Original subtitles

Monday, Monday, happy days. Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days.

Thursday, Friday, happy days.

The weekend comes, my cycle hums, ready to race to you.

These days are our happy days.

These days are our happy days.

Goodbye, gray sky, hello, blue.

Nothing can hold me when I hold you.

It's all right. You can't be wrong.

Rockin' and rollin' all week long.

this. The fried eggs and bacon form two eyes and a mouth.

Oh, that just reminds me of Richie and his little round face.

Morning, Marion.

Morning, dear. Morning, Tony.

Morning, Daddy.

Morning.

Hey, what are you cooking up? They're not going to let Khrushchev into

Disneyland. Oh.

want anything special?

Mm -hmm. Bring some money back.

You always complain about the grocery bill. You're the biggest eater.

I am not the biggest eater, Marion.

Just so happens that Jiminy Crickets. Mom, I think you're hurt.

Laurie Beth!

For goodness sake, how long have you been standing there?

Laurie Beth?

Are you in there?

There's a letter in her hand, Howard.

It's like your mother holding a bottle of gin.

Looks like it's from Richie.

I'm getting married.

We know that, dear, to Richie. Yes, we know.

No, I'm getting married in two weeks.

Richie wants to get married as soon as possible. The army's getting real

He's tired of dancing at the canteen with Ralph.

Richie's working on a top -secret base. Even Bob Hope hasn't been there.

Wow.

You won't get to leave for a year. I'll have to fly up there.

Well, we'll all fly up to Greenland with you. Yeah. No, Mom, it's a restricted

base. Only wives are allowed.

Oh. Oh.

You mean we won't even go to our son's wedding?

Well, he promised me I could be his bridesmaid. Oh, all my life I've waited

our children's wedding.

Well, no, that's too selfish of me. The important thing is that our son is

marrying a wonderful, wonderful girl.

That's what counts.

Now, don't anybody be alarmed. I'm going to start to cry now.

Yes?

Cunningham, Howard Z?

Yes? You got a son, Cunningham Richard J?

Captain John Slaughter, U .S. Army.

Would you like some coffee, Captain?

Oh, thank you, ma 'am. Very nice of you. Get in, please.

Thank you, sir. Oh, this is Laurie Bath.

Oh, you're the one for whom Private Cunningham requested a visitor's pass.

Yes, sir.

And this is my daughter, Joni, and her boyfriend, Chachi Arcola.

Why aren't you in the Army?

I'm in high school.

See? Army.

You can choose your own job.

The best one is, uh...

What do they call those things? They're made of armor. They got a big gun

sticking out of them.

Tanks. You're welcome.

Oh, we all love that one down at the recruiting station.

Captain, what about the visitor's pass?

Right.

The sign is... Lines 1 -2 -3 - and 9.

Three copies.

Why are they...

copies. One for you, one for the army, and one we destroy so the Russians won't

get it.

Here you are, Captain.

Thank you, ma 'am.

Please sit down. Thank you, ma 'am.

And you're a lucky little lady, since the base is restricted, only wives are

allowed to visit. I know.

It's funny, I never thought I'd ever get married in Greenland.

You're not married yet?

No, not yet.

Then you can't get clearance.

You just said the wives could get on the base. The wives can, but she's not a

wife yet.

Well, do you have a chapel on the base? Yes, 20 pews.

Well, then she'll fly up there and get married in the chapel. She can't get on

the base to get married in the chapel because she isn't married yet. Well,

is ridiculous. It's beginning to sound like Abbott and Costello. Who's on

I don't know. Third base. Wait a minute.

Now, look, this is getting a little out of hand.

Now, what's the big problem? Private Cunningham is on leave in a year.

Oh, we can't wait a year.

Yeah, he's stuck up there with Ralph Mouth. Oh, that Mouth boy.

He's the one who tried to go AWOL by mailing himself to his mother.

Isn't there anything we can do, sir? I'm sorry.

Move it. Oh.

Rules are rules. You make one exception and a nation crumbles, as you were.

Too bad this isn't the old west. In those days, if a man and woman were

they'd get married by means of proxy.

And why don't you tell me something I don't know, you know?

I don't know that. Why don't you tell me... You see, Fonz, in those days, if a

man couldn't attend his own wedding, what they would do is he would send a

-in, a representative, proxy, if you will. If you will what?

You see, Fonz, they would continue on with the wedding and everything would be

completely legal.

