All language subtitles for Dharma & Greg s05e16 I Think, Therefore I Am In

Uh, Janet, what is the rest of my day
like?

You have a staff meeting in five
minutes. At noon, you're briefing your

on the Kinesco merger.

And your wife is here. So I hear.

Everything's waiting for you.

God, you guys have the best elevator
music.

You wouldn't say that if you were stuck
between floors listening to Build Me Up

Buttercup. What brings you by?

I brought you a little something for
your new desk.

Well, isn't that nice of you?

Happy two days before our four -and -a
-half -year anniversary.

We're still doing the half years.

Honey, this is our ninth half -year
anniversary. It's a big one. I know.

Check out this feature.

Well, look at that. The dress comes
right off.

Hey, Dharma. What you got? Nothing.

I'll put it on your desk. Thank you.

Have you seen our new director of
overseas legal affairs?

Yeah, she just transferred in from the
Munich office.

Or the island of women. So beautiful
they make you weep.

Who are you talking about? Just a new
lawyer who's just transferred here

She's coming.

Oh,

you look nice today.

Thank you.

Gretchen, this is my wife, Dharma.

Hi, nice to meet you.

Greg's been wonderful.

He's really got out of his way to make
me feel at home.

No, I haven't. I haven't gone out of my
way at all.

Gretchen, would you like to wait in my
office and I'll be right there?

I'm... Pete.

I suck.

Pretty cute.

She's a lawyer.

She's a cute lawyer.

It could happen. Look at you.

Bye.

The rest of the staff will be here in a
minute for the staff meeting.

Your wife is very lovely.

Thank you.

I did not know you were married. Yep,
the big 4 .5 coming up.

Good ones always take him.

Quite the big welcome back party I was
hoping for after being gone for five

months. But you got me a cake, right?

Balloons? Dharma, sweetheart, we have
some bad news.

Abby, I'm the manager of the co -op.
It's my responsibility to tell her.

What's going on?

Oh, for the love of God, you don't have
to shoot the messenger.

Dharma. Do you remember the guy who took
over your yoga classes when you were

recuperating from your accident?

Lalit, sure.

Well, it turns out he's very popular.

And he's going to be staying on. And a
lot of your students are going to stay

with him.

How many is a lot? Every last thinking
one of them.

Welcome back.

I don't think so, Larry.

So it has nothing to do with yoga? No,
it is my understanding that the name of

the cartoon bear comes from a baseball
player named Yogi Berra.

Ah,

boo -boo, however, is derived from
Buddha. Really?

Now, of course, I'm yanking your chain.

Lalit, I'm glad you're here. This is our
daughter, Dharma.

Oh, it's nice to meet you.

It's really great that you decided to
stay on. Ah, yes, I was wanting to go,

your students are working so hard at
keeping me staying here.

Yesterday, all of a sudden, they threw
me a big party with cake and balloons.

Okay, let's have a response to the FTC
on the Kinesco merger ready to go next

week. Very good work, people.

Thank you.

You know what you want, and you're not
afraid to ask for it.

I don't know what I want.

By the way, the question of whether or
not we're creating a shipping monopoly

an IEP issue, not an FTP issue.

I don't think so.

Oh, are you willing to back that up?

I bet you'd drink on it.

I, uh... Mr. Montgomery, your wife is on
the line.

Bye -bye. I mean, hello.

Some elite guy wrote a book about yoga.
Big deal.

He wrote five books.

How do you write five books about yoga?

Horror about yoga. One is a romantic
thriller set in the world of yoga.

You know what? Let's forget about work
and let's talk about what we want to do

for our big anniversary.

Do you want to go to a B &B or maybe...

Just stay home and have a romantic
dinner.

He sells yoga bras on his website.

I bought one. They're good.

I'm sorry.

I'm obsessing and you're trying to sex
me up.

Are you okay?

He's a good yoga teacher. He's talented.
Of course people would want to take his

class. He's a great guy.

Maybe I should get to know him or maybe
take one of his classes.

Right?

Right. Absolutely.

You're not listening to me, are you?
Honey, of course I'm listening to you.

got a lot of things on my mind.

You don't work.

Hey, let's go to the bedroom and start
our anniversary a little early.

Honey, that's... It's going to make my
problem go away.

