Original subtitles

Monday, Monday, happy days.

Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days.

Thursday, Friday, happy days.

The weekend comes, my cycle hums. Ready to race to you.

These days are ours.

Happy, free.

Happy days.

These days are ours.

Show them the way.

Goodbye, gray sky, hello, blue.

There's nothing can hold me when I hold you.

It's all right. You can't be wrong.

Rockin' and rollin' all week long.

Monday,

Monday, happy days.

Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days.

Thursday, Friday, happy days.

Saturday, what a day.

Groovin' all week with you.

Please stay dry.

I got an omelet for you, huh? I got a tuna melt, you know, and a cheeseburger,

huh? Mine like a steel trap.

Yeah? Well, from now on, it's a buffet.

Oh, watch it, Joanie. Hot stuff.

You're not carrying anything, Al. I was talking about myself.

a short one, Chuch.

Oh, before I forget, remind your mother that dinner's at 7 .30 tomorrow.

I can't come tomorrow. I gotta work. Oh, no, no. You're not invited.

You see, my folks wanted to see your mother without you.

You know, they just wanted to show her that they like her for herself.

That's nice.

Yeah. My mama liked that. Yeah, they were real thrilled that she was free.

Free?

That's a laugh.

That's all she is, is free.

Well, a couple of nights a week she goes shopping, but that's it.

You know what her big night is? What? Friday.

She things along with Mitch.

Hi,

kid.

Oh, gosh, I've got to get out of here. See you later. Wait a minute. Get over

here.

Hey, short kid. Hi, Von.

What's the rush?

Well, I've got to go pick up the turkey for Mom. We're having her at Louie's

over for dinner tomorrow night. Hey, that's great. Tomorrow night I'm free

nine. Tell your parents I like those mixed vegetables wrapped in butter. I

that a lot.

I'm sorry, but you weren't invited.

Also, the deep dish pie, apple pie.

What'd she just say to me?

You're not invited.

And neither am I. Who cares? We're talking about me.

I guess it's one of those adult dinners. Or one of my baby snooks.

What about the party?

All right, chaps, let's get down to business here, huh?

Now, you know, it's always been my policy that when one of my girls has a

birthday, I give her a special date, right? But I got so confused, so I had

Bobby, you know, for my class, make me this little chart here. Now, when a

girl's birthday comes up, she's got her own little square, I'm prepared, right?

That's a great idea. Like a boy scout, all right.

Fox, can I ask you a question? Yeah.

What happens if four birthdays come up on the same day? What do you do?

Say what?

There's four names in this square. Let me see that.

And they're all for Saturday night.

I can't have four birthday girls in one night. I only got one set of hats.

I'm going on the phone now. I'm going to straighten this out.

Charge.

Lock up for me, will you? I think I'm going to go home. Oh, sure, Al.

Big night, Glenn?

Big night. Big deal.

I'm just going to go home to the old apartment.

and soak my comb.

Well, it's been a week.

And I'll change the cheese in the mousetrap.

And I'll bring my diary up to date.

I don't have to write. I just put little ditto marks.

There's something I can do.

Yeah, I don't know.

Al, how would you like to do something else tonight?

Anything would be a welcome change.

All right.

How would you...

I'd like to take out my mother. Huh?

Your mother?

Yeah, Al.

Are you talking about your mother? Yes.

A date with your mother?

It's not a date.

My mother doesn't date.

You can just keep each other company.

You don't have to think it's someplace nice to take her. I mean, I'm going to

have to make reservations.

I can't pick her up in the truck.

Maybe I'll rent a car. That's it. Maybe I better call her up. I should tell her

my intentions.

No, I'll just pop over there.

You should not do anything.

That's good. That's good. Al, would you calm down?

Repeat after me, all right?

It's no big thing. It's no big thing. Just friends. Just friends. Yeah. Yeah.

Thanks a lot, Al. Okay.

Patsy, let me go over this just one more time.

You see, when we lock up the store, I go to my house, you go to your house, and

we don't see each other till the next working day. Is that clear?

I can't do that, Mr. C. I still owe you time. I'm supposed to work till 6 o

'clock. I'm not going to cheat you. Please, cheat me, cheat me.

Look, Patsy, the day is over. The store is closed. There's nothing left to do

but to have dinner.

Great. I missed lunch making deliveries. Great working for you.

Oh, good.

Marion, he is driving me crazy. You know that he hangs on to me all

day long. He's coming over early in the morning because he wants us to shave

together.

He likes you. And you know he has never been close to his own father. Yeah, I

suppose so.

But look, Louise is coming over here tonight, and he just invited himself to

dinner. Well, I'll just uninvite him, gently. You don't know how to handle

things.

Well, hello, Warren.

Oh, Mrs. C., you look beautiful.

Oh, you're such a sweet boy.

Listen, about dinner tonight.

Oh, it smells wonderful.

