Original subtitles

Hey, honey. Hey, Dharma.

Well, it is about time.

You go and you play golf every Sunday while I sit here at home. What is

happening to our marriage?

I always play golf with my dad on Sundays.

All right, I forgive you.

But now you have to forgive me because my father's going to try to talk your

father into investing in some kind of stupid business deal.

I'm sorry I tried to talk him out of it.

Ed, today is your lucky day.

Is it?

No, not.

Do you eat food, Ed?

No, I don't.

Get to it, Finkelstein. What are you selling? I'm not selling anything. Just

taste this chili. It sells itself.

Mmm. Good.

Not bad. Spicy.

Gonna call it Uncle Larry's Vegetarian Chili.

I talked him out of the Uncle Larry -shaped bottle.

It's got a bit of a kick. Better hold on to something. It comes in waves.

I need some water. Oh, no, actually, water will just move it around. What you

need is starch, you know, maybe a piece of bread or a cracker. Oh, yeah, we have

rice cakes. Would a rice cake help? No, no, no, I don't want a rice cake. Oh,

that's what people say, and then they try one.

Now, are you okay?

Now, Ed, you're going to be in charge of marketing and production and rounding

up a lot of jars.

Maybe he should take an aspirin. Yeah, I'll get one.

By the way, if you've got any ideas about the name, I'm open.

Call 911.

Call 911.

Well,

it's out there, but you're the business guy.

They're just finishing up some tats. Routine.

Are they thinking it may have been something he ate?

I don't think so. Larry, vegetarian chili never hurt anyone.

Well, it wasn't technically vegetarian.

Well, what was in it?

I don't know. Meat.

Larry! Just a little hamburger for flavor.

With some sausage and the beans were larded with bacon before they went in.

my God. I ate two bowls of that stuff.

This is good, huh?

All right, everybody. He's fine. He's fine. He's fine.

He's going to be fine. He had a little event. Yes, just a little event.

An event like Lollapalooza? An event like heart attack?

He had a heart attack.

Very mild.

He's going to be completely fine. It's really the best thing that could have

happened to him. Oh, yes. It's a chance for him to slow down a little bit, eat a

little better, get a little exercise.

Cut back on the scotch. Nobody said anything about scotch. Let me see that

chart.

The doctor says he can get back to his normal routine in two to three weeks.

My normal routine includes scotch.

You know what, Kitty, this is the time of his life when he should get rid of

normal routine and begin nurturing his spiritual side and start celebrating

life. No, it is not.

Kitty, he's become a wizened elder of the tribe. In some cultures, he'd be

climbing a mountaintop and eating hallucinogenic plants and discussing his

vision of the next life.

But I can't have scotch.

Okay, Kitty, how does this sound?

As soon as he's back on his feet, I'll drive him down to Sedona to a holistic

retreat for a month of reflexology, herbal baths, and walks in the woods.

No.

Okay, how about this? I sign him up for daily spiritual meditation walks right

here in town with a group of Buddhist priests that I know. No.

Weekly walks with Episcopal priests?

No. Can I take him for a walk? We'll see.

I knew she'd cave. Yeah, you wore it down.

Now see what you can do about the scotch.

Hey, Janet.

Oh, hello.

How is Mr. Montgomery, Mr. Montgomery?

He's doing much better. He's going to spend one more week at home. Did he get

our card? Yes, he enjoyed that very much. He said to tell you that he was

going to hang in there, baby.

I signed it, love, Janet.

He wasn't uncomfortable with that, was he?

No, I don't think so.

Oh, thank goodness.

I would hate for Mrs. Montgomery to wonder.

She doesn't wonder.

Oh, good.

Anyway, it was not so much trouble. I was hoping that I could pick up any

he needs to sign, phone messages, his mail.

I already took care of that.

Now, I'm going to give you two pens.

He signs with the fountain pen, but when he's reading, he likes clicking the

ballpoint. Okay.

