Original subtitles

Mother, Dad, Abby, Larry, Thanksgiving is a time for families to be together.

A time to give thanks, to share memories, and to go at each other's

a bunch of rabid dogs.

Mother, Dad, Abby, Larry, Thanksgiving is a time for families to be together.

But not this year. This year, me and Greg are going to the Bahamas.

Fine,

we'll do it your way. We'll call them. Thank you.

From the Bahamas.

Be right out.

Not if I can help it.

Oh, we're joining the Mile High Club?

No.

You're joining the Mile High Club. I'm your sponsor.

Folks, this is Captain Armstrong, and it looks like we're running into a little

weather. So if you could just mosey on back to your seats, we'd appreciate it.

Sorry for any inconvenience.

He has no idea.

Actually, he does.

I had the flight attendant clear this with him.

Welcome to Fort Wayne. So sorry for the inconvenience.

Welcome to Fort Wayne, folks. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Wow, great. Should I ever see Fort Wayne again?

It's a dream come true.

Do you know when we might be able to take off again? Sure don't. The East

is totally snowed in.

We have hotel vouchers available.

Hotel vouchers?

How cool is this?

This is our first time in Fort Wayne. Which hotel is closest to the action?

We're not staying.

Vouchers are the sucker move. We don't have to go to Newark to get to the

Bahamas. We can connect through Atlanta or Miami.

Oh, Wendy, I didn't even think about that.

Wendy?

Wendy and Daryl from 11B and C?

They're supposed to get married in the Bahamas tomorrow.

Of course, Wendy and Daryl.

Dorma, I'm going to miss my wedding.

Well, you know what?

You're going to get there in time, and you're going to be a beautiful bride.

Maybe you'll...

snotty and puffy from all the crying.

She's such a pretty girl, no one will even notice.

You'll get there tomorrow, sweetheart.

That's why I missed the bachelor party.

I've got porn at home.

You're right, you do.

It's okay. See?

Let's go do something, guys.

Oh, a taste of Fort Wayne is today.

Honey, let's go see what Fort Wayne tastes like. Dermot, we can't leave the

airport. I'm going to have us out of here in 15 minutes.

Oh, okay.

We'll eat.

Better, the Abraham Lincoln Airport Museum.

Are you guys Lincoln when I'm Lincoln?

Fifteen minutes, Dharma.

Fifteen minutes, Dharma.

I'm very sorry, ma 'am, but I don't control the weather.

Hi, we're going to the... Could you step behind the line until I call you? Thank

you very much.

the Bahamas, but since there are no flights into Newark, I found a way to

there through Miami.

Oh, you're one of our travel experts, aren't you?

Tell your little machine that my big machine says that all flights east are

canceled.

Next. Hold on. Hold on. No, no, no. Next. No, next. No, next.

What if I don't go east?

I'm not good with riddles, sir.

I'm saying forget the Bahamas. There is a flight to Dallas in a half an hour

from there. Can you get us to, say, Acapulco or Cancun?

I can get you to Acapulco via San Francisco, but what are you doing?

Nothing. You're double booking, aren't you?

The plane that goes to Acapulco is coming from Chicago, so you may have a

in San Francisco.

That's funny. We just came from San Francisco.

I got us on a flight to Acapulco, but that's just a backup, because if we

hustle, we're going to Hawaii. Come on. Oh, I can't right now, honey. This is

Julianne, and she has to go potty, but she's a big girl. She wants to go into

the ladies' room, but she can't take her dad in there. Well, where's her mother?

Uh, Mommy and Daddy are... It's Phil's play.

What?

It's Phil's play. Oh, they're divorced. Oh, it's Phil!

La, la, la, la, la.

That's Julianne. Very messy.

Uh, you've got 20 minutes. Meet me at gate 15.

I can't come get you.

I was waiting for you to say next.

I'm Greg Montgomery, and I'm booked to Honolulu.

Oh, yes, there you are. Just let me have your ticket, honey.

It's an e -ticket.

Well, in order to transfer you, you'll need a paper ticket from your original

airline.

