All language subtitles for Dharma & Greg s05e21 The Parent Trap

Lenny, are you bored?

Oh, no, no. I'm taking a quiz. I'm about
to find out which NSYNC guy I'm NSYNC

with.

Hope it's Lance.

I am folding.

Well, if you can see me, why are we
talking on these stupid headsets?

What do you think? It's great. Let's buy
it. Wear it out. We gotta go.

It's fair.

Marlene works here, and I'd really like
to get out of here without having to

talk to her.

Hello, Greg.

Marlene!

Are you working here now?

No, I'm landing planes at Oakland.

What happened to your job at the
bookstore?

I got canned.

Barnes liked me. Noble thought I had an
attitude.

I am folding!

Wow, this is like your third job
since... Since your husband chewed me up

spit me out like yesterday's sushi.

I'm catching up. We gotta run.

Honey, I gotta pay for this car.

Ah, cool your jets, Kiffany.

She was really unhappy with me. I
thought we caught her on a good day.

Would you ever consider hiring her at
Montgomery Industry?

Not unless we need a vice president in
the back pocket.

Hurry up and change. We have to be at
the Platon at 7 .30.

Or we can have dinner, just the two of
us here.

And a kitty.

What's that?

Greg, have you met Leonardo DiCatrio?

That's Marlene's cat. Why do you have
Marlene's cat? Well, Marlene and I had

coffee. We were talking about her work
situation.

There's a job fair tonight, and I
encouraged her to go.

But she needed someone to sit with
Leonardo.

Why? Well, he's got some kind of
intestinal virus and he drops every 45

and he likes it when someone scratches
behind his ears when he throws up.

We've had this reservation for a month.
You're the one who said I was working

too hard and that we should have a nice
romantic dinner at some place with nudie

waiters. It's le poisson, that's French.

They answer the phone, screw you.

No, and it sounds great, honey, but we
could have a nice dinner here.

Oh, hang on, hang on, hang on.

Well, false alarm. He's fine. But don't
look at him. He's probably embarrassed.

Doesn't Marlene have a friend who can
take care of a cat?

We are her friends.

No, no, we're not.

She's just a woman who used to work for
me, who I fired.

Greg, I was brought up to believe that
once someone becomes part of your life,

you care for them always.

They become part of your family.

That is a nice philosophy.

I, however, was brought up to believe
that if you don't like someone and you

fire them, you don't have to take care
of their miserable, dyspeptic cat.

The earlier says brunch will be ready in
five minutes, which gives me the

opportunity to make a rather important
announcement.

A week from Saturday, Edward and I are
going to renew our wedding vow.

Really? Good for you.

Kitty, you know what? I know your mom's
not around anymore. If you need someone

to do that wedding night talk with, I'll
be available.

Isn't Saturday a little quick?

Oh, the Manharts did one of these deals
last week. The ladies won't stop yapping

about it. Can't your mothers go?

Edward, really.

Um, Gregory, we would like you to be the
best man.

Sure. Dharma, we would like you to
oversee the guest book.

So what, coat check was taken?

Dharma, if you want the job of the
groom, it's open.

Oh, good, he's gone. You two sit right
there. I want you to see my dress.

I don't think your dad wants to do this.

My parents have an arrangement where
that's not really an issue.

Hello?

Hi, Marlene.

Okay, okay.

Calm down.

She's at Macy's. She has a job interview
tomorrow and she doesn't know what to

wear.

It's just some sort of warning label.

Now, kind of in the middle of something
here, is there someone there who can

help you?

Well, what did you say to her?

She's pretty frazzled. Okay, and again,
some people might not feel obligated to

drop everything and come running, but if
you feel differently, I'm not going to

say anything.

Honey, you're being really passive
-aggressive. I don't think so, but if

what you believe, I'm not going to
contradict you.

Are you done? If you're not interested
in what I have to say, I'm not going to

force it on you.

Wow.

These are amazing ribs.

You actually had them flown in from
Dallas?

Yeah, I worked out this thing with a guy
in our office down there. When the

company jet flies down there, it's full
of dim sum. When it comes back, ribs.

Hey, Dad.

Pete.

What's going on in here?

Ribs and plenty of them, Grandpa Bibb.

Oh, actually, I just had a salad.

Salad?

There was bacon in it.

Dad, everything checks out with the
mutual NDA that Greenwald sent over, so

don't I set up the meeting for a week
from Friday? Oh, no good. I'm going to

in New Orleans that weekend.

Oh, New Orleans?

Great.

We'll send you down there. You can bring
some sourdough. When you come back,

you'll have an attache full of etouffee.