Hi.

Hi. I'm Howard Lundquist. We met at the Christmas party. Yes, I remember. Sure

you do.

How's your dad coming along? He's doing much better, thanks. Good.

So he'll be able to show you the ropes around here then.

I'm just picking up some things.

I see.

That's what I'm doing. You know, I've been a senior VP in the legal department

for 15 years.

Kind of thing that could someday lead to that big office in there.

Unless the prodigal son returns.

And I guess that's where we are today.

No, I'm not returning. I have my own legal practice and I'm very happy there.

Uh -huh.

Oh, just so you know, I pay alimony to two ex -wives, and I've got a prostate

the size of a death bone.

Oh, excuse me. We're looking for some running shoes.

We're looking for walking shoes.

Everything I got is on the wall.

What kind of a way is that to sell shoes?

Well, at least he's not pushy.

You know, my company owns this chain.

Really? And I've never been in one.

Look at that. Three customers over there and there's nobody helping them.

Inventory all over the floor needs to be re -shelled. Look at this. Yes.

You're right.

It's a mess.

When you go home, you should write yourself a cranky letter.

Come on, let's get you some fresh air.

Excuse me.

Is anyone helping you? A guy told me everything was on the wall.

Sit down. Sit down here. You need a tennis shoe, right?

A fancy tennis shoe.

Something for running.

Ed, what are we doing here? I'm measuring this man's feet, and I'm going

him a pair of shoes.

Ed, you're supposed to be relaxing. You're working.

Oh, yes, you're right. I shouldn't be doing this.

Okay, people, listen up.

I'm the man that signs your paychecks, and I want two salesmen on the floor,

everybody else, a staff meeting in the stockroom.

This shouldn't take very long.

Wait, you don't... You know Denny's, do you? Because that's where I was going to

take you for lunch.

Hi, sorry I'm late, Marlene.

Oh, you weren't here? I've been sending calls into your office all morning.

At the Barrington, after David arrived.

Is Pete here?

Yes.

Some of us have been here since 11.

Those are my saltwater taffy.

nude beach laws in California.

Ah, one second, Counselor. Okay, so, uh, after lunch, uh, we'll discuss, uh,

suing people and, you know, how all that goes.

Oh, uh, and Denise, why don't you get a table for four over at McCaffrey's and,

uh, order the professor a whiskey sour.

You're teaching law. No, no, no, no, no.

I'm teaching introduction to pre -law for the single woman.

How noble.

Well, the law's been very good to me.

About time I gave a little something back.

Marlene, some coffee?

Sure, if you're going.

And a piece of coffee.

A little tight.

Bring me ten and a half.

Oh, did you see the hole in his sock?

Make a sale.

Oh, I just wanted to let you know, the shoes that you're getting also come in

black, so you can get away with them at work.

I don't know. Why, that's my last pair on your side.

All right.

You won't regret it.

Waterproof spray?

I don't think so. Oh, I see. So you're going to come back in a month and spend

another $400 on shoes, hmm? Fine.

What else do I need?

Shoelaces, insoles, and I'll throw in the tube socks.

Bring them up, Vaughn.

And? Thank you for choosing Coach's Corner.

Ed, you are smoky. Oh, I like doing this.

I can see that. Your cheeks are all pink.

That throbby vein is gone from your forehead.

You know, when I started working, I started in sales.

I forgot how much I love it.

It's business in its purest form.

Now I just sit in an office and stare at papers and merge this, acquire that.

So work here.

What? Look, I had big plans. You know, get you out for a walk, go get a mud

bath, maybe surprise you with a high colonic.

Nothing can make you as centered and relaxed as that.

Oh, come on. I just can't start selling shoes.

You own the company. You can do whatever you want. I don't know.

Don't you think you have a right to be happy?

It's never really come up before.

Come on. Try it out. You get to wear a whistle.

All right. I'll think about it. In the meantime, can you take that outside?