No, it's funny. I was just there.

Next.

Hey, she did great. She told everyone to wash their hands.

What's wrong?

Daryl wants to break up with me. What? Hang on, hang on. You're probably

exaggerating. What exactly did he say?

He said, I want to break up.

Not a lot of gray area there.

Donna, Hawaii's looking good, but I need you waiting at the gate so we don't get

bumped. Honey, I am in the middle of something.

Donna, her fiancé can take her to the bathroom.

I don't have a fiancé anymore.

You know what? Just wait here. I'll be right back.

Why can't you sit and read a book when you travel like everyone does?

Next.

Look, I've gotten us on a flight to Hawaii.

Oh, good. I'll go pack.

I need a paper ticket so I can switch airlines.

So, all that work we did rebooking you, that was just fun for me?

You know, If it weren't such a rinky -dink airline, I'd be in the Bahamas by

instead of arguing with a bitter, mid -level manager.

I am a supervisor.

So we're standing in there reading the Emancipation Proclamation, and I'm

thinking, what am I doing?

I mean, there goes my freedom.

Daryl, I'm not sure Lincoln was talking about your relationship when he wrote

that. Those are timeless words.

I've been looking everywhere for you. Hang on, hang on.

Do you love her? Of course I love her. Then be with her, because marriage

doesn't mean you have to lose your freedom.

Dharma, come with me right now. I've got to go. I'm coming from the plane.

Hawaii is going to be just as good as the Bahamas. That's their motto.

We're... We're... Hey, boys.

He's a treadmill.

Oh, no.

You didn't hear the announcement, did you?

What? The flight to Hawaii is canceled. The equipment never made it from

Hartford.

Do you have a flight anywhere to a place where the temperature is more than 60

degrees?

Ron, it's the day before Thanksgiving. Everything's booked up. Try anything.

Well, I can get you on a flight to Gary, Indiana, and a motor coach to Chicago.

Then I can get you on standby for Tulsa.

Darlene, you have got to go somewhere unless you want your Thanksgiving to be

pressed turkey sandwich and cranberry juice at the take -off tavern. And that

could be a great Thanksgiving, honey. It would be you and me and Wendy and

Daryl, maybe, if they patch things up.

I'll be here.

You know what? I had a flight to Acapulco through San Francisco that I

Can I get that back?

No. The flight to Acapulco is full, but the San Francisco leg is still open.

Okay, we'll go back to San Francisco. That's probably a good idea. And from

there, we can get to Bakersfield, Irvine, Fresno.

All right, or we'll just go back home. Yeah.

If you want that flight to San Francisco, you're going to have to run.

It's so funny. We just came from San Francisco.

It's not funny.

Great news, Abby.

We're coming home for Thanksgiving.

No, we're not having sex.

We'd like those dates on the flight to San Francisco. I'm afraid that'll be

impossible. Why?

Because we're just a rinky -dink airline.

And I'm just a bitter man stuck in a dead -end mid -management position who

never earn six figures.

I didn't say all that.

No, but you hit a nerve.

Hey.

What's up?

I don't know exactly why you hate him, but I can imagine.

Think about me. I have to live with that.

First thing, I'm going to put you at a window.

I'm going to put him in 41B, the non -reclining middle seat right by the

lavatory.

Abby just phoned. Apparently Gregory and Dharma will be home for Thanksgiving

after all.

What happened to their trip? Oh, I don't know.

The troubling thing is, Abby is throwing a surprise Thanksgiving dinner at their

apartment, and we are invited.

Are we going?

Edward, we will be their guests in our son's own home.

Now, if they host this dinner, they are establishing a beachhead, a neutral

territory.

Now, what do you suggest we do? Well, I suggest we don't give a rat's ass, but I

don't think you'd go for that.

You just bought me a diamond tennis bracelet, Edward.

Well, I'm rich.

Sorry about off the hook, though. It's okay.

Right now, dinner with our parents doesn't seem so bad.

Did you wake up?

About an hour ago. Kids were getting restless and I wanted to let their

sleep in a little.

Who are you, Maria Von Trapp?