You know, at my house, my parents would let me smell the food, but they wouldn't

let me eat it.

Well, sometimes on holidays they let me have a little, you know, after they

finished.

I was 15 before I realized a baked potato was more than just skin.

We're going to have mashed potatoes tonight.

Ah, Joanie, would you set another place at the table?

Well, bring me all the food I haven't eaten.

Now, why are you dressed like that?

And where have you been all day?

Where have I been all day? Where have I been all day?

I've been home watching television. That's where I've been.

Tried watching concentration, but my mind kept wandering.

So I kept eating, eating, eating. That's why I'm here, right out of food.

Are you sick? I'm sick. I'm sick.

I'm sick at heart.

Your mother ripped it up in little pieces.

Am I blue?

Of course I'm blue!

What are you talking about?

I heard my mother come home late last night.

She must have had a good time, you devil.

Then she had a good time, but not with me, Chach. What?

Once again, Al Belvecchio played the fool.

Chach, why'd you put me through all this? Why? You are like the son I never

wanted.

It makes sense. Now, calm down. It makes sense. All right. I went home last

night. I got dressed.

Aftershave, lotion, powder, deodorant, you name it, I put it on.

What happened?

I was driving over to your place with my new suit in a rented car.

I could see my whole future changing.

First, one date and two dates.

Then, constant companionship. Then, I take her home to meet my mother.

We get married by my brother, the priest, Father Delvecchio.

I'd be your father.

And my brother the father would be your uncle.

Al, please, will you just go on with the story? Well, all right. So I took her

some flowers and some candy and I asked her to go out with me. And?

And? And why?

And some guy came in the two and off together on a date.

What guy? What guy? What guy? What do I know? A date. Her boyfriend.

All I know, they left me standing like a side order of spinach. Nobody ordered.

Al, Al, Al. You should have warned me, Josh.

Are you trying to tell me that my mother has a boyfriend?

All this time she's been lying to me?

You know, it's a good thing I asked you to go over there last night. Or else I'd

still be in the dark about this whole thing.

You know what I'm going to do, Al?

I'm going down to Cunningham's and I'm going to get to the bottom of it.

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So what do you like to eat?

Cereal. Pizza.

Candy.

Chocolate chip.

Hamburgers. Let me just try something.

Oh, I'm sorry, Jonathan.

Cookies. What do you think of Campbell's chicken noodle?

I think it's good.

Clearly. Might get Campbell's in the data.

I'm glad you're here.

Of course, I mean, I told you I'd be here.

What's the matter?

The matter?

Oh, nothing's the matter.

I guess it's okay for a son to find out about his mother's affairs on the

street.

Affairs?

Now, Chachi.

I'm sorry you found out about Walter the way you did, but that was a perfectly

respectable date. Oh, really?

That's not the way I heard it. The way it was described to me, this guy must be

some kind of low -life deadbeat.

We will talk about this at home.

Well, I'm not going home now, and I probably never will.

I wonder where he's going. Mary, I...

Look, I'm sorry I embarrassed you all.

This situation with Chachi is very difficult.

Oh, I understand.

Really. I'm a psychology major.

It's a form of anxiety neurosis.

For years, you've been avoiding personal relationships for fear of upsetting the

family emotional balance, which is compounded by the lack of a father

Now, you don't want to bring anyone new into this family environment for fear of

causing trauma to your son.

That's exactly it.

What do you suggest I do?

About what?

I'm a jerk out of myself tonight at the Cunninghams.

In front of Joanie, the parents, Patsy.

Patsy was there?

Yeah. You see... Patsy, my mother's going out with this guy.

Patsy was invited to this dinner that I was not invited to? Yeah, Patsy.

Look, I found out that my mother's going out with this guy.

Is Patsy at the table eating?

Yes. Can you forget about Patsy for a minute? I don't think I can.

I'm going to try.

All right.

All right.

Patsy, was it this dinner? All right, go ahead, go ahead.

When I tell you what my mother's been doing, you won't believe it.

It'll curl your hair.

guy? Yeah, Walter.

Yeah, Walter.

You know him?

I set him up.

You set up my mother with some crumb -bum? Hey, you watch your tongue there,

cousin. This crumb -bum happens to be a doctor. Big deal. Yeah, that's right.

Dr. Walter Danzig.

Very nice guy. I was fixing his car. We were talking. He's nice. I fixed him up

with your mother. They get along.

The rest is history.

Now, I was going to tell you, but she said she wanted to. Well, she didn't.

Well, she will.

And this is why you went over to Cunningham's and made a fool out of

Yeah.

Was Patsy actually sitting at the table?

What do you think they do on dates?

Come on, they do what adults do. It's an adult relationship.

Yeah, you're right.

Two adults having an adult good time.

Reading, watching TV, playing charades.

No kissing, right?

Chachi, I said adults, not dead.

I hate this guy. Why? Because. Because why?