All right, the question is, is it legal today?

I see no reason why it wouldn't be. Well, why can't we... do that? We could

a minister right here in our own home, and then somebody could stand in for

Richard, and after the marriage, you would be allowed to go to Greenland.

I'll tell you something else we could do.

We get a phone, right? We call Richie up, and he calls us. We got him right

for the ceremony.

Okay, now assuming this is legal, and I think it is, only one question remains.

Who is going to be Richie's proxy?

You like to be Richie's proxy?

Yes, please.

Children are smiling.

Families are decorating.

Santa Claus is beating up the gunman.

Must be that time of year.

Time for TV Land's fourth annual marathon.

Our yearly weekend of holiday episodes. Filled with enough joy and cheer to put

everyone in the holiday spirit.

Even you, Scrooges.

Scrooge did it.

Get a stocking full of TV satisfaction with a 48 -hour marathon. All this

weekend, only on TV Land.

Good. Have you noticed that the fancier the shopping bag, the more you have to

spend? Well, I sure have. That's why I shop at Tuesday morning. No fancy

shopping bags there. Just close -out savings of 50 to 80 % off retail on

beautiful home accessories and gifts. It's where I find special treasures like

this one.

So the next time you shop, skip the fancy bags. Go straight to Tuesday

where you're sure to find a treasure every time you shop.

Mom, I'm overwhelmed.

We're going to have to postpone this wedding.

How about something to eat? The church music, the florist, the arrangements.

Okay. And then what about the bridesmaids dresses?

Now, do I have to include Cousin Ruth? Katie, we've got 11 months.

We can do this.

And getting David's family to cut their mullet?

Put it on the list.

It's that extra goodness in Sarah Lee homestyle bread, along with our bagels.

They're just another reason why.

Important information for individuals living with limited mobility.

Hi, I'm Dan Weston with good news from the scooter store.

You may qualify for a brand new power chair or scooter at little to no out -of

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assistance, Unable to push yourself in a manual wheelchair.

And your doctor prescribes a power chair for your medical needs. Then there's a

good chance Medicare and private insurance will cover the cost of your

chair. I hadn't been able to get around the house on my own in over a year.

This power chair has changed my life, thanks to the scooter store.

Medicare approves 90 % of all the claims we pre -qualify.

Plus, if we pre -qualify you and Medicare denies your claim, the scooter

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If you have a medical need, it's time to receive the benefits you deserve. Call

the scooter store now.

Call 1 -800 -641 -5522 for free information.

That number again is 1 -800 -641 -5522.

I'll get it! I'll get it! I'm coming!

Coming!

Oh, thank heaven, the cake!

You are an hour late!

Sorry, ladies, Saturdays are crazy. Everybody thinks they're the only affair

town. Why does that cake say Happy Bar Mitzvah Herbie?

Our name is Cunningham. Is that a bar mitzvah name?

I want to know a customer's... I'm sorry, lady. Sorry? Well, let's cut the

mustard, bucko.

Marion.

Marion, what is going on down here? The wedding is a disaster.

Fix it.

Happy Bar Mitzvah Herbie?

What if we take a little bride and stick it next to the bar mitzvah boy?

What if we take it back and fix it?

That's another choice.

That's the choice you're going to make. I got some stuff in the truck. I'll have

it fixed right up.

Why aren't you dressed?

Well, I washed some things and I wanted to dry them by the oven. Well, will you

please hurry up? There are going to be people here any minute.

He went on a psychology field trip with his school, and the bus broke down just

outside Chicago.

Well, who's going to sing?

Well, there's always Al.

We'll play a record.

I've got to finish dressing. Will you guys please answer the door for me? Oh,

it'll be a pleasure, Mr. C. Hey, Mr. C. What?

Just think.

Maybe someday you'll be getting dressed for Joanie's wedding.

To someone I know real well.

I hope you're invited.

Thanks a lot.

is with my body.

I'm not wearing it, you don't. That's okay with me. Johnny, will you get in

and help me?

Good morning.

Hi. I'm Reverend Dan. I never heard of you. I'm Roger Phillips. This is Chachi

Arcola. What is the silliest thing I ever heard?

you a hundred times that you don't dry clothes in the oven.

When did you start wearing a bra?

Daddy!

She, uh, set her bra on fire.

A lot of people do that now.

Must be Richie.

No, no, no. I'm Marion's nephew, Roger Phillips.

