Original subtitles

Monday, Monday, happy days.

Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days.

Thursday, Friday, happy days. The weekend comes, my back will hum. Ready

to you.

The day's arrived.

Oh, happy days.

The day's arrived.

Oh, happy days. Goodbye, gray sky, hello, blue.

Nothing can hold me when I hold you. You're so right, you can't be wrong.

Rocking and rolling all week long.

Monday, Monday, happy day.

Tuesday, Wednesday, happy day.

Thursday, Friday, happy day.

Saturday, what a day.

Grooving all week with you.

Well, that's wonderful.

Is this the thanks I get for slaving over a hot stove all day?

Rich, you didn't even pull back the tinfoil to let the apple brown Betty get

crisp.

Life's tough.

Boy, Pots, when we invited ourselves to dinner, I figured Mrs. C would have at

least left them something good to heat up.

Well, she hasn't had time. She's too busy rehearsing for the play. We have to

trade off the chores.

You know, guys, it's not fun washing gym socks.

I'll eat up here, thank you.

Arnold's? Absolutely.

You guys invite yourselves over, you insult my cooking, and now you're just

going to run off like that? Boy, does he get cranky.

Housework's getting to you, Rich.

Let me tell you something, bucko. Do you think this is easy?

I've been doing all the cooking and all the cleaning for two weeks.

This place is a mess.

Oh, it's so nice to come home.

Hello, children.

Hi, Dad.

Sweetheart. Oh, I see supper's already, huh?

Oh, yeah, it's in the oven. I'll get it for you. No, no, Richard, don't bother.

I'll get it myself.

Dad,

I know why you're in such a good mood. The play's Sunday and Mom will be home

for good, right?

Nope.

You know, your mother may stay in that little theater group. She may even do

more plays.

Dad, be a good husband. Don't let her do it.

Be a good son and sit down.

Maybe I could, but I'm not going to.

Oh!

When I first met your mother, she belonged to one of these little theater

groups. She was acting, and everybody said that she had a career.

What? She gave the whole thing up for me.

Oh, how sad.

I didn't mean that. No, I know what you meant.

But you see, now she has a chance to do something that she really loves.

And that's why I'm in such a good mood, because I was thinking about you kids

and the way you've been helping.

However, as I look around the room, I might have been a bit too hasty.

No, you weren't hasty. Right, Joanie?

Right. I think I'll go upstairs and do the ironing so Mom doesn't have to do it

when she gets home. Yeah, that's a good idea. I'll, uh... Maybe I'll just, uh...

I'll do the upstairs vacuuming.

night. No TV dinner. Oh, great.

So eat a big lunch.

Thanks, Richard.

Howard,

this is Sloane Marlowe, our very talented director and star.

This is my husband, Howard.

Yeah, how do you do?

Somehow I thought you'd be much taller.

I mean, younger and thinner.

Adjust, old man.

I want you to practice those love scenes and we'll go over them tomorrow.

I will practice, Sloane.

Marvelous. Until then, partying is such sweet sorrow.

Okay, everybody, look it.

I'm going to buy two tickets. It's for a very good cause. That's what, $4, John?

Right, there you go.

Thank you very much.

Now, let's see.

Where are the seat numbers on the tickets here? Right there in the ticket

First come, first serve.

Ah, those are good seats.

Hey, Al, two tickets. Got a hot date, huh?

No, I'm taking Jermaine. Oh.

Hey, do you guys know what Rainmaker is about? I mean, we never saw the show,

and Jermaine only likes shows with happy endings.

It's a great play.

It's really very thematic, Al.

See, it's about this Rainmaker guy who goes around and encourages people to

out their glorious dreams instead of their drab realities.

Drab realities.

Hey, guys.

Hey, Chuch. Hey, Chuch. I think congratulations are in order.

I sold all my tickets.

So fast. That's amazing.

I've been selling all day and I still have ten tickets left.

How did you do it? Oh, it was a breeze.

Watch, I'll show you.

Hurry, hurry!

Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention, please?

Coming this Sunday to the Little Theater for one special performance.

See the story of one man trapped on a desert island, filled with scantily

love -starved women. Yes, folks, you heard it right.

Scantily clad, love -starved women.

And see the fertility dance, never before presented outside of France.

That's not this play.

I know, but it sells tickets. I'll take two.

See what I mean?

Hey, Bud, here comes the Betty Crocker of Milwaukee.

Don't bug me right now, Ralph. I've got a problem.

What's the matter?

You cakeball?

Very good one, very good one. All right, listen to this.

The college paper wants me to review The Rainmaker.

Hey, why should that bother you? It's a great experience.

