All language subtitles for Dharma & Greg s05e12 Previously On Dharma & Greg

I don't know. Why doesn't the iron get
hot?

Wait, don't tell me.

Is it something like because it was
pressed for time but dirtier?

It's not even that old.

It still works.

You just have to heat it up on the
stove.

I think it came with a five -year
warranty.

What are you doing? I'm getting the
warranty and the sales receipt for the

Okay, can you just hang on a sec?
Because I've got to call some people to

this.

What is this?

It's a perfect fall leaf.

Karma, this is a filing cabinet.

And it was filed under L.

Was it or was it not under T?

Plus, it's my shirt. No, it's not. It's
my shirt. I got it at the Bonnie Raitt

concert at Cow Palace in 97. She opened
with Nick of Time, and then she did Have

a Heart, and then some snotty woman
spilled red wine on me. See?

Hold on.

same concert like six months before we
met.

Yeah, we're soulmates, honey. I'm sure
the universe tried to put us together

like a hundred times before.

Probably ate in the same restaurants,
shopped at the same stores. Or we were

both at a Bonnie Raitt concert with 20
,000 other people.

But how do you explain the fact that six
months after we were at the same

concert, we met on the Muni train?

Well, I would say that six months after
we were at the same concert, we met on

the Muni train.

I mean, you can't explain it, can you?

Good, huh?

Yeah, it's a little laugh.

But good.

You're so much better.

Greg, those aren't the people who are
sitting in those seats.

It's okay.

No, it's not okay. We paid good money
for these seats, and they didn't. Look

them. They clearly look like loge.

Barbara, it's fine.

Well, how am I supposed to see around
here, Greg? She's a tree.

Well, honey, shush.

Yeah, it's just too bad that she had to
have her music recorded and packaged and

sold everywhere.

That kind of success has to be
disappointing for her.

So I guess me buying this T -shirt just
adds to her pain.

With a non -political framework, you
look hot in that.

Oh, you have no idea how non
-politically hot I am.

Hey, I got us a little souvenir to
remember that I... Oh, that is so sweet,

honey, but...

You know I don't really wear T -shirts
with logos.

Yeah, well, you might want to look at
this one because it's kind of special.

Okay.

Oh! Oh, my God!

Oh!

It's wonderful.

So, is that a yes? Oh, yes, yes, yes,
yes, yes.

You were so surprised.

Yeah. You know, I was going to do
something more conventional, like, you

Dave Finney did for Karen Hollister, the
French restaurant, and, you know, the

ring in the glass of champagne, but I
thought, you know, this is Barbara, and

Barbara, you know, would want me to
shake things up a little. Oh, Dave put

Karen's ring in a glass of champagne?

Oh, that's so romantic.

But this, this is nice, too.

I, I can make a reservation at Chez
Monique.

Maybe Friday?

Let me surprise you.

That is why the San Francisco Board of
Supervisors will never understand the

effect of 401 Rezone on the Thoman
neighborhood.

That is our lead story.

You are so hot when you expose municipal
-level corruption.

Hey, guys, what's shaking?

Hey, Joe!

Want to go to my place?

What's wrong with here?

Good news.

As soon as the tank fills up, we can
flush again.

It's just that, you know, we're going to
my parents' house in the morning and my

house is closer.

Listen, I am totally cool with going to
your folks.

I just want to make sure that it's not a
boyfriend brunch with the parents

thing. I just want to be able to walk in
there and say, Abby, Larry, it's me,

Gunther. I'm doing your daughter and
that's where it ends.

Well, you might want to start with, hey,
how are you? But I'm sure they'd be

cool with that.

Cool.

Are you worried about something?

Yeah, uh, we have a beautiful thing
here, and I'm afraid

if we're not careful, we could screw it
up. It starts with brunch, and then

suddenly you're married, and it's, hi,
honey, I'm home. Let's drive the sob to

the country club.

Well, sir, I will never live like that.

Marriage doesn't have to be that way.

Wow.

Where's that coming from?

Where's what coming from?

We agreed.

Marriage is the state co -opting love.

I want to keep talking.

You're the one who made it about our
relationship.

Hang on.

Now we're in a relationship.

Would you prefer ad hoc sociopolitical
alliance?

Frankly, yes.

Well, too bad for you because
relationship came with sex.

I can't deal with this. I'm going to the
park to play chess with the junkie.

Are you having dinner here?

No. Will you cook me something before
you go?

And he put the ring in a glass of
champagne. Oh, Gregory, how romantic.

You try to make these things special.

Be careful where you set the bar. It's a
long haul.

Well, there's so much to talk about. I
guess we should start with colors. Oh,

Martha Stewart says that silver and gold
are the new black and white.

Hank, wear my old football uniform.