Oh. Well, then you must be Richie. Oh, no, no. My name is Chachapola.

Oh.

You're Richie? No.

Oh, thank God.

Excuse me.

You've never seen Richie?

Well, Lord.

Beth did send us a very nice picture of Richie, but before it got to us, the

insects had eaten its face.

We have African flies that could carry away a house.

Where is Richie anyway? I'm so anxious to meet him. Oh, Richie's in Greenland.

You mean he skipped out on my daughter?

No, he's being married by phone. Lori Beth didn't tell you.

Well, we were in Nairobi when the message reached us. It had to be relayed

jungle drums.

They must have dropped a beat.

Beth, or is she phoning it in, too? Oh, no, no. She's right upstairs getting

ready. First door on your left. Oh, I can't wait to see her.

Those were Lori Beth's parents?

Yeah. Why didn't you introduce me?

Oh, Al, I'm sorry. Look, when they come down again, I'll introduce you, okay?

She thought I was Richie. I know.

You should have introduced me. I'm sorry.

You're a vision of loveliness.

I got so nervous, I started to dress last night.

I slept standing up.

You are not the one getting married. Now, what are you so nervous about?

Well, I'll tell you. You know, I'm standing in for my good friend, right? I

don't want to mess up.

Are you listening to yourself, huh?

The Fonz messed up?

Yeah. Yeah.

So beautiful.

Well, where are the Cunninghams?

Richie? Roxy.

Wouldn't it be beautiful if Richard actually were here? Like he'd come in

door, he'd sweep Lori Beth off her feet, carry her over the threshold.

I'm here.

I didn't think I'd make it, but I jumped on that plane and I am here.

Oh, he's here.

Oh, I'm so sorry,

baby. No, no, excuse me.

Excuse me, but that is not Richie.

He's one of Richie's friends, Patsy Webber. Oh?

ever been this excited to see me.

I'll always remember this day.

Richie! Oh, Richie!

Oh, it's Richie. Well, Richard, what kept you so long for calling?

Oh, he had to wait in line at the barracks to use the phone.

Oh, Richard, are you eating all right, dear? Are you wearing your thermal

underwear? You're not drinking out of the other boy's canteen, are you?

You just go get the girls ready, will you, please?

Rich!

How do you feel?

Oh, that's great. Now, look, I'm going to turn you over to the Reverend

He's going to perform the ceremony.

Okay, hold on. Here you are. All right, everyone. Come on now.

Hello,

Richard. How are you?

I haven't seen you since you shouted out the baseball scores in church.

Yes, I forgive you.

Richard, are you ready to begin?

Fine. Here's your proxy.

Richie! How you doing, huh?

You excited? You nervous?

Yeah, me too.

I'm going to tell you something. I bet you can't wait for her to get on that

bird to fly way up there to Greenland, huh?

I bet you can't wait for tonight either, huh?

Sorry, Red.

All right, Red.

Here we go. You ready?

Whoa.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Patsy's going to sing as always. That's right.

Truly dear.

Life with its sorrow.

Life with its dear.

They become your parents.

Oh, they look happy, yeah.

And here comes your cousin, Raj.

Oh, Mrs. Allen, she tripped on the stairs.

It's all right.

And there's Joanie, beautiful Joanie.

You ought to see her all in lavender, you know.

I love you, Richie, and I miss you.

Richie, here she comes. It's unbelievable.

She looks too good for words. Remember that bike we saw in the window for $4

,000?

Think about that in a white dress, you know?

She just walked out the door, Rich.

All right, look.

We're ready to go.

Her dad's putting her on my arm. She's on my arm.

Good luck.

We are gathered here today in the sight of God and of this gathering.

Marion, are you all right?

Something is missing.

Yeah, I feel the same way.

If any man can show just cause why they may not be lawfully joined together, let

him speak now or forever hold his peace.

Yes, I'd like to say something.

All right, Richie, I think your father's gone bonzo.

No, no, I haven't gone bonzo.

Forgive me, please, Laurie Beth.

Look, David and Emily, you flew all the way here to be with your daughter on her

wedding day, and, well, we feel a need to be with our son in some way, too, so

if this doesn't sound too crazy, I wonder if you'd all indulge us for just

minutes while we go into the kitchen and talk to our son on the phone in

private, huh?

I'm sorry.

Hey, let me tell you, it's not crazy.

I mean, we can amuse ourselves. You know, Jenny will learn how to catch the

and practice supertoons.