I said whoever gets up first has to get in line.

Morning, Greg.

Morning.

Guy?

I'm sorry, are you?

Are you Pat Benatar?

Yes. Yeah,

I saw your name on the standby passenger list.

And this line is for ticketed passengers only, so...

Big fan.

Hit me with your best shot.

Honey, how would a couple get married if they don't have a wedding license?

I don't know. They'd have to find a judge willing to waive the requirement.

Thanks.

Hi, I'm Greg Montgomery.

Hi, Marilyn Peters.

Okay, here we go.

Your reservation terminal and you.

Here's what I'm doing wrong. I've been hitting the O instead of the zero.

That's not it.

What time do you take your break?

Sir, I'm married.

Okay, ten o 'clock.

Welcome, welcome, welcome.

Kitty, what are you doing here so early? Well, you know how I like to get a jump

on Thanksgiving dinner. Oh, Edward.

Would you see if our guests would like a drink?

Sure. I'd like a guava juice, and Abby would probably take a tazo tea.

I can't help them.

Kitty, I'm confused. I called and invited you to dinner. But you're always

cooking. You cooked? I catered.

You sit down, relax, and make yourself at home.

No, no, no, no, no. You make yourself at home.

What's this?

Scotch. You're going to need it.

I wish you would stay in one place. I got us on a flight to San Francisco. We

have ten minutes. Now? No, honey, I can't go now. I have to do Wendy's hair.

Why? For her wedding.

Here? They have to get married today because, and this is so romantic,

using Wendy's grandmother's wedding ring. Nine minutes, darling. And

the inside is the date her grandmother got married, which is today's date.

That is so romantic. I know. Let's go.

You're home.

You know what?

I would do that, but I'd never see you again.

You'd spend the rest of your life in this airport saving marriages and

delivering babies, and once a year the local news would do a story about the

crazy wedding lady of the Fort Wayne Airport.

I'm not in it for the fame, Gray.

Let's see if I can get us on the 230.

Will that work for you?

Well, I'd have to leave the reception a little early.

The 415.

But that's it.

And there's our centerpiece.

Yeah, I like to have something from our garden on the table every year.

Here we go.

My centerpiece has a baby.

That giant dog hovering over the parade is kind of freaking me out.

What if I flip around?

That's the wrong remote, Finkelstein.

Thanksgiving is a time for families to be together.

But not this year. This year, me and Greg are going to the Bahamas.

We can't send this. What are our parents going to say?

Thanksgiving is just a bogus plot by the multinational poultry farmers getting

fat off the backs of the working turkeys.

Finkelstein, you're an idiot.

Whoa, Abby, did you hear what the man said?

Calm down, Larry.

Eat your tofu turkey.

Well, I don't believe we need to hold dinner any longer.

Kitty?

I'd like to try some of your gold -plated turkey.

And we'll leave the tofu turkey for the children.

You sound like that.

No, no, no, no.

They sure got the women down.

Excuse me. I know this is a private club, but do you sell one -day

We sure do.

Great. You just need a drink and a comfortable sofa to lie down on.

I hear you. Unfortunately, right now we're closed.

We're setting up for a wedding reception.

A what?

There's this young couple, and they really want to get married today. So

woman, a total stranger, she's arranging everything for them. The ceremony, the

music. She's an angel.

I'm familiar with her work.

That Benatar singing we've only just begun.

She didn't know Evergreen, and this was Wendy's second choice.

Oh, they look wonderful.

Yeah, like Abe and Indira Lincoln.

Honey, I'm sorry if I kept us here a little longer. This has been too

It's okay. We'll be home soon. We're on the 415, and we're pretty lucky. It

started to snow again, and these may be the last two tickets out of the airport.

Daryl's ring?

Where's Daryl's ring?

Don't panic. Don't panic. It's okay.

Mola, do you have anything like that but maybe bigger?

night in an airport.

They'll be fine.

San Francisco is such a romantic city.

So is Fort Wayne.

First class, I used our miles.

This is definitely going to be their best gift. They only have time to

at Cinnabon.

Whoa!