boy, and they were piping hot. Oh, you can't

touch me. And then I rushed back to the hotel and I cut them up with a knife and

I put a little butter and a little cream cheese and a little lox in them.

Oh!

Yeah, yeah!

Little bites are big bites.

I started out with little bites, but then I just couldn't control myself, and

found myself popping them into my mouth left and right like Nina.

Stop it. Stop it.

What is it?

Start over.

Stay tuned for another episode of Happy Days on TV Land's Twice as Nice.

It's not going to be nice. It's going to be wild. No, bossy. It's going to be

nice. Twice as nice.