This is your mother.

I'm sorry that we stopped the wedding, but we wanted to talk to you, dear.

There's something that I was planning to say to you when this day arrived, and I

thought I would be saying it to your face.

Well, maybe I'd better let your father go first, because I can't think what I

want to say.

Hi, Rich.

Yeah, hi, son. I'm very proud of you today.

But then I've always been proud of you. You know that.

I mean, since the day you were born, you've always been a source of pleasure

pride to both your mother and myself.

Well, if I could say anything to you on this day... Oh, I thought of what I

wanted to say. Oh,

I'm sorry.

It's okay.

Richard, I guess what I wanted to say is simply this.

In the past, your mother and I have always been here when you needed us.

And now that you're getting married, nothing has changed for us.

We're still your parents, and we're still here, and we always will be here.

And we love you very much.

You have to remarry, of course.

Richard, this is your mother again.

I can't help thinking of the day that you were born.

And the moment when the nurse put you in my arms for the first time.

And somehow, I always feel that no matter where you are or what you do,

always in my arms.

Richard, this little talk has made your mother very happy.

Yeah, so what do you say we get...

Okay, everyone.

Thank you for your patience. We're ready now.

You bet.

Here we go.

All right.

Richard, will you have this woman to be your lawful wedded wife?

Do you promise to love her, comfort her, honor and keep her in sickness and in

health so long as you both shall live?

Uh -huh.

Uh -huh.

We do.

Laurie Beth, will you have this man to be your wedded husband?

Do you promise to love him, comfort him, honor and keep him in sickness and in

health so long as you both shall live?

I do.

You lucky dog.

And now the ring to symbolize the togetherness you will always share.

All right, I'm getting a ring now from Chachi.

It's officially on her finger.

Yeah.

What next?

That's it.

By the power vested in me by the state of Wisconsin, I now pronounce you

and wife.

You may kiss the phone.

Hello?

This is Mrs.

Richard Cunningham, and I love you.

Searching for the perfect holiday gift? Dad! Mark! Dad!

Choose the one gift everyone can agree on. Indiana Jones, the complete DVD

collection. All three classic films, plus a bonus fourth disc. X marks the

Whip up the perfect gift today.

Important information for individuals living with limited mobility.

Hi, I'm Dan Weston with good news from the scooter store. You may qualify for a

brand new power chair or scooter at little to no out -of -pocket cost.

If you are confined to a chair or bed, Unable to get around your home without

assistance. Unable to push yourself in a manual wheelchair.

And your doctor prescribes a power chair for your medical needs. Then there's a

good chance Medicare and private insurance will cover the cost of your

chair. I hadn't been able to get around the house on my own in over a year.

This power chair has changed my life, thanks to the scooter store.

Medicare approves 90 % of all the claims we pre -qualify.

Plus, if we prequalify you and Medicare denies your claim, the scooter store

allows you to keep your furniture at no cost.

If you have a medical need, it's time to receive the benefits you deserve.

Call the scooter store now.

Call 1 -800 -641 -5522 for free information. That number again is 1 -800

-5522.

And the trick, of course, is in the marinade.

Bum wrap.

Foiled again.

Yoo -hoo, Mario. Have you tried New Glad Press and Seal Wrap? It's a whole new

way to store food.

Just pull, place, and press.

New Glad Press and Seal Wrap helps prevent freezer burn.

Even makes custom bags.

And creates a spill -proof seal on just about anything.

Kibwono. No, kibwono. Don't get mad.

If your pencils look like mine did,

there's something you can do.

Ask your doctor if the Nicotrol inhaler is right for you. Or for more

information, call 1 -800 -INHALER.

Call today.

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Well, everything seems to be in order here.

Good luck.

Mrs. Cunningham, Richard J.

Now you have lots of little commandos.

Hey, Lori Beth, are you ready, right? You've got a rendezvous to go up there

keep my buddy Richie warm for the first time in a year.

Boy, am I ready.

All right.

Whoa, this is heavy. If I didn't know better, I figured you got Herbie's cake

here.

Let's move it.

Thank you, everybody.

Thank you.

Wonderful wedding.

Give me a kiss. I wish.

The Brady Bunch is next, so keep on, keep on, keep on watching. The Silver

Platters make their big debut with their one -shot wonder hit, It's a Sunshine

Day. You know you want to sing along.

So stay tuned for episode 88, Amateur Night.