Because I hate him. Hey, you don't judge somebody because you've been in their

boots. You meet him first, then hate him. Are you kidding me? I can't meet

a guy who won't level with me.

So just give me a lollipop and send me on my way.

You know what a blithering idiot is? Yes.

You're beginning to bliver.

Look, if I get any calls from my birthday girls, you just tell them I'm

making their cakes. I'm up to my elbows in mocha, right?

I'm taking a break.

Why? Because Patsy Webber was eating my vegetables!

So, Mrs. Klein, how are you doing?

Dr. Danzig said I'm due any day now, and I can't wait.

So contiguous.

Oh, no, you look beautiful.

Are you kidding? I'm as big as a house.

Not at all. Listen, when you go downstairs, take the freight elevator.

Hi,

I'm Chachi Smith, four o 'clock.

Right on time.

Where's the patient?

Hmm? Where's the patient?

Right here.

I'm the patient.

Look, kid, I think you got the wrong place. No, I don't.

My own doctor suggested I come here.

Now, may I see Dr. Danzig, please?

Go on in. Thank you.

Hello.

I'm Dr. Danzig.

Hi, I'm Chachi Smith.

Where's the patient?

Again.

Why does everybody keep saying that? I'm the patient.

This is so difficult.

Yes, I'm not surprised.

Yeah.

Let's get on with this.

Are you really here on a medical matter?

Absolutely. You realize I'm an obstetrician?

I deliver babies?

I've got bad news for you.

You're not having one.

Boy, that's a load off my mind. Hey,

hey.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Did you say your name was Chachi?

Yeah. As in Chachi Arcola?

How'd you know?

Chachi's not a very common name.

Look, I've been looking forward to meeting you. I thought that you and I

go to a ball game or something.

Why'd you lie about your name?

All right, I'll be honest.

I came down here because I wanted to check you out.

All right.

Go ahead.

Oh, is this the part where I get the pat on the head and the lollipop?

If you have a few minutes to wait, I think I can get this thing all

out. Oh, sure.

I got nowhere else to go.

That's the spirit.

Make yourself at home.

Read a magazine.

Hiya,

Chachi.

Mom, what are you doing here?

Walter called me. He was worried about you.

Oh, isn't he sweet?

Yeah, he is sweet, Shashi.

Come on. Now, you be honest.

You met him and you talked to him. What do you think?

He's not ugly.

He's not short.

He's not stupid.

I guess he's a fairly decent guy.

I hate him.

Chachi, there's no reason for you to hate him. I'm entitled to an opinion,

aren't I?

Or are you going to yell at me again like you did at the Cunninghams for

an opinion?

I yelled at you for humiliating me. Oh, really?

What do you call what you did to my friend Al? I didn't know he was coming

And I didn't know you were going out with this Walter guy.

You know, if somebody walked in here, they'd never know we loved each other.

Chachi, look.

You're right about one point.

I should have told you about Walter when he first asked me out. But I was afraid

I was going to make an unpleasant scene.

And instead I made things worse.

Judge, it would be nice if you liked Walter.

But the important thing is that I like Walter.

Judge, you're not a little boy. You're a big boy. You're a grown -up.

Pretty soon you're going to start having a life of your own.

I need a life.

Don't you think I'm entitled to one?

Mom, I want you to be happy.

It's just that I... I picture you with this guy.

He's not dead.

I know.

That was hard for me to accept also.

I thought you took me a lot of years.

But I finally had to do it.

You got to do it too.

It's not going to be easy for me.

You try?

Yeah.

Sorry.

I'm sorry.

Look at that face.

Whoa, is that a face?

Come on.

I'll take you. I'll make you some ravioli.

Should I spend money on you, Ma?

What do you want, receipts?

That's about my date. You don't tell me. You'll make me raviolis, right? Not

cheese. Of course, me raviolis. What kind of mother do you think I am?

A great one, Ma.

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care of that.

Anything more to drink?

No, thanks very much.

So, Dottie, didn't you have a great time, huh? Yes, this is the best

I've ever had.

But it was so bad.

Yeah, but I'm going to see you real soon, huh? Next year, if not sooner,

You know, you're going to look so strange walking down the street with

aren't you, huh? Oh, but Fonz, I really wanted something to remember this night

by. Well, then, take this home.

And good night to you, Dottie. All right? As we say, happy birthday to you.

All right. Great job.

All right.

You should come. Ready? Right.

All right. How are you?

Yes, indeed.

Welcome to your little special birthday table.

Pat, so nice to see you. You look very pretty on your birthday. You're all

aglow.

There you go.

Oh, you're so cute, huh? Huh? Here we go. Happy birthday to you. Happy

birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Samantha.

Next on the Brady Bunch, the family resemblances are astounding.

Carol looks exactly like her grandmother, and Mike just like his

You've really got to see it to believe it. Stay tuned for episode 93, You're

Never Too Old.