Dad, you can't go to New Orleans next
weekend. That's when you and Mother are

supposed to renew your vows. I made it
clear to your mother I'm not doing that.

I don't know why people even bother
renewing their vows. It's easier to just

them lapse.

Dad, I don't think you did make it
clear. I have a fitting at five for a

coat, and Mother's asked me to memorize
the words to Can You Feel the Love

Tonight.

That's a pretty tune. I'm sorry I won't
be there to hear it.

I hope you save some room, Ed, for some
genuine Boston cream pie.

Why did we send the plane to Boston? For
pie.

Oh.

Nice.

Hi, Marlene. The outfit looks...

How did the job interview go? I think
the woman in human resources was jealous

I'm a petite.

You didn't point that out, did you?

How could I not?

Okay. Well, here's Leonardo.

Thanks for taking care of him, Diddy,
you know. Whatever you're about to say,

did it on every piece of furniture.

Well, don't clean anything yet. I need
you to sit with him again on Thursday.

Thursday? There's a course at the
Learning Annex on how to flirt your way

perfect job.

Marlene, I can't.

Oh, please.

Pretty please.

Marlene, shopping and taking silly
courses is not the way to get a job.

Maybe you should update your resume and
try to be nice to people.

That's it. I need a new resume. Well,
there you go.

That's a start. Why don't you go home
and get on it? I can't. My parents...

coming and I have to pick them up at the
airport.

Unless somebody else could pick them up
for me so I could have a few hours to

focus.

Irma?

Hi, honey.

I am so looking forward to soft -shell
crabs. I've been walking sideways all

day. Huh?

Listen. I got us a booth where we can
sit side by side, so underwear, no

underwear, it's your call.

Obviously do not have tongues.

Be nice. They have Rolaids.

Rolaids are fine.

Hello? Penny, I would like you to meet
Marlene's parents.

Marty and Rose Hoffman. They'll be
joining us for dinner.

But not French.

The cream sauces don't agree with Marty.
I'm up for anything close.

I'm hypoglycemic. I have to eat in the
next 20 minutes.

On the plus side, Marlene took the cat.

The other place you could put on your
own topping.

But you didn't like the other place
because it wasn't ice cream, it was

yogurt. Yes, but they had toppings. I'll
have a double scoop of French vanilla.

31 flavors, you don't want to sample
first?

He'll try the coconut triple ripples. I
don't like coconut.

Yes, you do.

You want to bring something home for
your husband?

He left the restaurant with an upset
stomach. Oh, he sure did.

Want to get something for Marlene?

She doesn't need it. Boy, I just
realized you guys must be exhausted. And

sure Marlena's a big day planned for you
guys, huh? She says she has a job

interview tomorrow.

No kidding.

On a Saturday.

Hey, it's San Francisco.

Boys kiss boys. People interview on
Saturdays. What do we know?

Well, you'll have a great time. You'll
do some sightseeing.

We don't know where to go.

We'll be fine. We'll just sit in the
hotel.

Well, I suppose I can show you around a
little after my yoga class.

Oh, if it's not too much trouble.

Darling, let me ask you something, if
you don't mind.

This yoga you teach, running around in a
leotard all day, this is a job for a

woman your age.

Well, I'm not that old.

You're not that young.

I'll give you a ride to your hotel.

Oh, don't be silly. You go home to your
sick husband.

We'll find our way.

Okay, well, at least let me get your
cab.

I can't take a cab.

Between the smell and the bad shocks, I
get sick.

Okay, well, there's a streetcar that
lets you out right in front of your

Oh, I can't handle to step up with my
hip.

I suppose you could walk.

It's cold.

It's so far.

Hey, why don't I give you a ride?

If it's not too much trouble.

This is a train wreck waiting to happen.

She's going through with the ceremony.

He's not going to be there.

She's going to be humiliated.

Can you feel the love tonight?

Don't talk to me about parents. I just
spent the whole day at Alcatraz with

and Marty Hoffman, and I am telling you,
if pushed hard enough, you could swim

to the mainland.

Don't. Please.

Hi, it's Greg and Dharma. Leave a
message.

They can take care of themselves, and so
can Marlene. You are not responsible

for everyone on the planet, and I'm glad
that you figured that out.

Hi, it's Greg and Dharma. Leave a
message.

I'm telling you, this is the same number
I just dialed. And I'm telling you, you

dialed wrong.

Hi, guys, I just got in.

Sure, who doesn't love Fisherman's
Wharf?

print out my resume. I hope that's okay.

I guess so.

Listen, thanks for taking care of my cat
and for letting Dharma help me. I hope

it didn't cause any problems with you
guys.