There's no food or beverage allowed in the store.

A big episode.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Montgomery. I didn't see you. I was just dropping off these

papers, and I used to sit in this chair when I was a kid.

Yes, and your father would have a coffee, and you would have a cocoa.

How do you know that? You weren't here then.

It's in the file.

Would you like a cocoa?

No, thank you.

How about a soft drink? Water?

Barkling? Flat?

You don't happen to have any saltwater taffy.

The best... Come from Atlantic City. I could have them flown in by tomorrow.

me get back to you with some flavor choices.

I was just... Okay?

So you're all settled in, huh?

I'm not staying.

Oh, right, right. You're just picking up your father's paperwork.

Bringing it back, actually. And this is just a small thing, but I couldn't help

notice on this letter of intent on the Kinesco acquisition, you don't seem to

allocating a sufficient window for due diligence.

Okay, so that's the deal. I make one little mistake and I'm out of here.

So long, loyal worker.

Hello, fruit of my loins.

I'm just saying you might have missed it.

Yes, sir. Won't happen again, sir.

Oh, you're here.

No, he's not here. He's just dropping off paperwork.

What are you doing here?

Your dad just wanted some old book about how to sell stuff.

See you later. Hey, what's going on?

Well, if you ask me, I'll tell you. Because that is the kind of relationship

have, based on honesty.

So before you technically and officially ask me, let me just tell you in all

honesty, you don't want to know.

Where is he, Donna?

He's selling sneakers at the mall.

Do you remember the old days when I would have said, what? Or, or... No,

on, where is he really?

Ha! We've grown.

Yes?

Mrs. Biedermeier saw him at the mall selling shoes.

Well, was she sure that it was Dad?

He waved at her.

I'll give you some privacy.

Don't move.

No, no, Mother, I don't think that you need to go down there.

I'm sure that Dad will come to his senses eventually.

Yes, I suppose your presence might help speed that along.

My mother's headed for the mall.

Me too. Want to come?

Remember the old days when I would have said, sure.

Uh -huh.

There you go. if you find these cheaper someplace else, you're spending too much

time shopping and not enough running.

Hey, Ed. No business like shoe business, huh?

Hey, that's a good one.

So, where did you tell Kitty you were going to be today?

I told her I was going to be playing cards at the country club.

Don't you think she would have understood if you had said, hey, I am a

just had a heart attack and I need to find a way to relax and I found

and it's a little unusual, but damn it, it worked for me?

Why, I think she bought the card thing.

Edward Montgomery.

What on earth are you doing here?

Kitty, he is a man who's just had a heart attack.

Oh, shoot, I just had it.

My husband is selling shoes.

Yeah, and the way he's going, he is looking at two passes to the Great

theme park in Santa Clara.

Two passes? I bet he'll take you, Kit Kat.

Beverly Biedermeyer, saw you in here measuring people's feet. Beverly

Biedermeyer? I waved at her. I couldn't think of her name.

I told her she must be mistaken that it was probably your semi -recovered

alcoholic brother, Billy.

That's not going to hold up forever.

Kitty, there is nothing to be embarrassed about. Edward loves selling

He's relaxed.

He's happy. Look at him. I am looking at him. He looks ridiculous.

Oh, then you really won't like me in my summer uniform. It's shorts and a tank

top.

Edward Montgomery, it is time for you to come home.

Ed?

You tell her that you love it here and that you're going to stay.

No, Dharma.

This has been fun, but... And I really appreciate what you've been doing,

But this is not where this man belongs.

What about all the fun of making a sale and business in its purest form?

No, no, Kitty's right.

I, um... I have a lot of things I ought to be doing.

Punch out for me, will you, Bone?

You just going?

Totally, Doc.

Totally.

I'm looking for the running shoes.

Everything I got is on the wall.

Hello, Donna.

Edward forgot his book. Oh, thank you.

Kitty, about the shoe store, I'm sorry. I just thought someone should be

thinking about Edward's happiness.