How do you review your own mother?

If I say it's great, everybody will think it's favoritism.

If it's bad, what am I going to do? Write a terrible review and hurt my

feelings? I'm in a no -win situation.

A writer shouldn't have parents.

Posse, why does your mouth get ahead of your brain?

It's a gift.

Mitch, don't worry about that review, huh? We'll help you out. We'll think of

something.

I'll think of something. He'll think of something.

And you go buy us a ticket.

Huh?

Just one ticket, boss?

Yeah, he likes to sit on my lap.

Listen, I've been working here, you know, and I haven't been up on things.

What kind of play you got here? You know, is it something exciting like

Goldilocks? No, it's the Rainmaker. The Rainmaker! I love the Rainmaker! What?

That was a great movie. Now they made it into a play.

Well, yeah, actually, I think that it was a play, you know. Who cares? Who

cares? I saw it six times. I love it.

But Burt Langhead, man. I remember when Burt Langhead said, all my life I'm

trying to make a miracle.

That's good old Burt, huh? Yeah. You even remember all the dialogue. Hey,

forget I did Hamlet, huh? Yeah? Yeah, I memorized that in an hour.

And that's a whole other language.

Cunningham, I... Oh, right.

All right, all right.

Listen to this.

Marion Cunningham brought to the part of Lizzie something that has never been

seen before.

What does that mean? Is that good or bad?

See, that works.

That's the whole idea.

That way you don't know, you know, I can be honest.

Hey, Richie, I got an idea, all right?

See the play, then review it, all right?

how to run a newspaper, okay, Fonz?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm a little tense about this.

Oh.

There she is.

Oh, she's with Sloane Marlowe.

Who's that?

He's the director and star of the whole play.

Well, that he does.

Thank you so much for driving me home, Sloane.

You're welcome, Lizzie.

I desire to kiss your tender lips.

I don't remember that line from the play.

It's not in the play.

Well,

I never... And you're not going to now.

Was that a slap we just heard?

Arthur, Richard, it was nothing.

Did that guy try to pull something on you, Mom?

Nothing that I... couldn't handle. Hey, you want me to lean on him with my bike?

Oh, man, that guy had better just watch it because I'm considering cutting him

out of the entire review now.

Listen, both of you, it's over.

Good night. Good night.

Good night, Mom.

I don't want that guy driving her home no more. Either you go or I go.

Well, if you want to stay and do the housework, I'll go.

Wait a minute, Fonz, are you going to drive Mom home on your bike?

No, she's a very classy lady.

I'm going to pick her up in a tow truck.

And there it is, shining in

your hand.

Again.

I was about 12, I guess. There was this boy with freckles and red hair.

I thought he was the beginning of the world. Stop!

Tonight, you're one of the shining lights of the theater.

Tonight, you're a three -watt bulb.

Leave that slap. It's still bothering you.

Now, look here, Mrs. Cunningham.

I am a professional.

I do not let personal matters interfere with my rehearsal time.

However, if you'd like to take a little break... Always grabbing me. Now, let's

just rehearse.

How can you possibly expect to portray life on the stage when you can't even

experience it in real life?

I have raised a husband and two children.

You are a housewife.

And I'm afraid you will always be a housewife.

You're spitting.

I thought you said this was going to be an enlightening experience.

I said that?

Well, for 400 bucks, I'll say just about anything.

A wondrous person and a terrifioso actress.

I am the director. I do not have to make an apology. I don't think you

understand. I insist.

Let me tell you something.

Maybe I'll put it in terms that you understand. We're on a stage here,

up, right?

There's a knock on...

apology, he gets a refusal, and there is a series of the most unfortunate

accidents.

What kind of accidents?

you're going to change your attitude with Mrs. C, dig?

I, uh, I dig.

A dozen flowers opening night would be a very nice touch, don't you think?

Anything of sex, certainly.

at Sloan Marlowe. Just leave town without talking to anybody.

Just move the place.

Sweetheart, something must have happened. Probably had an emergency.

Yeah, well, I think maybe I'll just have like a slice of toast, you know, and be

on my way.

Something wrong, boss?

Here's something more. Well, it's time to level with you.

Sloan Marlowe might have left town because of a little chat that I had.

A discussion is hitting.

I didn't expect him to leave town, you know. I thought maybe he'd give her a

rose or something.

Oh, wait. Wait a minute, will you? What is going on around here? Why did Fonzie

have to threaten him? What did the man do?

Well, uh... Sloan Marlowe drove Mom home, and he got a little fresh, so Mom

slapped him in the face. And then Fonzie went down there to straighten the guy

out, and he got scared, and I guess he left town.