It's not going to make your problem go
away either. We look great.

Let's talk about yoga.

Oh, yoga.

No, not yoga. This isn't about yoga.

You're right.

This is about my ego.

You know, this might be about your ego.
I just said that. And I'm agreeing with

you.

A teacher who wishes to continue
learning.

This is very admirable.

I thought so. I will put you on the
waiting list for my beginner's class.

Well, you know, I've been teaching yoga
for nine years. Oh, don't worry. I'm

sure you haven't done anybody any
serious harm.

All right, look. This was my class
first.

And I am really being the big person
here.

Yeah.

That is exactly the problem.

Sit. I will tell you a little story.

You see, I too was once a young yoga
student filled with pride.

Interesting. This is how a yoga teacher
feels.

Anyway, I was studying in India with a
wonderful teacher.

She was the most amazing woman I've ever
met. She would even take me to her own

home. to tutor me privately.

One night, she said, I must rid myself
of all pretense.

So, there we sat, unclothed, gazing into
each other's eyes for hours,

fighting.

I understood what she wanted. She wanted
me to go and not return until I was

humbled.

I'm not so sure that was it.

Yes, it was.

Lalit, a woman takes you back to her
house and takes all her clothes off?

You don't think she was hitting on me,
do you?

Does she laugh at your jokes?

I am such a yacht.

It's probably not too late.

I had such feelings for her.

Do you think I should go back and tell
her?

Well, 20 years ago, she took her clothes
off. My guess is it's your move.

Well, you got me.

Excuse me?

Oh, Beth.

ICC or FCC?

Well, you were right. It was the FCC.

Uh,

uh, Gretchen, I really don't think we
should be drinking champagne in the

office. Technically champagne.

From California.

No, I know. I think that my concern
would extend to all international

wine.

Greg, I'm not the one who blotches on
the bed.

Oh, ah!

Um, uh, here.

You do that, and I'll just get you a
towel.

No, no, no, don't worry, don't worry.

I have an extra blouse in my bag. You
do?

Yes.

I'm such a klutz.

It's usually a mouth of vinaigrette.
Yeah, I know. I've got a whole drawer

You're going to... I'll just... Ah, son.

Please. What are you working on?
Nothing.

Work. Almost done.

That's Gretchen. She's just buttoning up
a few details.

Yeah, she's terrific, isn't she?

Are you sure that they don't need her
back in the Munich office? Oh, maybe,

we're keeping her here.

She's smart, aggressive, knows what she
wants, and she goes after it like a dog

after a bone.

Um, aren't there some things that she
could be going after in the Munich

uh, bone -wise?

Oh, yes.

Oh. I have missed you so much. Hello.

Are you okay?

Fine, fine.

Mm,

you're good. You're glad you had to
leave the office before I could find out

myself.

Wow.

Why don't I open us a bottle of wine?

Any special reason?

No, just the excitement of being married
to the most wonderful woman in the

world. Thanks.

Oh, yes.

The most wonderful woman in the world.
Who convinced a man to go back to India

just because she couldn't stand a little
competition?

We're all out of wine.

What wine?

The wine I just went to get.

Oh, yeah, that sounds good.

I'll check again.

You know, we've got all night for
romance.

Do you want to watch some TV?

Great idea.

Good night.

Except the two of us.

That was a wonderful thing you did for
Lalit, Dharma.

Encouraging him to go back to India and
find his true love.

I don't really do that much.

Honey, you put him on the road to real
happiness.

Oh, you put me on the road all right.

And don't you come back no more, no
more.

Here's your money from your classes.
It's a lot. If you're walking home, I'll

lend you my stun gun.

Whoa.

Good.

I bring him in, you take the money.

Sweet.

Put this in our Feed the Homeless Fund.

That is so generous.

All right, I gotta go.

You were giving away my money to try to
get rid of your guilt? My derisive

laughter fills your head.

Ha! All right, see you guys later.

Thank you, Dharma.

You can't walk away from me. I'm in your
head.

I don't want to date her. I want to live
with

her in the Alps and bear her kinder.

Oh, I'm sorry. Am I interrupting?

Oh, no, no. Come in.

Guten Tag, Gretchen.

Oh, du schweiz Deutsch.