Well, I'm not sure I care for silver and
gold, but then, of course, it's not up

to me.

We'll come back to that.

Now, have we decided on a ballroom for
the reception? We can always tent the

backyard. We could certainly get 400 in
there.

Intimate can be nice. I hear intimate is
the new big.

Barbara, darling, please don't encourage
him.

I think the backyard would be just
lovely. Now, I think for our rehearsal

that we won't go quite so rustic.

We should probably focus on the wedding
itself. Oh, yes, Mother has lots of

ideas for the menu.

You know what would be great?

One of those pasta bars where they have
all the sauces and the guys mix it up

right there for you.

You keep yapping, son, I'm not going to
be able to help you.

These candles are only two for a dollar.
They don't have wicks.

They'll last forever.

But, Dharma, have you talked to Gunther?
How's he doing?

Yeah, he decided our fight was a
microcosmic expression of the fall of

Soviet Union and a realignment of the
geopolitical system.

He's hurting.

Boy, I hope you guys work it out. He's
such a great guy.

He lives outside the system.

He has no material possessions.

He refuses to get a job.

Guys like that don't come along every
day.

There it is. Oh.

Oh.

No.

That's what I thought. Let's go.

Oh, hold on.

We got up at 7, we drove 45 minutes, we
parked, we walked a quarter of a mile so

you could show my mother an antique
wedding dress that you knew you didn't

Well, honey, I didn't know for sure.

All right, well, what did your mother
say when you showed it to her yesterday?

Oh, she didn't care for it.

Besides, if you're going to be in tails,
then there's no way it'll be formal

enough. I'm wearing tails?

Well, you'd look pretty silly in just
the top hat.

I'm wearing a top hat.

No, man, it just feels that way.

You'll be all right in a couple of
hours.

Barbara, look at these darling little
potpourri sessions. This would be lovely

in with the bridesmaids' gifts.

Don't you think? Oh, they're darling.

Oh, are you two getting married? Bless
you, sweet sapphic sisters.

We're not getting married.

Oh. Oh, no, of course not, because the
law doesn't recognize your love. But you

can still have this little ceremony
you're planning.

I don't think we want anything from this
woman.

I know who wears the pants in that
relationship.

Dharma, look.

I was thinking.

Maybe I arbitrarily restricted the
parameters of our dialogue.

No, that was me. I always do that.

I still don't believe in marriage, but
I'm not categorically opposed to the

principle of commitment.

Really? And if you operate under the
hypothesis that the concept can exist

outside of societal conventions, then I
love you.

I thought we could wear these, and then
when people saw us together, they'd see

them and say, hey, those two people
hang.

I don't really want to wear a top hat
and tails.

Greg, I'm sorry.

You're probably feeling a little left
out.

Yeah, a little.

I've been planning my wedding since I
was five years old. And with the

of having my little pony be my maid of
honor, I'd like to stick with that plan.

You've been planning your wedding since
you were five years old?

The only thing that was missing was my
prince in his top hat and tail.

Okay. What do you know?

The universe knows what it's doing.

They're wax doorstops.

Barbara's a wonderful girl, and if I
have to wear a top hat and not eat pasta

marry her, it's a reasonable trade -off.

Why can't you eat pasta if you're
wearing a top hat?

It's two different things, Dad.

All right, now the next possible
bachelor party site, a little strip club

Filthy McRaunchies.

It's a chain.

but that hasn't hurt the quality.

She's smart, she's beautiful, we're
perfect for each other. You know, of

we have some issues, but what couple
doesn't have issues? And I'm not going

find anybody with whom I don't have
issues.

Listen, son, you're overthinking this
thing. You're going to spend eight hours

day at the office, a couple of rounds of
golf a week, an evening with the guys.

At night, you'll eventually be in
separate bedrooms.

So the time you spend with your wife
ends up to be two, maybe three hours a

tops.

Hey, relax, buddy.

It's a big step. Everybody gets cold
feet. It's perfectly natural.

Unlike these.

Yikes.

She probably got a deal on these being a
nurse.

Hey, guys.

How's the newspaper coming?

Three more inches to fill and we are
done.

How about this?

I put together a jumble where you can't
make any words. It represents the

futility of modern life.

Everybody loves the jumble.

There you go. Issue number two.

You give us eight weeks, we'll give you
the news.

Let's celebrate. I got just the thing.
I've been saving it for today.

Half a bottle of somebody's champagne.

Nice.

You know what?

I think an occasion like this calls for
glasses.

Let's have a real celebration.

We've been working really hard and we've
barely seen each other.

I think we should get away.

That is a great idea.

You know how we talked about
participating in an Indian sweat lodge

Right. Well, there's one in two weeks.

We can get a babysitter for Toad and
then we're good to go.

Okay.