Nothing to get excited about, Dad.

I'm not excited.

I mean, it's in the past. What's done is done.

From now on, you stay in the house.

You should tell me this before, huh?

Because I knew you would tell me to stay in the house.

Oh.

I'm sorry, honey. I didn't mean to yell at you. I know you're all upset about

the play being canceled.

It's no big deal.

I've waited 25 years. I can just wait 25 more years.

Find a new actor. Oh, queer!

First of all, he has to be forceful and dynamic and have this extraordinary

stage presence.

Wait, wait, wait a minute, Mom.

Let's see.

Who can play this part?

Forceful, huh?

Dynamic.

Tremendous stage presence.

Must know the play, or at least have seen the movie six times.

I can take forceful, dynamic, incredible.

Yeah, but actually, I can't do that.

Arthur, I loved your Hamlet.

Oh, great.

This is, see, that's Shakespeare. Anybody can do that.

I can't memorize all this stuff in two days.

All right, Fonz, wait a minute. This is a test.

April 14th, 1958.

Who were you out with?

From when to when?

Uh, 8 to 10.

A .M. P .M.

P .M.

All right, pull the petrolungo. We went miniature golfing. We never got out of

the windmill.

She had a great memory.

Two important things, Mr. Smith.

Arthur, please, please give it a try. Please, just try.

Arthur,

for me.

How can I refuse that?

Boy, Fonz, this is exciting.

I mean, I've never been backstage at a theater before.

Fonz, you wearing eye makeup?

What about it? Nothing.

Looks nice.

Thanks.

You wearing lipstick?

Get out of here.

Me? Yeah.

Your mascara's running. Respect you.

Mom sure isn't. Yeah, what's the problem?

You're wearing eye makeup.

You're not nervous, are you, fine? No.

Why should I be nervous?

Oh, I don't know. I mean,

I would be.

That's a sold -out crowd.

And I'd be afraid of forgetting the line.

And I wouldn't want to make a fool out of myself.

whispered a special word in my ear. Maybe he said, Bill Starbuck, you ain't

gonna have much in this world. You ain't gonna have no kids, no wife, no green

little house to come home to.

But wherever you go, Bill Starbuck, you're gonna bring rain.

Maybe that's my one and only blessing.

There's no such blessing in the world.

Oh, I've seen even better blessings, is he, girl?

I got a brother who's a doctor.

You don't have to tell him where you wake or where you pain. He just comes

lays his hand on your heart, and pretty soon you're breathing sweet again.

And I got another brother who can sing.

And when he's singing, that song is there and it never leaves you.

I used to think, why aren't I blessed like Fred or Arnie?

Why am I just a nothing man with nothing special to my name?

And then one summer comes the drought.

Fred can't heal it away. Arnie can't sing it away but me.

I go down to that hollow and I look up and I said, Ray!

the important scene. I know, I know.

Didn't anybody ever kiss you before I did, Lizzie?

Yeah.

Once.

When was that?

I was about 12, I guess.

It was this boy with...

But he never paid me any mind.

And one day, he was standing around with a bunch of other boys, and suddenly he

shot over to me, and he kissed me hard, right on the mouth.

For a minute, I was just so stirred up.

Then he ran back to the other boys, and I heard him say, I'll kiss anything on a

dare, even your old man's pig.

I ran home, up the back stairs.

the door and looked to myself in the mirror.

From that time on, I knew I was plain.

Are you plain, Lizzie?

No.

I'm beautiful.

Yes, you are, and don't you forget it, even when I leave here.

I'll try to remember everything that you ever said.

How would you like it if I stayed here for a while?

a few days, yeah?

Oh, my.

Oh, my.

Oh, Lizzie. Oh, I just can't stand it. I can't stand it.

Lizzie. Oh, you look up in the sky and you cry for a star.

You know you're never going to get it.

And then one night...

made wonderful by the luminous presence of Marian

across that paper.

Mr. Ponzarelli's performance was greeted by applause and shouts of delight.

Most of them were shouting out their phone numbers.

Theater audiences have great taste.

Well, this has all been very exciting, but what do you say we call it a night?

Hey, let's go play some 8 -4, huh? How about some pizza, Fonz? Pizza's on me.

All right. Hey, you coming, Judge?

No, I don't think so.

I got a little something special lined up. All right, see you later. All right.

Hey, Blue Eyes.

You want to go outside and try the balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet?

You want to go outside and try not coming back?

Hey, guys, wait up!

All those nights that I was practicing the play, you probably really had a good

time being alone.

Going bowling, going to the lodge, and just doing...

Truly wonderful by the luminous presence of Mary.