Was ist genannt?

Ich bin such.

Here's a summary of European tax, if you
want to take it. Thank you.

What? No kiss?

See you later.

Don't forget, I still owe you a drink.

Gretchen, I think we should keep things
professional.

Greg, I think you misunderstood.

In Europe, colleagues drink together all
the time.

Sure. I didn't mean to imply... I'm
sorry.

You are very sweet.

Sweet like candy.

Hi, this is Mr. Montgomery. I was dipped
in a few minutes ago, and I saw a half

-carat pair of diamond earrings for my
wife.

Yeah, yes, I was wondering if I could
move up to a full carrot.

And a bracelet.

And some flowers.

A whole bunch of flowers.

Oh, that's true. That would be a
different number, wouldn't it?

Thank you.

Maybe you should buy her a car.

Where's Gretchen? She's gone.

What's that?

Nothing. Let me see. No, go away.

I brought aphrodisiac lavender candles.
This is Wiccan passion massage oil.

I couldn't find you any mandrake root
love elixir. Oh.

But the fellow at the herbal shop
recommended this. It's a nice merlot.

Dermot, there's something wrong. You and
Greg don't usually need the carnal

jumper cables. No.

I've just been so distracted lately, I
can't seem to get in the mood.

Distracted by what?

Get in there.

I can't get Lalit Shiduri out of my
head.

Oh.

Well, I would think that would help.
He's a very attractive man.

Well, Abby, I kind of might have
convinced

Lalit to go back to India just because I
wanted him out of the way.

Oh, Dharma, even if that's what you did,
at worst it means that you made a

mistake. But, Abby... You're human,
darling.

Forgive yourself.

Let it go.

Just let it go?

Let it go.

Thank you.

Oh, I forgot.

I got you this. It's got chervil,
mugwort, hibiscus root, and shiny sage

And Greg is going to love it. Cool.
What's it do?

Brings an ordinary salad to life.

Wow. Honey.

These are Uganda's ginormous diamonds.

I'm a sure thing. You didn't have to do
this.

What are you talking about? It's our
four and a half year anniversary.

This is too much.

Why did you do this?

Because I'm wracked with guilt.

Because I love you.

And you're not the most perfect woman in
the world.

Oh, yeah. She's just perfect.

I'm not perfect, honey. I'm just an
ordinary human being who makes mistakes.

Gregory, I want to talk to you about
planning a very important benefit at

the country club.

Nice move.

Thinking about Mom trying to chase the
bait out of our head.

It's an important...

It's a blah -de -blah -de -blah for the
blah -de -blah -de -blah.

Darmy, remember what I said. Forgive
yourself for being a bad, bad,

person. Oh, your mommy's not going to
help you now, is she?

Oh, this wine is really good, huh?

Yeah, it's really... Full -bodied with
great legs and a splendid ass.

Red.

I don't know why Greg couldn't have
found a smart, successful, beautiful,

-bodied... What's wrong?

Nothing.

I'm Ty Cobb. At 367, I had the highest
lifetime major league batting average.

And I held a record of 4 ,191 hits for
57 years.

I like your pants.

Honey, I'm going to go lie down. I don't
feel very well. Yeah, me too.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Don't go.

Forgive yourself. She didn't even taste
the salad dressing. What's she going to

say tomorrow when I ask her? What
exactly are you doing here? I'm not

usually don't show up until it's time to
delay orgasm.

much of what happened last night, but
the boy who removes the sword from my

shall be king.

Honey, I'm sorry that I ruined our
anniversary.

It wasn't your fault.

Yes, it was.

Do you remember Gretchen from the
office?

Sure, the hot one.

Did something happen? No, no. Nothing
happened. I just...

I've been having all these weird
thoughts about her.

Like sexual fantasies?

Yeah.

Oh, okay. That's why they're done.

Are you mad?

No. I mean, it's perfectly normal for
you to have sexual fantasies about

beautiful women.

But if it makes you feel better to buy
me expensive gifts, I'm not going to

argue.

Of course she's fine with it. You keep
forgetting you're married to a very

special woman.

You're a very special woman.

Do you think she's special enough to go
for a threesome?

I'm going to go make some coffee.

I like coffee when it's strong and hot.

That's right.

You're a very special woman.