Apology accepted.

It wasn't really an apology.

Well, let's just... pretend it was, and move on.

Listen, I still think Edward needs to find ways to relax and decompress. And

selling shoes is wrong for reasons I don't completely understand, maybe he

find something on this list. I didn't put anything on there where he needs to

wear a uniform or touch people's feet or sing, even though I don't really know

where you stand on that.

I wouldn't like that. That's what I thought.

So, can I show this to him?

He's not here. He went to the office.

Kitty, how could you make him go back to that office? I didn't. Oh, come on. You

dragged him out of that shoe store by his ear. Because Edward Montgomery

not be selling shoes.

I have no objection to the man enjoying his life.

Frankly, I think it's time he retired.

Well, you don't seem to be helping much.

One could say the same thing of you.

What? You are the one who encouraged Gregory to search his soul, to follow

blitz, to defend the innocent.

Did you ever stop to think that the only reason Edward Montgomery is sitting in

that office is because he is waiting for his son to come in and take over the

reins?

No? Well, think about it now.

That's everything I had on the Kinesco acquisition. I also noticed something in

the prospectus for the Energy Division tracking stock. I had the flu when I

wrote that.

There you go, sir.

Cocoa with miniature marshmallows.

Thank you, Janet.

Nothing for me, thanks.

Back to the tracking stock. Howard, have the underwriters signed off on this

third quarter financial?

Oh, hey, Dad.

Am I interrupting?

No, no, I just brought your papers back and I noticed a couple of things, minor

things. Very minor things.

You have to be some kind of superhuman freak to notice them.

Not that you're fun at the freak.

Or freakish.

If you'll excuse me, I have a urologist appointment.

Thanks. My dad will fill you in on the rest of this.

I guess I should be getting out of here. You probably want your desk back.

You look pretty good sitting there.

Janet tells me you worked out some of the kinks in the Canesco deal. Just a

couple of simple things. Howard would have caught them.

Eventually.

It's not his fault. He's got some kind of a medical problem.

He mentioned that.

Anyway, I'll see you later, Dad.

Hey, why don't you stick around? We could go down to the commissary, grab a

lunch. I've got to get back to the office.

Yeah, maybe some other time.

You know, they have an Edward Montgomery sandwich.

Really? Only place I've ever seen it.

What time will you be in in the morning, sir? Oh, I won't be in in the morning,

tenant. I'll make a note of that.

Oh, sir, your taffy arrived.

All right, class. Now, which of these examples is not sexual harassment?

Mr. Jones, could you bend over and see what's in the bottom of that?

I told him he could finish the semester.

Where's Marlene?

What psychic electrolysis?

I'm hoping those are two separate errands.

Listen.

I'm sorry about what happened with your dad.

No.

You care about him, and you want him to relax and enjoy his life.

Sometimes I get it in my head that I can fix these things, but I can't fix this

one.

No, you can't.

I mean, I thought your mom was pressuring him to go to work, but it

your dad just... Well, he has his own reasons for being there.

I think he's waiting for me, Dorma.

He won't ask, but...

He won't leave the business until he knows I'm there.

Okay, how is it that everybody in your entire family knows everything about

everybody without ever talking?

Is it like dolphins? Is it a scent thing? Is it telepathy? What's the code?

I'm going to do it, Donna.

Are you going to work for your dad? Just temporarily, you know, to make him

comfortable about taking it easier.

It's not going to be easy leaving behind everything you've created here.

Make yourself at home, why don't you?

Yes, you should sue me for that. That was exactly my point.

If I want to take the stairs, somebody threw up in the elevator.

For sisters.

So you're not going to miss it here? No, it'll be a sacrifice, but he is my

father.

Congratulations, you are now a graduate of the Pete Kavanaugh Law School.

Congratulations, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

I'm sorry, Nadine, you've got to do a little extra credit work.

You almost done in here?

Yeah, all done.