I know you didn't mean to do this, but
do you see what you're doing, Dharma?

You are asking the us now who do love
each other to bind the us two weeks

from now, who we don't know, to this
trip.

Now, is that fair for us to do to them?

Okay, the me now is getting a headache,
so I'm going to take a little break from

the us now.

Dharma.

That is not bad.

And that is not champagne.

I'm sure my fiancée will be here any
minute.

You know, we're not usually open on
Monday.

And we appreciate that.

I spend Mondays with Mother.

I'm sure she appreciates that.

Is there any chance you can choose a
wedding cake without your fiancé?

I don't know. Did hell freeze over?

I'm sorry, I'm late.

Okay. Hello. Hi.

Great news.

I got the job in D .C.

Really? Wow, that's terrific.

Terrific is splendid.

Let's taste cake.

Okay.

First one is a lemon chiffon.

They want me to start right away, so of
course we'll have to...

Rent an apartment until we find
something permanent.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I can't just leave my job.

Actually, I spoke with Mr. Claiborne,
and he said they would be completely

with you transferring to Washington.

Oh, Craig, everything is just falling
into place. It's like, um... Oh, what's

called?

Karma. Yes.

Now, let's try the marble with the
strawberry filling. Ooh.

I don't believe in karma, and
technically it would be kismet.

What are you doing talking to my boss?

Oh, well, I was just moving things
along. I thought you'd be happy.

Can you give us a minute?

Absolutely.

I'll just call and have them wheel
Mother out of the solarium and back into

room.

Okay, Greg, what's going on? You've been
fighting me on everything.

No, no, Barbara, the problem is I
haven't been fighting you on anything.

I can't read your mind, Greg. If
something is bothering you, you have to

me. What is it?

Well, everything.

Are you saying you don't want to marry
me?

Father, listen.

Oh, my God.

We're just very different people.

I'm an Episcopalian. You're a
Presbyterian.

You like the Bahamas. I like Bermuda.
You like shaker furniture. I like

How's it ever going to work?

I will be in Washington.

If you come to your senses, call me.

Mother sends best wishes to the happy
couple. How are we doing here?

William, listen.

Oh, my God.

And now we cleanse ourselves of negative
worldly energy and send it

away from the lodge.

which represent the warm heat of the
womb.

I thought you were coming.

I am so sorry.

You were right. You were right about
everything.

You were right that I used my politics
as an excuse to avoid intimacy.

I love you.

Will you marry me?

What? He wants to marry you.

Shh.

Oh, well, Cooper.

No.

I thought... I thought that's what this
was all about. I mean, you wanted

commitment. You wanted somebody that
would be there for you.

Somebody you could build a family with.
Let's do this.

Maybe that lady can marry you. I can't
marry you.

There's someone else.

There's someone else.

There's gotta be.

Hey, you all set for tonight?

For what?

Your bachelor party.

Pete, we canceled the wedding three
months ago.

Yeah, but you can't cancel the bachelor
party. Your dad will be crushed.

He's had his outfit picked out for
months.

Yeah, Gunther got a new issue of his
paper out.

Abby, come on. It's over. Give it up.

Besides, I prefer a newspaper that
doesn't start every article with you're

going to believe the crap that's going
down.

I made your babies right behind you.
Pete, I don't want to check out babies,

I don't want to go to a strip club
tonight.

Oh, Pete.

Here you go.

Thanks.

Hey, you know who's back in town?

Carob of Fine Gold.

You're the one who's always saying that
the universe is going to put me together

with my soulmate in its own time. Oh,
you're absolutely right.

Besides, Caribou's nose is always wet.

You don't want to have your bachelor
party? It'll be my bachelor party, and

can be my best man.

Maybe you'll meet a nice naked girl.
Pete, I'm fine. I'm dating.

You know, if something happens, it
happens. If it doesn't, I don't want to

it. You know what, Abby?

When the right guy is near, I'll know
it.

Are you honestly telling me that a
little something like that wouldn't

too?

All right. I'm off to yoga.

A walk, yes? Actually, I'm running a
little late. I'm taking Muni. Okay,

Love you, bye. Love you.

All right. You don't want to have a
bachelor party. I can understand that.

What do you say we go now to a strip
joint and have the businessman's lunch?

I'm going to go back to the office.

All I'm saying is this is San Francisco.
You've got good hair.

People are starting to talk.

The universe put us together at the
concert. Why didn't we meet then?

Well, obviously, we weren't ready. We
were with other people.

So you're saying the universe didn't
know that? Honey, my point is, it is a

and complicated universe, and you and I
standing here are not going to figure

out why the things that happen happen.

That's your point? I would have gone
with that.

uncomfortable and I'd really rather be
playing golf.

Every time you come here, you bring a
talker.