Thank you, Marlene.

Are you okay?

Actually, I'm feeling great.

I'm getting my life together. I'm
relaxed.

I tell you, Greg, you don't know what
it's like to go 48 hours without dealing

with my parents.

Lately, I don't.

Do you want some?

No, thanks.

Everything all right?

It's a stupid thing. My parents are
supposed to renew their wedding vows

Saturday, and my father is refusing to
show up. And did you just ask me if

everything's all right?

Yeah. Do you need money?

No, I'm good.

Why isn't your dad going to be there?

I don't know.

There's going to be a full bar.

You know, I don't know why he's putting
up such a fight. All he has to do is...

shave, put on a suit, and get married
again.

Did she ask him if he wanted to do it?

No, but she never does.

My mother's exactly the same way. My
father hasn't been allowed to order his

entree at a restaurant since Bonanza
went off the air.

I don't know why my dad's fighting her
so much on this one.

Well, maybe because it's a wedding.

You know, somebody's supposed to ask
somebody if they want to get married.

Maybe you're right.

That's what's been holding me back.

Your virus software was out of date, so
I downloaded an upgrade for you.

Thank you.

A chicken noodle?

I made it myself.

I'll get a bowl.

No, no.

Use the top.

It's more fun.

You want me to taste it first?

Is the tea supposed to be this bitter?

I'm taking them off my hands for a
couple of hours.

Karma, how can I put this without being
judgmental?

Locusts are nature's children, and they
have an important job in the ecosystem,

but I don't want them in my house.

Family. How do you figure that? They are
the parents of your son -in -law's ex

-wife. Abby, I'm begging you, please.

Do you have me be lifted?

I just asked her. And from the bathroom,
I'm supposed to psychically know.

It's my last one.

Dharma, this is not your responsibility.

But, Abby, aren't you the one who always
says that we should care for the people

whose lives connect with ours? Yeah, I'm
not saying that you shouldn't care

about Marlene. I am saying that you
don't have to schlep her parents all

town.

We should get going, dear. The dust from
all that matrimony is starting to make

me a little...

Dad. Ah, son, you want to shoot a game?

Uh, not right this second. We're kind of
having a wedding downstairs.

You don't say.

Dad, um, mother has something that she
would like to say to you. Mother?

Edward.

Catherine.

Oh, for heaven's sake. Uh, it has come
to my attention that I...

may have neglected to ask you if you
wanted to renew your vows.

Well, would you?

Well, that certainly makes a fellow feel
special.

Quickly, Edward. The ice sculpture's
melting.

Could you give us a moment, Gregory?

Edward, maybe I didn't go about this the
right way, and maybe it began

for the wrong reasons, but I...

that you would want to go through the
ceremony as much as I would.

I'm sorry.

Thank you.

Edward Montgomery, would you like to
spend the rest of your life with

me?

I would be honored.

Shall we?

Oh, as to your vows, I took the liberty
of jotting down a few thoughts.

You can paraphrase if you like, but I
would stick to the text because it

flows very nicely.

Grandma! Mom! Dad!

How was your day?

Take them!

in your refrigerator besides diet soda.
We're starving.

What kind of people don't eat meat?

They're not tired. They don't want to go
to bed. They want to go back to

Fisherman's Wharf to find the real place
that invented Irish coffee because

apparently the place I took them, which
is actually the place that invented

Irish coffee, isn't the place that some
guy named Phil told them invented Irish

coffee. My advice to you, save you a lot
of time and trouble and just take them

to Ireland.

John, I'm sorry. Marlene, I wish you all
the luck in the world.

I really hope you find a job, but you're
going to have to do it yourself. I

cannot help you anymore.

I got a job.

Really?

Well, that's great.

Yeah, Greg hired me.

Greg hired you?

He could have done it a week ago when I
asked him to in the clothing store.

Donna, you're going to need to learn to
relax.

Did I hear that?

Alice, your life.

That's not a minute. You know what a
minute is?

One, you make me crazy. Two, you make me
crazy. Three, you make me crazy.

Like the roots of two beautiful trees,
our hearts and souls

will intertwine for the rest of our
lives.

Mere words cannot express my feelings.

Hit it, Dennis.

How lucky can one guy be?

I kissed her and she kissed me.

Like the fella once said, ain't that a
kick in the head?

Her room was completely black.

I hugged her.

At our age, it's not like we're ever
going to see Marlene walk down the

Can it, Ma.

I go to sleep and keep grinning.

If this is just the beginning, my life
is going to be

beautiful.

I have sunshine enough to spread.

It's like the fellas.

Tell me quick.